View Full Version : Letting go
DH and I have known for several years that we would eventually have to move due to rising costs in our city. This little bungalow we bought 15 years ago for peanuts has now been appraised well over $400K and has a property tax bill to match - way too much for us to keep on paying. This week, DH started the process of getting the house ready to let go in a year or so - painting the interior walls. Next we will clean out the shed and start getting rid of things. In a way it is exciting, but at the same time, I find myself waking up at night wondering where in the heck we will be in two years since we don't know where to move. We let ourselves get way too comfortable. Also, thought I am not really atached to things, I am finding it hard to just outright sell things not knowing where we will move to. Moral of the story I guess - don't get too attached to anything - everything eventually changes.
I'm in your shoes also with selling the house soon but undecided where I will move to next. Just plan to float around a bit before making a permanent decision. Fortunately my decision to move isn't based on increased tax rates since I'm in Calif and our rates are set at 1% of the purchase price and then don't go up by more than 2%/year after that. But I know that those kinds of property tax increase has really caused a lot of financial problems for so many people in other states - especially those who are retired and on a fixed income.
So do you have any thoughts at all where you'll go next? What are you looking for in a state, town and climate? I know I want 4 seasons, near the ocean and trees and green stuff (I'm in very dry SoCal). But other than that????
I have these Iris-wisdoms about moving:
1) I think it keeps us young to be in a different environment regularly--keeps our brain active, keeps us adjusting to new things--that is in the long run good for us. Thee Old Place is just real estate, it doesn't love you.
2) In Iris-perfect land, one would buy the new place before the old place and take stuff out of the old homestead, placing it perfectly in the New Place. After New Place is lightly and perfectly furnished, we would have an estate/moving sale at the old place, getting rid of decades of accumulation.
3) This is from Iris' mom: never ever drive past the Old Place if you really loved it because the new people will change it and that will be unsettling
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So do you have any thoughts at all where you'll go next? What are you looking for in a state, town and climate? I know I want 4 seasons, near the ocean and trees and green stuff (I'm in very dry SoCal). But other than that????
When I was job hunting 25 years ago I was out in the Willamette Valley and was struck by property that sat on an ocean view. Sure it was really old crappy stuff, but still--ocean view, 4 seasons, I could afford it.
I think that only the Kennedys can afford that on the other coast and they have to put up with some pretty harsh winters.
Spartana, I have to say that I love your new Avatar, the Barker is so damn cute!
When I was job hunting 25 years ago I was out in the Willamette Valley and was struck by property that sat on an ocean view. Sure it was really old crappy stuff, but still--ocean view, 4 seasons, I could afford it.
I think that only the Kennedys can afford that on the other coast and they have to put up with some pretty harsh winters.
I was just noodling around on JohnlScott.com and came across a house near Olympia that had sound (OK, inlet...) frontage. It was an unremarkable house, but it was (barely) affordable at $300K. Note none of the pictures show the inside of the house. Perhaps your husband could do something with it. http://www.johnlscott.com/jls/modules/internet/search/includes/mapsearch/listingpopup.asp?mlsid=101&mlsnumber=417982
I was just noodling around on JohnlScott.com and came across a house near Olympia that had sound (OK, inlet...) frontage. It was an unremarkable house, but it was (barely) affordable at $300K. Note none of the pictures show the inside of the house. Perhaps your husband could do something with it. http://www.johnlscott.com/jls/modules/internet/search/includes/mapsearch/listingpopup.asp?mlsid=101&mlsnumber=417982
yep, i remember a property like that, a shack, but it was around $80,000 back in the day.
No I do not care about living on the ocean (unless it be very inexpensive, and besides, salt water is a problem for plants) or on water but it's nice to think about.
Spartana is the one who wants Ocean access.
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3) This is from Iris' mom: never ever drive past the Old Place if you really loved it because the new people will change it and that will be unsettling
Ha! My mother used to have my poor, long-suffering father drive by her (Georgian revival) childhood home, and if she didn't like the way it looked, make him slow down so she could scold the current owner about cutting the trees or painting it some off-the-wall color. I recall once it was barn red...(and probably so was Father.)
What are you looking for in a state, town and climate?
