View Full Version : Dating a man 11 years younger...
awakenedsoul
12-28-14, 12:47pm
I am dating a man eleven years younger than I am. He pursued me. I've always dated men my age, or older. I'm 50. He's 38. He turns 39 in February.
I googled "dating a man eleven years younger" and the threads are hilarious! All the women say the same thing. Apparently the chemistry in the bedroom is the best they've ever had. We're still getting to know each other as friends. I have a feeling that what I've I've read is going to be true in our case, too.
His father married a woman 11 years older than he is. My father is eleven years older than my mother.
I don't really notice the age difference. He's been married and raised children, I haven't. He's got master energy when it comes to plumbing and repairs. (He's a plumber and worked in construction before that.) I love cooking and baking, and he loves to eat. He's in excellent shape and so am I. We both love animals and live simply.
Have you ever dated a younger man? Or for men, an older woman?
iris lilies
12-28-14, 1:08pm
I am dating a man eleven years younger than I am. He pursued me. I've always dated men my age, or older. I'm 50. He's 38. He turns 39 in February.
I googled "dating a man eleven years younger" and the threads are hilarious! All the women say the same thing. Apparently the chemistry in the bedroom is the best they've ever had. We're still getting to know each other as friends. I have a feeling that what I've I've read is going to be true in our case, too.
His father married a woman 11 years older than he is. My father is eleven years older than my mother.
I don't really notice the age difference. He's been married and raised children, I haven't. He's got master energy when it comes to plumbing and repairs. (He's a plumber and worked in construction before that.) I love cooking and baking, and he loves to eat. He's in excellent shape and so am I. We both love animals and live simply.
Have you ever dated a younger man? Or for men, an older woman?
My long term boyfriend was 10 years older than me. I still miss him. He'll be charging around climbing mountains and rafting rivers when I'm dead and gone. I always told him "you should get yourself a summer girlfriend who will go with you, I'll be your winter/fall girlfriend for the more sedate activities." haha. He retired as early as he could and it still annoys me that he beat me at that game. ;)
I am clapping for you!
rodeosweetheart
12-28-14, 1:30pm
How lovely, Awakened! My brother's wife is 15 years older than he and they have been together happily since 1977. My cousin's second husband is 12 or 13 years younger than she. Certainly many happy relationships with that age differential, and you sound extremely compatible.
My husband is five years younger than I am. I do notice a difference in maturity level that can be a little tiring at times, but his energy and enthusiasm outshines mine, which helps to keep me going in new directions. If I'm not paying attention I can find myself falling into a Mommy role that I don't like, but that is something I have to control on my end, not an intrinsic flaw in the relationship. Have Fun!
Simplemind
12-28-14, 2:37pm
My son's father is 8 years younger than moi. I felt no difference, he is an old soul and in many ways seems older than me.
goldensmom
12-28-14, 2:37pm
I dated a man 12 years younger than I until one day we were looking at magazines and there was a Look magazine, JFK assasination memorial edition and he said 'I remember reading about that' (as he was not born yet when JFK was assasinated) and I thought 'I remember it'. Right then I realized we had little in common. Maybe as he matured (he was 22 at the time) it would have gotten better but we went our separate ways. It was a fun part of my life to relate to people. My husband is 5 years younger than I am but we were older when we married and it works just fine.
Teacher Terry
12-28-14, 3:49pm
My hubby is 5 years younger then me but we met when he was 39 & me 44 so really did not matter. Before that I was married to someone 9 years older then me. It didn't matter then either. Have fun!
Just wondering: If age doesn't matter, then why are you kids making an issue of it? I detect some gloating. I don't see any threads here, where you ladies are discussing how much LESS your husband weighs than you. Could you open up and discuss that subject? After I moved to the hills, I continued to subscribe to the newspaper, and read the public records page, like I did in that littlebitty town waaay up north. They even published who bought a new car, in that smalllll village! Anyway, after I'd lived here a couple years, I'd noticed quite a few marriage licenses betwwen younger guys/older wimmin. Say, 35/45. Even 25/45. Ewww. I asked a co-worker, who had lived in the area quite awhile, (though originally from KC)about it. He said the attraction was: The wummun usually had equity in a decent house(via a prior marriage), and a nice car(via a steady job), and the studly guy, burdened with back child support and a bad credit history due to unstable employment, needed to raise his standard of living & have a little security. Driving a junker, living in an apartment & being broke all the time, did not cut it. He really did not "qualify" for a high-maintenance, pretty young wummun, either. Further investigation revealed that my co-worker was right on. See? You can deny it if you want, but that is usually(there's your loophole)the way it is. Hope that helps you some.
I had a friend, who while born in the US, was from a very traditional Filipino family. Her mom always said (and to me, too) that women should marry someone five years younger then them, since the men will die earlier, anyway.
lessisbest
12-28-14, 4:31pm
My sister was 7-years older than her 3rd (and most recent) husband, and they were married for 30-years. Where this has been a problem is when she signed up for Social Security. She will have to wait until her Ex. (the higher wage earner) is 62 (in 2017) before she can receive a higher amount based on his S.S.
DW is 12 years older. No issues here:-)
Another reason why men will figure--oh, whaat the heck--and marry an old gal, is social trends of the last few decades. Choices are fewer. More women are entering high-paying fields, formerly the province of men. Even if they want children & a nice home, they really don't need marriage. Wimmin that have been in failed 'ships become embittered and indifferent. Another thing is that lesbian & interracial couples have also decreased the number of potential female partners for white males. Also, the legal aspects--a guy has to be very, very, careful not to upset anyone. This is nearly impossible, so they have to play it safe, & stay close to home. They can't go out in public to events and "harass" their "victims", as it creeps modern wimmin out. The police are out to get them. So, they basically have to sit and wait until some old gal in close proximity "hits" on them. They can't turn the old gal down, because she will be offended and as you kids all know: "hell hath no fury...." There is an alternative, though it will probably make you kids mad-- I know a guy who was in his early 40's, lived in a single-wide mobile home, worked when he wanted to, drove a 15-year old car, and he got discouraged by what he could get around here. So, he opted to go for a young Philipina. That was not 'zackly a cheap, easy solution, either. But, it gave him what HE wanted, instead of having to settle for a domineering, materialistic, obese American who didn't "need" him, anyway.. True story. See? Hope that helps you some.
