View Full Version : Doorbells and Random Visitors
I don't expect this thread to go very far, and it's not really a family matter, but I wondered if other introverts go through this...
Do you answer the doorbell if you are not expecting a visitor?
I usually don't. I don't like to deal with people selling everything from chocolate to Jesus.
But some people ring the doorbell repeatedly. Someone just now, rang the doorbell twice, and then knocked on the window. At that point, I think, hey, maybe it is someone I know. Maybe the dogs got out. Maybe ...
But it's annoying. If I don't respond to the doorbell the first time, I'm not going to respond to it a second time - then I just look like I'm ignoring the doorbell, which I am. I figure if it's important, they will call. It's my house, why should I come running if the doorbell rings?
Is there some unwritten expectation that people will come to their doors if they are at home? It drives me crazy.
If it's clearly someone selling than yes, we will often flat-out ignore it. We have a storm door that has all glass so it's often open even in winter on a sunny day, and we have been known to still not open up even though we are clearly there and the dogs are going nuts, if it's clearly a religion peddler. If it's an unknown that could be a neighbor we usually answer: could be a mail mix-up, lost pet, new to the neighborhood, whatever. In Phx we only answered if it was obviously cops or a neighbor we knew.
I deplore solicitors of any age and religion. In my urban neighborhood it could be someone checking to see if anyone is home to prepare to rob the residence. Our police when called on the nonemergency number will check them out.
I have also lectured teenagers going door to door on why it is dangerous to go door to door for those on both sides. I find it irritating for someone to get me to the door from usually upstairs for something I am not interested in.
iris lilies
4-18-14, 7:44pm
Just this week someone rapped on our front door, and when I got there to see who it was, looking through the peephole, that person was gone. So no I didn't open the door and go out to see what was happening. First of all, I had to run around to find my eyeglasses. Then I saw a man in what looked like construction clothing walking along the sidewalk. Since we've got houses going up across the street from us, I figured they wanted me to move my car which I am always happy to do.
So when I opened the door I saw him standing by his official truck, he was from the electric company. He had sped off after hearing our big dog bark. Big Dog has a very deep voice. So long story short he wanted to come into our yard without being eaten by a dog and look at our electric meter. It has stopped working.
We have a tall iron gate that keeps the casual visitors out, yet there are plenty of spring days when the Witnesses come by to witness. Our gate doesn't keep Bobby, the neighborhood panhandler of 20 years, out. Bobby is peculiarly focused on our house and will open the gate and come in, regardless of dog noises.
You're not alone.
I don't feel obligated to answer the phone, either.
I have been alone a good part of my adult life, husband traveled or worked living apart. I have never answered the door for unannounced visitors.Today all friends text if they are dropping by.
Unfortunately, my front door is situated next to a window into our living room. This gives any bell ringer a full view in so I almost always answer by jamming myself in the small gap with a foot behind the door. (In case they are a bad guy I can try to slam the door. )
Nowadays I don't think it is rude to ignore a door - too many wackos and creeps.
Once I was recovering from surgery and could not get up easily, nor could I yell to visitors. That week everybody and their brother stopped by and I would just lie there. Some may have worried I was a corpse! Good friends knew to go to the back k door as it was unlocked.
Simplemind
4-18-14, 9:30pm
Anybody who knows me knows I hate "the drop by". I don't care if you are family or the pope. That said, I love company when I do the inviting...... I had to have a stern talk with my dad who then started letting himself in if I didn't answer the door. Told him that was a great way to get shot. Then he started pulling up in my driveway and calling to ask if I was home. I can't win.
That said, one day I didn't answer the door and within 5 minutes two guys had jumped my fence and were suddenly in my backyard going towards the shed. I let the dog out and called 911. So be warned that although you don't answer the door that is a ploy often used by thieves to make sure nobody is home before they break in.
I don't have a door bell. (Well, I do, it's a big brass bell in the harden with a huge mallet to hit it with, but hardly anyone figures it out.)
If someone manages to find my place, and come up to the door through the closed gates, and knock on the door, I usually exit from one of the many other doors and flank them while I see what's up, then come up on them unawares...
My friends don't knock, they generally just open the door, announce themselves, and come in, since the obvious "front door" is some distance from where in the house people generally are.
