View Full Version : Do You Wait Up for Your Teenage Children?
My daughter is now at that age where she stays out with friends at night. She is super responsible, and her friends, though most of them are older than her, are super responsible too. At least they have not given me any reason to worry about them. (I, also, seemed super responsible at the same age, but I was binge drinking on the weekend. I'm a little wary). However, she's an honor roll student, president of her class, and academically aggressive with similar friends. I really like both my daughter and the kids she hangs out with.
I feel like I should stay up at night to make sure she gets home safe. However, my wife and I usually sleep from around 8:00 p.m. until 4:00 a.m. Even that is not enough sleep for me. In the winter, if I did not have so much to do, I would happily go to sleep when it gets dark at 5:00 p.m.
Our children have stayed awake later than we have for years. It does not seem normal to me, but I don't know how parents function if they don't get sleep.
It being summer, my daughter normally does not come home until 10 or 11 p.m. Once I told her she could go to a 10:45 p.m. movie with her friends, (it sounded fun for her to me), but I thought I was going to die trying to stay awake until she came home.
"Papa," she says to me, "you really don't need to stay awake and wait for me."
But to me, it seems like one of my parental duties. When we are asleep, we do not even hear the telephone ring. What if something happened?
I have long suffered from feeling like I am not well rested, almost to the point of narcolepsy. I talked to my doctor about it, and he said it was possible that I just wasn't getting enough sleep. If I get ten hours of sleep, I feel fine. That has not happened, however, in the fifteen years I've been a parent. Lately, my eyes get heavy just driving across town. I have to force my eyes to stay open at work, and I'm unfocussed - just trying to make it through the day until I can get to sleep. By the time I get home, I'm so sleepy, I'm angry, and I'm still faced with making dinner, training the new puppy, I want to watch a movie with my wife, I have stacks of books to read. I drink a lot of coffee.
I honestly don't know how people have time to work, take care of housework, take care of pets, take care of children, sleep, and live a meaningful life in 24 hours a day. I feel like I need at least 72 hours in a single day to get by.
Anyway - where do people stand on staying up waiting for their kids to get home? Should I just stop torturing myself?
I just set an alarm so I can wake up around 1:00 a.m. and check to see that they are home. They've been good about texting if they are running late. Early sleep is more important to me since I turned into more of a morning person instead of the night person I use to be.
rodeosweetheart
7-18-14, 11:46am
I just set an alarm so I can wake up around 1:00 a.m. and check to see that they are home. They've been good about texting if they are running late. Early sleep is more important to me since I turned into more of a morning person instead of the night person I use to be.
It's been almost 10 yrs since I had anyone at home, but I did what Float did, set the alarm for whatever time was their pre-arranged curfew, usually 11 pm; would not have been comfortable with much past midnight where we lived. If they stayed over at someone else's they made arrangements beforehand.
You may wish to investigate the possibility that you have sleep apnea.
I always stayed up for them, but if it was going to be too late, I would set my alarm for the time they were supposed to be home. But........it was always a bad night of sleep for me.
I also set an alarm for about half an hour after the time she's supposed to be home. But I keep waking up very often until she is home and never fall asleep so deeply that I wouldn't hear her unlocking the door anyway.
Huh..I never set the alarm. It helps that DH is a night person and I'm a morning person. I let him take "kid watch" and he never felt it was a chore--he was up anyway. But I'm an 8-hour a night person, and I just can't keep my eyes open past 10pm. Sometimes I felt guilty that I was so willing to just sleep while my kids were out, but I also feel why worry if there's nothing you can do? I had my phone by my bed constantly. And my kids never abused my trust, and I often went by my mother's mantra: "God takes care of drunks, fools, and children." At least he did that for me between 10pm and 6am
Teacher Terry
7-18-14, 5:47pm
I would guess that Bae is correct. I have sleep apnea and before it was diagnosed I felt the same way. The CPAP machine has been wonderful. When I had kids at home I slept on the couch until they got home so I would know when they arrived.
I still do the same thing ,when my 25 and 27 year old are visiting and come home late now, after being out.