I feel like if you're on the planet around the same time, it's all okay.....as long as you're both happy.
I am like you kids--I couldn't care less. As long as you are happy. No need whatever to agitate for a protess, out in the street.
DH is six hours younger. Does that count? It sounds exciting to me awakening...enjoy!!
Blackdog Lin
12-28-14, 8:39pm
I have nothing to add to the thread topic itself.....but wanted to let you know how happy I am for you awakenedsoul, and send wishes that the relationship unfolds wonderfully and happily for you.
iris lilies
12-28-14, 8:50pm
DH is six hours younger. Does that count? It sounds exciting to me awakening...enjoy!!
That's funny! Is his birthday the same as yours, or did his birth spill over onto the following day?
pinkytoe
12-28-14, 10:37pm
Following day.
Since you kids consider moovvees to be an integral part of Life, I am going to prescribe a classic 1971 Mooovvveee called "Harold and Maude". I am pretty sure you kids will like it--it deals with a fictional April--December(late December) romance, and was filmed in the Bay Area of Callyfornya. This makes it a very artsy-fartsy sort of chick-flick. While you are at it, may as well make it a double-feature, and sit and watch "Bernie". It was directed by a Texoid who also made the mooovveee "Slackers", which was set in Awestun. Naturally there was a reference to Charles Whittttamon in the film. You may as well see Slakkers, too. After you see those, you can discuss them at length over on Reviews, just like brokeback cowboy. How do you like that? Thankk Mee.
He sounds like a nice guy, Awakenedsoul. You both enjoy the similar things, you have fun, what could be better! I think people sometimes raise an eyebrow over big age differences because that is where economic exploitation sometimes happens---but anyone who knows you will know you would not be a part of that in any way!
Awakened, simply giving each other validation of individual worth through respect, appreciation and shared thoughts makes the relationship worthwhile for both so treasure it.
I have recently encountered a business relationship where there is reciprocal appreciation but some verbal miscommunication that has troubled me. I have struggled to figure out the reason for this and my part in it. I want it cleared up and just today realized that I rarely have communication with that generation beyond my own kids. My interaction is usually my peers and people younger than 40 years of age with no difficulty at all. During Christmas, I spent a lot of time with my sons-in-law and understood better how they see things. I can now understand the businessman's choice of words and approach better and how my cultural and life experience is quite different and has coloured my thinking and approach. I like to walk in the other's shoes trying to understand but simply could not seem to be able to do so. I feel better prepared now.
Perhaps what enables you to relate well to this man is that you have spent considerable time with his generation or multi generations in your field of work and he feels very comfortable as a result, perhaps even more comfortable than with his own peers. Just a thought to consider along with all the others.
Husband one year younger, so since 1978 he says "she's older then me" when we meet people.
Here's a take: My ex was 11 years younger than I. We started dating when he was 35 and I was 46. I was (am still) a young 46; we looked similar in age and I was active. I wouldn't say our physical relationship was intense or anything, but we got along really well and enjoyed each other's company. He was funny and made me laugh every day.
Fast forward: As I became a bit older and less interested in career advancement, it was about the time he was really heading into that. His work wrapped him up as he (probably as it should have been) became more involved in management. At the same time I was looking to slow down and enjoy myself. It became intolerable to hear nothing but work-work-work all the time; he had no energy left to go hiking, birdwatching, or any other leisure time activity. He had one day off and it was spent remote in hand.
Now I spent enough years alone to have tolerated that, I suppose, and just live a parallel life, but I decided life was too short and I didn't like just being more or less a roommate/housekeeper.
awakenedsoul----so glad you found out these things early on. I always think it's wise to listen to our pets they are very good at reading people. He sounded perfect until your last post and wow....what a lot of info.
To the original question. I never got along well with guys that were younger that I tried to date. My husband is 5 years older and even though we only had 3 dates before we got engaged I've never been sorry. I'm very good at reading people and could always tell on the first date if there should be a 2nd or not.
catherine
12-31-14, 1:48pm
Glad you caught those red flags. I would have been concerned also. You're smart to heed them.
Thanks catherine. At this age, everyone has some baggage. It's different than meeting someone when you're in your twenties. Still, at least I got back in the dating game. It's harder as you get older. (Well, I think it is.)
Packy, I don't read your posts, and haven't for quite a while. We've lost some of our best writers lately due to your behavior. (Spartana and Gardenarian.)You are just mad because I don't have unconditional support for you. That's all. Why is it reasonable to post your issues here, and expect sympathy from every last poster? There are two sides to every human interaction. See? Hope that helps you some. Those other posters that left--well--they will be back. I just know it. Read my first two comments on this thread--they were practically prophetic. Well, weren't they? It turns out that you were not only wanting a young stud, but one with no baggage or problems. Lets face it, at "our" age, we are all damaged goods. You might consider that you have excessively high expectations. Or, that maybe he saw some "Red Flags", too. Thankk Mee.
Gardenarian is in the middle of an interstate move, and Spartana is probably traveling. I doubt either one of them would be intimidated by Packy or anyone else.
ApatheticNoMore
12-31-14, 4:15pm
Only Spartana has mentioned issues with trolls on this forum, and it's not that hard to guess who. Although I suspect she'll be back. She was having some medium severity I guess health problems as well.
