the ongoing

[Zoe Girl]

So I mentioned something at one point about our incident last week, and the ongoing issues of tone and professionalism, etc. So today I sat down with my staff person and it went pretty darn badly. Okay yeah like total suck. I think I did a decent job, but the bottom line is she has a write up and is arguing it. I am not sure how the conversations get so torn up with her but they do, and I tried to remember that I have had 3 outside complaints about her tone and the way she talks to people before this (I am one to take responsibility for a lot of things, too much so, and needed a boost).

At one point she was pointing her finger at me and saying things like "If you were doing your job,,," I cut off the conversation about then. Very early on I asked her to not interrupt me and she said that she feels I interrupt her all the time and she never gets a word in. I could almost agree with that, I cut her off when it becomes about having a judgement or angry words. So when she referred to the facilities person as a gangster I tried to steer it more professional and whent that didn't work I walked off. So it is true, and it is a conversation I have tried to have.

Bottom line, I can admit mistakes and I am not claiming I am perfect at my job but I do not deserve to have my finger pointed at me and to be talked to that way. I left the conversation that I would ask the department for a mediated conversation.

[rosarugosa]

Zoe Girl: A mediated conversation sounds like a great idea. I had a similar situation at work about a year ago, and it made a big difference to have an HR person sit in. She was able to help redirect the conversation when ee got too defensive, etc.

[Zoe Girl]

I am alternating on what to do, mostly just sitting with it. I am behind on a few things at work because I deal with crisis so much so tonight I am catching up a lot. I don't want to sit on it long because this is how we got here.

So my boss recommended that I talk to her on my own again, which I am wary of. I have been trying on this all year and I fell our communication has fallen apart. The second option is a mediated conversation, my concern about this is she really wants to talk about how I am not doing my job. Sounds like putting myself in a position to get beat up verbally. Or we could have a conversation with my supervisor present where she is simply there to support my authority. I feel the last one is best, basically I do not trust this lady do what I tell her needs to be done. I have gone over things to figure out what exactly she is saying she needs for support, and mostly I cannot find any specifics. I started writing most everything down, then they lost the communication log. It took an extremely long time to get her to realize some things I was telling her, and when i do sit with her it goes off topic.

But for right now I just need to let myself have some protected space,

[iris lily]

...Bottom line, I can admit mistakes and I am not claiming I am perfect at my job but I do not deserve to have my finger pointed at me and to be talked to that way. I left the conversation that I would ask the department for a mediated conversation.

ah sweetie, this type of employee is the bane of new supervisors. I guarantee you they don't pull this ch*it on tough old broads like me. The idea of HR sitting in is a good one.

From years of experience I've learned that a GOOD HR person is going to lead that troublesome employee into a resignation. Our HR guy is golden tonged and can charm the crustiest old coot into a voluntary resignation.

[Simpler at Fifty]

Zoe Girl you told her you would go to HR for a mediated converstation and I think you need to stand by your word. This kind of employee needs you to do what you say you are going to do. When you have the mediated conversation, give the worker a couple days notice so she can gather her thoughts. She may be less defensive if she has time to write things down or compose herself.

I have a boss that says one thing and does another. I have very little respect for her. She finally admitted that she is afraid to say no to anyone. She wants everyone to like her so she agrees with both sides. She has started taking a stand and honoring her word sometimes and I can see she feels better and so do my coworkers. 4 people left the team because she did not do what she said she was going to do.

In your case Zoe Girl I think there are 3 sides to the story. Zoe's, the worker's and the truth.

[Zoe Girl]

ah sweetie, this type of employee is the bane of new supervisors. I guarantee you they don't pull this ch*it on tough old broads like me. The idea of HR sitting in is a good one.

From years of experience I've learned that a GOOD HR person is going to lead that troublesome employee into a resignation. Our HR guy is golden tonged and can charm the crustiest old coot into a voluntary resignation.

Oh dear, I am not totally new to this (girl is a joke, I am 46 and had my first management job at 18). I am however a very collaborative person and that is supported in my department. At the beginning of the year we sit as a team and talk about our expectations, for ourselves, for each other, etc. Being on a school calendar gives us a chance even with a returning team to do this. We each get one pet peeve to share, not the most serious thing but like I hate pens with the caps missing. Also we talk to whatever we need to, about how to bring problems directly to the person or what issues you bring to a supervisor, and what things are incident reports.

She missed training since she was hired the first day of school, so I have been trying to put this information in every staff meeting. I know I need to do more writing things down, but I do value a lot of discussion. We have had ongoing child behavior issues and one report to social services so we walked through those. However some of the conversations are cut very short by her tone and word choice. For this latest incident I did not have a long conversation because she told me that the kid needed to be gone, he was a menace, and in later conversation she was worried about him becoming a murderer because we did nothing. Now there are things we can do, suspension, document behavior, refer to school therapy, make a social services call based on comments of self harm. But we didn't get there because I could not get her re-focused enough to have the conversation. I have also struggled with her losing things, saying I never said it, not taking materials I am handing her, and so on.

I will stick to my word on the mediated conversation, I specifically said I would ask about it because at the time I did not know what was possible. I didn't know what i was allowed to say in our organization since I waited several days to get the approval and edits on my write up. I do not want to get to a later point and have any issues if she needs to be let go because I did not use every proper channel there was.

[Zoe Girl]

On a side note, I am running summer camp at my school for one month. There is another camp that goes the full summer at rotating sites so you get to work more. I have had 3 people ask if they can work at my camp and they all said it in a way that implies they want to work with me. At large department meetings I have people hug me who had worked with me before and some with difficult new supervisors ask me to come back. So I know that although my gentle and collaborative nature can sometimes make these things happen basically lots of people want to work with me.

[Bootsie]

Ugh, what a bother. I totally agree that a mediated meeting is the next step. I advise letting her vent and repressing the urge to defend yourself while she talks. Let her talk, and then pull out your agenda and go through it in a calm way, item by item. Her vent will then be seen as what it is - simply a vent and an immature avoidance of responsibility. Good luck.

[HomemadeChange]

Ugh, what a bother. I totally agree that a mediated meeting is the next step. I advise letting her vent and repressing the urge to defend yourself while she talks. Let her talk, and then pull out your agenda and go through it in a calm way, item by item. Her vent will then be seen as what it is - simply a vent and an immature avoidance of responsibility. Good luck.

I agree Bootsie. Zoe-- A difficult situation. However, you know your worth at your position and can stand behind the actions you have taken. Let her vent and probably make a fool of herself (reads very meanly) and then come back with facts when it is your turn. I hope you can resolve this quickly.