The Five Love Languages [Archive] - Simple Living Forums

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razz

1-15-15, 9:43am

iris lilies

1-15-15, 10:54am

I was needing something to read while waiting in Jacksonville airport and discovered the book The Five Languages. I had heard about it here but had never looked into it as yet. I do believe in synchronicity so picked it up. I now understand that I am a "touch" person but knew that DH was an "acts of service" all his life.
Anyone else explored this theory?

I know that I'm not a gift person. I am so much not a gift person. I think I'm an act of service person.

I think of acts of service as being so giving.

And I think that anybody can go to a big box store and buy crap there's nothing special about that.

JaneV2.0

1-15-15, 11:46am

I'm definitely a gift person; I usually spend a lot of time trying to match just the right gift to its intended recipient. But I love acts of service. Every time I see some "fix" my beloved has done around the house, I feel thankful all over again. (In return, I keep him in vitamins, socks, and genealogy information...)

rodeosweetheart

1-15-15, 11:50am

I am an acts of service person. My husband is a words of love person (he's very auditory.) To me, words of love has always had a "talk's cheap" connotation. He grew up starved for verbal affirmation. It is a challenge for each of us to remember to work in the other person's "zone" if we want to communicate.

SteveinMN

1-15-15, 2:20pm

KayLR

1-15-15, 3:25pm

I have subscribed to the notions of this book since I read it years ago. The main point, I think, is not only identifying your own language, but that of your partner's and then being aware of that. And it's helpful if your partner knows what your language is, too. This way you can have a better understanding of where the other is coming from at times of petty annoyances, neediness, or communication challenges.

My DH is huge on Words of Affirmation. He loves to have his efforts acknowledged; he thrives on it. For me, I don't need that so much--really at all--- so it has been my job to go against my own natural tendencies and make sure he hears what he needs to hear. My love language is physical touch...so the poor guy has to make sure I'm taken care of...he's doing a fine job! ;)

iris lilies

1-15-15, 4:27pm

Acts-of-service-person here, too, with a good sprinkling of quality time.

I'm not sure I'd denigrate any of the other languages as "nothing special"; they obviously work for others. The key is in being around people who know what each other values.

oh quality time is really nice, too! But it is the hardest thing to get around here.

My favorite "act of service" from DH was manifested in a "gift," i.e. a physical object, but it was something that he designed and made just for me. There aren't any like them in the world! I'm talking about special prop for city garbage cans, props for lids, that allow me to efficiently and easily toss in my compost material. I didn't know that I needed these things until he made them, and now I can't live without them!

Tussiemussies

1-15-15, 6:38pm

Think I am spoiled because I like all five and DH does a good job naturally except he is not physically affectionate. He does so many acts of service for me. I really feel so blessed to be with him.

profnot

2-10-15, 3:30pm

I especially liked that the author explained how learning someone's most meaningful method (of receiving acknowledgement and appreciation) and use that info in resolving conflict.

I was talking to a couple recently who takes in a student from a foreign country for part of every year. She was surprised one day to see a 10 year old boy from China screaming at his parents over Skype. Afterward, she lectured him about not shouting in the house and not being disrespectful to his parents who had worked so hard to earn money to fly him here.

Turns out he was yelling at his parents because he felt abandoned, discarded, and completely unloved. It was clear to me Quality Time was his big button. I mentioned the book to the woman - hopefully she'll read it.

I hang out with a small group of people who do most of the volunteer work in town. I told them about the 5 methods and asked around. We're all Gifts of Service types with one Touch. She's the hugger in the group.

I requested the book from the library because of your posts here so thanks!

iris lilies

2-11-15, 1:37am

I hang out with a small group of people who do most of the volunteer work in town. I told them about the 5 methods and asked around. We're all Gifts of Service types with one Touch. She's the hugger in the group.

oh God, huggers. Keep them away from me. Thank you.

JaneV2.0

2-11-15, 12:41pm

oh God, huggers. Keep them away from me. Thank you.

I was thinking just that thing. My motto is unless you're related to me or sleeping with me, keep your hands to yourself...>:(

catherine

2-11-15, 12:58pm

Acts-of-service-person here, too, with a good sprinkling of quality time.

That's exactly where I came out -- almost equal for both. Got almost 0 for "gifts" and I did have a few "touch" ones, but I guarantee none of them had anything to do with PDA. I sometimes have to smack DH with my handbag like Ruth Buzzi when he tries to touch me in public.

Lainey

2-11-15, 8:12pm

I bought this book as a wedding present for my son and soon to be DIL. I think it's a great book to read when starting your married life together.

That's funny about the PDA, though. In my last serious relationship my bf was absolutely against any PDA. I thought that was ridiculous. While we were out in public I felt like I might as well be out with my brother - no hand-holding, no arm around your shoulder at the movie, standing far apart enough we could have been seen as 2 strangers who happened to be at the same event. Definitely a factor in my unhappiness and our eventual breakup.

KayLR

2-11-15, 8:29pm

I got to looking at this site again and noticed there are also 5 Apology Languages! :0!
Wow, now there's a topic.

profnot

2-13-15, 1:14pm

I just completed the answers to discover how the 5 languages of apology work in me.
Here the url: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/apology/

The five lanuages of apology are
Make restitution
Genuinely repent
Accept responsibility
Express regret
Request forgiveness

That's the order of what means most to me. No surprise there. I'm big on behavior. Me: "You say you're sorry for what you did? Fine, prove it." Someone who requests forgiveness is not truly sorry. That is still all about them.

This info is helpful. When I apologize to someone I'm going to be more mindful to include all top four methods. I never ask for forgiveness. That would be a gift from the person I wronged and her/his choice to offer or not.

A friend of mine is about to dump his GF of 5+ years. She NEVER apologizes. To anyone for anything. I can't stand her. He's finally done with her.

Thanks for mentioning a website, KayLR. It's really good.

catherine

2-13-15, 1:36pm

My apology language was:
Accept responsibility (10)
Express regret (7)
Genuinely repent (2)
Make restitution (1)
Request forgiveness (0)

It was interesting because I feel differently about the language that should be used in personal vs. business behavior. When it comes to personal behavior, it's nice to just share current feelings ("I did it, I'm a jerk") is fine with me. I don't want any gimme's if we're friends, I don't want any future promises or pledges.

But in a business scenario where successful teamwork is important, I do think that stating things like, "In the future, how should I communicate" is essential.

profnot, I agree with you about asking forgiveness--not because I doubt their sincerity, but it then becomes my responsibility and not theirs.

Very interesting.