Distribution of Monetary Assets in Will - Relative Refusing

[Cypress]

My mother died last year in August. She appointed her son, P, to have power of attorney. My mother left a will that clearly stated her wishes in terms of any monetary distribution to her surviving children and grandchildren. My brother was made the sole beneficiary at some point but through my mother's law office, in a letter, stated he would share the monetary gifts equally among siblings. He was also advised to wait one year from the date of her death before distributing any remaining assets.

Well, I received a letter with several documents from P including the last will and financial records on Friday of last week. I cannot understand the financial records but he states that the final amount was about $5,600 to be shared among 5 children and 3 grandchildren. He decided to exclude me from the distribution of assets and said, you are out. His reason is, that several years ago, my mother had financed the cost of a roof and chimney repair to my home in the amount of $10,000. During the last few months of my mothers' life, she was applying to the state for financial support, I think through Medicaid, to cover costs in a total care setting. The state found the $10,0000 pay out and declared it an asset. Brother P stated I should have put it back into the account. I frankly was just starting to understand what my obligation was and wasn't around this return of funds when she died.

He is stating I did not return the funds and potentially put him in a precarious position financially. There was no verbal discussion or meeting between us around this issue. Relations have been strained for several years. Frankly, he is a bully and a negative person to deal with. I do not feel safe in his company.

What should I do? I do not have a relationship with P and haven't for several years. The amount that may be distributed is perhaps in the amount of $600 or so. I do not understand what the final amount is in actuality, don't understand his decision and think this requires a legal opinion. An attorney would cost quite a lot of money. But, I don't know what or what not would be best for me in this situation.

I'd appreciate your response. I am sure I am not the first to be in such an awkward position.

[iris lilies]

Do I understand this correctly:

1) You received $10,000 from your mother

2) Now you want to be part of the distribution of a measly $5,600 divided 9 ways? Without you in the mix, the heirs get $700 each and you want to take part of that away from them?

Let me spell this out: you got $10,000. Everyone else gets $700. Which amount is bigger?

If my understanding of the facts is correct, what you "should do" about this is: nothing. And be grateful for the windfall that you DID receive, without repercussion, from your mother.

[awakenedsoul]

Cypress,

I'm sorry you're in this situation. I wouldn't worry about it or respond. As you said, an attorney would cost a lot of money. Unless you want a relationship with this brother, I would just move on in life.

The roof and chimney repair were several years ago, but maybe that was like an early inheritance. It was very kind and generous of your mother. She may have helped her other children in other ways in the past, too.

[bae]

Frankly, he is a bully and a negative person to deal with. I do not feel safe in his company.


This is the key point to me. I wouldn't respond, and frankly, I wouldn't interact with him further on any matters.

Further, the ~$600 involved also isn't worth paying for a "legal opinion" for, or taking to court. The costs in money, time, and energy wouldn't have the remotest chance of having a positive return. Unless you have a deep-seated need to "win" or "be right", in which case I'd encourage you to try to ignore that urge in this case :-)

[ToomuchStuff]

What Iris and Bae said. Your mother financed, financed is a LOAN term. You seem to have been released from the obligation, because the STATE LEGAL DEPT. is not knocking at your door, asking to be reimbursed by this LOAD, that they declare an ASSET THEY CAN CLAIM, against your mothers estate.

My advice, WALK AWAY.
Remember the important stuff your mother gave you, is not a piddly monetary amount you got from her death.

[Cypress]

The letter from P also stated I was the only person to receive the note. But, the note was not signed, only said To: Me from: P and was an obvious copy. The date was not clearly visible on the note. He also said if I wanted to challenge this so be it. Frankly, a civil discussion over a cup of coffee would have gone along way rather than the method he chose. I had no idea what was in his mind nor expected this outcome.

It's all a strange business to me. I am not sure why the last poster used ALL caps on certain words, it's all very confusing. My mother was happy to help me take care of the house and gladly made the arrangements. I am sure my mother also helped other siblings but always chose to keep these activities quiet. It was her money and she could and would only help if it wouldn't cause her any difficulty. Otherwise, she would have said so.

As I understand it, funerals and weddings tend to bring out the worst in people. Nobody's perfect, the point of this board is to seek and receive friendly advise from others. When you learn to walk on water, let me know.

[ToomuchStuff]

All caps for EMPHASIS!
It may be a strange business to you and to me, but I have had several discussions about estate planning. This sounds similar to a few I have had. A relative can be perfectly healthy and happy, and are allowed to gift so much to a relative, tax free, per year. HOWEVER, if something were to happen to that person, and they then went on assistance, that money can be gone after by the government, to recoup costs for up to a certain number of years. (even though it was legal to give and no fault of the giver they became dependent). A lawyer can help you with the technicalliities of it, for the state of the deceased, and will end up costing you more then what you would get out of the estate.
You don't get along with the person, and don't feel safe around them, yet you expect to discuss this over a cup of coffee? I don't get that.

