Inheritances

[dado potato]

My dear wife and I like the idea of "giving with the living hand", and the second-to-die dying broke. Single Premium Immediate Annuities will be useful in arranging to die broke.

Treating offspring alike in wills is simple, and I think equal treatment is less likely to cause resentment. Still and all, some people have an infinite capacity to find an infinite number of things to resent. We are up-front with our adult children about the living hand and dying broke. I would be very surprised if any of the kids looked upon Mummy and Daddy as their "retirement plan unaware". We keep them advised of the contributions were are making each year to their children's "529 College Savings Plans".

[Teacher Terry]

We helped our kids when they were young and needed it just like our parents did for us.

[Simplemind]

My parents had a Trust written up in 2008 and I was made Trustee. I knew what my duties would be (aauugghhhh) but didn't know what the money situation was. As my mother loved to tell me, it was none of my G*d damned business. Even when I asked what they would want for living or funeral arrangements in the future, I got that same response. My dad started gifting the three of us 15K a year in 2012. Partially because my mom had died (and would have never let go of a penny while there was a breath in her body) and partially because his financial advisor suggested it was a good move tax wise for the future.

Within a few years I was in charge of dispersing it due to my dad's increasing dementia. Thanks to the Trust I could not be accused with draining his money for our gain because his advisor had already set it up and we were following what had been established by my dad. My brother wanted to bump it up because.... well because I could. I told them him no because we had no idea how long dad would live and how much dementia care was going to cost. That and eventually how much I needed to spend to get the house in shape to qualify for a loan.
I made it my mission in life to squeak out (recover) as much money out of that estate as possible. It was a huge amount of work and sometimes my siblings were not happy with my method (only the three kids could have property, if grandkids wanted something it had to be through their parent. If you wanted something the three of us had to agree on what it was worth and then you paid that amount to the estate. This stopped the idea that you could back your truck up to the house and fill it or low ball what an item was worth) but after all was said and done, everything was equal between us, there were no fights and we are closer than we ever were when our parents were alive. My brother recently thanked me because his wife's siblings are bleeding her folks dry and walking off with property. He can see now how unfair that is to the kids that don't take advantage.

I felt lucky that I was able to liquidate everything before my dad died because my heart wouldn't have been in it after he was gone. It took about three years but I was able to show him the final balance and tell him he should be proud of his legacy. He started with nothing and made a wonderful life for all of us. We pampered him with his money in his final years. He lived in a wonderful adult care home (huge house, only five clients) five minutes from me. I even paid $500 a month for him to have his cat. They ended up loving the cat after a year and said we didn't have to pay anymore. One of us was with him almost every evening to take him out to his favorite restaurants. He was loved and cared for and my hard earned inheritance makes me feel a bit of the same. That said, if he wanted to leave it all to a charity (fat chance with those two ) that would have been OK by me too. It was never my money as I didn't earn a penny of it. As Trustee with all the labor that entailed.... very underpaid for the toll that took. Thank God I'll never have to do that again. Our kids won't have to do it for us either, we've seen to that.

[catherine]

Great story, Simplemind. Your dad and your siblings were/are lucky to have you.

[iris lilies]

You did good works there, Simplemind.

[Teacher Terry]

Sounds like you also had great quality time with your dad which is great. Settling a estate is a lot of work.

[Simplemind]

He was a total character Teacher Terry. Mom got the big Catholic service and reception but dad said when his time came he wanted nothing. He told me he wanted me to sprinkle his ashes out the car window on the way home. So he got the nice obit that I had fun writing. Really only the tip of the iceberg for him but I know he would have gotten a kick out of it.

https://obits.oregonlive.com/obituar...?pid=188454211

[sweetana3]

What an absolutely beautiful obit. What an amazing spirit.

[rosarugosa]

That is a wonderful tribute!

[razz]

He was a total character Teacher Terry. Mom got the big Catholic service and reception but dad said when his time came he wanted nothing. He told me he wanted me to sprinkle his ashes out the car window on the way home. So he got the nice obit that I had fun writing. Really only the tip of the iceberg for him but I know he would have gotten a kick out of it.

https://obits.oregonlive.com/obituar...?pid=188454211

Love it!!!! Thanks for sharing this.