Adjusting to Aging [Archive] - Simple Living Forums

Polliwog

12-7-14, 1:09am

I am dealing with some depression over getting older. I am 70 now. There is nothing like seeing yourself in a photo to bring it all home. I went to a get-together today with a group of paralegals I used to work with. Some of us are retired and some are still working. Anyway, the hostess took some photos and then posted them on Facebook which I saw when I returned home. It seems that all of a sudden I see myself as really getting old and it's very disconcerting. I just had cataract surgery and opted for expensive lenses so that I don't have to wear glasses now. But, guess what? I still look old. I need to lose weight but it is very difficult because I am on Prednisone and that medication causes some people to pack on the weight. That's what happened to me.

I've spoken to my sister about this - she is 62. We agree that accepting one's age is important because we can never be young again. I know it's possible to age gracefully, but how do you do this if you are so upset with the way you look.

I would love some feedback from some of you that may be dealing with this issue as well.

Linda

CathyA

12-7-14, 9:59am

I hear ya Polliwog. I will be 65 soon. I know this sounds awful, but I feel now that I'm walking the plank and will soon fall into the sea. It's a VERY strange feeling and thought. I guess we all think we will live forever.

When I was younger and would see older people, I guess I thought they were born old, and knew how to BE old and that was just who they were supposed to be. I know....it was silly.

Then I think of all the older people I've known and how most of them handled it so well. For me, the hardest thing is losing my physical abilities (having foot/knee/hand arthritis), etc. And I'm always searching for words I used to know but can't remember.

Then I start thinking to myself "think of all the people who didn't have the luck of living anywhere near this age". I'm so lucky to be this old and to have had all the great experiences that I've had.

Polliwog, is it maybe time for you to try out some new things? Starting a new hobby/interest can really revitalize us. It's hard to get that started, but once you do, I think it can really feed energy into your life.

Yes, it IS disconcerting to look in the mirror and see someone else. But we need to just try to accept that we are part of a planet where absolutely everything ages. It happens to everyone and everything.........and in that sense, we belong.

Maybe you could try to focus on your inner self......and that self can be any age it wants to be.....sort of. :)

Is it possible that you could back down on the Prednisone or be on a different drug? Steroids can really mess with your mind too........so that could be making matters worse for you too.

Do try to get involved in something different. And focus on your inner self. And always feel like you can come here to vent and get support!

HappyHiker

12-7-14, 3:14pm

I agree, it's hard accepting our years piling up. Especailly whe we're basically "kids with wrinkles."

I've no words of wisdom, it is a struggle, ego-wise, when we're (most especailly women) judged in our age-adverse society according to our youth and desirabiity.

Looking in the mirror less these days--and without my glasses and see fewer wrinkles. But photos? Wish we had editorial control so we could eliminate those that are less flattering than the true beauty that's inside of us!

Mostly, I just go around smiling and psychically bestowing loving/kindess upon my fellow/sister humans whom I encounter.

Goodness knows we all need more loving/kindness these day, don't we?

We cannot prevent growing older, but I think we can prevent growing bitter. Smile and the world smiles with you.

JaneV2.0

12-7-14, 3:29pm

Nature invented old age so that death doesn't seem so bad...My take, anyway. :(

Teacher Terry

12-7-14, 7:15pm

Too funny Jane! My Mom said sometimes she would catch a glimpse of herself in the mirror & think for a second "Who is that old lady?" & then remember it was her. She was very beautiful & young looking for her age but struggled with it too. I am now 60 & when I see pics taken 15 years I long for how I looked then. However, I try not to think about it much. I keep myself busy with things I enjoy & recently have lost 18lbs with another 10 to go. My heart meds slow down my heart rate & my metabolism so have been struggling with that. Actually what has really helped with weight loss is getting a Fitbit so I can see how many steps I take a day, if they are low, moderate or vigorous & then how many calories I consume so I have a deficit 6 days I a week. One day I eat as many as I burn so as to confuse my body so it does not think it is starving & slow my metabolism more. I have been feeling better about myself since losing some weight & have been walking briskly almost everyday now for an hour. I will never be thin like I was till I had to go on the meds at 50 & I have accepted that.

