Fierce at 50, When You Are 20 Or 30

[Teacher Terry]

Aging seems to coincide with retiring or winding down career, kids leaving nest, parents or spouse having challenges etc so I think all these are linked. So it is not all about looks. It is also about your own mortality slapping you in the face.

[iris lilies]

I love fashion like I love certain kinds of art, but being a slave to fashion is a fool's game. Developing a personal style is something else, and I expect that's pretty satisfying. (Unfortunately, my personal style is "utilitarian.") I have a long list of caveats for my younger self--pay attention to your education, don't sleepwalk through it, go abroad and stay there for long enough to decide whether you want to come back, stretch yourself...I wouldn't bother with advice on wearing heels, but I might advise my younger self to avoid excessive carbs and be wary of advice of the "everyone knows" variety. I'm solidly with ANM where it comes to thinking like a feminist and (mostly) avoiding the trap of obsessing about looks and aging, though when the reality (not the perception) of aging hits, it can be brutal.

This post touched off random thoughts:

yeah, aging signs, just this week I looked down at the inside of my arms and saw crepy skin. Now that is new. Ugh. But usually appearence doesnt bother me all that much, and lately I am horrified at how quickly my muscles cool and seize after sitting. After I get up I hobble around like an old woman, and that isnt me, I can bend just fine. Once everything is warmed up I am fine. I have to hid
e this, it make me feel very old and frail, and I act like a cat, hiding my frailty from others. Otherwise the pack will turn on me, or something.

In my head my "style" is much like Frankie's in the tv show "Grace and Frankie" i.e. long gypsy floaty skirts, long tunics, pattern on pattern, dangly earrings, bracelets and lots of them. But in reality I cant be bothered with all of that movement of the jangling, swirling, fabric and jewelry. I like to move around unencumbered.

[JaneV2.0]

This post touched off random thoughts:

yeah, aging signs, just this week I looked down at the inside of my arms and saw crepy skin. Now that is new. Ugh. But usually appearence doesnt bother me all that much, and lately I am horrified at how quickly my muscles cool and seize after sitting. After I get up I hobble around like an old woman, and that isnt me, I can bend just fine. Once everything is warmed up I am fine. I have to hid
e this, it make me feel very old and frail, and I act like a cat, hiding my frailty from others. Otherwise the pack will turn on me, or something.

In my head my "style" is much like Frankie's in the tv show "Grace and Frankie" i.e. long gypsy floaty skirts, long tunics, pattern on pattern, dangly earrings, bracelets and lots of them. But in reality I cant be bothered with all of that movement of the jangling, swirling, fabric and jewelry. I like to move around unencumbered.

I've ossified. I understand it's possible to reverse this. I hope so.
I have the exact same mental aesthetic as you do. But I dress in jeans, t-shirts, and overshirts. I have a completely different life in my thoughts.

[catherine]

Geila, I understand the fun of fashion. One of my favorite shows is Project Runway. I think that fashion can be a means of self-expression, no matter how old you are. And I believe that no matter what you wear is a statement, even if you don't care what you wear--that's a statement, too. But I admire people who just have fun with it. Doesn't mean you have to make it more important in your life that it needs to be, unless you're a fashion designer, but I think identifying with a style is part of being human. My "style" is kind of an Ann Taylor classic dressing. I buy Ralph Lauren when it's on sale with an additional 50% off. It looks like a very unstyled style, but I can't shake it. I would love to wear those floaty skirts and floral off-shoulder blouses, but every time I try that style, it sits in my closet and it's a total waste of money. I can't shake the Jackie T-shirts and ballet flats.

My daughter bought me a big chunky be-ribboned necklace and I was embarrassed even looking at myself in the mirror. My DIL bought me a little mustard seed on a cheap metal chain and I wear it all the time.

[razz]

Just a random thought in response to the original article.

Is there ageism in our collective thinking, especially in women? Does society see youth as the peak of life and everything else as going downhill? Whatever happened to the veneration and respect of the elders? Have the elders not held up their end of supporting the needs of society and lost the confidence of the younger generations? I hear complaints about the self-centredness of the young with the current instant-response technology but have the older generations not done the same thing with preoccupation of TV and that technology?

Gella asked for our individual input. I see myself and others as simply expressing thoughts. If you think about and focus on being old, you will look for signs of aging and decline and be old. Friends are all worried about the possibility of decline, study and go into long discussions about the stages of decline and who has declined. Why?

I am alive and enjoying being alive. I cherish life and savour being alive. I walk my dog and greet each neighbour with joy. To those throughout my day who are facing challenges, I offer support, a listening ear, compassion and try to make them feel valued.
That is an ageless activity and the role of every generation. That is what I would suggest to the 20-30 year-olds and everyone else as well.

[LDAHL]

What would I tell my younger self? Say circa 1985?

Don't sell the Microsoft! Shale oil is not the coming thing.

That sunscreen thing applies.

Beware of salespeople (especially brokers) in short skirts.

Be grateful for military grooming regulations. They will save you a lot of embarrassing pictures someday.

Hang onto quality friendships, even when it's inconvenient.

Face time expended can never be recovered.

Don't "follow your passions" over some cliff. You'll be surprised how "dreams" evolve, and a little capital never hurt anybody.

Plan, but be flexible as fate plays her little jokes on you.

You may not recognize good luck until after the fact. Sometimes long after.

Nobody's beaten until he stops fighting.

[iris lilies]

Just a random thought in response to the original article.

Is there ageism in our collective thinking, especially in women? Does society see youth as the peak of life and everything else as going downhill? Whatever happened to the veneration and respect of the elders? Have the elders not held up their end of supporting the needs of society and lost the confidence of the younger generations? I hear complaints about the self-centredness of the young with the current instant-response technology but have the older generations not done the same thing with preoccupation of TV and that technology?

Gella asked for our individual input. I see myself and others as simply expressing thoughts. If you think about and focus on being old, you will look for signs of aging and decline and be old. Friends are all worried about the possibility of decline, study and go into long discussions about the stages of decline and who has declined. Why?

I am alive and enjoying being alive. I cherish life and savour being alive. I walk my dog and greet each neighbour with joy. To those throughout my day who are facing challenges, I offer support, a listening ear, compassion and try to make them feel valued.
That is an ageless activity and the role of every generation. That is what I would suggest to the 20-30 year-olds and everyone else as well.

Yes, thank you! A little wrinkled skin on the inside of my arms is NOT a big deal.

All of my parts work, that is what is important.

[rosarugosa]

I love your perspective, Razz!

[catherine]

I buy Ralph Lauren when it's on sale with an additional 50% off. It looks like a very unstyled style, but I can't shake it..

Gosh darn it, I'm in Chicago on business, and found two Ralph Lauren shirts at T.J. Maxx at a deep discount.