graduation cash

[Blackdog Lin]

Ok, so you're lower middle class, with a nephew (you know, one of those kids who isn't technically a nephew/niece, but any child of any relative of the next generation is a nephew/niece) who is graduating from High School. We're not close anymore with the family, but of course I want and need to send something (we got an announcement). It's family.

I haven't had any graduations in oh.....10 years. So I realize that the $20 I used to send to everyone is too chintzy. But is $30 enough? Or is $50 the new $20? $50 I could do, but that would be my mental limit.

What say you? Gotta get it in the mail tomorrow. And thanks!

[Simply Divine]

A $50 gift card to a place your nephew frequently shops at would be nice, in my opinion.

[iris lilies]

Give $25. It's a gift, the graduation announcement wasn't a bill. It shouldn't be a strain for you. We give $100 but we have no children and have plenty of money. We also give that amount for weddings. Apparently on the east coast $100 is a joke, less than $250 for weddings is frowned upon.

I tell this story often but I think it's quaint behavior from DH and therefore cute: He sent his nieces and nephews $5 for their birthdays for years. That included through their college years. That included after they graduated, most of them from engineering school. I think that once they got married he stopped that tradition but I'm not sure where exactly along the way it stopped. But I do know that it stopped real close to them pulling down salaries of $75,000. I'm sure that the $5 from Uncle Iris-Lilies gave them a chuckle.

[Jilly]

Just do not stick in the pocket of a shirt. My actual nephew graduated from high school and I wanted to give him cash for a summer project in which he was involved. So, I bought him a nice shirt, in a color he liked, and put a hundred dollar bill in the pocket.

Years later we were all together for xmas or something and were sharing stories and his mother told one about the weird shirt I had given him for his graduation. Then, he proceeded to share that it was a nice shirt, just not to his liking and that he had passed it on to a friend. I was just sitting there, kind of amused because I had put a clever spin on the gift, and then, when all eyes were on me I said that I hoped that he had kept the money for himself. He had not and his friend never said a word.

He and his mom looked stricken, I felt badly for doing such a stupid thing and I have always wondered if he ever mentioned it to his friend.

I have a friend who had received a small money gift from her grandmother for every birthday, holiday (big and small) and still remembers the pleasure it gave her to be remembered so, even into adulthood. That kind of thought from a relative is something that stays with you and I will bet that Uncle Iris-Lilies gift might have elicited a chuckle or two, but I am sure that each time that little gift arrived, each niece and nephew also felt the love that came along with it. Very sweet.

[catherine]

Apparently on the east coast $100 is a joke, less than $250 for weddings is frowned upon.



My MIL was extremely practical and some of her ways seemed weird to me. One of those ways was calculating how much to give for a wedding gift. She always determined how much the couple had to pay for the dinner and then tack on extra for a gift. So if she went by herself, and figured the cost of her seat at the wedding was $75, she would give $125.

Yes, these days for a wedding gift I would only give $100 to someone that I am not really close to. All others would get a minimum of $200.

As for a HS graduation gift, I think $25-30 would be perfectly fine.

[ctg492]

If you are attending the party, then the cost amount of the dinner you feel you would eat is a place to start. On top of that is the gift amount is kinda how I feel. The only thing I learned during the time that all the friends, relatives and such were graduating, was that none used the money for college>:( My son reminded me of that.

[iris lilies]

It's crassly called "cover your plate" when one tallies up the cost of the catered dinner at a wedding. There are many passionate discussions about it on Wedding Bee.

Me, I'm not going to let the cost of an overblown wedding reception dictate the size of my monetary gift. If they invite us to Saturday night at the Ritz I give $350 but a pretty morning brunch at the micro brewery down the block requires only $50? That sort of gift giving isn't my style, but I understand that some use it as a guideline.

[rodeosweetheart]

I have made my new default graduation gift $50, but I usually give it in the form of an amazon gift card, so they can spend it on something they want. But if 25 is what you can afford, and sometimes that is the case for all I can afford, I send 25, same scenario.

My wedding gift default is a gift from the registry for around 100, unless they are family or fictive kin, in which case it is around 200. I cannot afford more than that.

