Let It Go: Article about hoarding

[Oddball]

Interesting article in the current New Yorker: Let It Go: Are we becoming a nation of hoarders? (http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2014/12/15/let-go)


Whatever the truth of this, the situation is probably going to get worse pretty soon, because of the well-established link between hoarding and aging. By 2050, according to the Census Bureau, the number of Americans age sixty-five or older will be about eighty-four million, almost double what it was in 2012. That's forty million more people who could end up on the porch holding the plastic bag that the newspaper was delivered in and saying to themselves, "Maybe I should hang on to this."
No speculation on whether newspapers will even be around in 2050. :)

The drawing on the magazine's cover (http://www.newyorker.com/culture/culture-desk/cover-story-2014-12-15) is also telling. I know which apartment mine more closely resembles!

[lessisbest]

Thanks for sharing the article - I found it really interesting. A couple of the stories I've read before, but still good reading.

I have an older sister who is something very close to a "hoarder". Anything she thinks might have a future use, or she can sell it for a buck more than she paid for it, will always have space in her home. Her adult daughter has the SRS check on her occasionally, which is sad, but true.

[Packy]

About 10 years ago, I stopped at a self-serv wreckin' yard, on my way through Kansas City. There were two 1980 Chev/Gmc's that had the Rectagular headlights that came with the Chrome Grille option. They are not very easy to find. Both of the bezels and parking light lenses were in good shape on one, and the left side on the other. So, I bought them, all three. There is a pedestal bracket that also holds the sealed beam that goes along with it, too. Anyway, in the early 90's, I put the rectangular sealed beams on my 1977 Chevy--using NEW parts still available from GM. Since then, both parking light lenses and one of the bezels has been damaged, on my pickup. So, this week, I dug out those nice used ones that I have been hoarding for the last decade. You can still buy aftermarket bezels, but they are plastic & expensive; you can buy oem GM lenses, but they are 30-40 dollars apiece. I also found a very nice set of lenses at the local wreckin' yard, last year. How do you like that? My philosophy is that keeping your place so tidy that it looks unoccupied is a luxury--middle-class people do it mainly just to show off. Getting rid of anything they are not using and buying a replacement when they need it, makes them feel efficient. But, those neighborhoods are the ones to check out the yard sales. I don't ,though. I already have enough stuff.

[JaneV2.0]

I regularly get rid of stuff--I'm probably known by sight at the Value Village--but I'm sure not going to pare down to a meager few possessions just so my heirs won't have to over-exert themselves to collect the inevitable booty. Of course old people tend to have more stuff--they've had more time to collect it. And those that lived through the Depression (mostly gone now) and hard times (not so much) know that they very well may need a plastic bag some day. If only to put over their head...

[catherine]

My MIL was not a hoarder at all. She was a meticulous housekeeper, but she was raised with nothing in Scotland during the depression, so she was definitely of the mind to keep things "just in case." She also really loved her knick-knacks, and she had (has--my BIL hasn't gotten rid of them yet) tons of Royal Doultons, Hummels, Edinburgh crystal, Waterford crystal, you name it. She loved it all.

One day she asked me, in a worried way, "When I die, what's going to happen to my figurines?" I couldn't imagine being worried about my stuff as if it were going to be orphaned, but we all come from different places emotionally and deal with stuff differently.

[Lainey]

Interesting, and by coincidence, I'm in the middle of reading one of the books the article mentions, "Stuff - Compulsive hoarding and the meaning of things." Highly recommended even though I'm not finished reading it yet.
It's the right mix of science, psychology, history and case studies that makes for a real understanding of this disorder.

[JaneV2.0]

...
One day she asked me, in a worried way, "When I die, what's going to happen to my figurines?" I couldn't imagine being worried about my stuff as if it were going to be orphaned, but we all come from different places emotionally and deal with stuff differently.

I would have told her it would undoubtedly go to collectors who would love it as much as she did. My mother had an appreciation of beautiful things and surrounded herself with them and they eventually did go to good homes. Me, I don't want anything so valuable in my house that I need to worry about it. What I can't easily replace is at rest in my safe deposit box.