awakenedsoul

12-7-14, 7:48pm

It isn't easy. I'm 50, and I find myself criticizing myself because of the wrinkles on my face. I try to be grateful for my health and to stay positive. I say affirmations and work on turning the attitude around. When I'm seventy, I'll probably wish I look like I did when I'm fifty!
My ballet teacher told me before she died, "I'm going to a reunion for NYCB in NY, and I'm afraid everyone is going to think, "Oh, she looks so old." That seemed sad to me, because she was old. She was in her nineties! I didn't think of her as looking old. I thought of her as vital, creative, and inspiring. You're supposed to look old at that age! But, now I get it. She was gorgeous when she was young. I guess it's hard to lose the youthful skin, the muscular body, and the vitality. She had great energy her whole life, though. That's what matters. She was very "up".
I have trouble with aging, too. I'm working on changing my thoughts. I'm also changing my goals.

CathyA

12-7-14, 8:04pm

Nature invented old age so that death doesn't seem so bad...My take, anyway. :(

LOL Jane! I've been thinking along those lines lately too. Like I said, though......we're very lucky to get old.
hahaha......I'm still chuckling.......

wren

12-7-14, 8:11pm

Nature invented old age so that death doesn't seem so bad...My take, anyway. :(

:D Lol . Getting older sure beats the alternative....
I'm in my 60's and find that I'm sort of invisible to younger people anyway. They're busy texting, perhaps. I think women notice aging more because there's so much anti-aging marketing aimed at us. Personally, I'd rather look my age, (and be sassy, comfortable, and hopefully somewhat wise).

Polliwog, did the other women in the picture look old too? And many photos we see in magazines have been airbrushed... they aren't perfect, either. We can't compare ourselves to others' appearances. I admit that I used to, and didn't ever like my current photos. But now when I look back at my younger photos, they look fine. Not sure why. Maybe we have to grieve the loss of youth.

razz

12-7-14, 10:14pm

Turning 71 soon but aside from a photo that shocked me with this bony-faced older woman, I like my appearance, When I make a point of smiling at everyone, I usually get one back, doors being opened, etc. I make a point of being as cheerful as I can be to lighten everyone's load of care but stress empathy with it. There are lots of people of all ages who are struggling with personal image issues so I don't feel as conscious of it being an aging focus as I might. I dress simply but try to look coordinated at all times. I walk about an hour in the morning and 1/2 hour at night to keep my dog happy and visit with other walkers as possible so have a positive public response.
I do get the odd "pity party" to wrestle with but usually they are triggered by some anxiety that needs to be addressed and then it clears up. A group of 7 friends about the same age meets regularly to enjoy great discussions about anything and everything so I truly fee blessed most of the time.

pony mom

12-7-14, 11:23pm

I don't feel 48, and I don't really notice too many changes with my body. Except when I'm massaging someone in their 20s. OMG, their skin is so firm and doesn't slide up and down during the longer strokes. Was I ever that way? I never noticed these things and took for granted that I would stay that way. My upper arms jiggle, my eyelid skin can get stuck in a pile when pushed in one direction; in general, my skin seems a bit too big for my body (and I'm thin, which doesn't help one bit). Compared to a lot of women my age, I look younger (so I'm told by almost everyone who knows my age), but every new change I notice is disappointing.

I really hate the fact that I can't read anything without glasses. My arms are too short and the print is too small. Once in a while I'll catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror and see my mother.

catherine

12-7-14, 11:28pm

I just got back from a family reunion to celebrate my aunt's 90th birthday. My other aunt is 89 and will be 90 in February, and my favorite aunt is 83.

I am on such a high from being in the presence of these women. They are so alive. The aunt that just turned 90 is still extremely active in about 5 environmental groups in her hometown. She goes on the same nature walks as people much, much younger than her. She and I exchanged book titles, and she navigated all the stairs in the house with ease--she has no illnesses, and her mobility is great.