Whether or not it's worth it to date an addict, shrug, it depends I guess. They may be quite serious about never using again but you have to accept that you will be with someone who will be fighting it as a lifelong battle (AA says so - always an addict). But the abuse (even "just" verbal abuse) would be the red flag to me. "Be less picky and take abuse". Uh no. It's not better to be in an abusive relationship than no relationship. No way and no how. Some guys may want emotionally dependent women that will take anything but oh well.
The dating younger would make me insecure (I'd be afraid of being left for a younger woman - ie a woman that was the younger guys OWN AGE! :) ).
I dated in 2014, a couple months (with a longer build up) in a relationship (1 or 2 years younger than me - woah robbing the cradle there) I knew was doomed with a guy I was crazy falling for despite my better wisdom. It felt good here and there, but mostly I spent a couple months crying my eyes out (even when in the relationship). It was almost a relief when it finally came to it's inevitable end, because by that point I'd already grieved the end of the relationship several times already! I was just really exhausted of crying.
I have a need to share something about a "news" article I just saw. Something must be done, and given your attitudes, you kids are just the ones that need to form up an Ad Hoc Committee, stage an intervention, and clue Charlise Theron in and wave those "Red Flags" in her face. See, she has gotten engaged to the notorious Sean Penn! OMG OMG OMG. He, has been married SEVERAL times--to Maddonna(of all people)once, and Robin Wright--twice. He has children by his marriage to Wright, and who only knows what kind of dysfunction they suffer from? Look what they've been through! Also, he has been arrested for assault and Domestic Assault! How do you like that? Also, he is a whole 15(fifteen) years OLDER than Ms Theron! I think her problem is that she is a little desperate, (mainly due to being so tall) and she figured: "I'll marry the next guy that asks!" Maybe, just maybe, Penn has promised to help keep her film career going, & get her choice roles. I'll bet that's it. Hope that helps you some. Not trying to be a Troll. Just trying to be funny. Ha. Thankk Mee.
Many words of wisdom here. I'd like to add the famous quote by Maya Angelou: "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."
I think younger women (including myself back then) tend to disregard this because we're taught to tolerate a lot of behavior for the sake of having a relationship - things we would not tolerate with a friend or co-worker.
I'll add to what others have said that I think you're making the wise decision, awakenedsoul.
Well, better put on some makeup & whip up a pot o' chili before he arrives. Maybe there will be a reconciliation.
Packy, I don't read your posts, and haven't for quite a while. We've lost some of our best writers lately due to your behavior. (Spartana and Gardenarian.)
Awakenedsoul, no offense, but it wasn't so long ago that you were giving Spartana much grief on your own threads when she offered a viewpoint or differing opinion from yours. You would become angry and tell her that she was OT or to not post on your threads, and you did that with others here too. Now you're saying she's one of our best writers, but she's been driven away by Packy. Interesting....
I don't think Packy is a troll, although I definitely think there are some here for sure...
The Spartana I've known for years from here and the old boards would not be driven away by anyone. She'll be back if and when she wants to come back...
Why not just go with a different plumbing company?
No, Song bird is 100% correct. I am not a Troll. I am just trying to give you the very best advice on the 'net. I also miss Gardenarian and Spartana very much. Hopefully, they will return, soon.
ApatheticNoMore
1-2-15, 4:25am
Why not just go with a different plumbing company?
I probably would, but then that may well be excessive avoidance ...
Teacher Terry
1-2-15, 3:12pm
It is really nice to have a partner to do things that you enjoy. Good luck!
Many words of wisdom here. I'd like to add the famous quote by Maya Angelou: "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."
This.
What happened to all of the red flags?
Is your dog suddenly ok with him?
This.
What happened to all of the red flags?
Is your dog suddenly ok with him?Well, see--it was like a stock-car race. They threw up a Red Flag, when there was a problem on the track. It sounds though, that a Yellow Caution Flag would've been a better call. Nonetheless, comprehensive background checks, credit reports, blood tests, etc., are in order for BOTH parties, so there are no surprises, later on. Get their fingerprints and DNA samples, too. We wanna see their "Carfax"', if you get my drift.
rodeosweetheart
1-2-15, 6:19pm
Awakened, I just read this sentence wrong--
"I couldn't get the 1940's water shut off to turn off all of the way."
I read it as though you had a special shut off for the "1940's water", like you had a special tap coming into the house with water from the 1940's--I think it's because to me, your cottage sounds like this really magical place, like a step back in time!
Awakenedsoul, I certainly don't know why you are not responding to my posts. I certainly haven't attacked you personally. There is too much sugar coating and coddling on these forums... I tend to just tell it like it is and from everything you've described this guy is trouble with a capital T! I've been married for nearly 40 years so I know what a good relationship is. You need to run as fast as you can from this guy! Drunken driving, time in jail, verbal abuse, bankruptcy, etc. This guy wants two things from you and I think you're naeve to think otherwise... Trust your dog's instincts. I have a few friends that have been in these types of relationships. Nothing but heartbreak. Good luck!
Songbird: If we can't accept input from each other and accept opinions that differ somewhat from our own, we might as well all go talk to ourselves in our bathroom mirrors instead of talking to each other here. I don't see where you've attacked anyone or said anything offensive. Glad to have you around. :)
I'm not trying to be rude, but you did say many negative things about this man awakened. Why are you not willing to discuss this issue intelligently? You can still disagree in the end, but it's smart to listen to a lot of different opinions when your heart is racing too far ahead of your head. Someone told me that desperation smells worse than perspiration when I was trying too hard to find "Mr Right". You know what, they were right and I had to slow down and see my choices more clearly and realistically! Good luck to you.
