View Full Version : I think I was flirted with
So there is a teacher who comes into my room to do a lego robotics class weekly. Sometimes I am there and sometimes not, but he works for my department so we know the same people and he worked at my camp one summer, we overlap. So he has the same kinda sense of humor that I do and so we bantar, and with the kids a little. I pop into his lessons when he needs me to take some to the bathroom or just check in with the cool stuff they are doing. I know many of the kids from after school programs.
Today one of the students in the class said we would make a good couple. I had my back to the group but my comment was simply that I was older, and that was all. So on his way out of the building he stopped by our program room like he usually does, but to talk to my staff typically, and i mentioned that I would be even older next week because my birthday is Monday and he said that he hoped that on his next birthday he hoped he aged so gracefully. And there was a little zing there, don't want to make too much of it. He is at least 10 years younger, I think he is mid 30';s and I turn 48 on Monday. I don't feel it at all, and even though I have fabulous gray hair often I don't seem to look it. Maybe it was a flirt? And I feel all lovely and warm and more attractive even if it wasn't a true flirt.
I don't know, looking forward to next weeks class.
iris lilies
11-5-14, 11:49pm
awwww, that's so nice!
And h*ll yeah it was a flirt!
okay good! and I don't supervise him which is a bonus
No, I don't think you should automatically assume anything-- except that^^these people ^^ have nothing to lose by egging you on! He was prolly just in a good mood, that's all. Don't you watch LifeTime TV? Read the newspapers? You can't take a chance these days, it might be a tragic mistake! Besides, Romance has absolutely NO business in the workplace! You don't want to be fired from your job for allegations of sexual harassment! It happens ALL the time. What about the gossip? The damage to your reputation? Another teaching job would be impossible to find, and you'd be cleaning offices at night for a living. Or worse--end up like Jodi Arrias, out there on AZ. Death Row. So, okay--maybe this guy IS a possibility--but what if he isn't? Rule #1: If he was any good, he'd already be taken, by now. #2: Gentlemen prefer Blondes. That's how it works. See? When you realize he's just an illusion-- you'll still have to face the one who put you down, day after day, for the rest of time. A very uncomfortable situation. That said, being a spinster really isn't all that bad--especially if you like cats. Lots of them. Follow my advice, let it go, & save yourself lots of trouble, and some day you'll thank mee. Hope that helps you some.
Teacher Terry
11-6-14, 3:04pm
Have some fun Zoe Girl & see where it leads:cool:.
shadowmoss
11-6-14, 6:43pm
Wow. The world just turned on it's head for me. I actually agree with Packy...
Work and romance, even just flirting intentionally or often, not a place to go. I speak from experience. I was fired, he still had a job. That's the way it usually goes. And that was 30 years ago.
edited: to be clear, I agree in general with Packy that it isn't a good idea. The details included not so much.
I am appreciating being noticed, not that it need$ to go anywhere, that i$ another conversation.
The re$t of the comment are ju$t $trange frankly
rodeosweetheart
11-7-14, 4:18pm
Well, if he shows up with a birthday present for you on Monday, you will know more. . .
I have thought about this, probably too much in fact (but I have the working keyboard so I might as well take advantage of that). And I agree with the cautions, however I have no plans of cat lady spinsterhood if I do not date this guy. :)
I have actually have dated someone I work with a few times and it was okay. Of course there are smart ways to do this, and obviously serious consequences depending on the rules where you work. My employer is in the top 5 of largest employers in our area so this does come up and as a department things are pretty clear. If there is not a supervisor/employee relationship then many cases are okay. And of course letting people know so you don't end up in a situation where you should not be working together. When I dated a coworker we were at the same level, we also did not work together daily or closely. In one case they kept our shifts to not overlap or be at the same time since it was no secret (and not breaking a rule). When I got promoted he just didn't work my shifts. What was an issue for me was my privacy comfort level, I don't want people knowing everything about me. That came up when I was 18, but when I was 40 and dated someone I knew through work we both just naturally kept out of drama. I don't think I would date anyone who wasn't basically capable of that, however gossip happens no matter what.