I went to the reunion a day early because I never get enough time to speak with my favorite aunt, who lost her husband of over 50 years just last July. We laughed, we shared our feelings about all kinds of stuff, I felt like I was with the best big sister in the world.

So, I'm hoping I have enough of their genes to keep me as active and engaged.

But I know what you mean--I also have a hard time seeing pictures of myself these days...

kib

12-8-14, 12:34am

I was just going through some old boxes of journals from my 20's and it's depressing. I was so pretty back then, I really was, and yet I found list after list, page after page: must grow hair another 2", eyebrows slightly crooked, must lose 4 pounds, mole on ankle is ugly - dermatologist? Nails need work! 30 years later ... the old list's been supplanted with aches, droops, scars, and poorly or non functioning body parts. As they say, youth is wasted on the young.

Could you imagine being three again? More energy than a solar panel and the skin of a small god. Sigh.

lessisbest

12-8-14, 10:09am

One of hubby's University instructors (from the early 1970's) was having a retirement party recently. We were fairly close to him and had pictures from our time together and started going through the photo boxes to locate them to take with us to the party. As we went through photos we would pull out one after another and made comments like "When did we have dark hair?", which brought a lot of old-people comments. When we got to the party he had turned into an old man, so we assumed he noticed that about us as well (LOL)!

I have gently been working on hubby, the work-a-holic, to get his mindset turning towards retirement. That has to be tough for him. I know he would just as soon expire at his office desk, but he's already the oldest (longevity) person working for this company (40-years in February). Talk about working part time for this company has been bandied about.

We've started looking at townhouses so we can hang up the snow shovels for good and get rid of the mower - things we once loved doing. Making decisions based on future needs should we have ambulatory challenges seems sad somehow, but necessary to consider. We look at the pitfalls based on bad decisions made by friends. A lot of, "you don't want to end up like so-and-so do you?" gets thrown into discussions.

Bending over to pick something up was the first indicator. A good friend, 15-years my senior, always said that proper nouns were the first to go, and how right she is. We now stutter and stammer trying to recall the name of someone. When our daughter (the oldest) turned 40, that was a wake-up call. She's not a "kid" anymore, and we're bearing down on old age with brute force.

My mother died first, and a year latter my father died. One generation is handed to the next, and at dad's funeral my sister, second born, looked at our oldest brother and said, "Well, I guess you're next." Although we laughed and hooted at her humor, therein lies the reality.

I still like to listen to Heavy Metal Music, so that makes me "think" I'm at least young at heart.

pinkytoe

12-8-14, 11:31am

I am blessed with good health overall and my age has always registered surprise when mentioned. Nevertheless, in the past two years (just turned 60), things are starting to change quicker than I imagined they would. Knees, eyes, hair...are starting to do weird things. DH loves to photograph me and I don't like seeing the outcome either but always look better with a big smile so I try to remember that. For inspiration, I look to my next door neighbor who is 84 now. Just last week, she was out in her yard with a wheelbarrow moving piles of dirt around as she gardens a lot. She still goes on cruises with friends, has a boyfriend and drives out to her ranch on weekends. If something on her goes awry healthwise, she has it "fixed", ie bunion surgery, cataract surgery etc. Her hair is silvery white and she has wrinkles but is just beautiful to me. I would like to have her confident, optimistic frame of mind. I think that's the key to growing old "gracefully" - frame of mind.

awakenedsoul

12-8-14, 11:56am

pinkytoe, Wow...she sounds great. Lots of good advice in that post. It's wise to take care of things that go wrong, rather than neglect them. I think a big smile is the best age eraser, too. I try to smile when I look in the mirror now, instead of inwardly criticizing.

Polliwog

12-8-14, 2:09pm

CathyA
Thank you so much for your responses - very thoughtful. I may have just gotten into a funk. It's weird, but suddenly I am fantasizing about men more and more. I want to be in love again - it has been so long. But then I think of my age and feel defeated. But I know people can fall in love at any age.

Yes, the inner self is very important. My inner self still feels young! That's good.

Linda

Polliwog

12-8-14, 2:12pm

Happy Hiker,

Well said. Smiling and bestowing loving kindness is beautiful. I love what you said about not growing bitter - that is something that I certainly do not want to be.