At this very beginning point, all we know is that we want out of this "fastest growing city in the US". I am sick to death of yuppies, hipsters, techies, condos, crowds, traffic, blah blah. Everything we loved about this town is gone. We both love the West - the mountains, the wide open, quiet spaces. I am investigating smaller towns in Colorado where I still have family roots. It just all seems so abstract after 15 years - I find myself tearing up frequently - for reasons I can't explain. I guess it is just part of the process of letting go to experience all these emotions before moving on. I do have a grown daughter here so that is another thing to get over leaving behind.
gimmethesimplelife
5-2-14, 11:18pm
New Mexico has some great places that are not all that expensive, and the Tucson area is not that pricey, either. If you want more climate variety, Sierra Vista in SE Arizona has all four seasons with no real extremes and a very dramatic summer monsoon season. With that kind of money backing you, you could even consider the Verde Valley - Cottonwood, Clarkdale, areas outside of Sedona that normal people can somewhat afford - nice climate and no real extremes. Just some thoughts. Rob
I appreciate all thoughts, Rob. Had a brother who lived in Sierra Vista so we are familiar with the area. I do wonder about water issues in the west though.
gimmethesimplelife
5-2-14, 11:49pm
I appreciate all thoughts, Rob. Had a brother who lived in Sierra Vista so we are familiar with the area. I do wonder about water issues in the west though.That's the kicker in Arizona....water. We are in the midst of an almost twenty year drought (with some breaks in it here and there) and the overall trend does not seem to be getting better. I own a 1/3 acre lot outside of Douglas, Arizona, and I believe one of the reasons it is so cheap....water. And the scarcity of it in the area. But......I love that part of the state, it is so beautiful and not over developed and not expensive and not extreme in temperature, plus with water so many fruit trees thrive there as it is cold enough for choice pears and apples and peaches and such. Rob
Gardenarian
5-3-14, 4:07pm
Dh and I are thinking along the same lines. I am very torn about it. I thought this would be my forever house, but the airplane noise and congestion have become almost unbearable. The house needs a lot of work right now, but dh doesn't really want to invest in it unless we are going to sell. I would rather invest in it for living. I guess we need to work this out.
I worry about water too - I don't think the Bay Area is a great choice for the long-long term.
We're looking farther into the future - when dd (almost 15) is out on her own. But just thinking about leaving my neighbors and town makes me sad.
awakenedsoul
5-3-14, 6:31pm
Sorry to hear you have to give up your home. It makes me see how lucky I am to have low property taxes where I live. (I pay $1,400. a year.) I hope it all goes smoothly for you. I was reading on FrugalVillage that a man in CA doesn't pay his property taxes, to reduce his expenses. He has no heirs, and said that in CA, you can do that. They will put a lein on the property, but let you stay in it. So, he's able to keep his home through old age...
Letting go is somewhat painful. I finally talked to a real estate agent last week and he will return this week with a portfolio of recently-sold local properties sort of similar to my farm to give me an inkling of what it might sell for.
I have struggled with the concept of change as well. While walking the dog, I realized that I didn't have anything to get excited about in the future because it was all about letting go and nothing about what lies ahead. Every previous move triggered anticipation of new adventures and new people. I am staying in the neighbourhood within a 10 mile radius. Everything I had looked at was too big, too old, too hard to heat, too much updating required, not walkable or not suitable for my dog.
I met a friend in town and told her about the real estate agent and wanting to stay in the area if I could find a suitable place. With great excitement, she told me to join her a a townhouse semi plan in a cute little town that I checked out that day. It is perfect so I put my name down for a unit once they start building in the summer.
The good thing is that the anticipation and excitement are back and the letting go is much easier to deal with.
I didn't have anything to get excited about in the future because it was all about letting go and nothing about what lies ahead.
One realizes in this situation that all of life that went before was about "goals". I am definitely out of love with my city, but this little Leave it to Beaver neighborhood can never be replicated when we move. I am convinced it sits on some ancient Indian healing grounds where all of life is sweet - it is very sprecial too because we raised our dd here, watched dear neighbors pass and children grow up. Planted little trees that are on their way to being mighty oaks. Sigh...I didn't realize how important roots can be.
... It is perfect so I put my name down for a unit once they start building in the summer.
The good thing is that the anticipation and excitement are back and the letting go is much easier to deal with.
That is GREAT news! I am so glad that you have a new house to look forward to.
I envy your delight in the discovery of just the right townhouse complex. Maybe some day just the right solution to my problem will reveal itself.
