View Full Version : Decision-making and the simple life
To me, a person who has a hard time with this, decisions can really take the "simple" out of simple living. I've read some studies about decision-making--such as, our will-power and ability to focus decreases throughout the day the more decisions we have to make. which is why routine is good. The fewer decisions you have to make, the better.
I just read a great article by Byron Katie, and she was talking about her "decision" to stop drinking, which wasn't a decision:
To even call it a 'decision' is sort of funny because it really wasn't. It was more like an awareness;
Some of the most important decisions of my life were those kinds of decisions. I've often said that I didn't even think of them as decisions--and the reason I knew they were the right decisions was because I felt so incredibly free after making them.
Has anyone else had that type of experience with decision-making? Do decisions complicate your life, or simply it?
I had one of those "awarenesses" once as I was driving to the second of two job interviews. I realized that if the job were offered, I could just turn it down--and I felt an overwhelming sense of lightness. So I went in, the boss said something like "Congratulations! When can you start?" and I forgot that I was going to decline. The job itself was just fine, but this was a year before the big IT blowup, and I have the feeling if I had taken something else, it would have all worked out better. Lesson learned.
Since DH passed away 15 months ago, I didn't realize how much I was running to keep everything up, doing the work of two people.
I took a week's holiday recently and then totally crashed for about 4 days with total exhaustion. I was finally ready to listen to a good friend who advised me what I was trying to do in a day compared to an average person my age. I was not ready to listen earlier and kept getting more and more frustrated with myself and my inability to stay on top of things.
Talk about awareness when someone waits kindly until you are ready to listen and hear what is being said. I am making big changes over the next year. I have to get all the surfaces clear of items so that I can simply dust for example.
I had one of those "awarenesses" once as I was driving to the second of two job interviews. I realized that if the job were offered, I could just turn it down--and I felt an overwhelming sense of lightness. So I went in, the boss said something like "Congratulations! When can you start?" and I forgot that I was going to decline. The job itself was just fine, but this was a year before the big IT blowup, and I have the feeling if I had taken something else, it would have all worked out better. Lesson learned.
Yeah, I had one of those moments, too! After I lucked into my analyst job, I was terrified that I'd lose it. I somehow thought that if I lost my job, I'd lose all of the knowledge and experience I had accumulated. I really had this unconscious belief that if I lost that job, I'd be resigned to the same low-level jobs I'd been used to.
I realized in one flash of insight sitting at my desk one day that I actually had been acquiring very marketable skills since taking that position, and that I could just go and get another market research job if I lost the one I had. What a freeing moment THAT was!
Razz: Yes, when the student is ready the teacher appears. Your friend was very kind to point out those thing you needed to hear at that moment. Insight does definitely change behavior.
Gardenarian
4-8-14, 1:34pm
I have that kind of decision making a lot - maybe more frequently than actually sitting down and trying to make a decision, especially when it is something life-changing.
Letting go of attitudes, relationships, bad habits - it usually comes to me that I'm getting less than I'm giving.
When the awareness comes, you realize that you knew it for a long time, but weren't ready to name it.
gimmethesimplelife
4-8-14, 1:40pm
To me, a person who has a hard time with this, decisions can really take the "simple" out of simple living. I've read some studies about decision-making--such as, our will-power and ability to focus decreases throughout the day the more decisions we have to make. which is why routine is good. The fewer decisions you have to make, the better.
I just read a great article by Byron Katie, and she was talking about her "decision" to stop drinking, which wasn't a decision:
Some of the most important decisions of my life were those kinds of decisions. I've often said that I didn't even think of them as decisions--and the reason I knew they were the right decisions was because I felt so incredibly free after making them.
Has anyone else had that type of experience with decision-making? Do decisions complicate your life, or simply it?I have this theory that a good way to not to have to make quite as many decisions in your life is to minimize details when and where you can. Also complexity, when and where you can. Part of my going to Mexico for everything (not trying to hijack this thread with these issues) is a decision on my part to minimize complexity - pay, get your service, and be done. Something else I have noticed? So many times these days when I deal with customer service, the agent tries to add on some kind of product - I always avoid whatever the product is as I don't need another detail to babysit. Nor do most of us, I suspect. Rob
Since DH passed away 15 months ago, I didn't realize how much I was running to keep everything up, doing the work of two people.
I took a week's holiday recently and then totally crashed for about 4 days with total exhaustion. I was finally ready to listen to a good friend who advised me what I was trying to do in a day compared to an average person my age. I was not ready to listen earlier and kept getting more and more frustrated with myself and my inability to stay on top of things.
Talk about awareness when someone waits kindly until you are ready to listen and hear what is being said. I am making big changes over the next year. I have to get all the surfaces clear of items so that I can simply dust for example.
A lot of insight there razz. I know they always suggest not making any big decisions for 6 mts to a year after the loss of a spouse but I would think that any decisions to simplify would help a person keep a clear head. Very hard for one person to keep up with everything two people do. DH and I have talked about this. He knows that I would sell our house pretty quickly and move somewhere else because I've been here for 25 years by his choice not mine.
I would like to be analytical about important decisions but looking back, they usually happened when "awareness" finally happened (ex. quitting smoking cold turkey after many years) or because I was forced to make one by circumstance (family illness) or serendipity (inheritance). An important one to be made now is where to live when I retire and it is driving me to distraction as I am tired of analyzing it. I can only think that the time is not right yet but I sure don't want to make that choice by necessity. Decisions pain me greatly...