So why would it be good to date someone you at least met through work? Because you get to know them and not on 'first date' mode where they try to just be what you want. You know if they are basically reliable and have social skills to interact with people. This guy will be at my school for about 5 more sessions of his class and then I won't see him again, maybe ever. But I already know that he is able to have interesting conversations and look at my face! (TMI, when you are 36DD people do not talk to your actual face). Worst/best case scenario, we wait until his class at my location is over and we see what happens then.
okay, done with deep thoughts for the weekend
SteveinMN
11-8-14, 12:27pm
So why would it be good to date someone you at least met through work? Because you get to know them and not on 'first date' mode where they try to just be what you want. You know if they are basically reliable and have social skills to interact with people. This guy will be at my school for about 5 more sessions of his class and then I won't see him again, maybe ever. But I already know that he is able to have interesting conversations and look at my face! (TMI, when you are 36DD people do not talk to your actual face). Worst/best case scenario, we wait until his class at my location is over and we see what happens then.
Dating at work is very situational. I've worked at organizations which would not allow any other member of your family to work there and which did not tolerate lunches between two single employees. I've worked at companies at which husband and wife (and, someday, husband and husband or wife and wife) work in the same department (not reporting to each other) and in which dating is no problem. Depends on the culture and -- not to be crass about it -- how little damage there is to ending a relationship that's not working out. Obviously this is more of an issue in reporting relationships and in very small organizations where there is nowhere to go to avoid each other.
In this case, I say try it now. You don't report to each other, neither one of you has to see each other again (at least for a while) in a few more sessions if it does not work out, and, if it does, it's that much more time you have together. You're both old enough to be discreet about it. The age difference, to me, means little: I know 55-year-olds who seem to be entering their late teens mentally. There seems to be little to lose here.
Thank you Steve, both the district and the OST world (out of school time) are places where everyone knows each other. Families all work in the field, different sites at least in our district. Multiple people have spouses at least in the field, our grants manager's husband is a big person in the services to homeless field, a supervisor has her husband in the restorative justice field, and so on.
I appreciate that you understand that I am mature enough to do this well! I realize I have been just cutting myself off from people, making my life so small lately, the lack of friends is definitely something I am part of creating right now. So a good opportunity to open up.
Cats Are A Girl's Best Friend...
A friend of mine has been married to a man nearly 10 years her junior for some thirty-five years. I met my beloved at work at about the same time. Just thought I'd throw that in there...
Let me throw this in....at work, there was a female, approx. 50ish, who was the chief accountant. She has a degree in accounting, & her own home. Divorced for so long that she actually adopted a son. Overweight, but not as extreme as most of them. Spends much $$ on big salon hair & makeup; and dresses-for-success to compensate for her weight. Interests: Restaurant Meals, TV, Movies, Concerts, More restaurant meals, attending sporting events, church, social & business functions. Did I say Restaurant Meals? So, what does she do? Goes Cougar, & takes up with one of the production workers in the shop. Long, long hair; bad grooming, skinny physique, renter. 15 years younger. No education. Interests: Sitting around, Smoking Pot, Drinking 4 Loco, ingesting black-market painkillers, playing his guitar, watching TV. No Cable, no 'net. But, he was a fun guy(?). Yeah--talked about the intimate details of their relationship to whoever would listen. Constantly yelled at her son. The rather straight-laced boss valued them as employees, at one time. But, they fell into disfavor. She found another job, because she saw the end coming; He ended up getting fired. They definitely were a mismatch, made in hell. One time, he asked me what I thought, and I just said: "Man, when you are 55, she will be 70, if you live that long. It's not a permanent gig." He laughed, but prolly didn't think it was funny. Just true. They broke up not long afterward, and he really hasn't changed his ways. He simply got another suitable woman to use, that is less spendy & more skanky, and moved into her apartment. She drives him everywhere, because he has no car, no license. Not making this one up. See?