[Gardenarian]

I have given $50 to my nieces and nephews for graduation. Ask the parents how they would like their kid to receive it (cash, check, gift card.) Some parents might want to have a check so that it will more likely end up in the college fund, while cash has the possibility of being invested in beer....

[Blackdog Lin]

Thanks guys. It does sound like $50.00 is indeed the new $20.00. We can afford it, so that's what I'm sending. (a check, just to keep it simple.)

Appreciate all the input.

[Blackdog Lin]

P.S. - after the previous post I got the card written up and the checkbook out and.....decided I was comfortable with $30.00 after all. $20.00 still does seem too little, but anything above that, for a family member's child that we are not close to.....I felt okay with $30.00, it seemed right, enough but not too much.

Thanks again.

[awakenedsoul]

Wow...I'm shocked at the amount some of you are spending on wedding gifts. I live on $20,000. a year, and I just don't spend that much on gifts for anybody. I just sent my mom an alpaca blanket that I made for Mothers Day. I included a set of uniball pens from Costco and a cell phone cover that I knit with some leftover high end hand painted sock yarn. It cost me about $74.00, with shipping.

Usually for me a nice gift is sending Shari's Berries, which cost about $35.00. My great aunt used to send me checks for $10.00 on holidays. I really appreciated it. I didn't think it was cheap. I always cashed the checks and sent her a thank you note. I also bought her gifts with money I earned for Christmas each year. Things have sure changed...

[Geila]

$30 is plenty for someone you're not close to. I think even $25 would be ok. With those type of situations I see it as a token, and figure it's like gifting the young person a meal out with friends or a couple of CD's. Something fun. I know quite a few college students and $25-$30 is much appreciated.

[Teacher Terry]

I think 25-30 is fine for someone you are not close to. For weddings I give 200 if I am close to the person-if not 100.

[Blackdog Lin]

I'm now just hoping to gosh that we don't get invited to any weddings!

:)

[Spartana]

I sent $50 to my cousins daughter when she graduated from college. It seemed like an appropriate amount for someone I really didn't know well.

[awakenedsoul]

Oh my God...I am just blown away by this. I guess I am just way cheaper than most people now. I guess I'm sort of still living in the 60's...

[Spartana]

I think it also depends on how often you give money gifts. I don't exchange gifts - money or otherwise - with anyone else at all. Not even my sister (and visa-versa). So marking the person's once-in-a-lifetime "special" achievement with a bit of cash is OK for me. Now if I had a large family or friends that had many "special" occasions I'd be less willing to part with a higher amount of money.

[Gardenarian]

I think it also depends on how often you give money gifts. I don't exchange gifts - money or otherwise - with anyone else at all. Not even my sister (and visa-versa). So marking the person's once-in-a-lifetime "special" achievement with a bit of cash is OK for me. Now if I had a large family or friends that had many "special" occasions I'd be less willing to part with a higher amount of money.

I agree. I don't do Xmas gifts or birthdays (just cards), but I do want to acknowledge the big passages in their lives.

[awakenedsoul]

That's nice. I never thought of it that way. But, I only have two nephews, and they are two and four. It hasn't come up for me yet.

[iris lilies]

I think it also depends on how often you give money gifts. I don't exchange gifts - money or otherwise - with anyone else at all. Not even my sister (and visa-versa). So marking the person's once-in-a-lifetime "special" achievement with a bit of cash is OK for me. Now if I had a large family or friends that had many "special" occasions I'd be less willing to part with a higher amount of money.

Agreed. I don't "do" gifts. The only weddings we've been invited to in the past 15 years have been nieces and nephews and there were 4 or 5 of those. Oh wait, we were invited to one for a neighbor, but I turned it down, didn't know the girl. I don't do weddings were I don't know the people. And I sent a card with a message, no money.

We are old and our friends don't have children (lots of single and gay couples) so we just are far out of the loop of young people going through these life marking events.

[cindycindy]

For those that posted that they give $100 for a wedding, are we talking per person or per couple? I agree that $25 for a hs grad that you don't know well is fine.

[iris lilies]

For those that posted that they give $100 for a wedding, are we talking per person or per couple? I agree that $25 for a hs grad that you don't know well is fine.

Per couple. Our gift is $100 from the both of us.