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View Full Version : Ambiguous feelings about stuff?



pinkytoe
3-3-15, 5:31pm
I have had a year long goal to prepare for retirement by getting rid of a lot of stuff to sell the house. However, I can't seem to get past these ambiguous feelings about certain items. For example, I have a lot of glassware stuffed in a china cabinet that belong to some other time in my life (when I was an antique dealer). It may or may not have any monetary value depending on whether or not I can sell some of it. It is probably time to let most of it go but the hassle factor keeps setting in. I don't know where to start and until we figure out where we will end up, I don't seem very motivated to do anything about it. This same dynamic applies to all sorts of categories of stuff in the house - decor, old furniture, books, etc. Would you press on with decluttering even if you didn't know what your next living situation would be? I think we are at that point one often sees where old age creeps in and stuff piles up due to procrastination so I am looking for inspiration. Hoping this makes sense as it really is starting to bother me. Maybe if I do it in stages?

Chicken lady
3-3-15, 5:53pm
Hi pinkytoe,

I'm sorry you are feeling blocked, but I'm happy to find another person with an elephant to eat (giant project).

I totally get the feeling ambivalent about stuff - "why should I get rid of this now, I might need it." "what i I'm putting my energy in the wrong places?" "what is the optimum approach to getting rid of this"...

I think it's harder to move away from something than toward something. Before you can make good decisions, you need to be able to visualize your retirement. If I told you you were going on a vacation, you wouldn't know what to pack, but if I told you you were going on a ski trip it would be easier - pack the parka, leave the straw hat... But wait, what about a bathing suit? where are we staying? is there a pool? the more detailed you can make your plan/vision the easier it will be to make decisions.

start with why you want to sell your house - clearly you aren't planning to live there, but why? Do you want a smaller place? more or less yard? more community amenities? a different climate? When are you planning to retire? Once you have some goals, you can ask yourself about each item "does this serve my goals?"

pinkytoe
3-3-15, 6:21pm
Yes, I think the lack of clarity about our goals is definitely hindering any progress. We are selling not because we want to particularly but because we can no longer afford to live here in retirement, ie property taxes. And it's a really good time to sell and make a sweet profit. So really our next place is a complete blank at this point. It just feels like I should start the process of getting rid of stuff I don't want to move.

iris lilies
3-3-15, 6:28pm
I guess that I would get close to one of the collections that gives you conflict. Touch it, hold one thing from the collection, look at it. Does it still give you pleasure? Then keep it. If you are only keeping things because these concepts come into play:

*I should keep it because I bought it once and I am still that same person
* I should keep it because I can't get the amount of money that I paid for it
* I should keep it because I still want to be the kind of person who enjoys that item
* I should keep it because it signals to others the kind of person I am

...then get rid of the item. Who want to live their lives according to a bunch of "shoulds?"

But understand that the decision to get rid of something, and then the practical effort in doing so are two different things. You can decide to jettison something, but then find that you can't sell it (if that's what you intended.) Don't let theoretical value in your head trump your decision to get rid of something.

And then, keep in mind that you can usually replace something if you really regret getting rid of it.

I got rid of my mom's sponge wear jug and even though I used it in a practical way, I worried about it sliding off the counter and breaking on the floor. I wanted it to be safe, and in my house it would either have to be unsafe and used or it would have to leave. I'm not going to store it or even "display" it because it's not in my Victorian style. So I occasionally think about it, but don't really regret its absence. so that's another tip: maybe thinking about something isn't necessarily regret.

Chicken lady
3-3-15, 6:35pm
Well, if I were selling my house, I would start thinking about where I was going next.

Do you need to decluttering to stage for sale? Can you move through the rooms staging them and boxing things up to move or sell? Maybe you will want to donate stuff to offset the taxes from making money on your house? That might be easier than selling it.

Teacher Terry
3-3-15, 8:34pm
When I knew I wanted to downsize I got rid of my collections but did keep 1-3 items from them that I really loved. I knew my new place would not have a family room for instance because I did not want one so sold that furniture. Even though it would be a few years between getting rid of stuff & selling I just started to visualize what size I wanted, # of rooms, etc & then sold the rest of the furniture, etc. Some of the collectible antiques/glassware, etc I sold at a big loss to antique shops or I donated to fundraisers for silent auction items. In the end when we did move we still have more stuff then I wanted so I continued the process until it felt right. I find that as I age I want less nik-naks. I don't like a sterile look but just not as cluttered. Good luck:).

ctg492
3-4-15, 5:00am
It is hard I know and understand. Having moved way way way to many times. Twice I left furnished homes as it was overwhelming. One even the dishes and bedding. I am faced again with I know I am not staying where I am, where I returned to. The house has everything in it. I have stuff to get rid of, but why, how, when??? I spun this around so many times in my head that I gave up. When the time happens I willl deal with it then.

ApatheticNoMore
3-4-15, 1:03pm
Moving seems to be the one thing that makes me want to get rid of stuff (oh what a pain moving is, and I don't know that I own that much (less than most from seeing their dwellings and I don't mean hoarders), but oh what a pain moving is! Maybe if I only owned 100 things it wouldn't be - but I doubt that's ever realistically going to happen - but oh how tempting owning 100 things is when you have to move!!!). I'm pretty sure I'll move sometime too, oh probably within the general area, I'm just not entirely happy with this apartment or my commute at present mostly, although having lived in terrible apartments I know it's alright, certainly affordable relative to much else out there. Yea not only is moving an immense amount of work it also costs boatloads of money (first and last month rent, moving expenses etc. etc.). It leaves one poorer for sure, but that's life.

Teacher Terry
3-4-15, 9:01pm
I have moved 30 times in my life so I have gotten good at paring down when needed. The worst was when all 3 kids were at home & we had been in a large house for 14 years. Boy did we have stuff & we rented the biggest uhaul but still many things had to go.