Gardenarian
7-19-14, 2:16pm
pcooley - I also need a lot of sleep, ideally 9-10 hours per night. I always have. I have made getting quality sleep a top priority (I have my own room because my dh snores) but it is still difficult to get more than 7-8 hours per night. Both dd and dh are pretty loud, as are our dogs, so once they're up there is no more sleep for me. My dd has never slept more than 8 hours. This summer is the first time since she was born that I have been able to sleep to my own rhythms, and yep, I'm back to sleeping 10 hours (sometimes more!) per night. It's great!
Our culture celebrates those who go with little sleep, but before electricity most people slept 10-12 hours per day. I don't think it is a sign of illness or anything. I feel very much more energetic and happy and am more productive after a long sleep. Now, if you sleep for a long time and still don't feel rested, that's something else.
Being able to get enough sleep is one reason I'm really looking forward to retirement - and I don't even work full-time.
I understand, pcooley. I never slept through waiting on sons to come home when they were teens. Then I learned far too late that I could not change or control what they did or could do. I would stress myself over the what ifs, as if I had some control over that.
Fast forward, my 29 year old lives with us and works till 1:30 am. I ofcourse do not stress his whereabouts, but have never slept through the night. As I hear every single bump in the night. He is very respectful, but dinner being made i
by him at 2:30 am,,,,This is perhaps why I am typing at 3:30 am.
I go to bed but never settle until they're home anyway. BUt they know I value my sleep asnd are very good about coming in on time and quietly. As soon as they're home I go straight to sleep.
Right now my teens are 14 and 15 and we do wait up, but it is once a week and we are the ones providing transportation home. Last week it went past 10:30 and we were both so tired waiting for their event to be over.
I can't fall back to sleep when I am awakened after a couple of hours, nor do I sleep well (or at all) when I am waiting. This means that when DH and the boys choose to go to a sporting event, etc. I just go ahead and stay up and know that I will get a short night's sleep.
I can't say I know what we will do as time goes on, but I do know that we've already rejected the idea that adolescents are unable to sleep early or wake early, and our boys are involved in a sport that requires 5:30AM waking times several times per week during the hot months and do so easily and without complaint. When it isn't hot we still require waking by 7AM. It seems like being very active, combined with waking no later than 7AM, makes it very easy for them to fall asleep before 9:30PM.
Anything that they might want to do with friends should be able to be done earlier, and if it can't then I have to wonder if I want them there.
The reason my guys have such late nights is that we live in a tourism area. Most kids aren't done with work till 11:00 p.m. or even 1:00 a.m. If they want to hang out with friends and watch a movie at someone's house and then go to an all-night breakfast place to eat I'm very ok with them staying out past 1:00 a.m. All the kids work very hard at presenting good attitudes towards our visitors...letting them have late night time to let of some steam is pretty healthy. Course my guys just turned 17 and 18 and I know that is very different from when they were 11 & 12. We haven't run into any party (drinking) issues yet. I do know all the signs of that since that is what everyone (me included) did when I was in highschool in the early 80's.
The reason my guys have such late nights is that we live in a tourism area. Most kids aren't done with work till 11:00 p.m. or even 1:00 a.m. If they want to hang out with friends and watch a movie at someone's house and then go to an all-night breakfast place to eat I'm very ok with them staying out past 1:00 a.m. All the kids work very hard at presenting good attitudes towards our visitors...letting them have late night time to let of some steam is pretty healthy. Course my guys just turned 17 and 18 and I know that is very different from when they were 11 & 12. We haven't run into any party (drinking) issues yet. I do know all the signs of that since that is what everyone (me included) did when I was in highschool in the early 80's.
See, this is a perfect example of finding what works for your family! I'd probably do the same in your shoes. For us, with competitive cyclists, it makes the most sense to cultivate an early-to-bed, early-to-rise lifestyle, and to keep it consistent for good recovery. And my boys are only 14 and 15; who know what we will be doing in 3 years? The oldest in particular wants to continue with competitive cycling in college as well as the national circuit, so I imagine he will stay disciplined. He probably won't take a job unless it is very part time at a bike shop, and they all close early, so we're good there!
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