Linda

Polliwog

12-8-14, 2:14pm

Nature invented old age so that death doesn't seem so bad...My take, anyway. :(

Ah, death. Can't escape that one. Maybe you're right.:thankyou:

Linda

Polliwog

12-8-14, 2:18pm

Teacher Terry,

Yes, weight is always a problem when you already feel bad about how you look. Congrats to you for losing 18 lbs. Meds really do a number on us sometimes. I gained so much with Prednisone, but starting to lose as I decrease the drug. I love what you said about your mother looking in the mirror. But it does happen because we do not see ourselves as old.

Linda

Polliwog

12-8-14, 2:23pm

awakenedsoul,

Yes, when you reach 70 you will look back at 50 and see how beautiful you were. So maybe that will happen when I reach 80 (if I do) and see myself at 70 as lovely. Isn't that something that your ballet teacher in her nineties would still feel that way; we want to look the way we feel.

Linda

Polliwog

12-8-14, 2:28pm

Wren,

I am the oldest woman in the photo, I think. Some are close to my age. One in particular just turned 65 and when I told my sister who she was in the photo, my sister said to me, "well, she is one of the lucky ones that just doesn't look her age." I reflected on that and realized that some of us are going to look our age and some are going to look younger than they are (or older) - we have to accept it.

Loss of youth is something to grieve, but then we have to move on.

Linda

Polliwog

12-8-14, 2:32pm

Razz,

I love your positive attitude! I also have a dog (rescued poodle I got 6 months ago) and she helps me to get out and walk around a lake close by and I do greet other people with "hello" and a smile. I always feel better after the walk and I know my dog does too.

You sound very comfortable with your age - it's inspiring. Thank you for your response!

Linda

Polliwog

12-8-14, 2:34pm

pony mom

I can only giggle at your comments - you are still so young. I also see my mother many times when I look at myself in the mirror.

Linda

Polliwog

12-8-14, 2:38pm

Catherine,

Besides their genes, I bet your aunts all have great attitudes about their aging. Keeping active and interested in the world around you is key. Thank you so much for sharing your time with your aunts.

Linda

Polliwog

12-8-14, 2:42pm

kib,

Youth might be wasted on the young, but getting older isn't for sissies! When I hold my youngest grandchild, Daphne (she is 2 months), I can't stop feeling her velvety skin.

Linda

Gardenarian

12-8-14, 2:52pm

Hi Polliwog,

I've also been shocked by photos of myself - do I really look like that??
The answer is, no. Cameras DO distort things in the attempt to render a three dimensional object into two dimensions, and they play tricks with the light. And we are having are picture taken more and more often these days.

My beautiful daughter always looks like she has an enormous nose in photographs and it bugged her to have these bad photos all over Facebook and whatnot. I did some research and found ways to look better in photos (I figure if dd learns now, she'll have a lifetime of great pictures.) Not that how we look is so important, but why not look your best in photos?

Google or look on Pinterest for how to be more photogenic and you will find many helpful sites. The main thing is to pose yourself - get in 3/4 view, stand straight, then forehead forward and down. It is hard to explain, but when you see some examples you'll get it. Practice your best smile in the mirror.

I don't wear make-up, but I did when I recently had a Skype interview. The webcam was really harsh. I just used enough to even out my skin tone (that goes a long way to making the wrinkles less prominent) and to show my eyes and lips. It's worth doing if you know you are going to be having a photo taken.

I'm comfortable with the way I look in everyday life (I'm 56) but have hated the way I look in photos, and am willing to do something to look more like my real self.

Also, search on Pinterest for "advanced style (http://www.pinterest.com/search/pins/?q=advanced%20style&term_meta[]=advanced|typed&term_meta[]=style|typed)" (I'm not sure the link will work.) You'll see tons of photos of great looking older women - wrinkles, gray hair, and all.

And I love this photo: We were young and beautiful. Now we are just beautiful. (http://www.demotivation.us/we-were-young-and-beautiful-1266371.html)

Polliwog

12-8-14, 2:55pm