A quick comment about dating younger men, I have found it to be very common but the difference with the older man/younger woman situation is that people don't brag about it, therefore we underestimate the numbers.
Another remark: I have noticed that many people seem to think that a "successful" relationship is one that lasts until death. I disagree. For me, a successful relationship is one that makes you grow as a human being, makes your life more beautiful. I have known many couples who were very smug about the number of years they had been together but who were deeply miserable together nonetheless.
ApatheticNoMore
1-3-15, 6:48am
coddling = leaving people free to make their own mistakes? (they are adults right? and I don't mean in any special situation where they may lack technical knowledge that someone might be an expert in - but ordinary human stuff).
which I can't even say with certainty are mistakes (where's that crystal ball?). On the one hand our hearts are not involved confuzzling us. On the other hand we don't have the actual feedback on character etc. that AS does because we don't know the plumber guy from Adam pretty much. I do generally tend to be too empathetic to guys though (the wrong guys :~)), but I would like to believe people can change if they show evidence of changing (ie the drinking is well in the past and never happens anymore) and that they aren't just their past (that baggage of which Packy speaks, that everyone who is not a youngster has? .....).
Oh and Dr Freud .... getting involved with someone with possible (or again maybe they really are entirely in the past) substance abuse issues is a little potentially uh interesting for someone who claims to come from a family of addicts (as in worth exploring, not that he necessarily is a good or bad partner). I don't see much harm in erring toward getting to know someone better, but abusiveness would be the reddest of red flags to me as would continued substance abuse.
A quick comment about dating younger men, I have found it to be very common but the difference with the older man/younger woman situation is that people don't brag about it, therefore we underestimate the numbers.
Another remark: I have noticed that many people seem to think that a "successful" relationship is one that lasts until death. I disagree. For me, a successful relationship is one that makes you grow as a human being, makes your life more beautiful. I have known many couples who were very smug about the number of years they had been together but who were deeply miserable together nonetheless.
Thanks for the comment, it gives me something to think about not just in romantic relationships but in all relationships.
My own experience was being married to a verbally and somewhat physically abusive man for 20 years. My take on abusers are they play a little game. First they test the waters, if they get caught they act all sorry and "try" to make it up to you and if that works then they rinse and repeat. Each time their behavior gets a little worse. They also like to use the "I was just joking, you are way to sensitive etc" when they get caught. It's a cat and mouse game to them which is maybe why other animals pick up on that sooner than people. Then suddenly one day you wake up totally in their snare. I had become very unsure of myself, was I really the problem?, didn't I have any sense of humor? etc. I had deserted my friends in an effort to make this work, because my "friends were filling me with the wrong ideas"
Sure, normal non abusive people do make mistakes and all relationships have their issues but you will never win the game with an abuser. They really don't have any respect for others and particularly others of the opposite sex. I think how that person treats woman in his family(mother, sisters etc) is a good indicator of how he will treat you. JMHO
I would presume by now that awakened knows what she is doing. Even a fling is permissible as no one said it has to be a permanent thing.
pinkytoe, you are absolutely right.
Even the littlest hint of abuse gets my radar up. Obviously I should have never invested 20 years.
Teacher Terry
1-3-15, 3:20pm
AS: It is sad that the woman you ride the bus with is so closed down that she can't even accept a ride from that man. I was in 2 bad marriages-one 22 years & verbally abusive. I was open to a relationship but always said I would never marry again-did not want to be trapped. After my hubby & I were together 5 years I wanted to get married & we have been happy for the past 16. Having a partner you enjoy makes everything better.
Songbird: If we can't accept input from each other and accept opinions that differ somewhat from our own, we might as well all go talk to ourselves in our bathroom mirrors instead of talking to each other here. I don't see where you've attacked anyone or said anything offensive. Glad to have you around. :)
Thank you, rosa rugosa. I really appreciate that!
I would presume by now that awakened knows what she is doing. Even a fling is permissible as no one said it has to be a permanent thing.
I don't think even having a fling with someone that is verbally abusive within a very short time period of meeting them, as Awakenedsoul has described in her posts here, is the thing to do. Verbal abuse is just the beginning of something really bad. A huge red flag, along with her dog not liking this guy....
Another remark: I have noticed that many people seem to think that a "successful" relationship is one that lasts until death. I disagree. For me, a successful relationship is one that makes you grow as a human being, makes your life more beautiful. I have known many couples who were very smug about the number of years they had been together but who were deeply miserable together nonetheless.
I agree with this, Marion, about your description of a successful relationship. However, I don't really think it's the norm for miserable couples to stay together long term anymore. Now back in my Grandma's day they definitely did.... These days usually once a couple becomes empty nesters and they find they are no longer happy together they move on. I've been married nearly 40 years and it's because my DH has always been my best friend, lover, support, etc. There is no one I would rather be with and vice versa. If I were miserable I wouldn't still be here, nor would he...
ApatheticNoMore
1-3-15, 9:06pm
My thoughts are the couples who were "deeply miserable together" would probably be about as miserable apart. But maybe that's because of the times. I mean they stay together deeply miserable, can't make the relationship work, and can't end it, it's really hard to see that the problem there as just the relationship.
along with her dog not liking this guy....
We have discovered that our dog "does not like" anyone with a hat on - so we might be reading more into their actions.
ApatheticNoMore
1-3-15, 9:15pm
What about if you don't like dogs? I think dogs don't like you if you don't like dogs, they sense it :).
I would be wary of anyone who doesn't like animals in general, so not liking mine would be a deal breaker. Fortunately that has never been a problem in my dating history; kindness is something I look for in a mate.
We have discovered that our dog "does not like" anyone with a hat on - so we might be reading more into their actions.
Awakenedsoul's dog is a German Shepherd and they are pretty darn perceptive. Highly intelligent and sensitive dogs...