So the front door is sort of a trap for the unaware and unwanted.
Our big dog, who never makes a sound, howls when the doorbell rings. She has a very deep, menacing howl and she follows through by seemingly attacking the sidelight, all the while wagging her tail frantically to show how happy she is to see whoever's there.
While this is going on and the visitor is busy trying to determine if Moose may actually come through the sidelight, I exit through the garage and come up from the visitors rear, usually scaring them further.
We don't have many repeat visitors.
Removing the door bell was the first thing I did when our house was finished. I hadn't asked for one and the builder added it as a gift. I rarely answer - usually it's someone offering to dig out a stump in our front yard (I love that stump - long story/good memories) or it's the guy trying to sell steaks or seafood. I'll sit in the living room in full view and not get up.
I'm obviously in the minority here, but I like it when the doorbell rings. It could be a friend dropping by.....or a package I ordered that's come in the mail.....or my neighbor bringing me a seedling he promised me from his garden.
DH and I answer the door all the time. Since whoever is knocking had to climb three flights of stairs to reach our place, chances are they are only there because they have a purpose. Our friends always call first, because they never want to risk climbing those stairs if we're not home!
Living in an apartment with a locked gate is nice. Anybody stopping by has to call or text first so we can meet them at the gate. I love it.
However mail deliveries have keys and often a knock is them. So I answer the door. But I'm not happy, as it feels so intrusive. It didn't used to feel this way. Things changed at about age 40. Which is when work became more than full time and demanding. I really value my down time now.
I have a veiled window perpendicular to the front door, so I can see who is there without that person seeing me. Makes it easy to answer the call, or not.
The only people who have my telephone number are those I choose, so if there is an unknown number on the caller ID, I just ignore. Just too many folk using random dialer programs to wast my time on strangers. If it is important or is someone I actually know (but who has a new phone number), the person can leave a message.
Ctg, I like the idea of advance-warning texts. By the way...what the heck is your avatar picture? :)
I don't answer my door or my phone if I don't want to. For one thing I'm in a wheelchair and it is quite an effort to get to the front door and open it - it often takes awhile, most people leave before I make it there, so I don't usually bother, unless it's an insistent knocking and doorbell ringing, whereas I begin to think there's some sort of emergency... Of course, it makes me mad when I finally get there and the emergency door hammering and ringing is a mom with a reluctant kid in tow selling something for the latest school fundraiser. And here I thought maybe someone was letting me know my roof was on fire! ;)
And I sleep at odd hours when I'm not feeling well, so often don't answer the phone. However, I check messages when I wake up and return the important phone calls. My adult kids have learned not to worry if I don't answer the phone for a couple hours or so when I'm napping...
ToomuchStuff
4-19-14, 2:49am
I have a neighbor that tends to hit my doorbell, when I am occupied in the smallest room of my home. Otherwise, I can tell if would be a delivery (UPS truck, etc makes noise first), or something else (people who don't realize you call the cops about missing people, instead of asking me if I have found Jesus), and I don't answer it. I have done the flanking thing and laughed at what a friend of mine always threatened to do (have something that plays the sound of a shotgun cocking right next to the door).
That brings up what I considered, but I never saw a doorbell i could do it with (psychological doorbell):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFQ_s87acFg
My door to my husband's office is right off the porch, and he NEVER answers the door, and I get so aggravated because then I feel compelled to go answer it (my home office is at the other end of the house). It usually is someone telling me how their lawn/window/siding/roofing company is doing work in the neighborhood and they'd be happy to give us a free estimate. So I put my foot down and tell everyone, no, I'm broke, I'm not buying anything no matter what and if they're insistent, my bouncer DH will pop out of his office and put on his scary face and scare the solicitor away.
I have a pair of Jehovah Witness friends who started ringing the bell years ago. They weren't friends at the time, but I've come to enjoy the little 30 second Bible readings on the porch and the catch-up on family etc. She will never, ever convert me, but I feel kind of good knowing that at least she has one person in the neighborhood who welcomes her. And I am entertained reading The Watchtower.
Miss Cellane
4-19-14, 7:50am
Unfortunately, my front door is situated next to a window into our living room. This gives any bell ringer a full view in so I almost always answer by jamming myself in the small gap with a foot behind the door. (In case they are a bad guy I can try to slam the door. )
Nowadays I don't think it is rude to ignore a door - too many wackos and creeps.