Hmm, this is interesting. When I bought my current condo I was moving from a furnished efficiency to an unfurnished two bedroom. After a month of deciding on this piece of furniture and that bit of furnishing I had burned up all of my ability to make decisions - too much at once.
In every day life I'm rarely conscious of deciding as such it's more like what you all are calling awareness. I just know to do whatever it is without a conscious thought process.
I would like to be analytical about important decisions but looking back, they usually happened when "awareness" finally happened (ex. quitting smoking cold turkey after many years) or because I was forced to make one by circumstance (family illness) or serendipity (inheritance). An important one to be made now is where to live when I retire and it is driving me to distraction as I am tired of analyzing it. I can only think that the time is not right yet but I sure don't want to make that choice by necessity. Decisions pain me greatly...
I so relate to the decision about where to live as I am struggling with it right now. Fortunately, I know the community (family are important but they love this area and need to be free of any obligation to me, IMO, so that decision is made) but had to think about what part, whether condo, semi or house, old or new, what price range to consider etc.
What I am finding, Pinkytoe, is that each is gradually being answered as I analyse the questions separately.
Friends are being amazingly supportive, informative and sharing freely. I now know that a condo won't work for me at present based on their input. I need a garden and a space for the dog, am looking for walkability to amenities, and prefer a nearly new house. I am gradually gaining confidence that it will all unfold in its time but there are a lot of steps to get there. I have been approached about selling my farm privately so need to consider all the steps for doing that as well. Spring is also a good time to sell but I am not letting the pressure push me before I am ready.
I have used a verse from the Tao te Ching to help me:
do you have the patience to wait until your mud settles and the water is clear?
Can you wait, unmoving, until the right action arises by itself?
Okay, I do understand that many times you cannot "wait unmoving" but for some big decisions, like when I wondered if I should leave my first marriage, I didn't actually HAVE to decide....it became obvious. This has happened for me in many other situations as well. When I am fretting about a decision, if I actively try to let go of the fretting, then the decision becomes obvious.
The challenge is to REMEMBER to stop worrying!
I'm pretty unhappy at work right now and have been analyzing it to death and need to just let go of it and see how I feel. The baby's impending arrival is both complicating and simplifying for the situation: complicating in that it is hard to tell just how much of what is going on feelings-wise is due to work events or is intertwined with the hormones/emotions of being pregnant/a new mother, but simplifying in that I will be AWAY from the workplace for about three months and can gain some breathing room from the situation and hopefully see it differently or more clearly.
I have the opportunity to request a part-time arrangement and even though right now it's what I really want to do (mainly so I can hang on and see but not have to go every day - not such a great reason), I know that if I did so, I'd be trapped there for another year . . . if I stay full time, I'd feel I could depart at any time for another opportunity. So I'm leaning toward staying full-time right now. My gut tells me nothing's going to get better and that it's only going to get worse, and that feeling trapped is about the worst thing I could do to myself in that case.
I have used a verse from the Tao te Ching to help me:
do you have the patience to wait until your mud settles and the water is clear?
Can you wait, unmoving, until the right action arises by itself?
Okay, I do understand that many times you cannot "wait unmoving" but for some big decisions, like when I wondered if I should leave my first marriage, I didn't actually HAVE to decide....it became obvious. This has happened for me in many other situations as well. When I am fretting about a decision, if I actively try to let go of the fretting, then the decision becomes obvious.
The challenge is to REMEMBER to stop worrying!
Leslie Ann, this is a very good point. Thanks for reminding us and sharing.
Cecilia
I have used a verse from the Tao te Ching to help me:
do you have the patience to wait until your mud settles and the water is clear?
Can you wait, unmoving, until the right action arises by itself?
This is generally my approach as well.
I try to maintain maximum freedom of decision, and wait until the decision is *necessary*. I find that by proceeding thusly, often no decision is needed at all, things just work out, and you avoid wasting time and energy on false paths.
You do have to do your homework, and be prepared to decide when it *is* necessary though.
I found that verse interesting, also, leslieann. Although it's taken me years to stop being a "fixer." Meaning, I used to try forever to make a situation work until it got to the point of absurdity or it died a natural death. Persistence and loyalty and never giving up on dreams are valued traits in our culture, but we also need to value our own boundaries and life energy.
Now, I've come to recognize the signs sooner when the universe is telling me to move on, this isn't what you're supposed to be doing.
awakenedsoul
4-9-14, 11:02pm
One of my closest friends always used to say, "What does your gut say?" Or I'll ask myself, "How is my body responding to this person or situation?" The body always tells you the truth.
Another exercise I like for decisions is from yoga. You write "I want" in front of the sentence. For example, "I want a boss who pays me half of what I'm worth." (That's a bad example in this economy...) "I want a husband who cheats on me." That sort of thing. It makes you face the truth and take responsibility for where you are. I did that exercise and made some big, healing changes in my life.
I have very few decisions to make on a day to day basis and I am VERY grateful for that. It's not that I am a bad decision maker at all (I'm pretty decisive) but my version of simple living means uncomplicated living, and having too many things on my plate that require decision making really messes up my simple, uncomplicated life. I like my surroundings to be very minimalistic, and I like the issues in my life to be just as minimal as well. As for "how" I make decisions - well I don't over think them much and kind of just go with what feels right. If I can't decide what feels right, then I usually hold off on making any decision until I am sure of what I want. My philosophy is if I don't know what I want to do, do nothing until I know.
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