View Full Version : i think my SIL unfriended me
i am on Facebook for a couple reasons and i don't have too much drama stuff so it is okay. i have 60 friends between a few friends, relatives and the buddhist groups and teachers i follow. i today i tried to invite some friends who expressed interest to my daughter's nail business page and noticed my SIL was not on the list. a few days ago i was still getting pictures of what my niece and nephew were doing in their choir concerts so it has been really in the last day. there are 2 possible things, one is that she posted a picture showing a full fridge as how a poor person is stocked and an empty fridge for the middle class person. well my mom volunteers and is on the board of a food bank and i work with very low income people, my mom posted a reply just saying not true. i then explained to my mom that her post had no 'likes' so she didn't need to comment, it was clear that even her friends were not in agreement.
then pat robertson, we talked about it at my group last night and the buddhists i know are pretty much going to blast some peace or something. really i didn't think it would affect me and i had no interest in reacting. but then my SIL seems to have dropped me. i am just sad i think, when we are together she shared comfortably and openly about some difficulties in her marriage to my brother. she has also shared some difficulty my niece has with dad (my niece and i share a birthday). i have known forever we are in very different worlds, and it is difficult, if i lived in their town i know we would not be friends.
i don't think there is anything to do or fix, but i am not having a family wide drama with this so i just came here to say this is sad.
Is there any chance you could send her a private email and just mention that you noticed she wasn't in your list and that you hope you didn't offend her in any way and apologize if you did but understand if she is wanting to limit her list and cleaned it up.
i think i could try, our family is famous for not talking about issues. i have stayed away from it because my mom has a SERIOUS issue with her mother and makes sure that my SIL's parents are not invited to anything. so i have told my SIL that the rest of the family does not feel the same way and left it at that. i honestly don't know what is up, my SIL's parents have been nice to me but at grandma's funeral the sermon did tell me i was a heathen destined for hell. Kinda awkward. more awkward than the annual 'america is christian' message that i ignore on FB every year. maybe i would have an issue with SIL's parents if i knew them better as well. i always figured it was because of the grandparent competition for the grandkids which i will not touch!
i like the way that you put that, i can say i understand if she is cleaning up, and i wanted to make sure she and my niece are invited to the nail business Facebook party. that would be simple enough.
now i want to check all my last few posts and see if i said anything weird, hmm.
iris lilies
3-10-15, 10:17am
Just this week I cleaned up my FB list of friends, and I deleted my brother. This has nothing to do with any ill will I have toward my brother ,but has more to do with maintaining some anomninity on FB. My brother posts a lot of political items and I agree with them, even!
i can still go out to see his FB page if I like, he doesn't block any info to the public.
so,one never knows the reason for de-friending anyone.
also, while I,m sure that you are aware of this, many of us consider FB "parties" to be no more than taking advantage of personal relationships to make a sales pitch. Not sure that I would make sure she is invited. If it were a real party that you were hosting--that is different.
goldensmom
3-10-15, 11:55am
I regularly cull my FB friends list because FB is a communication tool for me, a 2-way communication tool and if they have not shown interest in communicating with me then they are gone. I doubt they even notice. I have unfriended family because they do not comment on my posts and/or whose posts are demenaing or defaming (not talking political) because it means nothing to me and I have no comment to make on their posts. There is the small possibility that your SIL did not unfriend you but was a gremlin of FB. If you want, send her a friend request and if it is not accepted or ignored the let it go.
also, while I'm sure that you are aware of this, many of us consider FB "parties" to be no more than taking advantage of personal relationships to make a sales pitch. Not sure that I would make sure she is invited. If it were a real party that you were hosting--that is different.
completely agree with this. I regularly delete people who are making a pitch of any kind.......even girl scout cookies. To me FB is more for entertainment and relationships than sales parties. Even when I had our business page on there I didn't push sales. I did post a photo of whatever was new out of the glass furnace or something about the next show we'd be at but I never said "this is for sale"......that being said if someone said "that's it, I have to have that piece" then I'd private message them to see if they really did want it and we'd arrange the sale that way. (I actually made about $4000.00 off facebook the last year our glass page was on there.)
I would give serious consideration to defriending anyone, family or otherwise, that sent me any kind of MLM or selling party or other kind of selling opportunity. Just the way I am made up.
I have also deleted friends who constantly posted demeaning political or religious comments. Did it to my brother once during a political campaign. I will not tolerate racial or homophobic comments from anyone. Took him a couple of years to clean up his act.
ps: I just had to sit thru a sales pitch during a sewing retreat from one of the "leaders" trying to sell some skin care product being sold by her daughter. It was all I could do not to say something since we were captive and had not agreed to listen to some "snake oil" sales pitch or been invited so we could decide whether to listen or not.
Chicken lady
3-10-15, 2:18pm
the op said she was inviting "friends who expressed interest" so I'm guessing these were people who had indicated a desire or possible desire to be invited. - like "Be sure you invite me because I want to support her" or at least "if you do that let me know and I'll take a look."
i am not on facebook. back when parties were all at people's houses, I used to tell friends that I appreciated the invitation, but I was absolutely not going to buy anything, so I'd pass. Some of them said "come anyway" and I'd repeat "I'm really not going to buy anything. And I'm not going to feel at all bad about it." but a few of them would still say come anyway. Then I would, and I wouldn't buy anything. Helps you get to know your friends - or at least helps them get to know you better - lol.
