ME and My Iissues

[ctg492]

I have many as I am sure everyone does. I know that 1 facing issues, 2 accepting you have an issue, then 3 dealing with the change you want to make, is the way to handle personal Issues. I have 1 and 2 down pat. 3 I am stuck at. I have a great idea how to correct the personal issue or faults as I feel they are, I just seem to be stuck implementing the plan.
I am a Debbie Downer. :|( There I have said it. I have faced it and stated it for all to know I am aware. This all happened in the last year and half of caregiving and traveling. I was not like that before in my life. I had a Life Is Good sticker on my car, till last year when I ripped it off.

I starting today to correct this.

Open for suggestions please. How did you make a change in your personality if you had too?

[Float On]

That's hard.

I try to:
Think slowly before I speak.
Measure my words (less said the better).
Be purposeful in all I do (requires some thinking sometimes).
Meditate/Pray on change - involves being Mindful (a new catch phrase of the year it seems - there is a lot on Mindfulness out there).
Be content.

[herbgeek]

Why do you want to change? What will happen differently if you change? Usually focusing on where you want to be, makes it a little easier to implement changes that you want. You may need to think through your plan and get to more detail in your plan, if that is what is tripping you up. Maybe your plan doesn't have anything really "actionable", for example, be more positive. How exactly are you going to do that and in what situations? What will you say instead of your usual? What could be a trigger for you to try out this new behavior? How can you start small to practice?

Being a Debby Downer has served you, or else you wouldn't have been doing it. What do you get out of that? What will you be giving up to embrace a new behavior? Maybe you got sympathy, or escaped blame for following a course of action because you already said it wouldn't work.

Change is hard for anyone, even if you're motivated. We are creatures of habit, and changing habits requires brain power and attention. Be gentle with yourself.

[Valley]

Herbgeek...what a wonderful reponse!

[SteveinMN]

To feed off what herbgeek said, one of the greatest "weapons" in changing behaviors is to realize that, in almost every case, the behavior did not manifest itself overnight and it won't be changed overnight. When I decided to live more simply, the day afterward there still was a ton of stuff in my house and lots of expenses and many hours spent on time commitments.

Getting rid of the stuff, as an example, required getting past several arguments: "I might need that someday." "I paid so much/worked so hard/looked so long for that." "It must be worth something. I'll sell it on ebay or craigslist." (followed by several weeks of not doing that and eventually giving it away) "I'll fit into it eventually." They all seemed like valid reasons at the time. Once I resolved them in my mind, it was easier to start shedding possessions. And once I started shedding possessions, it was easy to shed more of them.

You first have to decide that this change is what you truly want. Then you can go on to the next step, which is a kind of manifestation: "What I'm about to do is what positive people do." Positive people do not assume a sniffle means they're going to die a horrible death. Positive people drive into the parking ramp thinking 'I'm sure there's a spot in here'. Positive people realize they have what they need even if it's not what they (think they) want. The more you act positive, the more you will do that's positive, and the more you will know you are positive.

[sweetana3]

I often have to think about "what is the worst thing that could happen?" Once I put that behind me, or figure out how to addresss, I can continue on with the action which might still be uncomfortable.

[Gregg]

I can offer no proof and tend to be rather mute about this around RL family and friends, but I believe with all I am that positives attract positives and negatives attract negatives. From other people or in OL forums or from the universe in general. I have seen that in my own life more times than I can count.

My Rx won't be yours ctg492, but I can tell you that making sure to take care of myself is a critical part of it for me. No rocket science, just a decent diet, some exercise, a good amount of fresh air and sunshine (and sunblock :)). Then my branches go out to watching sunsets/rises, playing music, conversing with interesting people... You get the idea. Do what works for you and know that I think its a wonderful thing you're doing. That's my little cosmic vibe to help you get started.

[Zoe Girl]

self compassion, since you said that you used to not be this way. there is a reason for being this way, a purpose for this way of being in the world. i also a very different and not all of it is for the better. i am harsher and kinder at the same time, and not a pushover. so i would start with a lot of self compassion for where you are and why you are feeling this way. not excuses for bad behavior, not self pity, just some honest self compassion.

And then decide if you want to change this, is this the time for it? do you have energy right now, is it safe, do you have the support? honestly we don't all need to be 'fixed', but awareness of where we are at does so much

[ctg492]

I am hard on myself and know things are getting better in my situation and hence so is my attitude. Correct it took almost two years to become downer donna, hopefully faster to be perky polly again.