Now, walking on water, I do that all winter time. Ice is frozen water.
Hope that helps.

[razz]

It strikes me that there are several different issues going on .

1. Your mother financed your $10,000 in home improvements knowingly and willingly with no indication of paying the amount back. She may have assisted other siblings over the years in a similar fashion.

2. Several years later, unknown to you, the state determined that the $10,000 given you, made your mother eligible for state aid and wanted reimbursement of it.

3. As sole beneficiary and executor of the limited funds remaining in the estate, your brother, as directed after a year, is stating that you are not entitled to a share of the balance of the estate. He has no way of knowing if any of the other siblings etc., have received any similar form of assistance from your mother over the years but knows about yours because the state wanted reimbursement.

4. It is only approximately $600, you aren't fond of the brother, the legal costs outweigh any benefit and you prefer little contact.

If any of these points are incorrect, please advise but it seems to me that you gain peace of mind all the way around if you simply let brother do as he wishes and carry on with your life being grateful to your mother for helping when she did, your brother for acting as executor and that the estate is modest so not worth fighting about.

[cdttmm]

Walk away and don't spend another second thinking about this.

Have no further contact with P.

Stay in touch with your other siblings, your children, and your nieces nephews as you see fit.

[Lainey]

Walk away and don't spend another second thinking about this.

Have no further contact with P.

Stay in touch with your other siblings, your children, and your nieces nephews as you see fit.

+1

[Packy]

Considering that she already helped you out with the $10,000, acknowledging that(to yourself) should ease the pain of being deprived of the $600. Look at this way: you are already coming out $9400 ahead, (if I understand correctly) that you aren't obligated to repay. Making an issue about it holds things up & for the sake of keeping the peace; I would recommend that you just let it go.

[Cypress]

Razz, thanks for sorting out the points, you organized it very well. It's a complex story and difficult to convey. I do believe my mother had supported other family members in her own way over the years. She was able to do this, saw a chance to support others and did so. I clearly recall when my father died about 10 years ago, she suddenly had two cars and asked if anybody minded if she gave over one car to a grandchild who had started a family. I remember saying, sure, if that's what you want. The grand child is P's son.

It was startling to receive a personal note from P that excluded me from the distribution of assets. Who knows what he did or did not tell the remaining siblings and grandchildren. Who knows what assistance others have received or not. He made a decision that has legal implications and an object reply is so appreciated. Thanks

[mermaid]

Cypress,

The government doesn't want people to be able to "hide" or give away their assets and then claim that they have no money and should be supported.

While your mother wasn't intending to hide/give away assets, it sounds like her situation fell under those rules regarding Medicaid.

You say you were just started to understand your obligation, but you don't explain what that is (that I noticed).

It is possible that as your mother's power of attorney, P may have gotten letters from Medicaid about the situation. That is what you need to understand. Is razz correct in 2, that the state has been asked for reimbursement?

You may want to call Legal Aid to see if you can find low-cost or free (pro-bono) legal advice. I think the most important thing is -- if your mother got benefits that the government would not have given her because of the $10K loan, are you required by the government to pay it back? That is what you need to protect yourself against, not missing the inheritance. You will need any official letters regarding the medicaid benefits and requests for reimbursement.

Good luck!




During the last few months of my mothers' life, she was applying to the state for financial support, I think through Medicaid, to cover costs in a total care setting. The state found the $10,0000 pay out and declared it an asset. Brother P stated I should have put it back into the account. I frankly was just starting to understand what my obligation was and wasn't around this return of funds when she died.






It strikes me that there are several different issues going on .

1. Your mother financed your $10,000 in home improvements knowingly and willingly with no indication of paying the amount back. She may have assisted other siblings over the years in a similar fashion.

2. Several years later, unknown to you, the state determined that the $10,000 given you, made your mother eligible for state aid and wanted reimbursement of it.

3. As sole beneficiary and executor of the limited funds remaining in the estate, your brother, as directed after a year, is stating that you are not entitled to a share of the balance of the estate. He has no way of knowing if any of the other siblings etc., have received any similar form of assistance from your mother over the years but knows about yours because the state wanted reimbursement.

4. It is only approximately $600, you aren't fond of the brother, the legal costs outweigh any benefit and you prefer little contact.

If any of these points are incorrect, please advise but it seems to me that you gain peace of mind all the way around if you simply let brother do as he wishes and carry on with your life being grateful to your mother for helping when she did, your brother for acting as executor and that the estate is modest so not worth fighting about.

[larknm]

I think if the brother is the sole beneficiary, it's his money to do with as he wants. I think the main thing (having been in a family where my brother and sister spent years not speaking over a set of silverware) that the main thing is not to let this eat you up for years. Distract yourself, whatever it takes, from the rage that may grow like wildfire over time.