kid moving away

[margene]

My 21 year old is moving to houston 17 hours away. He's gonna live and work with a guy he's never met only played video games with for the past ten years. They do interact on the computer alot while playing these games. He's married and has a baby which makes me think he's ok. i don't really have a bad feeling about him but everyone I tell this to thinks it's scary. I've offered to drive him but he wants to go soon and for me to get time off work on short notice is hard. Plus I need tires on my car and I know driving 17 hours home by myself is something I really don't want to do. I tend to get depressed on long drives by myself. I'd rather go visit him later when I can spend more time with him. I don't know if i should let him take a plane or just suck it up and drive him. Anyway crying right now this is really hard for me.

[Tradd]

Margene, I don't know if this will help you, but I've got a number of friends I originally met online. I've gone to visit them for a weekend and it was fine. Let him go by himself.

[iris lilies]

I'm sorry you are sad that he's leaving. But separate that from his adventure of starting out on a new life path. If this doesn't work out, does he have an emergency cash stash where he can get a room in Houston and find another job? It can take someone that age a few years and several living situations to become stabilized, that's a normal part of growing up. It helps if he has fallback money.

I agree with Tradd that I've met a lot of people online, including many here on this website, and they are who they say they are.

[ctg492]

From a mom who has had two sons make choices of moving out or in with people I would never had, or making choices growing up that were way out there to me, let me say I understand how you are feeling.

[Tammy]

I understand. My daughter married a man she met online. 10 years later and they are still happy.

My son traveled Central America for 3 months. No problems.

It's hard as a mom, but these are their lives to live. I wouldn't drive him. Let him fly. Otherwise you will have 17 hours of worry as you drive him (which will most likely annoy him ;) ) and 17 more alone without him.

[Gardenarian]

I am so sorry for your sadness and worries. I know I will feel the same when my dd goes off on her own.
Don't feel guilty about not driving him. He'll be fine.

[ToomuchStuff]

So your son thinks he is moving in with a "buddy" who has a wife and a baby? Does his wife know? Does your son realize nanny duties?
I don't see this ending how he thinks it is.:laff:

[iris lilies]

So your son thinks he is moving in with a "buddy" who has a wife and a baby? Does his wife know? Does your son realize nanny duties?
I don't see this ending how he thinks it is.:laff:

Maybe, maybe not. But if the OP's son makes it 6 months there in this scenario, and then that falls apart, is that really all that bad? If it lasts only a few weeks, that's a tough one. But the guy is 21 not 17. He gets to make his own mistakes.

[catherine]

Maybe, maybe not. But if the OP's son makes it 6 months there in this scenario, and then that falls apart, is that really all that bad? If it lasts only a few weeks, that's a tough one. But the guy is 21 not 17. He gets to make his own mistakes.

Absolutely. I have a son who definitely marched to the beat of his own drum which means he would take chances and drive hours and hours for something he wasn't sure of, and he always landed on his feet. He went with a friend to Mammoth CA to go snowboarding when he was 16 (we live in the NE); he moved to VT with $5 in his pocket when he was 18; he went to Florida with no job when he was 19 (and got one within 24 hours).

The point is, your son is an adult, and I'm assuming he has at least an average amount of "smarts" and so you have to trust that all the things you've taught him will be called upon when he needs them.

We do need to let our children go, as tough as that is. I totally know how hard it is to have distance separate you, but in terms of the actual decision he has made to go… try to put your faith in his instincts.

[mschrisgo2]

Starting at about 17 when he left high school, my little brother did about a dozen different things, from working in a brokerage firm, to running an antique store, to opening, running, then selling a store for exotic fish, opening and then selling a bus tour company, and several more enterprises. He lived with friends, heck, he even lived with people he didn't know! I remember one time he told me that mom was happier when he didn't give her too many details of what he was up to. He turned out fine, he's an IT director for an international company, makes a ton of money, travels all over the world, and still doesn't tell mom all the details!

[Float On]

This is the time of life he should be having some adventures and building life-skills. Situations that turn bad often give us great life-skills.....and we don't even know that this situation will turn bad. This could be a great opportunity for him.

[rodeosweetheart]

Margene, I have no advice, just support. One of my kids did the same thing, and he has been on his own for 8 years now. I am visiting him now, actually, and I have trouble wrapping my head around how he lives, but it seems to be common here in this new economy, it's almost like a return to the late 60's commune kind of thing. He seems fine but I have had a hard time trusting his living situations and not worrying about him. So I guess I am saying it's my problem at this point, not his, but it still is worrisome and hard to live through for a mom.

[ToomuchStuff]

Maybe, maybe not. But if the OP's son makes it 6 months there in this scenario, and then that falls apart, is that really all that bad? If it lasts only a few weeks, that's a tough one. But the guy is 21 not 17. He gets to make his own mistakes.

Taking a chance at that age, isn't so bad (it still can have lifelong effects though). I am just remembering so many people I knew at that age, who ignored the other factors, or persons in this case. Heck, I can point to something I did at age 7, that is still affecting me to this day.

[catherine]

One of my kids did the same thing, and he has been on his own for 8 years now. I am visiting him now, actually, and I have trouble wrapping my head around how he lives, but it seems to be common here in this new economy, it's almost like a return to the late 60's commune kind of thing. He seems fine but I have had a hard time trusting his living situations and not worrying about him. So I guess I am saying it's my problem at this point, not his, but it still is worrisome and hard to live through for a mom.

I mentioned my son, but then there's my daughter--perhaps similar to your son, rodeosweetheart--spent her college years dumpster diving and then got a job at a non-profit in Manhattan that paid $23k a year, and so she cohabited in a number of places that would make a parent worry--in BedStuy her apartment was broken into, in Bushwick she lived in a place she called the "Pirate's Cove" because her bedroom was a crawl space she had to access with a ladder--she couldn't stand up in it and her housemates were all environmental geeks (males) who rigged a greywater system which in principle is great, but doesn't make for a very clean-looking bathroom. Then she lived in a neighborhood where she would have to call her male housemate when she got off the subway so she could safely walk home.

So, I'm pretty good at letting go and letting God at this point. In fact I'm proud of her. And I'm also very happy she's now living in Vermont with a nice boyfriend, and with her brothers only a few blocks away and her best friend from elementary school.

[margene]

I shouldn't say it's hard. It's sad for me because I'm gonna miss him. No I don't want to keep my kids in safe little box. Part of this is probably a reaction to the nasty phone call from mil the night before in which she said I was driving him away. Well she's another story. Catherine your kids sound pretty cool. I do much appreciate everybodies input.