When to send Thank you cards.

[cody11]

Hi all,

I have a question about Thank You Cards. Please tell me if I am right or wrong.

My Nephew graduated from High School the end of June. I sent him money. I think I should receive a thank you card but I'm not sure. If I should be sent a card when is the appropriate about of time for it to come?

I was just wondering because I thought it was proper etiquette.


Thanks Cody11

[awakenedsoul]

I was raised that way, and I know you and I are close in age. I don't think children are being taught to do this anymore. When I was teaching ballet and yoga, I sent all of my students hand written thank you cards in the mail for their Christmas gifts. (This was 15 years ago.) All the parents and children were talking about it. I guess I was the only teacher still doing it. I think it's nice...but maybe not common anymore.

[catherine]

I think the etiquette for sending thank you cards for big occasions (when you might have a lot of cards to write) is three months. However, my philosophy is to give the gift freely and with love and detach yourself from any expectations of a thank you. What difference does it make? You gave because you love your nephew, I'm assuming--not because you expect a thank you.

However, if you just want to be sure he got it (you said you mailed it), I think you could wait the three months and then say, "I just want to be sure my gift didn't get lost in the mail" or something like that. I have a situation like that--my uncle died and I sent his widow a food basket, but when she sent a card thanking us for attending the funeral, she never mentioned the gift. I really would like to confirm she got it, so I was planning on dropping her an email this week.

Young people are sometimes wrapped up in other things and don't get around to sending Thank Yous. Not condoning it--just saying that it really doesn't bother me if I don't get a thank you.

[rodeosweetheart]

You are right.

We have a lot of nieces and nephews and over the past few years have sent out many high school and college graduation cards and gifts.

We started keeping track of who responded with thank you notes, and almost all the kids sent notes. A few did not, and they are kind of on our "inactive list", as in won't be sending them anything anymore.

But really, I think almost anyone (you know who you are, VC) sent a note, and it was really sweet to see the various personalities. Really nice.

[cody11]

Hi all,

Thank you for your answers. I should have said he was my great Nephew. That means I'm a senior. In my day it was considered polite to do this. His mother is my niece and very intelligent. I would expect her to do this.

As someone mentioned I shouldn't expect it because it was given with love. I agree, I was just hoping that this generation hasn't lost all tact and knows right from wrong.

[kimberlyf0]

I send gifts to my oldest nephews and never receive acknowledgement from them or their parents. Not in the mail, not via email, Facebook, or text. If I send gifts to my sister's children she will thank me for them. I haven't cut the others off, however; if the adults don't teach them gratitude then it isn't exactly the child's fault. I don't even bother to ask if the gifts have been received as I did that once and I think my SIL was offended by my asking.

(I will stop sending gifts to my nieces/nephews once they graduate high school or turn 18, whichever comes later.)

For my own kids, if they can thank the gift giver in person at the time the gift is given then we don't require thank you notes. If they receive a monetary gift in the mail from a grandparent they have to call and thank them promptly. For other gifts they either send paper thank you notes or we do a text message thank you.

A text message thank you is my favorite way to thank someone! I take a picture of the child holding/wearing/using the gift and then they add a few words. Texting is part of our plan so we don't pay additional to do it, we don't create something that ends up being clutter (a paper note), and no gasoline is used to send the note. Plus it is quick - no procrastination for lack of cards or stamps. People seem to really like seeing a photo of the recipient with the gift.

But texting doesn't work for everyone; we sent notes to my grandparents.

As for graduation, we will end up sending gifts to all the nephews as they graduate, but don't plan to send out announcements for our own children. I figure that the people close to them will know, and sending announcements to anyone else is basically just soliciting a gift. We'll have small family parties or dinners instead.

[Gardenarian]

I like to have some kind of acknowledgement - I don't care if it's a text message or phone call or hand written note - it's nice to know they actually received it. My dd usually uses email or send a message via Facebook.

[cody11]

Hi All,
You won't believe this but I just went to the mailbox and a thank you card was in the mail. It was sent by my Nephew himself. I am so pleased my niece didn't raise a dummy. He will start collage in the fall. Oh Ya!!!!!!!!!! My faith has been restored.

[Blackdog Lin]

My son's grandmother is half-a-country away from us, and he's 31 (wait, 32?) :) She still sends him a generous check every birthday and Christmas. And he doesn't acknowledge them, as he was taught to do (by me) from a young age.

And if I were his Grandma, I'd quit sending the checks.

My checks I give him, he thanks me personally, which is fine. Nieces/nephews who graduate from High School and do not acknowledge a gift - they can graduate from Yale Summa cum whatever and they won't get another cent from me.

Don't tell me things are different in this day and age. They shouldn't be, if so. Common courtesy and gratitude should be universal for any age. I don't diss a Facebook thank you, or a Twitter one, or e-mail.....the methods of thanking may change, but the concept shouldn't. Gifts should be acknowledged.

P.S. Cody - how wonderful that your gift was acknowledged. I am very happy for you.

[cody11]

Thank you, Blackdog Lin,

I agree with everything you said and gifts should be acknowledged, I don't care what generation. I am so proud of my Nephew. For some reason I thought my Niece would be doing the sending for him. I guess because I thought it would be a girl thing. What a guy he is so sweet and kind in person. I'm very proud he's family.

[Tammy]

More than the thank you, for me it's important to know that the gift was received. I often send food gifts and I like to know that the company followed through with my order and the post office didn't lose it.

[Tradd]

I graduated from high school in 1987. My thank you notes were mostly written the next day.

Cody, glad to hear you did receive a thank you note.

[iris lilies]

My only purpose in looking for a TY note is that I like to know that they actually received it.

If it is a gift that I put into their hands, I don't care about follow up note although certainly it's nice to receive them.

[rodeosweetheart]

I realize I sound a little meanspirited, and I never would have cared really about the notes when they were little. I did, however, get po'ed at the same child who was about 16 and complained that I had not sent her a birthday gift when her birthday fell within the time period when I was in a coma. She was 16 at the time.

This particular niece is the one who did not acknowledge the graduation present I sent her of an antique jade ring, which I thought was lovely and would look nice with her green eyes.

To me, when they graduate high school, they are adults. I do not continue to send gifts to adults who do not acknowledge them or seem to have an attitude of hand out entitlement.

Especially when lately, they seem to earn more than I do!

After all, they are not sending gifts to me, or bothering to acknowledge my existence in any way.

So kudos to all of you who are nicer than I, but that's just the way I feel.

[goldensmom]

Yes, you should get a thank you note. It's proper social etiquette, it's courteous and it is an acknowledgment that the gift was received. I agree that a lot of young people are not taught or expected to adhere to social etiquette and a lot of adults just don't do it but it's a thoughtful thing to do.

[Tenngal]

Hi all,

I have a question about Thank You Cards. Please tell me if I am right or wrong.

My Nephew graduated from High School the end of June. I sent him money. I think I should receive a thank you card but I'm not sure. If I should be sent a card when is the appropriate about of time for it to come?

I was just wondering because I thought it was proper etiquette.


Thanks Cody11

I thought the time limit was two months. When my daughter got married in May, she kept a notebook of gifts, and dated when she sent the thank you notes. I don't expect to get thank you cards, but it is really nice when we do.

[TMC]

My children have learned to make personal phone calls to grandparents, aunts and uncles when gifts are received in the mail. When they receive them in person they thank them in person.

More formal occasions such as Graduation or Confirmation when they did not open gifts at the event we send thank you notes.