[Zoe Girl]

One day she asked me, in a worried way, "When I die, what's going to happen to my figurines?" I couldn't imagine being worried about my stuff as if it were going to be orphaned, but we all come from different places emotionally and deal with stuff differently.

funny people aren't we, i know i have my things. i actually spent a lot of time not being attached to stuff or pretending i wasn't. i m relaxing a little, enjoying my stuff while not being too hooked on it. i decided i can keep some books, more than i originally wanted to. i do wonder about my couple pieces of antique furniture, i don't want good stuff to just be tossed aside. and i feel strongly about the things i am still working on, like the antiques i want to do some work on. the urge to save and restore is strong

[kimberlyf0]

I find it easier to let go of more the older I get. The biggest part of that was forgiving myself for what I might perceive as past financial mistakes, which is one reason I believe people hang onto things. I also gave myself permission to have changed as a person and to let go of hobbies that I had spent a lot of money on but no longer did (scrapbooking, rubber stamp crafts, weaving). Each year I find my closets, drawers, and cabinets a little roomier.

I also made the decision to just *stop* when it came to things I liked to collect. I don't need to rescue every Pyrex custard cup at the thrift stores. I can leave the cast iron there for my friends to find on their own rather than bringing it home for them. I actually gave up thrifting as a hobby and now only go when we need something specific.

As for the little things, we don't get newspapers, so no bags or rubber bands. We don't buy bread in bags, so no bags there either, and no twist ties or bread tabs. Produce bags are reused for dog waste (my markets just can't seem to handle reusable produce bags), and there is always a deficit of them. No frozen dinners, no need to keep that plastic they come on.

It isn't that I don't think there might be need for things in the future; rather, it's than I trust in my own resourcefulness and ingenuity to get what I need when I need it. Now, with the aforementioned headlights, I don't consider that hoarding, but smart and prudent advanced purchasing. I myself have a few extra power cords for Farberware electric appliances; I want to use my electric skillet, dutch oven, and griddle until I die, and without those cords they won't function.

[iris lilies]

My MIL was not a hoarder at all. She was a meticulous housekeeper, but she was raised with nothing in Scotland during the depression, so she was definitely of the mind to keep things "just in case." She also really loved her knick-knacks, and she had (has--my BIL hasn't gotten rid of them yet) tons of Royal Doultons, Hummels, Edinburgh crystal, Waterford crystal, you name it. She loved it all.

One day she asked me, in a worried way, "When I die, what's going to happen to my figurines?" I couldn't imagine being worried about my stuff as if it were going to be orphaned, but we all come from different places emotionally and deal with stuff differently.

The figurines aren't worth much at all. When I peruse Hummels on Ebay, it's only the ones from the 1950's and 1960's that sell, and those not for much. I think that the obsession with collectibles as expressed in human figures will be tied to the Greatest Generation. I haven't noticed that my Boomer buddies collect these things.

But I understand worrying a little about "what happens " to the stuff. I personally want to place my "stuff" into hands of those who care about it, and I do not care about how much money I get for it.

Here in my neighborhood we talk about Victorian furniture and worry about what will happen to it. There is not much of a market for it, outside of us Boomer collectors. Gen X-ers want mid-century modern or Ikea junk. I keep hoping that GenZ or Gen AA will take up Victoriana. We have some serious collectors here in my neighborhood, people with large Victorian houses and money to throw at it and one can see the finest pieces here on our annual house tours.

[shadowmoss]

Some of my relatives still collect Precious Moments to the point that after buying several display cases there wasn't any more room in the living room so they are in boxes, and they are still buying. Another relative collects John Deer toys, and his entire upstairs is wall to wall with just small paths between the boxes of them. But, they enjoy it. I've tried to stop collecting anything, even though it is in my genetics.

[mschrisgo2]

Interesting article, but I disagree with the conclusion, that cases of hoarding will increase so much because there are going to be so many more older people. I spent a year cleaning out spaces for people, and for the most part they were people who lived through the depression, where everything was saved because they really would need to use it later. But they had reached a point where they realized that the rubber bands and plastic bags were dried up and worthless, that there are plenty of ball point pens in the world, and that corrugated cardboard attracts bugs and rats and moisture, so it's useless when you need it later. Etc. But they weren't spry enough to do the clean-out themselves, so they hired help.

