stupid mothers quote

[Zoe Girl]

I really love pinterest, i get so many ideas and I actually do many of them. Plus the quotes and foods. But today a quote popped up and it really made me think, over think in some opinions I am sure. The quote was "A mother is someone who seeing there are 5 people and 4 pieces of pie declares she never cared much for pie". That is a pretty crappy quote you know. It didn't even qualify if the 4 other people were her children or children in general. Just that once you give birth you will just give up things to others around you without discernment or thought of your own wants or needs. It is also not very nice to non-mothers and fathers who can be equally selfless.

I just had my girls' birthdays and my parents came and took the entire big group out to dinner. I noticed my mom spends a tremendous amount of time talking about what other people will eat. Before everyone arrived at the restaurant she went over the menu and talked to me about what everyone might eat. She usually brings out entire meals when she visits (a 10 hour drive) of food I don't cook, then bakes cookies and goes grocery shopping. I will admit it often gets irritating, I don't fill up the fridge because there are only 2 of us and things spoil, and the driving out meals that my kids are 'deprived' of annoys. Also long talks about who will eat what seem odd, I explained it to myself as her extroversion needing to think out loud. So thinking about this makes me want to work on my irritation more and see it as more likely she has been held responsible for all the food for so many people for so long that it is ingrained. However talking about the family reunion menu 6 months ahead of time is still going to be a challenge.

[catherine]

I noticed my mom spends a tremendous amount of time talking about what other people will eat. Before everyone arrived at the restaurant she went over the menu and talked to me about what everyone might eat...she has been held responsible for all the food for so many people for so long that it is ingrained. However talking about the family reunion menu 6 months ahead of time is still going to be a challenge.

I'm not a foodie mom at all. My kids would tell you that their learning how to cook at an early was a survival skill. But I would give up the last piece of pie for them.. that's a no-brainer to me.

I did relate to the whole menu thing, in that one thing that really irritates my vegetarian/vegan DD, so I've learned to hold my tongue, is that when we go into a restaurant, I'll zero in on things that she might want, because those choices for a vegan are so limited. I'll say, "Oh, B__, did you see this?" or "Oh, this looks vegan! Looks good, too!" She had to say, "Mom, I can read the menu myself," before I learned to shut up.

I think I tend to do that for DH as well, automatically.

[iris lilies]

I do that for DH, too because he's kind of clueless. Someone recently gave us a $60 gift certificate to a sushi restaurant. I looked at an online menu before going so that I could point out to DH, who doesn't eat sushi, items he would like to head off any whining.

While I am not a mom, I feel like a mom in those instances and not in a happy way.:)

[mtnlaurel]

ZG - Give your mom my phone #. I can have these conversations in my sleep :)

In my family we have given those conversations the term 'Dialogue'
I just loved my Grandmother so much & we'd talk and talk about the menu, the preparation, the this, the that.
It seemed to make her really happy and I got joy out of doing it and feeling close to her.

On the other hand, I've been presented with other things of where, 'you know that's just a total drag to me, I'm not doing that anymore' and eventually I could cut it out.
Sadly it's with a dear friend of mine. I just can't ruminate about things that happened 20 years ago over & over again when we aren't active creating new memories.

Re: the Food Talk
Some people love it, some people don't.
It's funny, when my 5 year old heard someone went somewhere she asked, "What did you have to eat?"... We all said, "She's a Smith" (my maiden name)

It has been bone of contention between my husband & me ... I grew up with eating having a plan and a slight touch of pomp & circumstance and my husband will open a can of green beans and eat it straight out of the can standing in the kitchen, not thinking about when we're all going to sit as a group and share a meal together.

Re: the quote... my Grandmother would make a big breakfast for us after church up into her late 80s. One Sunday she only had 4 eggs - my Dad's (an only son) preference was to have 3 as he's an egg lover --- here we are 4 grown people (Grandmother, Only Son, 2 Granddaughters).. and my Grandmother makes 3 fried eggs for my dad and she splits the last one scrambled between me & sis & she has 0 eggs. Totally ridiculous. And my dad didn't even notice.
Needless to say, neither my sister nor I are choosing that path and the four eggs would be scrambled & equally split if we all really wanted eggs.
Of course I do without a lot of things for my kids as their happiness/comfort is my happiness/comfort, but if it's my favorite kind of pie and there's enough for a sliver for all then that's the message I want to send - we're a team and I'm a person too.

[Suzanne]

The quote was "A mother is someone who seeing there are 5 people and 4 pieces of pie declares she never cared much for pie".

Oops! I'm a bad mother! I would have cut each piece of pie in half, so there would have been 8 pieces for 4 people, and jolly well have eaten one myself!

[Zoe Girl]

I feel a little like a bad mom because I don't do that very much, I make reasonable effort to make sure all the people will be fed. I just supported a 8 day retreat by being the shopper/food deliverer based on a menu someone else had created. So i can feed people after all. My kids include meat eater, non cheese, severe peanut allergy and myself without some foods, I guess I just don't TALK about it constantly.