I am dating a man eleven years younger than I am. He pursued me. I've always dated men my age, or older. I'm 50. He's 38. He turns 39 in February.
I googled "dating a man eleven years younger" and the threads are hilarious! All the women say the same thing. Apparently the chemistry in the bedroom is the best they've ever had. We're still getting to know each other as friends. I have a feeling that what I've I've read is going to be true in our case, too.
His father married a woman 11 years older than he is. My father is eleven years older than my mother.
I don't really notice the age difference. He's been married and raised children, I haven't. He's got master energy when it comes to plumbing and repairs. (He's a plumber and worked in construction before that.) I love cooking and baking, and he loves to eat. He's in excellent shape and so am I. We both love animals and live simply.
Have you ever dated a younger man? Or for men, an older woman?
Yes. I don't think it matters much. For me it ended up that while our chemistry and love of each other, we had very little in common and didn't share anything socially, musically, movies, culturally or friends. Some literature. So that proved the challenge there.
This made me laugh so loudly my cats were startled :)
We have discovered that our dog "does not like" anyone with a hat on - so we might be reading more into their actions.
:) :) :)
Teacher Terry
1-4-15, 3:19pm
It will be fun & interesting to see where life leads you-just enjoy:~). also my step son is a huge animal lover but one of my dogs that I got at age 6 months & not abused-spoiled rotten by first owner is scared to death of him 9 years later & will pee herself if he holds her. I think he reminds her or smells like someone she did not like from her past. The other 3 dogs love him.
[QUOTE=awakenedsoul
As far as the personal attacks, I was referring to a lengthy post by packy that was removed. Most of you didn't see it, but I did. It was filled with sarcasm, mocking, and insults. I don't waste my energy on things like that. If someone defends that person, I skip over their posts, as well.[/QUOTE]
I certainly wasn't defending Packy - I was stating some facts and my opinion....which apparently you didn't care to hear.
I definitely won't be wasting any more of my time or energy responding to this or any of your future threads.
Thanks for your story, Kay. As I've learned more about this guy, I don't think it's going to go any further. He's had two DUI's, spent time in jail due to a ticket for reckless driving before the 2nd DUI, and it all makes me very nervous. His mother just divorced after 27 years of marriage, and he is letting her stay in his apt. He is renting a room in a house with lots of problems. (drugs.) His mother has an addiction to prescription drugs. It's sad...he is talented, and does well, but it sounds like his money is going to his mom, his ex, and her kids. He doesn't even use the kitchen in the house he rents. He just stays in the room and uses the Internet.
He also doesn't have health insurance. He believes that God watches over him. I don't have a good feeling about it, so I'll chalk it up to a nice week and a trip to the mountains. Makes me realize how lucky I am to have my cottage.
Oh well. At least I did a little dating in 2014. Maybe I'll meet someone more compatible with me in 2015...My rescued dog kept making whining noises when he was here as if to say, "Oh no Mom, I don't think this is a good idea. Oh Mom, this is really worrying me..." I think she was picking up on his energy. Also, he acted verbally abusive a couple of times. That's a deal breaker for me. Onward and upward!
I have to agree with others here that think there are a lot of red flags.
Are you going into this relationship thinking you are going to fix this guy? Because that never works.
Awakenedsoul, life is short. And life can be a b*tch. If an unexpected present comes your way, why not enjoy it? It may not last, but nothing lasts forever. You may have been in abusive relationships before, but perhaps now, you have learned from your experiences. Wishing you joy and serenity.
I am still worried sick about those Red Flags. I really am. You have already endured so much abuse---why risk having to be abused, again? Also, your dogg has been abused---you don't want your dogg to be abused again, either. Well, do you? It sounds as though he is so Big And Strong and Powerful that he could easily hurl you both through a plate-glass picture window in a drunken rage, just because his favorite Tee-Vee Sports team lost. I would definitely recommend that you cease all of this "Dating" immediately, and without notice. Then, request a restraining order, & check into a battered wimmins shelter, as soon as possible. Change your identity, and move to another part of CallyFornYa. Then, take courses at a local community college on plumbing repair, car maintenance, and other guy stuff. Also, retrain, so you can get a better-paying job. This will greatly reduce your dependence on men, so you can avoid them almost entirely. It will be worth the effort, just to keep from being abused. Not trying to be sarcastic, mocking or insulting. Just being littlebittymee. Hope that helps you some.
awakenedsoul
1-6-15, 6:30pm
I am still worried sick about those Red Flags. I really am. You have already endured so much abuse---why risk having to be abused, again? Also, your dogg has been abused---you don't want your dogg to be abused again, either. Well, do you? It sounds as though he is so Big And Strong and Powerful that he could easily hurl you both through a plate-glass picture window in a drunken rage, just because his favorite team lost. I would definitely recommend that you cease all of this "Dating" immediately, and without notice. Then, request a restraining order, & check into a battered wimmins shelter, as soon as possible. Change your identity, and move to another part of CallyFornYa. Then, take courses at a local community college on plumbing repair, car maintenance, and other guy stuff. Also, retrain, so you can get a better-paying job. This will greatly reduce your dependence on men, so you can avoid them almost entirely. It will be worth the effort, just to keep from being abused. Not trying to be sarcastic. Hope that helps you some.
I'm saving these types of posts by Packy. They are very revealing.
I'm saving these types of posts by Packy. They are very revealing.Yes, Awakened, I am in complete agreement. Not only with myself, but with you. As for your replies, they are VERY revealing. They reveal that you DO read my posts, instead of just ignoring them, as you have said before. Another thing is, it validates my theory that you are a seasoned veteran at playing the game of "Victim". You are ever on the lookout for someone qualified to play the role of Perpetrator in your life games. Saving my posts is a very cunning and shrewd measure, on your part. It demonstrates that you have victim-playing savvy, there. So, let's chalk one up for the Victim Contestant, here. See? That, is the attraction that you have for Mr Right--even though your confidantes here advised you against it. But, you saw that involvement is risky, he is a bit dangerous, at times. Yet, you now find nothing but good qualities; he is so nice. He is Perfect for the part of Perpetrator in your game of Victim--unless he figures you out in time. Now, do you see? Hope that helps you some. Thankk Mee.
