okay going to look for a new place and family anxiety

[Zoe Girl]

i think i am going to have to let go of some stuff that will really bother me this time. i talk about the older generation getting rid of stuff and now i am having a hard time with the bunk beds i always wanted to hand down to grandchildren. the added thing is that my parents have always wanted me to keep them since they bought them when my girls were little (now 21 and 24). i said something to my sister about how i had offered to rent a truck and bring it to their house, and her response was that they wouldn't have room for them. it just sparked something, they live in what i consider a very large house. 4 bedrooms all reasonably full of everything for 2 people. really storing 2 bunk beds disassembled is such a freakin hardship, especially when i hear about it. other things don't get to me because i didn't care. so i probably need to rent a storage space for awhile, the last time i did a major downsize it was super useful. i had some time to go through papers, decide about the things i care about like the musical equipment, and all that.

i think i wanted to blog about the process because so many people are downsizing and there are some good and bad ideas.

[sweetana3]

Zoe, from an outside observer they are just bunk beds. You are a better hand me down than any furniture and so you should concentrate on your life, simplicity and improvement. The beds do not add any value to your life or your kids lives.

I understand the feelings (because I have my own special items) but reality has hit. Your sister is not responsible for storing your possessions no matter the size of her house. If your parents wanted you to keep them, they should make arrangements and pay to keep them now.

They can be replaced quickly and easily for the money you are going to spend on a storage unit. I guarantee. Grieve for the lost memory and keep something small from their childhood or take a picture.

[Zoe Girl]

okay thank you, and i am not asking my sister who has 2 growing kiddos but my parents who are alone in the 4 bedroom house that is dedicated to saving stuff. But i may need to leave some grieving time for some items honestly.

[Zoe Girl]

drove around, didn't get to see the inside of any places but at least have an idea of the neighborhood ( and checked my gps to see the drive time to work). kinda disheartening.

[lhamo]

You shouldn't pay for storage to keep these beds. You are not in a financial position to do so.

Have you actually asked your PARENTS about storing them? I wouldn't leap to conclusions about what they think/feel based just on what your sister said. Ask them. If they say they don't have room let them know you will be getting rid of them. If they want to keep them, they can pay for the storage.

I understand the pain of divesting yourself of stuff that is tied to your identity, especially dreams of the life that might be/might have been. I got rid of my ENTIRE academic book collection when we left NYC. As well as 98% of our household goods. It was incredibly painful and I cried a lot. Especially over the books. Getting rid of those essentially meant accepting that I would never return to the academic life. But it was the right thing to do and after the immediate pain, I have never regretted it.

Good luck with your housing search. I've been trolling craigslist for weeks trying to get a sense of the Seattle market, and it sure is depressing. Sooooo expensive compared to when we lived there before. Granted, we last rented an apartment in 1999, so it is understandable that costs have gone up considerably. But still depressing. Trying to figure out if it is worth it to pay more for a place I will really love/be happy in, or just suck it up and rent something cheap for the year. I'll probably end up with something in the middle as I just can't stomach the idea of paying upwards of $3k for a nice little 3br house within reasonable commuting distance of the university.

[JaneV2.0]

I'm looking at estimates of over $450K for a 3-bedroom in my neighborhood. I imagine after I finish paying for repairs, I won't get nearly that out of it. Zillow says it would rent for about $2200.

(Welcome back, Lhamo!)

I'm currently in the process of transferring large quantities of useful stuff to charity. As slowly as I move, it may take me a year to be packed and ready to go. Where, who knows...

I agree, Zoegirl--just ask your parents directly. They may take the furniture with no fuss. Also, be careful of planning for your children--they may not want offspring or bunk beds, either one.

[ApatheticNoMore]

I guess I am resigned to if I move I might have to go down to a studio, because sure rents go up and my salary goes nowhere of course. And really the only main reason for moving is commuting, 40 minutes each way if I get in late and stay late (which I tend to anyway). But 10 minutes of that is literally getting to and out of the parking lot (only 30 minutes each way is true commuting), so I'd have to really time a commute to see if I was actually gaining much.

[Zoe Girl]

thank you all for being in reality! it is very expensive here, i have paid $1250 for 5 years for a 3 bedroom with extra room in the basement. of course there are holes in some walls, the bedroom is 80 past 10 pm in the summer and 50 in the winter, 4 blocks away is the nudey bar but that doesn't really affect us. so i was hoping to get to $900/950 for a 2 bedroom apartment and the one place like that i would not feel safe hanging around outside my door.

i am finding some things in my range, made a lot of calls and sent a lot of requests through zillow. that is super helpful to me. i need to talk to my dad tomorrow, he offered his little suv to me when my car is getting too old and expensive to fix, i would like to pass my car to my son so we can have a wider range of places to live and he can still get to work. i am looking based on bus lines a little so far.

on the beds, yes they want me to keep them, we have been through this before with a table and other items so i know it is not as simple as just donating/selling an item, and i have asked a few times, they do not have room or want to store them. my mom does not have a great relationship with reality, the similar situation with a kitchen table is still simmering, i threw it into the back yard at one point and then dropped it at goodwill, she said 'it is a good table's up to the end even though it did not fit in my place and she did not want to store it even if i paid to drive it out. that was 2 years ago, she just makes random comments about my kitchen table. She really thinks that i will get bigger and better, with less money and of course i am going to have nicer stuff in the process. since i talk to her a lot i am just trying to work her into the reality of this move. i figure 40% of our stuff needs to go in some fashion. if i keep her thinking that someday i will be a buddhist nun with no belongings that helps :)

lhamo, i am glad you will be in the US, at least for awhile, i owe a good friend a visit to the Seattle area sometime so let me know when you are officially moving. And you really hit it with the emotional stuff. i have done this before, for all my tough talk about downsizing there are some things that are still sensitive to me. one was the old subaru (manual transmission) that i wanted to replace the engine and get running. i know that sounds funny but i still feel i wanted to rebuild that car. i will pay storage for the american girl dolls and family quilts, (yeah, my mom wouldn't store those either, i asked). i am to sure how to deal with the boxes of photos and the bank box for each of the kids' memories, that is all i am saving and i am still not sure how i will have room. i go through paperwork every time but still am trying to process it all into a digital system i feel confident about. then crafting, every move i toss all projects i am not going to finish in a couple months. i have been sewing and working on great projects but i can't necessarily keep this up. i am hitting some sadness, like i want to believe i don't really have to do this. ahhh, thank you for listening so much

[Karma]

Don't be mad at your sister for not wanting to store your "stuff". No way I would take on storing other people's stuff for them, no matter how much room I had. Good for your sister to set boundaries! You are just holding on the dream of passing them on, guess what if they may not even want old furniture! I had a similar situation when we decluttered this year, I had a rocking chair that was mine as a child given to me from my grandmother, it had been in the back of the garage for years waiting for a grandbaby we may never have. I sold it in a garage sale and it felt good even though it pained me to put it out there. I was giving up on my expectations and attachment to an outcome not on a piece of furniture.