Wedding shower gift question

[flowerseverywhere]

So a good friends of ours have a son getting married. We are traveling to attend the wedding. They have a website so I went to it today, and there were details, with a note saying, please give us cash in lieu of gifts. They are both employed in good jobs, he had his education paid by his parents and he bought a house about five years ago. They drive fancy cars and travel for leisure.

Well my dilemma is when I heard they were engaged I embarked on making a quilt. It is finished and beautiful. Would you gift the quilt as intended to them?

[jp1]

I would give the quilt as planned. Just as a gift registry is only suggestions, so too would this be a suggestion only. At least in my mind.

[Florence]

I would give the quilt as planned. Just as a gift registry is only suggestions, so too would this be a suggestion only. At least in my mind.

+1

[awakenedsoul]

Oh, flowerseverywhere. If you think they will appreciate and use it, I would give it. All of that work...I hope they realize what a generous present that is. I would also tell them what you told us.

I would not give cash unless you decide you want the quilt or that someone else would be a more appreciative recipient. Also, it depends on if you can afford a cash gift. It doesn't really sound like you want to give them cash...

[nswef]

My mom's friend knitted an afghan for my wedding and 41 years later we still use it. If these are people you care about they will appreciate it more than you might ever know.

[Blackdog Lin]

This kind of thing just boils my blood - I guess I'm too old-school. If a couple wanted to say "we have everything we need, thanks, and your presence is the only present necessary" or words to that effect.....that would be classy, thoughtful, mannerly. The way I feel I was raised.

But to crassly ask for cash in lieu of a gift, on a website no less, from a couple that are not even financially challenged (even if they are, they're not living as such).....to me that's low-class, self-centered, and bordering on rude.

flowerseverywhere: I would give the quilt. And hope the couple are the type to be able to appreciate such a wonderful gift. But, I wouldn't count on it.

[awakenedsoul]

My mom's friend knitted an afghan for my wedding and 41 years later we still use it. If these are people you care about they will appreciate it more than you might ever know.

That's nice to hear. As a knitter, I know how many hours it takes to knit an afghan. That's a true labor of love. Your mom's friend must really care for you...

[iris lily]

I"m always surprised by those who ask for cash, as though the thought does not occur to guests. Oh, money! Who knew they would like that! I'll write a check, it's much easier than anything else.

Hey OP, I would give the quilt unless you think they are too crass to be deserving of this nice gift.

Me, I love quilts but also am somewhat picky about contemporary ones. I love my inherited quilts, however.

[iris lily]

That's nice to hear. As a knitter, I know how many hours it takes to knit an afghan. That's a true labor of love. Your mom's friend must really care for you...

Yep, we are using a granny square crocheted afghan that's pushing 30 years old, made by a friend for me.

[TMC]

Honestly I am only 43 and I can't stand it when people instruct you to give money.

I would give the quilt if that was your plan. My mother quilts and I know the effort it takes. That is a labor of love.

Of course I'm sure the quilt is lovely and you need an excuse to keep it, then I would keep it. :)

[awakenedsoul]

Yep, we are using a granny square crocheted afghan that's pushing 30 years old, made by a friend for me.

Oh, that makes me very happy. I crocheted a granny square blanket for my mom 33 years ago. She still has it hanging over an antique chair on display. It took me ages. I still remember buying the yarn with the money I earned working the 4:30 a.m. shift at Mac Donalds, working on it while I was injured, and mailing it at the Post Office.

It's really rewarding to give a gift like that to someone who will enjoy it and take care of it.

[profnot]

I would NOT give the quilt.

I would give them a gift card to Barnes & Noble, etc. Something for everyone.


Illustration - my landlady asked if I would like to borrow a piece of furniture with cushions. I said yes, thank you.

My furniture is all in rich, fall colors and Tuscany/Florence style.

The piece she lent me has Hawaiian-style cushions with tropical colors. I hugely hate it. I keep asking her to take back. It's been months because she is super busy.


What to do with the quilt? Give it to a local cause.

I live in a tiny town 18 miles from a big city. We need a new library. (Big city govt could care less.)

A local quilter raised thousands by asking local talent to donate quilts for auctions and raffle ticket draws. Between quilt sales and other campaigns, we are 3/5 of the way to being able to pay for a new library.

If you love the quilt, keep it and donate $ to a local cause so you can have the Feel Good experience.

[flowerseverywhere]

Finally made my decision. I was pushed over the edge when I got a shower invite that had an asterisk on the bottom that said "cash gifts only"

i graciously declined the the shower invite and will not send a gift

we will attend the wedding and will give a cash gift, the parents are longtime friends of ours and I am not going to ruin a friendship. The gift will be less than the value of the quilt. We will give about enough to cover the cost of the meal.

the quilt is going to hospice. I spoke with the local director and they will use it as a last comfort quilt. They prepare a newly deceased body for the family to say good bye and they like to have a clean quilt for this purpose. It kind of makes for a classy good bye. Then they wash the quilt for reuse.

[profnot]

Perfect decision re shower attendance, cash, and amount.

Fabulous decision on quilt recipient.

Good on you!

[iris lilies]

That will be a very nice use for that quilt, good idea!

[goldensmom]

This kind of thing just boils my blood - I guess I'm too old-school. If a couple wanted to say "we have everything we need, thanks, and your presence is the only present necessary" or words to that effect.....that would be classy, thoughtful, mannerly. The way I feel I was raised.

But to crassly ask for cash in lieu of a gift, on a website no less, from a couple that are not even financially challenged (even if they are, they're not living as such).....to me that's low-class, self-centered, and bordering on rude.


My thoughts exactly.
<flowerseverywhere>.....good decision.

[Float On]

I just don't get the "cash only" requests. I think it's so rude.
I think you've made a wise decision. Me being a bit snarky and menopausal would probably send a card and a photo of the quilt and write..."I put a lot of hours into making this quilt when I heard you were getting married, but when I read the cash only request on your invite I donated the quilt to Hospice in your name." If it could be valued for donation and a tax receipt given by Hospice then I'd give them the tax receipt. Then since I was friends with the parents I'd send them a gift card for dinner out with a note "I know how exhausting it is to get your kids married off....enjoy dinner out on us!".

[Gardenarian]

Flowerseverywhere - sounds like the perfect decision to a difficult situation. Kudos to you!

[Blackdog Lin]

flowerseverywhere: excellent, and good on you. (the shower invitation would have pushed me over the edge in a much less-mannerly direction.) :)

Though float on's suggestion is wonderfully thoughtful and deservedly snarky.....

[iris lilies]

http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/my-friends-are-cheapskates-and-im-offended/#axzz3BScOotgv

Here's a current thread on Wedding Bee, a website about wedding planning and execution, where brides discuss the "cheap" gifts from their guests. Aye, Carumba.

[catherine]

http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/my-friends-are-cheapskates-and-im-offended/#axzz3BScOotgv

Here's a current thread on Wedding Bee, a website about wedding planning and execution, where brides discuss the "cheap" gifts from their guests. Aye, Carumba.

Haha, that's funny, IL! Although, I'm sorry, $15 washcloths is cheap.

But getting back to the quilt--I think you made absolutely the right decision, flowers everywhere. Good for you.... Now you can enjoy the wedding without casting your pearls before.. (well, I won't go that far, but you know what I mean).

[larknm]

Fantastic solution, flowers everywhere. You were inspired to look into hospice for this solution--and they to put a quilt to such great use.