Thanks catherine. At this age, everyone has some baggage. It's different than meeting someone when you're in your twenties. Still, at least I got back in the dating game. It's harder as you get older. (Well, I think it is.)
Packy, I don't read your posts, and haven't for quite a while. We've lost some of our best writers lately due to your behavior. (Spartana and Gardenarian.)See? You don't read my posts, do you?
Yeah, everybody is a mixed bag. It always seems to me that talent, intelligence, and sexuality are at the same level in a person. His levels seemed very high. I guess you're right, he is a craftsman. He said he liked the attention to detail that I have.
Animals are really dialed in to energy. Another trick I do is to ask myself, "How would I fee about this person as a parent?" In his case, I would have been worried about the driving, the finances, and his tone of voice. The insults tipped me off. Nobody's perfect, but I think I can find a better match. Well, I can at least try...See? I just have a need to win this debate.
Shame on you, Packy! ;) You're going to drive awakened soul away next! You know, like Spartana and Gardenarian...yeah whatever. Lol
Spartana is traveling like she often does, and Gardenarian is currently making a big move to another state, and like she said on her last thread she'll be back in a few weeks. Awakenedsoul, why would you blame their absence on Packy? Not cool, really not cool. No wonder he is antagonizing you.... That would tick me off too.
And after reading through this whole thread today I see that Awakenedsoul ignores any posts that are not totally supportive of her, even though she had a sudden overnight change of heart regarding her love interest. He went from abusive to wonderful overnight, and yet she is rude to those posters that are concerned for her. Awakenedsoul, I think that is very revealing about you!
Yarrow, I too had the idea that Spartana was not posting based on some specific interactions, per her post on this thread - entry #11
http://www.simplelivingforum.net/showthread.php?11092-Forum-Changes/page2
I didn't know who the said individual was, but I too thought it might have been Packy as it coincided with some thread about Hawaii travelling folks and their all-you-can-eat buffets... or some such something that became contentious.
Shoot I can't keep up - I would need some kind of Days Of Our Lives org chart to keep up with the shenanigans
But you're right, Spartana does travel regularly, so I'm sure we'll see her back again and posting soon.
I think it takes cajones for people to put their laundry (dirty or clean) out here for us to rifle through.
I do think Packy won the debate with himself that Awakenedsoul does read his posts.
And I do not think Awakenedsoul will thankkk himmm for anything as it does not appear that his posts have helped her some, despite his hopes of such.
ApatheticNoMore
1-7-15, 3:46pm
Yarrow, I too had the idea that Spartana was not posting based on some specific interactions, per her post on this thread - entry #11
http://www.simplelivingforum.net/sho...-Changes/page2
yes I suspected the certain individual might have been Packy too, but she doesn't say. As for Gardenian it's possible this is based on a private communication or something, but I wouldn't have any idea on that, so I have no basis to believe she was having issues with Packy.
I think it takes cajones for people to put their laundry (dirty or clean) out here for us to rifle through.
yea I think by this point awakenedsoul or anyone would have gotten more second guessing of their love life than ahem anyone needs! :) Ever so much passenger seat driving. Of course I'm an intensely private person and wouldn't likely put active life decisions of great importance (as opposed to what to have for dinner) in the present out there (talking about the past ah well, that's not active or alive anymore is it, it's just history, that I don't always mind sharing).
I also suspected what was being described originally as "verbal abuse" might not really be. All one can do is reiterate that real abuse is bad mkay, and shouldn't just be tolerated.
Packy may mean mostly to amuse (I still want to crack pizza jokes all the time now), but one can at times in this thread recognize how the "joking" is taking on a certain misogynist tone that one is only too familiar with (I wish I wasn't).
I am not posting as much as I used to either, on account of certain individual(s). Rest assured though, it is not on account of Spartana, Gardenarian or Awakenedsoul. Not at all. The reality is, I enjoy reading their posts, very much. For kids with such a youthful outlook, they are all very wise. Hope that helps you some.
Teacher Terry
1-7-15, 4:14pm
The thing is people have a right to change their minds. It does not hurt anything for her to explore this relationship to see if it is something she wants or not. It takes time to really get to know someone & see if you are compatible. That is all that AWS is doing. If she was 20 I think more caution would be in order but at her age she will be able to walk away if it is not right.
Shadowmoss, on a where-have-they-been-lately? thread, made a reference to another poster(Gary?) with respect to Spartana's absence. Apparently, they had differences of opinion pertaining to subjects they felt strongly about. It can't be littlebittyme, as I agree with everything everyone says, all the time. Well, don't I? I may be a bit shallow, but I really don't have any opinions about anything, except that you kids are nice. Also, I am definitely NOT a misogynist. I am just trying to help certain people recognize their idiosyncratic behavior, to enable them to change for the better. See how that works? Hope that helps you some. Thankk Mee.
The thing is people have a right to change their minds. It does not hurt anything for her to explore this relationship to see if it is something she wants or not. It takes time to really get to know someone & see if you are compatible. That is all that AWS is doing. If she was 20 I think more caution would be in order but at her age she will be able to walk away if it is not right.
Which is all well and good. I think the issue I have is the tone she has taken with a few posters here that were just trying to be helpful.
