View Full Version : update on my daughter
so i saw my daughter today and she is going into the month long rehab program sometime this week. they have been good, and her father does not need to know which was a big concern and block for her. it is a very good thing, she feels sick, she does not sleep very well at all, and has not been able to do much on her own. when she is like this (talking to me) it is the greatest. i can't bring her food but i can visit and it is about an hour away. i will need to use some time off work in order to get there during visiting time but that is okay.
i realize i have been half holding my breath this last couple months.
Hard being the mom on her own during such situations so good for you for holding strong.
Why would her father be opposed; does he have a better idea? A philosophical objection?
Zoe
I am glad to hear your news! I will be thinking of you all and hoping for the best results.....be a mother is hard..........
with dad, she hasn't lived with him since she was 15 or 16, but last year she still lived with me when their dad tried to have her brother put into a mental hospital for school truancy and lied about the psychiatrist to me and my son, lied to the psychiatrist, and ultimately didn't get what he wanted. I can say the 3 of us were awesome at handling that. She could make a connection to my son when i couldn't and he really needed it. But that is why i didn't call her dad when she came to me. She is 21 and doesn't have to tell him anything that would interfere with making the best choices for herself.
the kids all have hyphenated names and most of the time don't use dad's name although they did go see him for brother's birthday today.
Good grief; no wonder she's doing this on the down-low. I wish her the best.
thank you, i am hoping that the month long treatment can get into some deeper stuff and at least get the eating and sleeping well regulated. there are things about dad she will need to eventually deal with and not from me is best.
btw she still has the book i gave her! it is a recovery book by the most awesome punk buddhist that i gave her. i think that the focus will be closer to the way she was raised than AA although anything that works is good.
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btw she still has the book i gave her! it is a recovery book by the most awesome punk buddhist that i gave her. i think that the focus will be closer to the way she was raised than AA although anything that works is good.
I would have serious problems with AA, their dogma, their jargon, their monopoly of treatment. So I'm glad she has the Buddhist book to guide her. She's ready, and that's a good thing.
ApatheticNoMore
3-23-15, 12:11am
Hooray rehab ... of her own volition!!! Cause for celebration! Has the best chance of working of most of what's out there IMO (even in the cases when there are relapses having been in rehab is helpful in getting back to sobriety in time).
I would have serious problems with AA, their dogma, their jargon, their monopoly of treatment.
yea lots of people do. My sibling raged against it, and much of it did seem kind of nutty (the obsession with hitting bottom, one was destined not to recover until they hit bottom - what a cop out), the big deal over the 1 year anniversary (sounds good, but after that peak it can be hard to keep going because you've had your 1 year what's left to look forward to ...) And I'm not sure the stats are really that great on the effectiveness, though obviously it works for some and they swear by it (and most rehabs incorporate it of course).
Maybe it works (when it does) because however much and whatever one may find to disagree with it, it's still often more functional than the hard addicts existing worldview. I've read a lot of variations on the 12 steps (trying to give helpful steps for addicts) and I like most of them better than the original 12 steps. Stuff like make amends to the world at large as we all have things to atone for (addict or no) - heck that appealed to me and I've neither a hard addiction nor a murder under my belt :).
There are no hard figures on the success quotient of AA, since part of their way of doing things is not keeping track of much of anything. Makes it hard to research, though studies have suggested that 12-step programs have overall, a very low success rate, all things considered. They have their disclaimers, their caveats, to defend against critics, right from the get-go. So, because of the 12-step programs' very nature, I would say that it would only be effective on people who are "hard wired" for the same psychological features religiosity or spirituality requires in an individual. Some people are just not suitable candidates, yet others are. For the cynic--if you have legal problems as a result of substance abuse, and are "forced" into a program to avoid other consequences, you may find yourself becoming an abstainer simply because you are sick and tired of waking up sick and tired of 12-step meetings! Not trying to be funny.. Hope that helps you some. Thankk me.
So glad to hear this! One Day At A Time, for all involved, is my best advice, learned from experience. My daughter just celebrated two years clean and sober (again). She relapsed after the first two years but quickly got back into the path of recovery, thank god. It is amazing how much she has grown and matured since she got sober the second time, and most of the time I truly believe sobriety is what she wants. She is doing a lot of therapy, meds for her Bi-Polar, and a year-long DBT group, all on her own volition. I have nothing to do with anything other than she knows I am there to help and support her as she learns more coping mechanisms for the day-to-day struggles of living clean.