As for the "cheap" Ikea-type furniture, I think it is an acknowledgement that furniture doesn't have to last forever: use it, wear it out, recycle it, replace it, your tastes and needs will change anyway. And for heaven's sake, don't spend hundreds and thousands of dollars buying, caring for, moving, storing it!

[catherine]

I think that the obsession with collectibles as expressed in human figures will be tied to the Greatest Generation. I haven't noticed that my Boomer buddies collect these things.


I agree completely, which is why I didn't tell her that I would love to have them. I remember when I went to London in my early 20s, my mother gave me quite a bit of money to buy Royal Doultons at the Oxford St store and have them sent home to her. They're still up in the crawl-space in the garage. I don't know what to do with them. When these things are at a low point in value, the temptation is to see if they ever become valuable before selling them, but I don't know if that will ever be the case here.

[Aqua Blue]

Interesting article, but I disagree with the conclusion, that cases of hoarding will increase so much because there are going to be so many more older people. I spent a year cleaning out spaces for people, and for the most part they were people who lived through the depression, where everything was saved because they really would need to use it later. But they had reached a point where they realized that the rubber bands and plastic bags were dried up and worthless, that there are plenty of ball point pens in the world, and that corrugated cardboard attracts bugs and rats and moisture, so it's useless when you need it later. Etc. But they weren't spry enough to do the clean-out themselves, so they hired help.

As for the "cheap" Ikea-type furniture, I think it is an acknowledgement that furniture doesn't have to last forever: use it, wear it out, recycle it, replace it, your tastes and needs will change anyway. And for heaven's sake, don't spend hundreds and thousands of dollars buying, caring for, moving, storing it!

I agree and I think the "spry enough" is a big issue with the elderly. My own Mom was very Spartan, but pretty much every time I came to visit she would ask for help cleaning out something that she could no longer do. It becomes easier to simply not make a decision and keep something rather than make the arrangements to get rid of it.
I have been thinking about this a lot lately for myself as my mobility is decreased. Two years ago I moved to a zero clearance(handicap assessable) house do to arthritis. I got rid of a lot then. I have now been going thru stuff and really being ruthless, if it hasn't been used by now I probably am not going to use it. I have also been getting rid of sentimental stuff. I got rid of a whole stack of crocheted pot holders. I have always had a thing for them, but haven't displayed them in years. I kept a couple that were crocheted by my grandmother, but the rest are in the box to take to the thrift store.

I will donate this round, wait a few months and get over the slight grieving I feel for the loss(of money spent, dreams that are no longer possible, people who are gone that those things represent etc) and then go at it again. It is time for a lot of it to go, as I can't live in the disillusion that "the kids might want it" as there are no kids, lol.

[Seven]

My philosophy is that keeping your place so tidy that it looks unoccupied is a luxury--middle-class people do it mainly just to show off. Getting rid of anything they are not using and buying a replacement when they need it, makes them feel efficient. But, those neighborhoods are the ones to check out the yard sales. I don't ,though. I already have enough stuff.
I disagree with this part.
Our household income is just enough to rent a 40square meter (430 square feet) home for the two of us. Storing items that I might need in 10 years would take away space to live in. So being kind of poor is our main reason not to keep just-in-case items. In this case, it is more efficient to get the things when I need them (I still prefer to buy second-hand then).
I do not give away things to show off, but simply because we need the space to live.

[awakenedsoul]

Great article. Thanks for posting it. I really feel affected by my surroundings. It's important to me to have a clean, tidy living space. I've never liked clutter.

[Teacher Terry]

The older I get the less I like clutter. I also used to have many more nik-naks etc then what I like now. I don't want my home too stark but in the past I had too much stuff. I think I have found what works for me-kinda a happy medium. I have one small curio cabinet & if it doesn't fit in that then it goes.

[Songbird]

I disagree with this part.
Our household income is just enough to rent a 40square meter (430 square feet) home for the two of us. Storing items that I might need in 10 years would take away space to live in. So being kind of poor is our main reason not to keep just-in-case items. In this case, it is more efficient to get the things when I need them (I still prefer to buy second-hand then).
I do not give away things to show off, but simply because we need the space to live.