Once I was recovering from surgery and could not get up easily, nor could I yell to visitors. That week everybody and their brother stopped by and I would just lie there. Some may have worried I was a corpse! Good friends knew to go to the back k door as it was unlocked.
I've got a friend who has windows in the front door and right next to the front door. She refuses to put any type of window covering on them, so you can see right into her living room.
If someone she doesn't know comes to her front door, she lets them ring and knock as much as they want. She sits in her living room and ignores them. Don't know if I'd be able to do that, though. I'd probably have sheers on the windows or run and hide or something.
goldensmom
4-19-14, 12:11pm
We rarely have someone come to the door that we are not expecting or that we do not know but I don't think I have to answer the door if I don't want to do so. If someone I don't know comes to the door and I choose to respond then I let my 3 big dogs bark for a while first. I then open the door as I lock the screen door and talk to them through the screen door.
Gardenarian
4-19-14, 12:14pm
Yes, I always answer the door. The only solicitors we get are kids selling candy or Girl Scout cookies. Maybe once every few years someone with a political/environmental petition, which doesn't bother me. Our neighbors often walk in without knocking or ringing, which I find a bit forward. I'm glad they feel at home, but - well, I never walk into anyone's home without knocking.
ApatheticNoMore
4-19-14, 12:44pm
Well the thing is some people I know actually just show up without warning and ring the doorbell so ... (the landlord also rings it if I have forgotten to pay rent). So I gave $10 to some poor high schooler soliciting so called "money to pay for college" a couple weeks ok (yes it might be a scam although I doubt the high schooler is in on it ... I was feeling generous I guess). If I know it's the Witnesses I try to hide and pretend I'm not home ...
fidgiegirl
4-19-14, 1:26pm
We rarely answer. It was hard at first but 99% of the time it is someone who wants money for any of the reasons you have all listed. Only one time was it someone we knew (my sister-in-law) just dropping in and then she asked if we weren't home, and we told her we never answer the door so now she always calls. :) Like someone else said, everyone who's family or friends knows to come to the back door. It's still locked, but at least then we'll know it's someone we know.
There are more of us doorbell ignorers out there than I thought.
Living in an apartment building gives us the benefit of people having to ring the buzzer from outside. There's a camera there so we can see who it is and decide to answer if it's the UPS man or an invited guest or whatever, and ignore it otherwise, not that anyone else tends to ring it unless we've invited them over. When I lived in midtown manhattan I would have a couple of friends stop by unexpected every once in a while. They worked in the area and one in particular liked to go to a bar down the street for happy hour, so he would ring the bell and ask if I wanted to join him. He was a really good friend so I didn't mind that. Now we don't have any friends that live or work in our neighborhood so anyone wanting to stop by calls or texts first.
I usually answer - but given the time of day they usually do that, I tell them I'm sorry, I'm working (I am) and close the door. So at least it's really short.
Our big dog, who never makes a sound, howls when the doorbell rings. She has a very deep, menacing howl and she follows through by seemingly attacking the sidelight, all the while wagging her tail frantically to show how happy she is to see whoever's there.
While this is going on and the visitor is busy trying to determine if Moose may actually come through the sidelight, I exit through the garage and come up from the visitors rear, usually scaring them further.
We don't have many repeat visitors.
When I was married, we had Newfs. Actually someone could have just walked in they'd just get drooled on, but they went off whenever the doorbell rang and would crowd the door. The less I wanted to speak to the person there, the wider I'd open the door (the dogs just wanted to say "hi"). Most people did not know Newfs and just wanted to get away from the very big, very scary :-) dogs as quickly as possible
My response, ‘fine thank you’. JW, ‘we are in the neighborhood sharing the Bible and would it be okay if we share a verse with you and ask how you feel about it?’. My response, ‘I’m am busy at the moment but would be glad to talk with you if you will give me your name and address I will stop by your home sometime’. I really mean it but thus far, no takers.
I don't mind spending 30 seconds with people, no matter whom. I've had some nice surprises by being open to what people have to say. It's my choice to answer my door when they knock, and most of the time, I do.
