How did you decide when to start a family?

[Blackdog Lin]

In my case it was a pure and simple case of hormones: baby fever. (Doesn't/didn't anyone else contract this disease?) I always knew I wasn't really a maternal type, and hadn't specifically planned for children, but the fever was bad. We married at 19, and around the age of 24 my hormones went into baby-overdrive and having one was all I could think of. It consumed me, no matter that I had never wanted children. We got pregnant "accidently on purpose" without ever discussing it. Maybe some of it was that everyone we knew were having babies - we were married 6 years before our son was born, which was quite late amongst our peers.....

[Azure]

With my first, my dd, I was young and, you know, stupid, lol but we didn't even really think about it. You get married and you have kids. And of course, the pregnancy occurred during a few months of no insurance.

And I really mean stupid because 1 - I kinda knew I shouldn't have married this guy to begin with. And 2 - I am a hemophilia carrier with a 25% chance of having a boy with hemophilia. 50/50 chance in a male pregnancy. And I really truly did not seriously enough consider the implications of this.

When I remarried (big shock huh) we waited 3 years. But that was only because we had to wait for 3 years to be eligible to adopt from Korea. We were definitely more stable than my first marriage ever was. I told my DH before we got married that we would have to adopt since between the hemophilia risk and not knowing what had caused DD's issues, I was not feeling genetically lucky. See I wised up a little bit. lol

But again, we did not really think about it much. We just knew we wanted kids. We have 3 great kids. All with different challenges and abilities. I am blessed.

[mira]

Just popped in to say congratulations, Kelli! Such exciting news

[catherine]

I'm curious to know about the trend these days to delay parenting? Mira, your questions are not unlike those of my own four kids, who are between the ages of 28 and 35, and my 35 y.o. is JUST NOW having his first, and none of my other kids have any. Nor are the others married.

I had my kids between the ages of 26 and 33. My parents were younger than that when they had me. So parenting seems to be getting put off more and more. Is it because of career concerns or financial concerns or "fun" concerns or all three?

[ApatheticNoMore]

Well and mom was 37 when she had her first kid and my dad, rest his soul, was 51-52 (kids those days putting off parenting for so long). "Through a sleep I ride, feel like a night that shines, with a memory of long ago". I met some family members recently, another one of them had had fathered their first kid even later I think, retired with a 13 year old ...

[Spartana]

In my case it was a pure and simple case of hormones: baby fever. (Doesn't/didn't anyone else contract this disease?) I always knew I wasn't really a maternal type, and hadn't specifically planned for children, but the fever was bad. We married at 19, and around the age of 24 my hormones went into baby-overdrive and having one was all I could think of. It consumed me, no matter that I had never wanted children. We got pregnant "accidently on purpose" without ever discussing it. Maybe some of it was that everyone we knew were having babies - we were married 6 years before our son was born, which was quite late amongst our peers.....

I never got the baby fever - although I occasionally got a bit of yearning for the cute little tykes but cleared that up quickly by driving by a high school as it let out. Teenagers - the cure for the baby fever :-) :-) . I also never wanted to have kids and married someone who shared that feeling. However, I found out when I was 30 that I couldn't have kids anyways and, even though I still didn't want kids I went thru a big feeling of loss having the potential taken away from me. That only lasted a short time and now am very happily childless. But I do often wonder if the baby urge or fever would have come on stronger the older I got. I don't think so as I know many people who couldn't have kids and they go thru extreme lengths and expense trying to adopt or find a surrogate and I've never had any desire to do either.

[JaneV2.0]

...But I do often wonder if the baby urge or fever would have come on stronger the older I got. I don't think so as I know many people who couldn't have kids and they go thru extreme lengths and expense trying to adopt or find a surrogate and I've never had any desire to do either.

Nah, it wouldn't. There's some gene (mest gene?) that is implicated in yearning for motherhood. I'm pretty sure I don't have it.

[iris lilies]

In my case it was a pure and simple case of hormones: baby fever. (Doesn't/didn't anyone else contract this disease?) .....

I know what The Fever is because I get it for kittens, but not for human children. I suppose it could be said that I have a low grade infection all the time which is why I'm drawn to bulldogs with their soft round heads and pushed-in faces, like babies. And the best description I've heard of bulldogs is that they are "two year olds in fur suits."

[sweetana3]

Well I have made it thru 40 years of marriage without any desire by either of us for kids. My mom always said it was the best decision I ever made. No regrets. My Dad has zero grandkids from his 3 kids. Upsets him no end but we don't have kids for our parents.

[catherine]

I know what The Fever is because I get it for kittens, but not for human children. I suppose it could be said that I have a low grade infection all the time which is why I'm drawn to bulldogs with their soft round heads and pushed-in faces, like babies. And the best description I've heard of bulldogs is that they are "two year olds in fur suits."

It's so good to hear from people who knew they didn't want kids and chose not to, rather than having them and not being into it..

iris lilies, your post reminds me of a couple I knew who had a child who, IMHO, was starving for attention from his parents. The dog, on the other hand, got plenty of attention. In fact, the parents once went on vacation and left their son home but took the dog. I'll never forget that.