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View Full Version : The Daily Whine/March was a bad month



pcooley
3-28-14, 10:47am
I'm not looking for advice; it's just been a bad month. With summer coming up, the family has been pushing me about summer camp. My daughter had applied to Camp Rising Sun, an invitation only leadership camp in the Hudson River Valley that pays for kids from around the world to come out and attend for the seven weeks. She was interviewed, but then received word that she was put on the wait list. (She thinks that it is because we don't "represent the culture of our area" well enough being academic transplants that are into Buddhism rather than local Catholics. (We think it may be because her issue of choice to write about was LGBT issues rather than world peace, or global warming, but we'll never really know)).

In order to pay for some camp, I had to stop paying more on the mortgage. That's OK, but my original plan to pay for summer camp was to have the house paid for by this time, but we kept going over budget on groceries. Now our mortgage is stalled at around $3000. I realize that is really excellent, but I'm far off the plan, and it's feeling like it's taking forever. I've been lax about an emergency fund because I've been thinking if I just pay off the mortgage, I'll be able to build the emergency fund back up quickly. Because of our tax bill, our emergency fund went from $1000 to $200. As my grandmother would say, that's not even a spit in the bucket.

My wife really wanted my son to go to a specific camp, so in a snit, I enrolled him, but that left us with $200 in checking. Groceries last week took a lot of that.

Then our cat disappeared. He's the only pet I really, really love - not being a dog person. Dogs don't disappear as readily as cats.

Then we found out that the Scout camp the kids want to go to will cost around $600. We still owe $400 for the trip to Germany my daughter is taking with her German class, and the other camp she wants to go to cost $550. I think we can swing all that barely, but it makes things really tight, and when things get tight, I get stressed out, (being, as everyone on the board knows, the only person in this family that really obsesses over the budget). (I'll say, "We have $75 in the budget for groceries this week! We can do this!" Then my wife says, "don't forget to get everything on the list.") I keep saying there isn't enough money for camp, but my wife rightly points out that otherwise, all our son will do is watch movies on Netflix while we're at work. Summer is so frustrating.

Edited to add: I forgot - my daughter has also won the regional National History Day competition. Her teacher thinks she will also win the state competition. (Yaaaay her!) But the cost to go to the national competition is $750. They want a commitment now. We already have plane tickets to Norfolk the following week to go to a family reunion of my wife's family on the Outer Banks. We could fly her direct to her grandmother's in D.C. for $200 on Southwest, which is cheaper than changing her current airline ticket. However, that leaves me paranoid about not using her initial outbound ticket. I've heard that some airlines penalize you for only using one leg of a roundtrip ticket, and I've heard that if you're not on your outbound flight, they will cancel your return flight. I contacted "Delta Assist" on Twitter to see if her unused outbound flight would be a problem, and they tweeted back that as long as we have a boarding pass, it won't be a problem, but I'm wary of that advice.

In the midst of all the worry about money and the summer, I was giving my daughter a ride to school on my Vespa, and a dog charged out at us directly in front of the scooter. Either the owner was walking it off leash, or it pulled out of her hands. I slammed on the brakes but still hit the dog. I felt terrible. I went over to see what I could do, but being on a scooter, I couldn't exactly throw the dog on the back with my daughter and get her to a vet. I asked the owner if she needed to borrow my cell phone. She said she had her own cell phone, but there was no one at home to call. She decided to call someone she worked with, and at that point, her dog started to limp off up the hill, and she had to chase it, and she waved us on. She admitted it was her fault. I wanted to get her number so I could check on her dog, but I didn't want her to think that I was going to come after her for my repair bill. (My wife was angry at me for not demanding that she pay for the repairs, but even though, technically, it was her fault, it was still an accident, and her beloved pet had just been run over, and I'm sure her vet bill is going to be higher than my repair bill, and we're all struggling financially). The dog had cuts on her head, and I think her leg may have been broken. The accident shattered the headlight and fender of my scooter. I have a $500 deductible for repairs. I'm sure it's going to cost at least that much. I'm just glad the insurance will cover the rest. I'm still worried about the dog. I'm glad we stayed upright and my daughter was not hurt. I wish we could just go back to being a bicycle family, but the charter school is too far away, and the school near our house is not so good.

So, at the end of this month, when I thought the mortgage would be paid off, I find myself having to do some financial juggling to keep all the balls in the air. My lovely cat is missing, and I've run over a dog and broken my scooter.

April has to be better, right?

nswef
3-28-14, 11:51am
I'm sending you good thoughts and hugs. Breathe.

new2oregon
3-28-14, 12:09pm
Pcooley I hope things go better for you next month. When I raised my Kids I did the best I could afford to do. If I couldn't afford it we didn't do it. They did not go to summer camp but we went Fishing, hiking. camping my life was about my kids. You sound like a great Dad. Don't let other people get you down.

Teacher Terry
3-28-14, 1:11pm
What a terrible month:|(. Hope things get better. We had 3 kids & they each could only go to 1 camp during summer because that is all we could afford. Expenses can change so fast when you have kids-unexpected medical bills, etc.

