A thought about FB

[TxZen]

We have been dealing with my BIL's FB page. He passed last April and thankfully, we were able to access his email and change his passwords. We have now deleted is FB account after some discussion. While some people wanted to leave it as a memorial, others said "In 30 years, yes the pictures might be important that were on there (We downloaded a copy of each) and maybe where he travelled but honestly, I don't think FB is going to be a true picture of someone." It really got me thinking. I still have my personal one. I took down my work one, as I no longer am doing that. I am going to download my photos and make a timeline show for my son and then delete my account. I don't think what I have posted, for 99% of the time, is that important. It just hit me today and it's another thing I can let go of. :)

I recently put together 2 scrap books of all the pictures I had, in chronological order. This weaved my husband and mine family together. I left room for more and it's something my son and I worked on. Nothing fancy- simply dropping pics into sleeves that fit. But the talks and the time spent were well worth it. I also decluttered a small amount of pictures of things I had no clue who the people in it were (not relatives) or those random pics you take for no reason. :)

[Packy]

I have followed some cases, so I can offer up some anecdotes. I've seen a few people get their Facebook accounts deleted after their untimely demise. Someone who has authorized access has to do it, or it stays there indefinitely, at no expense to the registered user or their heirs. Nothing can be added, except by those who have previously been permitted access by the user. But, in my littlebittyopinion, most peoples' account are not deleted(by default), but remain unused, and a remarkable number remain in use as Memorials by their close friends and family. So, insofar as tidying up loose ends, I think that closing a Facebook account for a deceased person is the exception, and not the rule. My personal view is, let it stay, unless there is content that is very undignified or objectionable, or it was the expresswish of the account holder for you to delete it in the event of their death. Hope that helps you some. You have a grace period that Facebook allows, to reopen the account. I believe it is 14 days or 30 days. Something like that. Thankk Mee.

[TxZen]

We are dealing with a girlfriend/fiancée we never met. It's an odd situation and she keeps posting these long crazy bits to him on his page. We told her, go make your own page and let his family- his brothers, have this one. She keeps claiming she has more right than his brothers. She is a wacky noodle!!! UGH!!!

[mschrisgo2]

On a similar note, I have a friend who died very suddenly about a year ago; she was very healthy and active, went home one day after work, sat down in her chair, kicked off her shoes, and... apparently had a heart attack. Her son has chosen to leave her Facebook page up, and I find it very distressing, because her name and profile picture pop up on my FB almost everyday. It even announced her birthday... It's heart-wrenching, on a daily basis. I think taking pages down is a kindness to family and friends.

[rosarugosa]

Mschrisgo: I think I would unfollow or remove that page from my newsfeed. You could also unfriend, but the other options would permit you to still visit the page if you chose to do so.

[sweetana3]

Easy to unfollow as rosarugosa says. I have a friend's page that I hope never goes away. She died of cancer only a month after the two of us went on a retreat and I miss her so much. Seeing her page or name brings back such good memories for me.

The family may have the same feelings.

[jp1]

I also agree with rosa that you should unfollow your friend's page or unfriend them so that you no longer see it. Perhaps the family finds comfort from it, or just isn't ready for the finality that taking down their facebook page represents.

[iris lilies]

OP, you may do what you wish to do with your own Facebook page, but I think there is a compromise plan. In the event of death I wouldn't remove any such page immediately, it seems too much like an "in the dark of night" action. Nor would I forget about it forever, leaving it up.

Likely after 1 to 2 years, I would revisit it and probably by then, it's time to take it down. The person who is the "chief mourner" (such a convenient Victorian term!) would be the one to make the final decision.

[ctg492]

How often does one look through the old school photo albums of lost loved ones? Does one keep the voice mail greeting of a lost loved one? I do not/did not. Everyone is different.

[Float On]

I'm not one to linger....I've actually been going back through my facebook and deleting a few past posts every day. Kind of working up to deleting it completely. I don't want an open casket because I don't want people to look at me so why would I want a personal facebook page hanging around. We did delete our business page and website completely when we shut down just over a year ago. I kind of think that when something is done it's done.

