I am "seriously" dating someone...

[Ultralight]

That is basically what you said. That you can define her relationship goals (meet and marry asap) simply by knowing her age, gender, and nationality.

so I guess you said all American women are alike, interchangeable, and after a certain age, uniformly desperate.

Nope, not what I said. You are clearly making things up.

[Ultralight]

I was thinking the same thing. To me serious means that you've been dating for a while (not less than a month) and have such a strong connection that you are both serious about your relationship and each other. It sounds to me like you're just simply dating.

But dude, why do you keep wasting your time with women you KNOW you won't be happy with? And it seems deceptive to the women as well. Do you share how much of their beliefs and lifestyle you find objectionable?

My thought is that you do it to avoid real intimacy with someone you could be close to.

By the way, fear of intimacy is a real thing. Many of us have it. It's scary to be vulnerable. But so lonely to be closed off. At some point you'll decide if it's worth it to risk real intimacy. Or not.

I am very clear and open about being an atheist (I use both atheist and anti-theist to describe myself). I am also open about my criticisms of sports in American culture. I note openly how much I frown upon alcohol use. I am truthful and forthright.

[Ultralight]

Stop wasting her time and let her go.

Uh... she is a free person; I respect her freedom. She can go anytime she wants.

[Ultralight]

I dont know, if UL is upfront about NO KIDS, and if she isnt really very religious, and if she gives no fooks about his tightassed opinion on drinking alcohol, then--it might be ok for a while. It all depends on how well she knows herself and how important these conflicts are to her.

I wouldnt assume that a 32 year old Illinois woman cannot look oit for herself.

I am upfront about my desire to remain child-free. She said, as I noted before, that she is willing to forgo having kids so that she can have a life partner. She has said: "A life partner is more important to me than having kids." She has also said: "I have no desire to be a single mom. Many women think they are trapping men when they do that but they are really just trapping themselves."

[Chicken lady]

I cannot do the quote thing, but when you say things like the statements quoted by Jane and Iris lilies on the last page - that is EXACTLY what at least two women here heard.

Maybe not what you meant. But if you are not using "she is a 32 y.o. Womán" as shorthand for something, why mention it at all in that context? It is not an answer to anything except "what is her age and gender?" Nobody asked that. And you weren't telling us that because you already had. You were explaining why an extended casual relationship was not on the table.

so if you are not reducing her to a stereotype, what you need to say is "she really wants to get married, and feels like at 32 her chances of that get smaller every day, so she doesn't want to waste time on a relationship that isn't headed in that direction." And you need to actually know that based on conversation with her.

[Zoe Girl]

It just sounds like you don't know her that well yet, which is expected. Even though dates have been over several days se are all on out best behavior at the beginning.

However I don't see anything wrong if you are enjoying your time together to see where it goes

[Ultralight]

I cannot do the quote thing, but when you say things like the statements quoted by Jane and Iris lilies on the last page - that is EXACTLY what at least two women here heard.

Maybe not what you meant. But if you are not using "she is a 32 y.o. Womán" as shorthand for something, why mention it at all in that context? It is not an answer to anything except "what is her age and gender?" Nobody asked that. And you weren't telling us that because you already had. You were explaining why an extended casual relationship was not on the table.

so if you are not reducing her to a stereotype, what you need to say is "she really wants to get married, and feels like at 32 her chances of that get smaller every day, so she doesn't want to waste time on a relationship that isn't headed in that direction." And you need to actually know that based on conversation with her.

Most American women in their early 30s don't want to get married and have kids? Ooooookay! Sure.

[Ultralight]

Americans are generally ignorant about the War of 1812.

Uh-oh! Look out! UL is saying every single American is exactly the same!

[Chicken lady]

According to the u.s. Census of 2014, almost half of American women age 15-44 were childless. I would think that as you approach the upper end of that age range a higher percentage of them would be childless by choice. So I suppose it depends on your definition of "most".

but even if I concede "most" American women over 30 want children." (and more than half of those already have them, so really, what percentage of the rest want them?)

that has nothing to do with your new gf desire to get married. We know she wants children. She knows you don't. Why would she be in a hurry to marry you? Better from my pov to date you while looking for something better.

[Ultralight]

According to the u.s. Census of 2014, almost half of American women age 15-44 were childless. I would think that as you approach the upper end of that age range a higher percentage of them would be childless by choice. So I suppose it depends on your definition of "most".

but even if I concede "most" American women over 30 want children." (and more than half of those already have them, so really, what percentage of the rest want them?)

that has nothing to do with your new gf desire to get married. We know she wants children. She knows you don't. Why would she be in a hurry to marry you? Better from my pov to date you while looking for something better.

My advice to you is ask around. Collect opinions.

She may be dating me while looking for something better.

But give this a read:

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine...ladies/308654/