Gardenarian
3-28-14, 1:48pm
Wow. I'm so sorry. I really hope you find your cat.

catherine
3-28-14, 1:54pm
Oh, dear! Well, April should be better.

I guess it's really a great thing that your DD has all these wonderful opportunities, and you guys are traveling to a family reunion, and even though it's money, as we say, experiences are much more important than things. So if you have to even be a year behind your payoff date on the mortgage, would that be worth it for you in order to be able to give your family these experiences? I'm not saying go into debt for these things, but just delaying payoff of such a SMALL amount left (wow, I am jealous!!!) might be worth it for those experiences that you think your kids will benefit most from.

Of course, take my advice with a grain of salt, since I've said yes to experiences my whole life and as a result I still have a mortgage. But I'm thankful for most of them (not all of them, mind you, but most of them).

Oh, and I really am sorry about the cat, and I do hope he/she returns!

iris lilies
3-28-14, 5:01pm
April will be better, just make sure you keep it in hand. :) And the cat--so sorry!

That seems like a crapload of high end activities for you daughter.

I personally never contribute to any effort that has high school (or even younger) youth going to Europe or Australia or wherever overseas. By "contribute" I mean that I don't buy candy or have my car washed at their fundraiser or whatever. I just don't believe it needs to be a norm. Now if parents wish to send. or better yet take, their children to Europe, so be it. Off my soapbox now.(and OP I know that you took your family on an awesome vacation to India!)

Thinking out of the box, I wonder if you shouldn't just take $3,000 from your savings account to pay off your house. It seems that would be a big load of your mind. But honestly, that act is probably not a smart financial move which is probably why you have not done it! :)

CathyA
3-28-14, 5:53pm
Hi PCooley. Sorry for your bad month.
Isn't there some shorter term camps in your area? Maybe even a couple, to cover the summer? Maybe a boys and girls club thing that isn't so expensive?
Your feelings and stress matter too. I know it's hard to say no to our kids who want every experience that comes along, but is it possible you need to say no to some of these things?
I hope your cat returns. Sometimes they're gone for a long time, but still come home.........so hopefully yours is just on an adventure and will return.

Dhiana
3-28-14, 5:54pm
Hang in there, all those summer camps really are worth it. At least the ones I went to were and are some of my best memories. Along with my trip to Europe! Not enough Americans go overseas, not enough see that there can be more than one right way to do things. It really was the start of my desire to see the rest of the world and am now enjoying my time as an expat.

What is your daughter contributing towards the History Award trip? The trip to Europe? I had a job and paid 50%/parents 50% or I know I wouldn't have been able to go.

I'm curious about how a $750 cost for a state award can be any kind of award. That seems more like punishment for doing well :(

Really hoping your cat makes it home soon! March is my worst month, also.

pcooley
3-28-14, 7:38pm
iris lillies - I would take the $3000 out of savings and pay for the house if I could - you missed the part where savings is down to $200.

My daughter is 14, so she is not working as of yet. She was certified as a baby sitter, but the red cross person never got her the certificate. Plus, she's so busy, she doesn't have time to work. She's usually in AP History Club, Girl Scouts, or track practice until 7:30 p.m., and then she does homework until around 11:00 p.m. On the weekends, she has track meets, or she does projects with Youth Allies, or she works on her National History Day project with her partner. I've never seen a person so busy. I certainly wasn't that busy when I was in middle school. She's taking the AP European History Exam this spring. She is also crashing the junior level English class at her school with the teacher's blessing. He likes to have her there for her debating skills.

At this point, I'm going to pay the minimum on the mortgage, try to get the kids to a reasonable number of camps, pay for the scooter repair, and build the emergency fund back up. Even with paying the minimum, we'll be done in six months. I was just overambitious -- and it got us pretty far along -- but I should have kept more in the emergency fund rather than thinking I could stick to my plan and pay everything off and then build the fund back up.

rodeosweetheart
3-28-14, 9:03pm
I think if she wants to take the trips, and they sound great, she needs to contribute money, too, busy or not.
My son went to Cuba on a singing trip in Cuba and we did not have the money. His choir teacher wanted him because he was her best tenor, so she got him a scholarship, and he worked in her yard all summer.

It sounds like she is an academic superstar, which is awesome, but it will get expensive to keep meeting all these opportunities that come up, and you want to make sure that she is not getting an overabundance of the family resources, but I'm sure you are sensitive to that.

Dhiana
3-28-14, 9:52pm
With all of her activities and her being up 'til 11PM as you've mentioned in another posting I assumed she was old enough to have a PT job, sorry.

Float On
3-28-14, 10:23pm
Just the other day my 16 and 17 yr olds were asking for a down payment for a Europe trip and a Costa Rica trip. I replied "are you kidding? If I had $3000 for each of those trips I'd be going myself...alone. If you want to go, you can find a way to save every penny from your jobs, no dates, no new clothes or movies or dinners out with friends." When I had the opportunity for a Europe tour in high school I had to choose between that (was offered a scholarship since it was a singing tour) and a summer gig doing adventure camping/backpacking. I chose the camping and was never sorry about it.

iris lily
3-28-14, 10:51pm
iris lillies - I would take the $3000 out of savings and pay for the house if I could - you missed the part where savings is down to $200.
ack, sorry. I though maybe that was your checking account fund not your total cash emergency fund.