I guess the OP's takeaway should be to be on the lookout if her flirt exhibits these characteristics:
Long, long hair; bad grooming, skinny physique, renter. 15 years younger. No education. Interests: Sitting around, Smoking Pot, Drinking 4 Loco, ingesting black-market painkillers, playing his guitar, watching TV.
Her description wasn't as thorough as this, so perhaps he does, but the only one she mentioned was the age difference. Personally I've seen plenty relationships that work and plenty that don't work that were both age discordant and age similar. I might be concerned if he was in his early 20's but not the gap she mentioned.
Dude really, I f(&(*&() hate cats. Okay my 2 are okay, but I could go to work Wednesday and decide he isn't that cute after all, he could be over it, not jumping 10 steps ahead. I hope to come back and have a great story, we will see.
I thought about my response for a long time, and thought about not responding since I just wanted to share here, not get approval specifically. All of the story is not here, not now, and definitely not me. It is also in no way him or the way that I have described him. I work on being here and now, staying out of myown stories of the past and the futurethat are not relevant. That is a big enough job. Part of that is to see what is in front of me and respond to that, not an imaginary scenario. To practice discernment in situations. The part i do not have a problem with is worrying too much about what other people think or being a doormat. There are a few stories there, not gonna share.
My biggest concern with the response that is a negative story is that getting caught up in negative and frankly judgemental stories cause so much suffering for ourselves. Breaking that habit and moving towards a place that is happy for the joys of others and compassionate for the pain of others can be a lifetime practice. What I get out of that story (and the train wreck of lives from the criminal trial I served on the jury for a couple weeks ago) is how much pain people are in when they make these choices. Also how can act in my daily life towards someone who is in pain to support them in choices that do not cause a train wreck. You do not choose a person like that in your life when you feel whole and healthy.
Well, okay. You kids seem to dwell upon factoids, as do I. But, for the most part, I was using them for illustrative purposes, only. But, the takeaway should be that even though no one should be as rational as the stereotypical accountant, I know of one who made a whole series of irrational choices. But, the difference in their ages is a very real risk factor.. I know it's considered cool to be cougar, as part of trendy women's lib, nowadays. But, a lot of fashionable trends are impractical, and some people aren't too accepting. That is what I was sharing with you. Hope that helps you some. Someday, you'll Thank Mee.
Teacher Terry
11-9-14, 5:38pm
I knew a couple that has been happily married forever & she is 13 years older then him. It does not really matter if both are mature.
Well, okay. You kids Win. That said, I was looking at the obits awhile back, and I see that a retired local business executive passed, aged 78. Okay, 15 years ago, I met his wife(12+ years his senior), who is now oh,--90 y.o. At the time, She was walking the distance at a 5k walk/ run. She still regularly does that--and is usually the only entrant in her age/gender group! She is F.I., no doubt about it, and in fit cond. So, what do you kids think--should I give her a call for a walking date, or is 28 years too much of an age difference? True circumstances, but the question is rhetorical. Just trying to be funny.
Zoe Girl
11-16-14, 10:57pm
Update, I saw him and it was flirty but not serious. He did make me a lovely lego structure of my first initial. However no out of work contact so I think it will be staying at the flattering and flirty level. He is aware that I am willing to talk to him outside of work but I am okay with it being just what it is as well. Yeah, he is 33. That is a pretty big gap, I think if we had a lot in common that would be fine. Not sure if we have that much in common. Or maybe it was the deep freeze day and the mucho attractive hiking boots, jeans with long john type outfit.
Welcome to 48 Zoe Girl. I arrived at 48 a couple of months ago.I'm way late to this thread, but I would have agreed with a previous poster that it was certainly a flirt. Your special man is out there somewhere.
rodeosweetheart
11-22-14, 3:39pm
I ran this by my best authority on masculine thinking, my DH, and he said the guy is interested, given the initial. But he said that's just how he thinks, maybe not true for guy. But if it had been him, it would have meant "definite interest."
ahh it is good for my ego, and I can appreciate that. It did inspire me to get on a dating website which is good. A small site for people more likely to be like me (mega meditator, buddhist, sometimes veggie) I know this guy has my number and knows it would be okay to call, however a flirt is different than an actual date with someone 15 years older. This last Wednesday was fun, however a person from our department who supervises the grant he works under and a grant I work with as well came out and did an observation. She is really nice so it wasn't as stressful as I imagined, but no flirting!
