How Doctors Die

[jp1]

This thread reminds me of my cousin's husband, a doctor, and his end of life story. In his early 60's he came down with some terrible disease that left him completely paralyzed for many months. Then it went into remission and he got his life back. Eventually, a couple of years later, the disease started to resurface and he got permission to fly his airplane one last time before the disease took over again. (They lived in a small town in remote western Kansas and for years pre-disease he had flown to the various towns where there were clinics at which he provided care.) He took off and flew up a few thousand feet and then his plane nosedived and smashed to the ground, killing him instantly. Apparently he chose suicide by airplane over going back into the the complete helplessness of a repeat paralysis situation that was expected to be permanent this time. If that's in fact what he did I can totally understand the decision.

[ApatheticNoMore]

Reading this death thread is oddly comforting. RIP Jane 2.0. But also my sibling may have cancer (not confirmed yet). They are in their early 40s. I guess being in your 40s is when people around your age start dropping off (dying that is). I'm not so accepting of it really though, I'm not accepting of it at all really. In your 90s sure, but I'm not so accepting of this at all. They smoked.

[gmiller]

I'm in my 40s too, and reading about deaths can be a sobering reminder of how fragile life is. I'm so glad my partner made me quit smoking two years ago. For now, try to focus on staying hopeful and supporting each other. My thoughts are with you during this unsettling time.

[Rogar]

I went back and forth a few times with Jane, hopefully in a friendly way, over nutrition and her lack of faith in medical institutions and big pharma. There are extremes on either end where we deny any sort of common treatments, including preventative medications like statins and vaccinations, and then over treating a person when the quality of life is questionable. There is a middle ground that makes the most sense to me, but it's a choice we each make and try to make peace with the possible outcomes. We have long term care facilities filled with people who's lives are prolonged with modem medicines, but have little quality of life. Once you get into those systems you lose some treatment choice and it's like the Hotel California. You can check out any time you want but you can never leave. I can respect choices that avoid that inevitability, and who is to say what is absolutory right or wrong.

[catherine]

I've always wondered if we "let" my mother-in-law die when we refused the choice of surgery on her gangrenous bowel at age 85. We were heavily influenced by the doctor, an older doctor in a Vermont hospital. He said the recovery--if she even made it through--would be prolonged and painful and that if it were his mother, he would not subject her to that. That made sense, but our skeptical side wondered if he said that but was really thinking--"it's Friday night and I'm not into doing a surgery." You can bet if she had experienced this acute event back home in NJ, she would have been whisked into the OR. Instead, life and death took its natural course and she died.

I still battle sometimes on whether or not we did the right thing. Fate had it that she landed in a Vermont hospital and not one of the academic hospitals in New Jersey. When I told my brother's wife about it, she clearly gave me the impression she would not have done what we did--she would have pulled out all the stops. But you look for the bigger picture and you see my MIL over the preceding months getting more and more despondent, less interested in activities, in more chronic pain from arthritis, with very little interest for all the things she liked to do, and her true purpose in life (work) evaporated, added to her acceptance of our decision at her bedside, and I can confidently say we did the right thing.
"

[happystuff]

My mom just died a few days ago. We were all there to say our good-byes. Grateful that she went out the way she wanted, but still wasn't easy.

[iris lilies]

My mom just died a few days ago. We were all there to say our good-byes. Grateful that she went out the way she wanted, but still wasn't easy.

Sorry for your loss, happystuff. Was she ill for a while? How old was she?

[Tybee]

Oh, happy, I am so very sorry for your loss! Sending lots of love and healing your way. So glad she was able to go with loved ones there to say goodbye. What an incredible blessing.

[catherine]

My mom just died a few days ago. We were all there to say our good-byes. Grateful that she went out the way she wanted, but still wasn't easy.

Oh, my sincere condolences, happy. It is a blessing that you and the rest of her loved ones were there at her side. May you find peace in your memories of her.

[happystuff]

Thank you, everyone. No details, but will simplify to age, tired body, etc.

To have that "constant" in one's life suddenly be gone... definitely an adjustment.