Well. You should build that back up before making extra payments on the house, for sure!

sweetana3
3-29-14, 5:13am
Iris lily, I thought the very same thing. An Emergency Fund is just that. This is not something that is going to stop this month or this year. This is when kids start being "expensive" in any income bracket.

PC, I go back to the question "what is best for our family and our kids for the future?" Can you honestly say that all you have done to pay off the $3000 NOW will be appreciated, remembered, increase your kids knowledge, etc. Not that it is not a good thing but you should apply balance in all things. Right now you should be balancing increasing your emergency fund with paying off the debt and assisting the kids.

awakenedsoul
3-29-14, 7:57pm
Really sorry about your cat, pcooley. Hope the dog is okay, too. Glad you weren't injured. I just read your last post, and I agree that building up the emergency fund will help. It just gives you peace of mind for when things go wrong. Nothing like having the cash. I've been house poor, and it is very stressful. Repairs come up and they are expensive.

I always think of Suze Orman's formula that you don't spend more than 10% of your savings on any purchase. She says if something costs more that 10% of your savings, you can't afford it.

When I was a kid, if I wanted to go to a ballet seminar or something out of town, I had to pay for it. It was just understood. Your daughter might like the challenge. She sounds very motivated. I was super busy, too. But, I babysat and worked from age 13 on to pay for ballet and costumes. I got up at 5:00 a.m. to do my homework because I was too tired at night. I'm glad now that my parents did that. (The thing is, they could have easily afforded to pay my way, but they invested their money instead and did very very well...) I got a few scholarships, too.

Blackdog Lin
3-30-14, 9:19pm
No words other than to send good wishes that your April is much better for you than this month was.....

CathyA
3-31-14, 8:17am
This is a little off-topic, but after having had kids go through secondary education and college, DH and I thought it was a bit much to have the schools act like it was important to go on each and every one of the trips that were offered..........like the trip to Texas (?) to go to astronaut school (We're in the midwest), while in grade school. And then all over Europe for one trip, then Italy for the next one while in college. I wish people would stress different experiences, and closer to home. I think it gets the kids used to going everywhere, no matter what the cost. And it really assumes that parents will come up with the money.

I knew a woman who was the French teacher at a rural school. She wanted to take the kids to France...........so they stood in intersections and begged for money.
But it's part of being an American........right? ........to do excessive/expensive things, and ignore the wonderful/free things close by.

I went to Europe twice..........but the first time I worked while I was there, and the second time, I worked before I went and did it very austerely. (backpacked). And I was out of high school.
I could remain simple with my children when they were young.........but as soon as they started going to school.........they saw all the excess, and soon wanted it for themselves.
Yes, some of these camps/trips, etc., are very enriching..........but that's not the only important thing to consider.

Spartana
3-31-14, 10:49pm
Just the other day my 16 and 17 yr olds were asking for a down payment for a Europe trip and a Costa Rica trip. I replied "are you kidding? If I had $3000 for each of those trips I'd be going myself...alone. If you want to go, you can find a way to save every penny from your jobs, no dates, no new clothes or movies or dinners out with friends." When I had the opportunity for a Europe tour in high school I had to choose between that (was offered a scholarship since it was a singing tour) and a summer gig doing adventure camping/backpacking. I chose the camping and was never sorry about it.Ha Ha - This would be so me! Sorry kids, it's "me" time :-)!

Paul - I agree with the posters that say your kids should earn at least a portion of the money for any trip like that. I think your kids sound amazing and wonderful and extremely hard working so I understand you want to help them. But I also feel that the best thing a parent can do for their kids is to give them a secure (as well as financially secure but not wealthy) life. That comes from putting your finances and the families total priorities before trips or luxuries. Fund that emergency fund first and foremost. Your kids are highly motivated and will do just as well staying home as they will on an expensive trip. If they still want to go, then help them find a way to earn the money needed (and maybe match it if you can), get jobs, do chores around the house for money, have them sell some of their things to help provide that income, and it will not only help them understand the value of hardwork and sacrifice to attain a goal (something they seem to have already deeply imbedded in them - congrats!) but they will see that you are providing a more stable financial future for the entire family and that is more important.

razz
4-1-14, 9:19am
Joining in the chorus that suggests balance in all things. Some of the kids' activities, some for the emergency fund. I offered my kids a trip to Europe when I saved up the money and they loved it. Your kids have already had the trip to India so are not deprived with all their current activities as well. Strike a balance!

Florence
4-5-14, 12:53pm
You know, an awful lot of people have grown up to be well adjusted, wonderful people without going on any extracurricular trips.

reader99
4-9-14, 11:30am
The kids' present and future lives will be so enriched by the summer experiences you are fortunate to be able to give them. IMHO that has a greater and more lasting value than paying off a mortgage early.