Meanwhile the Spanish teacher who is having issues with his wife was kinda flirty but that was a total shut down on my part. No way on anyone married,
Even if it ends up the guy wasn't flirting (and it does sound like he was) it was a very nice compliment and you should enjoy it. And if he does ask you out (or you could always ask him if you are interested) don't worry about the age difference. I'm dating someone much younger and I haven't really experienced any problems with the age difference. Other than he's planning to work another 20 years and I'm already retired. That's a problem but not a biggie at this time. As long as he doesn't want to have a bunch of kids then there really is not much difference between dating someone younger than you. My ex-DH was also younger than me but only by about 2 years.
I am sitting here, looking into my Packy-Crystal-Ball, which gives me a clear view of the future. He, will be wanting to go Hiking, Camping, Skating, Running, Biking, Skiing, and so on. At the 'Zact same time, you kids will be sitting in your rocker at the assisted living facility, wearing jammies & knitting a scarf for your great-granddaughter, watching reruns of Lawrence Welk, and waiting to be served a delicious meal of mashed potatoes and pea soup. Hope that helps you some. Thankk Mee.
Oh why do you insist on making me so uncool!! and a little unhealthy. As soon as I retire, which I probably won't because I love some of my work, I am getting some purple and pink streaks in my hair. My staff at work already has purple so I would look like a copy cat, all the kids know you can't be a copy cat. Plus I am waiting to see if Jello Biafra (Dead Kennedys) is still around, and finally made peace with his band. I think my parents could still go hiking, but they don't go places without McDonalds and bathrooms. My grandmother isn't even in assisted living in her 90's. I do crochet but freeform, don't like patterns much.
My goal for 80 is to still be able to meditate properly, on a cushion, on the floor, and get to an occasional punk show. And I am thinking that is part of the reason I have interest from someone younger, so thank you for helping me think about it. I will bring you some nice cozy jammies to your assisted living facility with soft food. Maybe some windex to clean off that crystal ball (grin)
I am sitting here, looking into my Packy-Crystal-Ball, which gives me a clear view of the future. He, will be wanting to go Hiking, Camping, Skating, Running, Biking, Skiing, and so on. At the 'Zact same time, you kids will be sitting in your rocker at the assisted living facility, wearing jammies & knitting a scarf for your great-granddaughter, watching reruns of Lawrence Welk, and waiting to be served a delicious meal of mashed potatoes and pea soup. Hope that helps you some. Thankk Mee.Holy crap, are you spying on my parents? The Lawrence Welk marathons are particularly odious.
Holy crap, are you spying on my parents? The Lawrence Welk marathons are particularly odious.
How old are your parents? I don't know anyone under 90 who watches it
rodeosweetheart
11-24-14, 8:36pm
They show it on public television here on Sunday nights, and for some reason my husband is fascinated by it--he is a working musician, which makes it even odder. I remember having to watch it with my grandmother and being sort of horrifiedly fascinated by it, and it is weirdly compelling, like slipping into a time hole and looking at what you were looking at as the ambient culture of our youth.
85/90. Yup. And my mother invariably prefaces LW with, "Look what we have here in PA. Isn't this nice?"
They show it on public television here on Sunday nights, and for some reason my husband is fascinated by it--he is a working musician, which makes it even odder. I remember having to watch it with my grandmother and being sort of horrifiedly fascinated by it, and it is weirdly compelling, like slipping into a time hole and looking at what you were looking at as the ambient culture of our youth.Hmm. I remember watching it when I was about 5 (1968) and wondering with puzzlement if anyone cool actually thought this was a good show.
I remember $onny and Cher, Grizzly Adam$, Vvild Kingdom, and Jack$on 5, I read book$ a lot vvhen my family vvatched TV
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2025 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.