Perspective

[catherine]

I've mentioned my brother who has been alcoholic since he was 13, and has had no career, no education, very few meaningful relationships, no money, no prospects....

He lives by going to VA facilities about 3/4 of the year and then spends 1/4 of the year on the loose drinking in Florida.

So this is a Florida period. He calls me every few days, sometimes a little drunk, sometimes very drunk. He lives in a SRO motel down there where there is, by his own description, a real cast of characters.

He said they all have stories and they are all worse off than he is. He's grateful that he is better off than them. He doesn't do drugs or prostitutes. He doesn't steal. People like him. He listens to them. He's happy he's not them.

He drew a picture with a notebook and pencils I gave him the last time I saw him, and he's sending it to me.

I applauded him for being grateful. I'm actually humbled by my "low-life" alcoholic brother.

[danna]

So good that you can still be there for him....you maybe know he is doing the best he can......................

[catherine]

...you maybe know he is doing the best he can......................

Yes he is, and he has a pure heart. I just hate the addiction, but it is what it is.

Thanks, danna.

[new2oregon]

Catherine, That must be hard but at least he has you to talk to. He understands he could be worse off . Why wouldn't he want to change? He should write in his notebook about his stories it might be something that leads him to do better things. Sometimes people just need something to give him hope.

[Teacher Terry]

Addiction is such a horrible thing-it has taken a toll on many good people. Holding you & your brother in light & love:))

[ToomuchStuff]

What is SRO?

It isn't going to sound right, but realizing he is better off then them, means he knows he hasn't made it to the bottom yet. Sometimes, that is the only thing that will cause a change.

[Gregg]

SRO hotels often have rooms that share a bath rather than each room having one.

Catherine, its always sad to hear about a person's life that is consumed by addiction. Even more so when that person has such obvious potential. I know a few folks struggling in ways that sound similar to your brother. For them rehabs have come and gone (occasionally court ordered, some family ordered) with little if any success. Addiction has a tight grip. The interesting part about him calling you drunk is that's when the inhibitions are the lowest. Maybe there is meaning in that. Either way, take good care of yourself so you have the strength to be there for your brother when he needs you to be and just because you deserve it!

[citrine]

Catherine...it is good that you can still appreciate your brother while he is in the throes of his addiction. However, he is not done yet....he would be identifying with the cast of characters rather than thinking he his above them. I speak from experience...have ten years sober.

[Spartana]

Catherine I'm glad to see you are still helping your brother, and finding inspiration and a greater appreciation of your life from him, as I know that can wear down someone rapidly when it goes on year after year after year with no hope in sight. I volunteer at my local VA hospital's Homeless Veterans program and, while I'm happy to see the VA helping so many vets who have substance abuse and mental health issues, as well as physical disabilities, I am saddened to see so many who stay awhile and then go back on the street. Nothing you can do but try to make them comfortable and hope that someday something will happen to maker their endless "tries" at sobriety stick. Happens for some (and the VA's support makes it easier for that to happen) so don't give up hope.

And for those of you who live near a VA hospital or VA homeless shelter, please consider donating some clothes, toiletries (for both men and women), time, money etc... to those who once proudly served their country and have lost their way.

[awakenedsoul]

Catherine,

It's sad. My older brother was an addict and died at 49. It was a shock to my family, but not to me. I felt he was a ticking time bomb. I hope he's at peace now.
I'm sure talking to you makes him feel better.

[Blackdog Lin]

Catherine: wishing you peace with your brotherly ordeal. You have come up with a wonderful mindset to deal with it.

I am lucky in that my (similar) close family member chooses to stay out-of-touch with me - so I can fantasize that maybe he is doing well, has gotten his life together.

I don't know which is worse, their staying in touch, or not.....