We are the same, living in such a small home that we do not keep anything here other than what we truly need and love (our pets).

[pinkytoe]

I spent about five years as a "smalls" collectibles dealer so still have a lot of that stuff tucked away. At least a hundred salt and pepper shakers from the 30s-40s. It is just interesting to me to be in this transition phase where I look back and try to recall that other life. I am thinking with the years remaining I would prefer to have experiences rather than stuff but now all those collectibles have little monetary value to make that trade, ie stuff for cash to travel. I also wonder if our constant need to declutter and simplify might also be just as much an OCD tendency. If I have any compulsion right now, it is collecting information - bits of paper with websites and books to check out.

[kib]

Interesting, and by coincidence, I'm in the middle of reading one of the books the article mentions, "Stuff - Compulsive hoarding and the meaning of things." Highly recommended even though I'm not finished reading it yet.
It's the right mix of science, psychology, history and case studies that makes for a real understanding of this disorder.I'd be curious to know what the summary of this is. My DH is a person who buys and accumulates, constantly, just sort of shovels s**t into the house and leaves it sitting 'most everywhere. He'll grab a pile of paper napkins everywhere we go - we only use cloth at home. Flyers, stickers, samples of products, as well as actual paid-for items. Last week he spent $20 on an R2D2-shaped plastic set of measuring cups - one of the measuring spoons broke the first time he tried to use it and now this clattering collection of caliginous junk is hogging counter space while he uses the good quality stainless steel cups we already had. He's terrible at organizing and at the risk of sounding like someone's mommy, he doesn't take care of his things. It seems to be all about the getting, and then he seems to feel better surrounded by stuff that he never looks at again. Is this a type of hoarding? What would your book say causes this kind of behavior?

[Zoe Girl]

I will donate this round, wait a few months and get over the slight grieving I feel for the loss(of money spent, dreams that are no longer possible, people who are gone that those things represent etc) and then go at it again. It is time for a lot of it to go, as I can't live in the disillusion that "the kids might want it" as there are no kids, lol.

i can see that process, i want to think that since i understand it is just stuff that i don't go through that but i do. People talk about massive downsizing and how great it is, well i did it and it took a long time to recover. i took 6 months leading up to a foreclosure to downsize, my kids didn't get it or didn't want to understand so the last month was a massive push to get rid of 60-70% of everything we owned. i don't miss the stuff but i did miss the chance to naturally go through things at a better pace. So there is still some trauma there at times, and i am ready to downsize some more in case my son moves out in a year but i am doing it slowly.

[bekkilyn]

I think a big part of the "greatness" is the circumstances surrounding the downsizing. Zoe, it sounds as if you were kind of forced into it rather than it being completely by choice without any actual *need* to do it. I've went through some massive decluttering phases in the past, but I did it entirely because I wanted to. I had the space to keep the clutter, but I just didn't want to be surrounded by the stuff anymore. Had I been put into a foreclosure-type situation where I had to get rid of most of my stuff before it happened, it likely would have been very traumatizing as most of the choice would have been taken from me.

[Teacher Terry]

I totally agree with you Rebecca. So different if forced to do something versus wanting to.

[Aqua Blue]

Every time I read the title of this thread I start singing the song from the Frozen movie. It is a good song to hum as I go thru totes, lol.

[SteveinMN]

He's terrible at organizing and at the risk of sounding like someone's mommy, he doesn't take care of his things. It seems to be all about the getting, and then he seems to feel better surrounded by stuff that he never looks at again. Is this a type of hoarding?
kib, was DH always like this? If not, there may be some physical/psychological condition that needs to be addressed.

[kib]

kib, was DH always like this? If not, there may be some physical/psychological condition that needs to be addressed. It's not new, like alzheimer's new. I hope. He seems to be wired to find acquisition essential, and organization and maintenance entirely optional. I'm the opposite.

[Packy]

I know of a LOT of people who fit the description of the Sicko-wacko's you kids are chattering away about. These guys are the backbone of the Antique Auto Hobby, or Antique-Anything Hobby, for that matter. I mean, think about it--what is THE oldest thing that you(or most consumers) own? Last years model 'Puter? No, wait--the 10 oldest things that you own? Just remember kids--being Neat & Clean & Tidy to an extreme degree was the original Obsessive-Compulsive. It still is. People who collect stuff are only dysfunctional when they can't remember that they even have it, and couldn't even find it if they did. Hope that helps you some. Thankk Mee.