I'll always answer the door. Maybe not if it seemed real suspicious but you never know when it's the police (I've had that), firefighters about a danger (my neighbours almost had that when I had a fire) or someone in trouble. Even when I lived in a rougher area. Sometimes there are home invasions but you can't worry about everything. I'd just hate for someone to actually need help and have no one answer the door. Can you imagine being the panicked person and no one would answer their door? I don't want to live in that society. We're isolated enough as it is. And like Catherine, I can spare a few seconds for anyone.
Blackdog Lin
4-19-14, 10:18pm
I don't know if I live in weird area or what. (for what it's worth, we live 1/2 mile outside of a very small town in nowheresville midwest usa.) But nobody comes to our front door, nobody rings our doorbell. Truly. I'd say about once every.....3 months? 4 months?
So I answer the door every time, it's so rare. Our friends all go around the house to the back door. Don't know why or how it got started, since the front door and sidewalk are the easier path, but everyone around here are "backdoor friends". Jehovah's Witnesses once a year, and since I'm never sure that's who it is I always answer (and spend a minute politely letting them know I'm not interested). And once in a while there's that ONE old friend who uses the front door as it was intended to be used.
Overall, it's a non-issue around here. It's interesting to me, that others have totally different lifestyles and experiences with this.
I will usually answer when someone rings my doorbell because I also have a locked metal security door. I'll open my front door and talk through the security door, which I only unlock and open if it's a neighbor or someone else I recognize. My doorbell only rings about once a month or every other month, so I don't find it too bothersome. If it was more often, I'd probably decline.
My doorbell rang yesterday when my neighbor's girls asked if I had vinegar because they were dyeing Easter eggs. I was happy to oblige because they were so cute and thrilled that I had it, and I think it contributes to neighborliness in general.
I live in an apartment-style condo building. My living room windows are by the entrance, so I can peak out to see who is ringing the bell. Others in my building have the annoying habit of walking their dogs, not taking their keys with them, and hitting all the buzzers to see if someone will let them in. I never let anyone in. A couple of weeks ago someone was banging on my unit's door late at night. Needless to say, I had a pistol in hand when I peeked through the peep hole. By that time, whoever it was had left.
My friends all call before they come over. Drop in visits are non-existent.
Simpler at Fifty
4-20-14, 12:36pm
This time of year the lawn guys come around after dark to sell their service. I went to the door once and never again. Now with DH being sick we will set more limits. Our friends call first. Our neighbors come to the patio door and knock and we don't mind them dropping in.
I have a No Soliciting sign on the door but the kids must not be able to read and understand that. Even Jr High and Hs kids ignore it. I think when schools and churches want kids to sell stuff they should explain what No Soliciting means.
thinkgreen
4-20-14, 7:11pm
We are about 100 feet from the road with a steep driveway up, then about a dozen stairs to the front door. Not too many doorbell ringers make it to our place.
Yesterday our doorbell rang and it was a neighbor who brought us flowers and hot cross buns for Easter. A wonderful surprise.
I don't answer my door or my phone (landline or cell) unless it's an expected visit/call. Otherwise it's probably no one I want to see or speak to. I have one of those metal security screens I put on my front door that has 2 deadbolt locks. For some reason I can see out very clearly but you can't see in. So I can be right in front of the door and the person outside ringing the bell can't see me. Not that I usually do that but scamper off to my hidey hole in the hall and let The Barkinator chase them off :-)! Friends and family know I do both - don't answer doors or phones - so call (and leave a message which I will (or not) call back) before stopping by unannounced.
Ditto--minus the Barkinator. Friends and family know to use my cell number, which I only share with them. I don't suffer drop-ins gladly.
I must live in another world then the rest of you. We always answer the door, usually it is the mail person or UPS with a delivery, a friend or a neighbor coming by with a treat, sometimes the local kids are selling something or looking for a lost pet. We have several elderly neighbors who come by asking for a favor or just to chat. I enjoy it all and for the rare person selling something or wanting to share their religion I just say no thank you and close the door.
Interesting about the elderly neighbors, Karma. My understanding is that in the adult communities, it's sort of an unwritten code that if your garage door is up then you're open to drop-in visitors; likewise, if it's closed, then visitors are not welcome.
Of course, this is only during the daytime, but I thought that was a clever signal for whether you'd like company or not.
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