I wish your family all the best during the healing process.
Good news! I hope she has a productive thirty days that get her started on a positive trajectory. It's hard, as a parent, to have to sit and wait for a grown child to make needed changes; but it's so rewarding when they do.
thank you all, i went to my meditation group last night and told one of my friends i am in a study group with. She seemed to really understand how your attention is always somewhat on a child who is having a hard time. that makes sense of my not really distracted-ness but a way that part of my attention is towards her more than usual. rather hippy-dippy way to talk about it. i was going to the support site that is very good, i recommend it, but i am finding enough support right now as i go into another study period with a group of women that will go well into the fall. one book in our study program is Parenting From the Inside Out.
your attention is always somewhat on a child who is having a hard time.
I don't think I've ever met a mom who didn't want the best for her child. (I know there are people out there who just don't care but....I haven't met them). We always wish there were something we could do to make things good even when the journey of life is hard.
I'm glad to hear she is going into the rehab program. I'll be praying for her.
She went in this morning, well I assume. If she is in the program then she does not have a phone available. Her boyfriend has not contacted me to tell me if it went okay.
This afternoon I just slumped, totally tired. I do work a lot but the last few days I keep waking up and running through my day on sheer caffeine and willpower. My new assistant asked if I was okay it was that obvious. I had to stay a little later at work since it was Zumba Night and it is my job to check everyone in and out. I have felt so tied to my daughter recently and there is a history of me knowing things like when they are sick or distressed from far away. I hope this means she is there and is finally sleeping and starting recovery.
I think I am going to pick up something meat for dinner, whatever I can eat since I don't usually eat meat. My body feels like it needs a boost,
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I think I am going to pick up something meat for dinner, whatever I can eat since I don't usually eat meat. My body feels like it needs a boost,
My mother would approve. ;-)
Take care of yourself; your daughter is likely in good hands.
[QUOTE=JaneV2.0;200873]My mother would approve. ;-)
my mother would approve but please don't tell her, next thing you know she will be driving out crock pots full of pork products and expecting me to agree that daily multiple meat products are necessary for health, i ended up not eating meat, it is always a risk since my system is not used to it.
i got to talk to my daughter yesterday! She called and i have a phone number and a special code if i want to call. i think i will let her call me and there is one time i may visit. i hear it is only a 30 minute time and longer on Saturday but i have the nun i help support in the same area ( 1 1/2 hours a away) so i can plan on seeing both for that long of a drive. right now she is in a detox area and then will move to another section when she is physically cleared for that. She sounded fine, not the uber bubbly that we all now have confirmed is her drinking self. But clear and sober but not depressed.
okay update is that they are not keeping her for 30 days, she has to have a long history of this or something. in any case that means if she has a support plan they may release her Monday. i am a little concerned as i said in another thread, but at least she is getting sleep medications and trying those.
i am telling my mom the minimum really, and today i told her about her maybe being released early. My mom has already been talking about the beautician school my daughter can go to, and she checked for financial aid online, and she and my aunt had facials at the school, Geez!!! the kid probably needs to get on her feet and maybe a chance to talk about what she wants to do. i understand this as my mom' way to deal with unknowns and stress.
Teacher Terry
3-29-15, 7:40pm
I am sorry they are not keeping her longer. It is all about the $ the insurance co has to pay & it pisses me off. My son went in & they only kept him for 5 days. He quickly relapsed & he is an alcoholic. He gets the shakes when he quits drinking. A program needs to be 30 days to give someone the best shot at making changes. I hope things work out for her:))
flowerseverywhere
3-30-15, 3:42pm
Hang in there!
Have you you considered bringing your mom to al-anon meetings? Even if you don't buy into it yourself sounds like she might get some useful info. Perhaps if you phrased it like "I want to do everything I can to help DD. Will you go with me so we can learn how to best support her?"
Personally i can't think of anything more ridiculous than your mom looking into school and financial options for her at this tender time. The young lady needs a lot of positive support and when she is ready, can take a training path. It isn't't about what everyone else thinks is best for her or wants for her, it is all about her and what she wants for herself when she is ready.
thanks flowers, my mom lives 10 hours away so it isn't going to affect dd, she jut talks to me. i think my mom considered al anon almost when my uncles, her brother, had to go back to rehab at age 65 or so. her functional alcoholism probably wouldn't have been compatible. i just want dd to be healthy and know she has family with her
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