And as another poster here brought up earlier in this thread about how rude Awakenedsoul was to Spartana in the past, I do remember that well because I called her out on it at the time, and it happened on more than one thread of hers. Spartana finally just gave up and deleted her posts, and it was all because AwakenedSoul didn't like her opinions because they were different than hers. She really can't handle having a discussion with differing opinions which is ridiculous since that is what a message board is all about. She's been very rude to other posters here as well when they didn't agree with her. Very disrespectful on her part. She may as well start a blog and just talk to herself then, because a message board will always be people with different opinions. That's what it is all about! Don't start a thread if you can't handle hearing something that goes beyond just patting the OP on the back, because that's all Awakenedsoul really wants, even though she's changed direction abruptly in this thread everyone should just keep saying it's all good because that's all she really wants to hear. A poster with a differing opinion is always disrespected by her! And I take issue with that!
I agree. That's all I was trying to say earlier in my initial post. I think we can talk ourselves into what we want to believe...even when the evidence doesn't support it. A good message board is all about respectfully exchanging ideas and opinions! We all need to try and remember that.
iris lilies
1-7-15, 7:24pm
I don't think even having a fling with someone that is verbally abusive within a very short time period of meeting them, as Awakenedsoul has described in her posts here, is the thing to do...
But it's her "thing to do" if she wishes. My only requirement is that if she has excessive fun, she must come here to talk about it! haha.
We need to be able to respectfully disagree and offer differing viewpoints. We also have to accept differing views without getting defensive. Just because someone disagrees with me doesn't make them my enemy.
Awakenedsoul, please tell me why I am receiving so many PMs concerning your behavior, and fellow posters are so glad that I've confronted you about it????? Apparently, I am joined by many here that have been treated with disrespect and rudeness by you. And we have all seen you go OT many times on threads here, but no one has made an issue of it because we don't do that here.... Discussions will always go many different directions. Again, that's what a message board is all about!
i and many others here will no longer be responding to any of your threads....
Blackdog Lin
1-8-15, 9:19pm
I have read this entire thread, and sorry, just don't see what all the fuss is about. Haven't seen the disrespect and rudeness. In any other threads either.
awakenedsoul: please don't let this particular thread let us lose you. I've always felt simpatico with you (don't laugh, I have family in Los Angeles and kinda know Los Angeles, and have thought this last year that maybe one of these days, some vacation we take out there, that I'd try to meet you IRL.....) Silly, I know. :) I enjoy reading your posts.
Yikes! Remember how much Jr High sucked and how glad you were to leave it behind? So let's please not recreate the experience virtually!
(Insert Group Hug emoticon here).
I have read this entire thread, and sorry, just don't see what all the fuss is about. Haven't seen the disrespect and rudeness. In any other threads either.
awakenedsoul: please don't let this particular thread let us lose you. I've always felt simpatico with you (don't laugh, I have family in Los Angeles and kinda know Los Angeles, and have thought this last year that maybe one of these days, some vacation we take out there, that I'd try to meet you IRL.....) Silly, I know. :) I enjoy reading your posts.
I agree. I don't know what's going on in this thread but I don't like it. It smells like bullying/trolling and I don't agree with that sort of thing.
Teacher Terry
1-9-15, 1:02pm
I also fail to see what all the fuss is about.
As far what people have said about Spartana and I, I disagree. I've always thought that she was one of the best writers here, and she knows that. I try to follow the rules on this forum. Spartana has written that she likes to debate. Some people here negate the original thread, and derail it. They get away with it. Spartana stopped doing that with my threads and we've been conversing here since then. She also has had huge issues with Packy, and went off on him. Then she apologized on a separate thread for her behavior. He started mocking her apology, (calling it insincere,) and started baiting her again. I'm surprised the rest of you can't see that.
Hi Guys! (waving like a maniac) - I haven't been to this site in awhile but saw this post so wanted to respond. What AWS says above is all true. I agreed to not comment on threads started by her in "debate" form or in disagreement so as to keep the direction or tone she wanted to keep her posts and I removed my posts to get out of those discussions. While I personally don't agree with that method for forum discussions (and was a bit hurt that my comments were taken as negative or combative when they weren't meant to be), I felt that it was important to her and, out of respect for that and for other forum members as well, I would do that. Even my beef with the Pacman's littlebitty rants didn't drive me away, but yes I find myself posting less because I know that a tirade from him will follow like they do on most threads and my inability to not respond in kind. But really I've just been busy doing stuff. Do miss coming here though and all the people. So will try to hang around a bit more.
As for the OP, I also have been dating a guy younger than me by 10 years. We have ended it recently because of some incompatibilities on the work/retirement thing (he plans to work another 20 years and I am already retired and want to be free to travel long periods of time). But otherwise we had no real age-related differences that were a problem. Like me (who is divorced from my younger DH), he is divorced with no kids, pretty much a simple living sporty guy (met him playing volleyball a couple of years ago), and we had a lot in common. So dating a younger guy can be great. I personally prefer it to dating an older guy because, in my experience, some older guys (say over 50) often want more traditional gender role based relationship and that's not for me. Otherwise I saw go for it! No need to think marriage or even a long term commitment. Just be honest with him about what you do want for the present, as well as what you may want in the future, and see where it goes. If you do feel he is too strongly dominant in the relationship or has other issues that crop up from the past, try not to gloss over those when they do crop up (easy to do when you are smitten) and see him for who he really is - good stuff and bad stuff alike.
kimberlyf0
1-12-15, 2:41pm
I agree with this, Marion, about your description of a successful relationship. However, I don't really think it's the norm for miserable couples to stay together long term anymore. Now back in my Grandma's day they definitely did.... These days usually once a couple becomes empty nesters and they find they are no longer happy together they move on. I've been married nearly 40 years and it's because my DH has always been my best friend, lover, support, etc. There is no one I would rather be with and vice versa. If I were miserable I wouldn't still be here, nor would he...