So this topic has me looking for facebook pages of people that I know have passed away in the last few years. About 70% are completely deleted. Those that are still up 70% were mostly ones that died from a lingering disease that they had made very public for support or awareness.

[SteveinMN]

Does one keep the voice mail greeting of a lost loved one? I do not/did not. Everyone is different.
I did. Sometimes it's good to just hear her voice. It brings back happy memories for me and only a little sadness. But that's just me.

[jp1]

I don't want an open casket because I don't want people to look at me so why would I want a personal facebook page hanging around.

I don't really think of a facebook page in the same way that I do an open casket. A facebook page, if it's anything like mine, is more like a photo album of my life, with a weekly gripe about our city's transit system and a few political opinions thrown in here and there. I don't often look through old photos of my parents, but every once in a while I like to pull them out and remember the happy times. I wouldn't be devasted if they got destroyed somehow (like if our home burned down) but I'll never actively make a decision to throw them away.

[rosarugosa]

JP1: Ha, I just posted on FB about my miserable T ride tonight. Are you in Boston?

[ToomuchStuff]

I am not a FB user. I have several issues with it, from stuff that actually deals with peoples safety (from Stalkers, Undercover officers, etc) to signing a contract where you give over your rights to what you post and your photo's and such (even if you delete it, they have a copy on a backup somewhere, and can do with it what they like, read the TOS), let alone being dead and not being able to agree to the TOS changes that inevitably happen.
How is it that when someone goes missing, a Facebook page gets made to help find them, yet we can't let people figure out if they want to make a memorial page, fine, but they don't need the original page to do that, nor do they have rights to the material.

[jp1]

JP1: Ha, I just posted on FB about my miserable T ride tonight. Are you in Boston?

Ha, no. I'm in San Francisco. Today was a good transit day. The next time the L Taraval is a mess maybe I'll I'll double post it both on Facebook and here.

[rosarugosa]

I'm glad you had a good commute, JP1. I most certainly did not. Here's my post from yesterday, edited for profanity:
"Long ride home on the subway, jammed in like sardines, and the stale-urine stench of Maura, the homeless woman permeating the air. Maura, who hates this city and all us f*cking b*tches in it, says we never should have separated from Britain. She has a lot to say actually, all of it loud, most of it profane, and not much of it coherent. Why are our mentally ill living on subway cars? What is wrong with our society? Anyway, it's really good to be home."

[TxZen]

Here is something funny that happened today...I deleted my account..now it takes a number of days for it to actually be deleted but as long as you don't log on, it will be gone. Well, my first "I will post to FB" picture- a friend and I had lunch and she wanted a pic...I said "Can you text it to me? I don't have FB." She was in horror and I just laughed. LOL

[saguaro]

I did. Sometimes it's good to just hear her voice. It brings back happy memories for me and only a little sadness. But that's just me.

After a very good friend passed away suddenly, I kept her last voicemail message to me for over two years afterward. It was on her solo trek to the Grand Canyon a few weeks before she died. She left me a message telling me what she was seeing and how it made her think of me. I would probably still have it if it weren't for my accidentally deleting it.

[catherine]

I had one of those wake-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night revelations that horrified me, which was that I am the last keeper of any memories of my great-aunt. I've written about her before. I adored her--she was straight out of Victorian times and she gave me breakfast on Victorian china and she dressed every day, until she died at age 92, in an A-line dress, with stockings, earrings and lipstick, even when no one was coming to visit. She was funny and smart and loving and humble and she provided a sane summer sanctuary from my family's alcoholic environment.

When I realized that I am the ONLY person alive who has any memory of her goodness, I almost felt a sense of panic and obligation to somehow pass her memory on.

So, yeah, if Facebook existed a few decades ago, and she were on it, I would be so happy and relieved to have the memory of Florence Louise Dickenson, b.1881 and d.1973, preserved in some way.