Yah, I agree with everyone, here. And, I love them all very, very much. Y'know, I have been unfriended on F-Book more times than I can shake a stick at. It is because of my Radically-Moderate political views. People don't respect you if you are Radically-Moderate. Also, no one wants to buy Tupperware, anymore, especially from littlebittymee. The first few times, I was very, very depressed, and required hospitalization for clinical something-or-other. But, after some good therapy, I have adjusted. Now, I actually look forward to being defriended, because it simplifies and cleans up and rearranges my F-Book Account all Nice N' Neat, the way I like it. Not all cluttered and messy. See? Hope that helps you kids some. Thankk mee. Disclaimer: Not trying to be funny, or clever, and I never, ever made the Honor Roll, so don't go complaining and whining about how "stupid" and "not the least bit funny" this is---well, Duhhhh--it won't work. Ha. Gotcha.
ToomuchStuff
3-10-15, 4:40pm
You came here to vent. Your response to a person who doesn't like discussions, but talking points/snippets, would be drama. Your not going to change a person, as the person must first be prepared to change themselves. Then IMHO/E, you can have an intelligent discussion (verses belittling the person).
I agree that you don't know why she dropped you. Did she express interest in coming to the party, or was she saying more of a good luck to her about the business? (might not want spam/unsolicited invites) Could it be that she didn't like you scolding your mother? Just from your post there could be lots of reasons, are you blocked from seeing her page entirely? (that should tell you something)
Religion generally is about making someone feel superior to others, IMHO/E. It caused a lot of problems between my grandfather and his siblings (some didn't talk for 40 years, others never talked again), and even caused drama in my life (deathbed conversation that I wished would have gone to their grave). I view it as a crutch that some use in place of drugs or alcohol, just a coping mechanism. When you see it that way, you don't get angry and tend to feel more pitty that is something they feel they need.
iris lilies
3-10-15, 5:06pm
I think the OP has not communicated with her sister in law about the Jamberry party so that's not a reason for the SIL to be miffed. I just think that it might become a reason to be miffed, if one already is leaning in that direction. ;)
I think the OP has not communicated with her sister in law about the Jamberry party so that's not a reason for the SIL to be miffed. I just think that it might become a reason to be miffed, if one already is leaning in that direction. ;)Yes, I completely agree; being miffed is an extreme reaction. However, I might be able to understand if they were "piqued", which I believe is a mashup of the expressions "P.Oed" and "ticked". But, on the other hand maybe I am way out of line, here. Maybe that makes no sense. Just trying to help. Not trying to be funny. Thankk Mee.
wow,lot of conversation while i was at work. i had not invited her yet, i was just looking at the list of people to invite. she ran a bead business for years and would let us know now and then by email or FB if she had a new catalog so that isn't unusual. no one took it badly.
i really don't know what happened, i hadn't considered that it could be a gremlin or mistake. it just brought up sadness that i have listened to a lot and care a lot but it hasn't had an effect the way i would really like and feel appreciated for. of course it could just be that she doesn't like my posts.
you can totally whack me upside the head, it looks like i am her friend again or still or something, i am glad i double checked a second way based on the comments here instead of assuming. it looks like she had already joined my daughter's Facebook page for the business and that is why she didn't show up on a list of people i could invite,
still sad that we disagree in some ways that affect being close, including the religious part, but i am not going to lose family relationships over this.
well good! And we had some good discussion on the topic.
Zoe, just what kind of business is it that you/your daughter are running? I really need to know. You must tell me. Also, did you check the YouTube Video of Seattles' "The Crying Spell" doing their rendition of "How Soon Is Now"? It is kind of grungy is spots, but on the whole, much more listenable than the original by The Smiths. Hope that helps you some. Thankk Mee.
Zoe, I am sitting here, holding my breath until you reply. Are you intentionally wanting littlebittymee to turn blue, waiting for your response?
no packy, just wasn't looking at this since i was mistaken in the end. My daughter is selling jam berry nail wraps. they are vinyl nail covers that you warm and press on. they have been working well for me and i have poor quality nails. as for music, i haven't checked it out yet just got the hang of pandora. it has been a helluva a week at work, staff stuck in a hostage situation and missed shift, little boy showed his parts to the group, and last night adults brawling in front of the school during my program time (gang families). so i haven't really been here, i need another silent retreat.
Teacher Terry
3-13-15, 12:47pm
Zoe Girl, just read your post & that all sounds terrible. Yep, time for a new job!
no packy, just wasn't looking at this since i was mistaken in the end. My daughter is selling jam berry nail wraps. they are vinyl nail covers that you warm and press on. they have been working well for me and i have poor quality nails. as for music, i haven't checked it out yet just got the hang of pandora. it has been a helluva a week at work, staff stuck in a hostage situation and missed shift, little boy showed his parts to the group, and last night adults brawling in front of the school during my program time (gang families). so i haven't really been here, i need another silent retreat.Thank you. Nail Wraps! I would never have guessed that in a million years. Well, I guess I can't help you kids out by being a client. I only need: Catt Food, Dogg Food, Bicycle Parts, and of course Packard Spares. But, not nail wraps. Sorry.
Zoe Girl, just read your post & that all sounds terrible. Yep, time for a new job!
actually i don't mind that part of my job at all, not that i seek out all this excitement however none of those incidents are part of why i would look for a new job. hmm funny
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