[Zoe Girl]

Every time I read the title of this thread I start singing the song from the Frozen movie. It is a good song to hum as I go thru totes, lol.

Noooo, I teach hand sewing to little kids and the girls serenaded me on the last class, REALLY loud.

[Seven]

I He seems to be wired to find acquisition essential, and organization and maintenance entirely optional.

My boyfriend is similar. He buys things, and then lets them sit in a pile on the floor or his desk, where they collect dust and aren't maintained or used.

[Packy]

Got some good news for you Declutter Nuts! The Big-Box was completely remodeling its' light fixture sales department displays, okay? Well, they were selling the display models off really, really cheep, okay? So, I picked out two that someday I might use, and got the price lowered on one of them, and acquired them! How do you like that? $25, plus tax, for TWO slightly-used light fixtures! I'm sitting here, figuring out a good spot to store them--oh, yes--up over the garage. That'll work. Doesn't that drive you kids Crazy?

[Songbird]

Well, Packy, that sounds like a great deal and you're lucky you have someplace to store it. I'm a Declutter Nut (as you call it) because I don't have room to store anything for maybe future use since my cabin is so small. That's my reality and I don't care what others do. Live and let live has always been my motto... :)

[goldensmom]

Got some good news for you Declutter Nuts! The Big-Box was completely remodeling its' light fixture sales department displays, okay? Well, they were selling the display models off really, really cheep, okay? So, I picked out two that someday I might use, and got the price lowered on one of them, and acquired them! How do you like that? $25, plus tax, for TWO slightly-used light fixtures! I'm sitting here, figuring out a good spot to store them--oh, yes--up over the garage. That'll work. Doesn't that drive you kids Crazy?

Good for you, Packy, sounds like you were in the right place at the right time and to answer you question 'no'.

[19Sandy]

This thread is two years old but still relevant today!

Let it Go!

[freshstart]

damn it, I read the whole thread before realizing it was yrs old. Anyway, I read the book about the Collyers, a good read. And I am a huge Grey Gardens fan. A fan of my mother's hoard, not so much.

my friend's house just burned down completely. He and the girls just happened to not be home. He said with no emotion that it was "just stuff" and he had several serious collections. He had his laptop and is very happy to still have pictures from when the girls were little to til now.

I try to think would I be that blasé if that happened to me? If I had the pictures, that would make it easier. But if I lost Grandma's pearls and a worthless but sentimental ring from Nana, the two things I would least like to lose, would I be ok if they were suddenly gone from a fire? I think I would be, esp if I had my purse. For some reason, that seems very important. IDK, shrug

I like, I think it was Jane's idea, put the important stuff in a safety deposit box.

[azurafates]

Sadly, I feel as if I need to hoard stuff as well. Sometimes it's hard to get through the days, and I get worried that I might need something I hoarded later so I don't have to go out and buy what I need brand new.

[freshstart]

I ventured into the hoard because I am having a party and knew I had a box of paper goods down there. Amazingly, even though my safe little corner of stuff has been decimated, I was able to find this box. I also found two perfectly good recliners just stuck in there with all the piles and piles of stuff. We each had to get rid of furniture when we moved, that was the deal, compromise and accept some of each other's furniture. Well, I sold my share, they are hoarding it. It's not nice enough for the LR and the FR is filled. So why are we keeping these chairs? My parents are involved with a charity that works to help this town that had a hurricane a few years ago and people are still not back in their houses or they lost everything. Those chairs could be put to good use, it just really pisses me off that they talk the talk about this charity but when I say, how about getting rid of those chairs, my mother loses it. It's getting to the point where I basically cannot talk to my mother about this subject which is just making me more resentful, knowing the hoard is all mine when she dies. My shrink said stop thinking about it and when I do tell myself I will call 1-800-GOT-JUNK when they die.

I was going to try to work on it with the cleaning lady but she's so busy when she's here cleaning and then dealing with my mother's hoarded BR that there's no time left. They pay for her, maybe I can ask if they'd be willing to try again on the hoard with her. I can't afford her right now. Why does this weigh so heavy on me? I can't LET IT GO.

