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Thread: We don't do Xmas...

  1. #21
    Senior Member mtnlaurel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blackdog Lin View Post
    I struggle with DH every year at this time. He still maintains that "he hates Christmas". Well, what he hates is the "Christmas that was", not the Christmas we have now.

    The Christmas that was involved coordinating (large) family get-togethers, and having to attend them (my family: fun drunkenness, but still way too much drunkenness; his family: dysfunction and anger and downright meanness), and having at least minimal gifts for everyone (and having said gifts dissed frequently), and providing food for them, and having to have the perfect holiday at home with our own gifts and food, and having the workplace parties to attend and have clothes for.....it WAS way too much. And many years I was unable to pull my weight with all this because of working 56 hours a week in December (USPS). So of course he hated Christmas.

    But I keep trying to tell him there's no reason to hate the holiday season now. No family blow-outs, only a bit of visiting here and there and then only if it fits in, gifts to ANYONE entirely optional, minimal decorating, no hassles and no big expectations. It's wonderful. We do just as much as we feel like doing, in the spirit of the season. What's to hate?

    I guess it's gonna take a few more years to get him settled down into a nice holiday spirit.
    I'm glad those days are over for you Blackdog Lin.
    I must be feeling emotional today, it brought tears to my eyes. You're such a nice decent person and have worked very hard and to think of someone "dissing your gift" makes me sad.
    I mean seriously, Little Baby Jesus in a Manger, what's more humble and beautiful than that and this toxic soup we've made of it makes me want to barf.
    Don't get me wrong, I like me some Christmas bling too... the lights, the songs, St. Nick, Rudolph and the silliness.
    This is a beautiful, sacred, special time of the year to me.
    I do like being a grown up because I can choose what I want to partake of and what I don't and I am FINALLY (a long, long road for me) getting the point of saying, "No, Thank you" and that's it, Movin' On - no explanations required.

    I love being on this board and hearing where everyone is coming from.

  2. #22
    Senior Member leslieann's Avatar
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    This year things have changed. Maybe it has been happening for a few years but this year it is noticeable....my beloved DH is actually initiating and participating in holiday stuff. He has been a "hater" forever, due to the usual childhood stress stuff. But we are very VERY low key about the whole thing and I suspect that's allowed him to start to notice that he enjoys some things.

    This year we are visiting his sister for Christmas and we three, DH, DSD (16) and I agreed to not have a tree. Instead, I got some dogwood branches, just lovely all by themselves. I got home one afternoon to find my DH decorating them with lights and he made a holder for them. He's gotten involved in wrapping and doing some little decorating outside, too. And enjoying it! That's the big thing.

    I am gently bemused and happy for him that he can find things to enjoy about this season. We aim for as little pressure as possible, with the focus on being together with people whom we love, good food and lots to laugh about.

    I also love being here to hear about YOUR practices. And adopt them where I can...I think I'll stock up on pop-top foods when I do the grocery shopping later today. What a great idea....thanks.

    Happy Solstice, Joyous Christmas, and a peaceful, reflective new year....

  3. #23
    Senior Member Gardenarian's Avatar
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    Loving all these responses!

  4. #24
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    I was so flattered, because my kids were emailing all over about our lists, and how stressed they were, and how broke they were, and I sent my daughter my list, which I had just seen on Center for a New American Dream's Facebook feed, and then DD posted it on her Facebook page and she called me "the coolest Mom ever." Wow, was I flattered--and not only that but she got a ton of "likes" and requests to share. Good for Center for a New American Dream!!! Thanks to them for making me look good in front my my DD28!

    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
    www.silententry.wordpress.com

  5. #25
    Senior Member IshbelRobertson's Avatar
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    As a Scot, I grew up with Christmas being a celebration more child - oriented than for adults.

    Scottish celebration is centred on Hogmanay, our New Year's celebration, with all that entails like first-footing people, opening the windows to listen to 'the bells' at midnight and other traditions.

    Slainte!

  6. #26
    Senior Member ctg492's Avatar
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    Sometimes we get what we wished for, perhaps be careful what we wish for?
    I have my faith, that is separate from the holiday craziness.
    I have been unhappy for years with the holiday hoopla. I had stopped trees and such years ago. I came to understand my dislike was deeply rooted in that I only participated to please my mom. Not saying that was a bad thing. But I never had Christmas at my home. It was drive drive to moms from day one with my kids. She loves Christmas craziness. Kids grow, but still I dragged myself across state to do the usual.
    Last year I said no more. Poof all gone this year.
    I am 500+ miles away, one son 500 in another direction, husband 500 in the opposite direction. My is terminal. So no more hoopla. I just drove back today from seeing folks. Tomorrow I drive to see one son, then Saturday or Sunday back to the temp home base. Christmas Eve I will pick a church and go. One son that is in the area says he will join me. He and I will have pizza and movie on Christmas.
    Though deeply saddened by the way life turned out this year. I know that the next era of the holidays will be perhaps more peaceful.

  7. #27
    Senior Member razz's Avatar
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    Christmas has been scaled down to a few stocking stuffers, a nice meal, visiting if/as convenient for family members and simple gifts for DGS.

  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by catherine View Post
    I was so flattered, because my kids were emailing all over about our lists, and how stressed they were, and how broke they were, and I sent my daughter my list, which I had just seen on Center for a New American Dream's Facebook feed, and then DD posted it on her Facebook page and she called me "the coolest Mom ever." Wow, was I flattered--and not only that but she got a ton of "likes" and requests to share. Good for Center for a New American Dream!!! Thanks to them for making me look good in front my my DD28!


    That is a cool list. I gave my family a list of mainly token gifts like a used book on one of my hobbies, chocolates or thrift shop jewelry.

    I have enjoyed hearing about simple, scaled down holidays here and other forums. I think the media makes the holidays such a big event I used to feel like I had to go along with the craziness. I realize now so much of it just enriches the retail and travel industries. Even at Costco most of the gift baskets seem quite high priced for what is inside.

  9. #29
    Senior Member Blackdog Lin's Avatar
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    I am also enjoying all the different responses. (thanks, mtnlaurel!, for your nice post.) It seems we are all working toward coming to the same place, from wildly different pathways.

    A simpler Christmas, focusing on what is truly important, is what we're here, on this forum, striving for, eh?

  10. #30
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    I don't have anything against Xmas per se; I even like the music in moderation. But adults need to do something about the orgy of mindless consumerism the holiday has degenerated into. I don't remember where I heard this, but I think it's a great idea: kids should get three presents, no more or less, because that's what the baby Jesus got. I've been to family gatherings where each child got enough gifts to start their own Toys R Us (and I'm embarrassed to say I contributed).

    Another great Xmas reform would be to celebrate the holiday as it is supposed to be observed, starting on Xmas eve and ending on the Feast of the Epiphany on Jan. 6--the traditional 12 days of Christmas. All workers should get the time off so they'd really have time to relax and be with their families. But of course, that would require that employers put their money where their mouths are when it comes to bolstering family values.

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