A long time ago I had a boyfriend who was kind to everyone, as sweet as could be, and he adored me. When we broke up my mother cried. My next boyfriend was arrogant and always left me wondering where I stood, believing that I wasn't good enough for him (and thus wasn't good enough for anyone so why bother leaving the relationship). My parents hated him and hoped that the infatuation would die out (and it did, but it took over a year). My mother told me that I should choose a man who didn't play mind games, didn't cut me down with his words (we didn't call it verbal abuse then, but it was), didn't make me feel like I wasn't worthy of his love. She was right; I married the kind boyfriend and here we are 25+ years later and he has never raised his voice or hand to me. I can't imagine ever being miserable. I've heard many time to look at how a man treats his sisters and mother, and would add to look at how he treats your sister(s) and mother.
Shadowmoss, on a where-have-they-been-lately? thread, made a reference to another poster(Gary?) with respect to Spartana's absence. Apparently, they had differences of opinion pertaining to subjects they felt strongly about. It can't be littlebittyme, as I agree with everything everyone says, all the time. Well, don't I? I may be a bit shallow, but I really don't have any opinions about anything, except that you kids are nice. Also, I am definitely NOT a misogynist. I am just trying to help certain people recognize their idiosyncratic behavior, to enable them to change for the better. See how that works? Hope that helps you some. Thankk Mee.Nope Gary and I were/are besties! We had (and still have) a very good relationship with a lot of ribbing and bantering back and forth (just no longer on these forums). I poked fun at him for working when I was already retired at 42, and he then tried to find something - anything - poke fun at me between his tears :-)! Now he is retired and so it's not as much fun (for me) when he sending me pictures of all his awesome long bicycle trips for months on end to exotic places. Pay back are a b....!
Spartana finally just gave up and deleted her posts, Hey Yarrow - just saw this. PMed you instead of going Off topic. But wanted to say thanks for your thoughts and concerns!
Nope Gary and I were/are besties! We had (and still have) a very good relationship with a lot of ribbing and bantering back and forth (just no longer on these forums). I poked fun at him for working when I was already retired at 42, and he then tried to find something - anything - poke fun at me between his tears :-)! Now he is retired and so it's not as much fun (for me) when he sending me pictures of all his awesome long bicycle trips for months on end to exotic places. Pay back are a b....!
"Besties" huh? Is this how you treat your besties, ignoring them for weeks while you're off galavanting all over the countryside with your child-like boy toys? I'm crushed. :confused: You even ignored the most awesome gloat-photo I sent of that desert sunset. Sniff, sniff. Well it should make you happy that I'm freezing again in the great white (ok so it's only raining here) north.
Sorry for going off topic, awakenedsoul. Being in an "age inappropriate" relationship myself, I say "whatever works for you." I never would have dreamed I'd ever be in a relationship with this big of an age difference (not the kind you're talking about - she's 19 years younger than me) and never went looking for such, but when we met there was an undeniable force pulling us together. It's been nearly 5 years now. I've been married twice and have had more than a few girlfriends, but had never been with anyone this "right" for me until now. She's my dream girl.
"Besties" huh? Is this how you treat your besties, ignoring them for weeks while you're off galavanting all over the countryside with your child-like boy toys? I'm crushed. :confused: You even ignored the most awesome gloat-photo I sent of that desert sunset. Sniff, sniff. Well it should make you happy that I'm freezing again in the great white (ok so it's only raining here) north.
Sorry for going off topic, awakenedsoul. Being in an "age inappropriate" relationship myself, I say "whatever works for you." I never would have dreamed I'd ever be in a relationship with this big of an age difference (not the kind you're talking about - she's 19 years younger than me) and never went looking for such, but when we met there was an undeniable force pulling us together. It's been nearly 5 years now. I've been married twice and have had more than a few girlfriends, but had never been with anyone this "right" for me until now. She's my dream girl.There you are you male cougar!! Why don't older guys who date younger women have a label besides..."guys"? Yep been travelling and e-mail down (just sent you one a minute ago but it also doesn't look like it went thru - will try again after this). But I am back at home now and I will send you many gloat posts and photos to to out gloat you - if such a thing is even possible anymore! Oh how I miss the old days :-)!
Sorry to the OP for going off topic.
OK just tried to e-mail you again and no go. Guess it's my e-mail account and not my tablet like I thought as it's not working from my computer either. Will try to get it fixed with yahoo.
(just sent you one a minute ago but it also doesn't look like it went thru
It came through. Are you sure the problem was with the computer? Or was it "user error?" Too long in the sun, maybe? Botox poisoning? Insanity due to too many barks from the barkinator?
It came through. Are you sure the problem was with the computer? Or was it "user error?" Too long in the sun, maybe? Botox poisoning? Insanity due to too many barks from the barkinator?
Botox?! Heck us Californian women are all 100% natural (silicone and plastic is natural right?). Although I will agree to insanity as probably being the likely problems because now I get insanely jealous from your gloat-mails (oh how the tables have turned :-)!).
Sorry again for hijacking the thread while in search of gary as my e-mail was down. now we'll go back to our e-mail taunts and gloats at each other and won't ijack this any longer.
iris lilies
2-18-15, 10:14am
Botox?! Heck us Californian women are all 100% natural (silicone and plastic is natural right?). Although I will agree to insanity as probably being the likely problems because now I get insanely jealous from your gloat-mails (oh how the tables have turned :-)!).
Sorry again for hijacking the thread while in search of gary as my e-mail was down. now we'll go back to our e-mail taunts and gloats at each other and won't ijack this any longer.
awwww, that's ok! We like hearing the jibes and taunts.
awwww, that's ok! We like hearing the jibes and taunts.
Ha Ha - Well I'll make sure and send you a link to his next long bike tour so you can join in the fun!
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