[19Sandy]

I ventured into the hoard because I am having a party and knew I had a box of paper goods down there. Amazingly, even though my safe little corner of stuff has been decimated, I was able to find this box. I also found two perfectly good recliners just stuck in there with all the piles and piles of stuff. We each had to get rid of furniture when we moved, that was the deal, compromise and accept some of each other's furniture. Well, I sold my share, they are hoarding it. It's not nice enough for the LR and the FR is filled. So why are we keeping these chairs? My parents are involved with a charity that works to help this town that had a hurricane a few years ago and people are still not back in their houses or they lost everything. Those chairs could be put to good use, it just really pisses me off that they talk the talk about this charity but when I say, how about getting rid of those chairs, my mother loses it. It's getting to the point where I basically cannot talk to my mother about this subject which is just making me more resentful, knowing the hoard is all mine when she dies. My shrink said stop thinking about it and when I do tell myself I will call 1-800-GOT-JUNK when they die.

I was going to try to work on it with the cleaning lady but she's so busy when she's here cleaning and then dealing with my mother's hoarded BR that there's no time left. They pay for her, maybe I can ask if they'd be willing to try again on the hoard with her. I can't afford her right now. Why does this weigh so heavy on me? I can't LET IT GO.

Marie Kondos books Spark Joy really helped me to decide to get rid of stuff.

One of the main ideas is that you are only supposed to keep what makes you happy (sparks joy).

Of course there are some things you have to keep that don't spark joy such as legal documents or uniforms for a job that you don't like.

But then you are supposed to thank those items for what they do for you and treat those things with respect.

Everything you own deserves respect and you are supposed to express gratitude for it.

Those two recliners were probably not treated with respect under all of that stuff.

I definitely don't want to leave a mess behind for others to clean up.

Some landlords only give families a few days to remove stuff (and this while they are dealing with a funeral and such).

I am far from getting rid of everything yet but it is okay to work the system for several months.

[freshstart]

I Mari Kondo'd my stuff. I don't think it will work on the hoard because every item practically sparks hate, lol and they aren't my items to get rid of. I have to run every item by my mother.

interestingly, my parents' insurance has this company of docs, NPs, PAs and social workers who will come to the home any time, particularly for emergencies. Well, my dad asked if they had a social worker who could help my mom with her OCD and they do. My mother is furious at him for setting it up but is willing to meet the social worker. Her OCD with meds is getting so bad, she is spending hours a day on them. It's painful to watch. Maybe my mother will begin to like her and discuss her hoard. Here;s hoping.

[iris lilies]

I Mari Kondo'd my stuff. I don't think it will work on the hoard because every item practically sparks hate, lol and they aren't my items to get rid of. I have to run every item by my mother.

interestingly, my parents' insurance has this company of docs, NPs, PAs and social workers who will come to the home any time, particularly for emergencies. Well, my dad asked if they had a social worker who could help my mom with her OCD and they do. My mother is furious at him for setting it up but is willing to meet the social worker. Her OCD with meds is getting so bad, she is spending hours a day on them. It's painful to watch. Maybe my mother will begin to like her and discuss her hoard. Here;s hoping.
Freahstart, it will be very interesting to see if the social worker can help your mother make progres with her pill rituals. What is her fear with the pills? i mean, I assume there is a fear operating within her.

[freshstart]

she says she knows she is doing them right but is compelled to check them over and over and she doesn't know why, but if she doesn't do it, she can't take them. She's never admitted a fear of doing them wrong because that's what I assumed but she said that isn't it. IDK

[Ultralight]

Checking behavior can really suck.

I double and triple check my stove before I leave my apartment. When I was a kid my mom left the stove on and burned down the kitchen. Since then I have always worried about this happening.

I also double and triple check my door to make sure it is closed and locked so Harlan cannot escape and get lost. The cost of losing Harlan is so great that I willingly succumb to the checking behavior.

These two things are what I am an obsessive checker about.

Sometimes another thing or two will come to me and "require" lots of checking -- even though I know it does not make sense. But this usually does not go on more than a couple months or so. Then it fades away.