This is rather long and I apologize but we have reached our enough and I wanted to share.
I have always loved the beach. We are talking since I was 10, I dreamed of a little beach house with a small garden in the back, lots of time to go walking, shell searching and enjoying fresh fruits, vegetables and fun. When I met hubby, I was so excited that he loved the beach as much as me.This is a personal goal of ours, to own a place such as this in 10 years and all the simple beach lifestyle entails. I realized the other day what is holding back me from living that dream now or at least part of it, essence I guess? I am inTexas and while I may be a good 2 hours away from the coast, I decided to start our journey down the sandy path of happiness. I have a 1700 square foot newbuild home. It works for us for now or at least until our son is older. We have been here almost 1 year and so far, all we have bought is 2 couches, a chair, 2 lamps and a bed for our son. I realized I was hesitant because I was trying to decorate to please others, what was expected, what fit in. I literally go into the stores and see the same old same old and cringe. I had people over forThanksgiving and they commented that I should decorate my house in a traditional vibe to go with the house style and the neighborhood and even one scoffed at my idea of a beach theme home. I am not talking starfish and lighthouses, just the lovely blues and sands and a little hot pink and weathered gray. Comfortable, laid back, easy to take care. I don't know what took me so long to realize that I need to live now and who cares what anyone else thinks. For too long, I have done what was expected and been miserable. So from here on out, it's all about ME ME ME and the little family, living our little beach life NOW.
I purged my closet of anything that doesn't meet my criteria- comfortable,simple, easy to take care. I still work in corporate but I have simplified my wardrobe for that too, mostly too sheath dresses with a nice cuff bracelet or watch and a cardigan in our winters here in Texas. No heavy clothes, nothing clingy. I had to get rid of all my heels and I had several beautiful pairs. I was diagnosed with arthritis 3 years ago and the heels were killing me. No more stuffy suits. I even let my hair grow out to all grey and white with some brown. I keep it in a simple bangs and long for the rest style and I love it.Easy to pin up. I used to have a severe cut and the maintenance itself was driving me crazy. I even simplified my makeup because 90% of the time, it’s warm or hot in Texas- so I wear mascara, lip gloss/balm and some blush.
I am devoting 2013 to learning to gardening and learning to be better at it,swimming/walking/yoga, and more space for family and relaxing, no or low spending (sticking to a list for the house and the 3 of us each have a list ofneeds that will be tweaked as needed). I am also working on cooking skills,preparing simple but taste worthy and super healthy food. We purged a truck load before Christmas and now, with all the décor down and packed away nicely, it already feels good inhere. It’s my goal to do one project per weekend. So far, only a few days in and I am already in a better spot than I was a week ago. I love it. I will keep reminding myself to live my dreams but don't forget to live for the now.
I have never liked stuff. I don’t even buy things to decorate with, especially not from a big box store. I rather use my own pictures for artwork and I buy one of kind pieces from local artists. I just recently bid on a painting, with the money going to a local animal rescue. I won the bid and now I have a colorful, original piece of art for my home. I am learning to decorate with what I have. Iam making a huge picture wall going up the stairs. Its fun changing out somepictures, adding some older items with some new and intermixing with some paintings,inspirational sayings and some my son’s artwork. I have some cute and inexpensive ideas to decorate. The only things I need to purchase are 6 curtain rods and 1 tension rod. I have a plan for some beach chic curtains and the only rooms I am going to paint this year are the kitchen, small half bath and the loft upstairs. I already have the paint for the half bath andthe décor that is going in there. I also have a whimsy extra paint touch in mind to add some dimension.
I have also decided to quit working in healthcare and pursue another avenue. After 22 years, I am burnt out. A lot of it has to do with the fact that life changed over this time and I forgot to change with it. The goals I had, even 5 years ago, no longer apply. Life took some major turns and I forgot to go with the flow. I find myself not even remotely interested in pursuing what I thought I was going to do for the rest of my life, which blows my mind because I am such a planner and go getter. Allowing myself to change mymind has been an eye opener because again, I was doing what was expected. I was the good girl who did as she was told and never thought about what I truly wanted. I just kept going because I could not because I wanted to. I am stil lin my late 30’s and figure now is a good time to change to something completely different. I think the change will do my mind, body and soul good. I am excited about the opportunities.
Right now, the job pays the bills, pads our retirement andkeeps us going along solidly for now. I plan on going back to school this fall.This will be a huge pay cut for us but if we handle the next 9 months right, we will be ok. I will not longer stress over my job. I will do my best and come home and live my life. I have a supervisor who lives for her job, as well as some senior executives. 24/7- worry, complain, worry some more, stress… They are constantly stressed and can I say, just seem to me very angry. They never laugh and I have absolutely nothing in common with them. I see them and I don’t want to go down that path. I am choosing to be different and choosing not to be afraid of being different. That is a new one for me too. My word for work is calm.
On the home front, we working on our marriage more. We need it and it’s been nice to just be kind to each other and let a lot of stupid things go. Hubby is who he is and we have both changed in 10 years but now I am learning to grow with him instead of against. This all goes back to what I said about changes, I forgot to flex with them in this area too. It’s not about giving up who I am and it’s quite the opposite. I am growing even more into me and hubby likes it so much better.
One area of contention was cleaning the house but since we decided for even simpler, it’s been much easier. I still vacuum twice a week because of allergies and 2 pets but we are making an effort to clean as we go and clean up after we use something, instead of waiting and leaving it. Hubbyis making more of an effort to be organized, as it doesn’t come natural to him.He even asked for my help, which is nice.
Our son is thriving. He really enjoys reading and begged fora guitar for Christmas. He asked me for about 5 months, so we got him one.Usually I am wary when he gets on a kick but he really seemed to want one and is oh so careful and loving with it. He turns 7 this year and I couldn’t be prouder.
I have let the ghosts of my past be laid to rest, for good.I dealt with some really ugly stuff and came full circle; maybe pushing for closure but it was worth it. I am moving forward in confidence and peace. My life is what it is and I will not longer feel guilty for things I cannot change.
Now this next area may seem a little selfish, but I am notgoing to be so giving or helpful to others, as in being a constant doormat. I don’t mind helping, whether just being a shoulder to lean on, monetarily or physically offering help but I think I have gone and done too much and forgotten about myself and my family, myself especially. I know that sounds terrible but I need to get my act back together before I can be of use to someone else. Selfish,yes but very needed right now. We have set aside a monetary amount that we will donate throughout the year as we see fit but this is going to be my year of NO for a lot of other things and even some people- energy sappers especially. I might seem cruel but I need a break.
So that is my long enough story for 2013. Thank you.
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I used to be the girl who wanted the CEO spot, the suits, the cute heels, the respect and prestige and now, well, I just want to enjoy my weekends, get paid for something I love and be able to live. I no longer wish to argue with people who are so self centered and have been in the same job for 20 years at the same company. They can't see past their own nose. 