I'm (endlessly) wrestling with leaving this much-loved area to move back to the Portland environs. I like the idea of being closer to friends and family, but I get depressed every time I think of 1) leaving here, and 2) Portland itself. I'm an exceptionally self-reliant, self-contained person, but I'm getting older and feel the need for more socializing. (Which I'm sure I'll regret the moment I get some.) http://www.kolobok.us/smiles/artists/viannen/viannen_19.gif
awakenedsoul
5-4-14, 2:41pm
pinkytoe,
Maybe something will shift and you will be able to keep it. You never know...There were a couple of times I put my house on the market, and ended up staying.
If you do move, I think you'll find something just as cute. A friend of mine said to me once, "You always have the coolest living spaces." I'm very into the home, and have been fortunate enough to attract some great situations. I'm sure you will, too.
Spartana, I have to say that I love your new Avatar, the Barker is so damn cute!Yes she is damn cute :-)! For a wild beast! I have some very cute photos of her on my tablet but don't know how to transfer them to my laptop.
yep, i remember a property like that, a shack, but it was around $80,000 back in the day.
No I do not care about living on the ocean (unless it be very inexpensive, and besides, salt water is a problem for plants) or on water but it's nice to think about.
Spartana is the one who wants Ocean access. Well ocean access means being within 100 miles from the ocean so I'll be able to buy or rent lower cost housing. What I did was to draw a line on a map north to south along both the west coast and the east coast that was 100 miles from the ocean and want to look for "dream hovels" in those area - minus some of the more southern coast areas as it's too hot for me. But I'd also like places that were on big bodies of water - like around Lake Champlain in Vermont (i.e. Burlington specifically cause I'm a city girl - not that most people from LA would call Burlington a "city") or maybe even the Great Lakes areas (love it but no mountains - another "must have" for me). One beauty about being retired is that I have unlimited time to go the beach/ocean/mountains/lakes/rivers/etc... and stay as long as I want. So it doesn't matter how far away I live from those things really. Just as long as it's all within a few hours drive or less.
At this very beginning point, all we know is that we want out of this "fastest growing city in the US". I am sick to death of yuppies, hipsters, techies, condos, crowds, traffic, blah blah. Everything we loved about this town is gone. We both love the West - the mountains, the wide open, quiet spaces. I am investigating smaller towns in Colorado where I still have family roots. It just all seems so abstract after 15 years - I find myself tearing up frequently - for reasons I can't explain. I guess it is just part of the process of letting go to experience all these emotions before moving on. I do have a grown daughter here so that is another thing to get over leaving behind.
Have you though of just staying there and renting? Or maybe staying closer - say within a days drive or less - so you can still be close to your daughter but out of Yuppieville, USA? When I first quit work I wanted to move and get the heck out of my SoCal suburban sprawl area. But I had parents in their early 70's who were starting to have health issues and I want to be nearby. So I moved 100 miles away (and 7,000 ft up) to a local mountain ski/lake community. It was a lovely area, had 4 seasons (but only a 90 minute drive to the sunny SoCal beaches and my family), and was much less expensive. I was out of Yuppieville and in a more down to earth rural resort community - if you don't count the flashy skiers coming in from LA and OC that is. Something like that near your house might meet all your needs. It also made for a very easy move without all the required planning and looking far from home.
Wanted to add that when I sold that house (the one in SoCal) it was also very difficult for me. It had not only been the first house I bought (along with now-ex DH), but had been the "family" home for 30 years. I had bought it from my Mom when she moved into a seniors condo complex and along with it came all the family memories. So parting with it was hard but afterwards I came to realize it was very freeing. The family memories came with me, along with the memories of how the community was when I grew up there rather than what it had changed into - and very dramatically changed - since I was a kid. So it was a very good experience for me even though at the time it was very difficult. It also made me instantly FI so that was a nice side benefit!
Teacher Terry
5-16-14, 4:42pm
I had the hardest time letting go of the house we raised the kids in for 14 years but no choice since jobs were moving. I still miss that house. However, every place I have lived I decorate & make it mine so am happy. My kids long adults now also are nostalgic.
say within a days drive or less
Yes, we are also looking at a smaller college town about 50 miles away. It has a beautiful spring fed river running through it and the real estate is still affordable - sort of. It too is suffering from quick growth and rising prices but it is on our list.
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