There are just food issues with my mom, I have most of my life been vegetarian or 'conveniently vegetarian', and now have one food issue (fructose intolerance, whole other topic). So making ham and BBQ beef for my deprived children and driving it 10 hours is touchy. I felt very mature about our large family reunion this summer. We all gathered in Colorado from Iowa, California and of course Colorado. My mom had been planning the menu with her sisters for 6 months. It was clear and blunt that I was not to cook or contribute to the menu planning (the same as previous years with my mom). I struggle with that, and a couple weeks ahead one aunt called and asked me to make my salsa for the night someone else was making enchiladas. I also got permission to make a beet salad. We had 3 nights of 30+ people dinners so this was a big deal. The last BBQ night someone else brought veggie burgers and one salad had quinoa in it. I was so happy. But I also felt good that I managed my feelings ahead of time and just accepted the way it was going to be, every bit of food was planned to be controlled by my mom. I didn't have the same grumpy attitude I can get. I think what is hard is that I don't do that to my kids, so I let go of control with my mom and with my kids I respect their food choices, and then I made a lot of solo meals.

Food is funny

[Zoe Girl]

Oops! I'm a bad mother! I would have cut each piece of pie in half, so there would have been 8 pieces for 4 people, and jolly well have eaten one myself!
Me too!

[catherine]

Oops! I'm a bad mother! I would have cut each piece of pie in half, so there would have been 8 pieces for 4 people, and jolly well have eaten one myself!

Well, I'm no saint, because if there were only 4 cups of coffee left, and it was breakfast time, everyone else better like tea.

[Teacher Terry]

When my Mom would come to visit she would cook & bake like a maniac for us all for a month. I considered it heaven. She would want me to make 2 or 3 things that I did well & she didn't and I would do that. I never had to do dishes, etc because it gave her something to do while we were at work. Also I thinking planning menus way in advance is something that the older generation did. Anyways just enjoy because someday you will give anything to have her back being annoying:~).

[frugal-one]

We visit our son and his SO and they are really ticked if we bring something to eat. They think it is controlling. However, they do not plan in advance and either we eat at 9 pm (have to do the shopping first because they have nothing in the house) OR we all go out to eat and guess who gets to pay (US). Sigh. It is a no win situation. Also, since they don't always have things in the house, they expect us (sometimes) to pay for the groceries too. I would rather bring ready prepared food (ie soups) ... put them in the fridge ... and when we want to eat... voila... it is ready. Needless to say, it is not fun.

[awakenedsoul]

I bring food when I go to visit my parents. They are elderly, and seem to really appreciate it. (They have plenty of money...but I like to cook a few meals for them when I'm there.) My mom can't get around very well anymore, and my dad is the caretaker at 84. He is very frugal, and does the grocery shopping. I usually will ask them, "Do you want lambchops?" (or if it's Thanksgiving, "What should I bring..."we do an edited version.) I like gourmet coffee, so my mom has asked me to bring that. (I pack my stovetop espresso maker, too.) I also bring juice, soy milk, regular milk, and snacks. I'll give my dad a big jar of Smokehouse almonds from Costco, and my mom a large bag of potato chips. They always act really excited. "It's like Christmas!" my dad has said. Sometimes I make homemade dog biscuits for the dogs. They also have plenty of food in the fridge and we use their salad greens, desserts, etc...it works out well.

My mom told me that they went to my brother and SIL's house for a b-day dinner for my dad the other night. They served a small piece of cake for 6 people. (It was like a quarter of a cake.) They sliced it up and had it with ice cream. My mom told me (twice) that she gave her slice to my nephew who was saying, "Oh I LOVE this cake!!!" In their case, they have a huge mortgage. It seems like they're really strapped for cash. My mom would have brought a cake if they'd wanted...sometimes food issues are also financial. I've struggled to make ends meet when I was working really hard, so I know what it's like...

[Packy]

I am appalled at people from this town who drive all the way to north Texas(where it's FLAT)to participate in a Century Ride,then never take part in the local rides(where it's hilly), and then think they have bragging rights! They, are weenies!

[Zoe Girl]

I do appreciate my mom bringing food, I know it makes her feel good so I make requests before she visits. I just get bugged at the comments of making up for my deprived kids who don't get pork from me and that I have been told straight up I am not supposed to cook at family gatherings. It is just my mom, my aunts and cousins and everyone else seems to be fine with it. Even my kids like grandma's cooking but also like mine so I don't see the reason for the issue.

I think this is something quite different however, and quite different than some posts since I don't ride bikes or have any clue about Texas.

[Packy]

No, Zoe(hey-that rhymes); It IS so---Y'see-- those Cyclists are like the kids whose Mom packed them a lunch, and when making the PB&J sandwiches, carefully cut the crusts off, as if it were an act of Love. Do you see the connection there? I'm not saying they are sociopaths, BUT one of them is Dr Sado Evil, DVM and the other is a Bull Dyke Prison Guard. But, they seem to think they are Superhuman, since THEY completed the "Hundred Mile Endurance Ride" on a pathetically easy course. You don't see them showing their wimpy faces at an event in this area, though. See?

[Zoe Girl]

well the narcissists and potentially psychopathic and sociopathic people and children I know have a variety of parenting. Most of the ones that a really truly sick had rather crappy families and absent or checked out moms (I have been doing my work quite some time). The ones whose moms overindulge can be entitled for some time however but often life deals them something. In general I can't say I understand your connection. So I agree to have listened and just not understand.

[Packy]

I think you get it, you just are being modest. Thanks.