Do you feel confident some days and other days not so confident in your living simply

[oceanfamily]

I've come across this lately and geesh I'm in my forties and should know what I want by now right?! And feel confident in my decisions! In particular, my dress and grooming. I'm pretty low maintenance....still want to look healthy and good but feel that maybe something's wrong because I don't own tons of shoes and makeup and clothes nor do I care to. Are there others out there kind of going through the same thing?

[razz]

There are these days especially when I am moving into new territory in some way - work, social, etc. It is sort of the feeling that a teenager must feel, I imagine, undergoing the same changes. To me, it is a 'heads up' that I need to look at the situation and see where, if any, modifications are necessary. I am 70 and have had these feelings most of my life. When I am well prepped, those feelings are reduced or minimal. Simple living has actually made this easier to do. Is it kind of a mindgame that we play on ourselves?

[oldhat]

I can certainly identify with feeling confident one day and filled with self-doubt the next. I think it's largely a question of temperament. Certainly a good deal of how we feel about ourselves is influenced by upbringing and environment, but I think most of it is just how we're wired. I long ago accepted that I'm fundamentally an anxious person, a worrier, but I try to keep it in perspective. Most worries are just thoughts, and you have to just observe them and let them go by (meditation has helped me a lot with this).

[SteveinMN]

There are a few occasions when I wish I was more plugged into the lifestyle my peers live. They mention enjoying cable programs we've never seen and restaurants we've never visited or buy lots of gadgets. It would be fun to do those things or have those things. But, in our analysis, their financial dependence and their daily stress levels are foreign to us. They have worries that we never have. So on those days when I'm lusting for some experience or consumer item, I just remember that I can wake up the morning of one of those lousy ice-becomes-snow storms and smile because I do not have to struggle through that commute. Instead of shelling out hundreds for concert tickets for that group that was hot back when I was hot decades ago :) I think about the new music I've enjoyed listening to Goodwill records ($1 each!) or Internet radio. On balance, I'm much happier this way. I'll resist the occasional tug back to that other world.

[oceanfamily]

Razz, I so agree that it most likely is a mind game we play on ourselves. Thank you for your input.

[oceanfamily]

Old hat, from one anxious person to another, I appreciate what you mentioned that how we are brought up has a big effect on how we are.

[oceanfamily]

SteveinMN, appreciated that you brought out the stress levels of what others bring upon themselves by having lots of things. Your contentment shines through your post!

[oceanfamily]

I think what's happening right now is that I'm feeling very stressed. My family and I spend time up here in Alaska where we commercial fish and then the other part of the time we go down to the lower forty eight where there is LOTS of pressure on how to be as a woman. I sometimes feel like 2 different people. I can't wait for the confidence to settle in and not feel so wish washy!

[awakenedsoul]

I don't own a lot of "stuff", either. I like to look my best, but I do that with second hand clothing, light make-up from Walgreens, a little help from henna, and do it yourself manicures and pedicures. But, this is just me. I'm still auditioning in a field where how you look is very important.

What kind of pressure are you experiencing? Are you more yourself when you're commercially fishing?

[oceanfamily]

I am more myself up here in alaska. Just seems more relaxing, if I feel like putting on makeup and doing my hair great but if not then I'm not judged for that. I just need to get to a point that I'm more ok with myself and not worry about what other people think. I've always struggled with that.

[sweetana3]

I grew up in Alaska. It was always more about what you could do to survive or live and not much about how you or your things look to others. People were more valuable because there were fewer of them for jobs and dates and anything.

My brother still lives there. I got the start to my career there. They would hire most anyone and even very young military wives were just as valuable.

[larknm]

One way I feel my confidence unsteady is in a frugal values conflict: socking every spare cent into paying off mortgage and other budget necessity items vs. being able to do things that make me momentarily happy/gratified. For example, when DH wants to do an entertainment thing that costs money, like a movie, this month my answer is, no, I'm buying the snow tires and dog door. The movie cuts into the daily grind and gives me a better sense of general perspective, but paying for the tires and dog door this month because there are other things next month and the one after that, gives me some calm.

Underneath all that is our joint understanding that I pay 2/3 of my income to pay off the mortgage faster by ever month paying a "principal only" amount that is 2 1/2 times the amount of the usual monthly payment. All this is relevant to the fact that we didn't save when we could all those years, just didn't see it coming (grasshoppers instead of ants in those days, well years). So now we're retired and living on social security and making up for lost time by living very cheaply. The expensive things we have are things we got when we were earning: computers, Sirius radio, car and truck, cabin in mountains. We have $43,000 in emergency fund/savings, but I figure the stuff is still gonna hit the fan when our health declines more with age and we can't hire any help with that. I think I have just zoomed off-topic so will stop.