roommate

[margene]

She and her 16 years old daughter moved in here 3 months ago. She doesn't have a job therefore I'm not charging her rent. I feel like there's not enough effort being put towards finding a job. I read on her facebook page about her suffering from ptsd due to mistreatment from her family. She has no support. I'm probably the closest support she has which I'm not all that supportive either. She tends to annoy me with non stop talking. When I got home from work last night I was kinda of bitchy about the job situation. She hasn't come out of the bedroom since. Now I'm feeling stressed and guilty. If she has ptsd I'm not sure how to deal with it.

[razz]

When did you decide to make the decision for her about not being responsible for paying rent? We all pay rent in some fashion, whether cash or in kind.
Set a time limit like 4 weeks for rent-free for two employable individuals and then out, IMHO.

[catherine]

When did you decide to make the decision for her about not being responsible for paying rent? We all pay rent in some fashion, whether cash or in kind.
Set a time limit like 4 weeks for rent-free for two employable individuals and then out, IMHO.

+1

You don't owe her your peace of mind.

[CathyA]

I know this is a tough situation for you. But I agree with what the others have said. If she's destitute, then have her get in touch with people/agencies that might help her. Good luck! I know it's hard to not feel responsible for some people at times, but it's okay to require something of them. You can help her find alternatives, like contacting certain agencies for help.

[Suzanne]

What is the roommate doing to find a job? Is she answering ads and submitting resumes? Is she physically fit enough to take on high-stress low-pay work like waitroning while seeking a better position? In fairness, getting a job isn't as easy as getting a glass of water from the faucet. One of my nephews sent out around 40 resumes a week, answering any ad for any job he could do, and it took 5 months before he got employed. He had to move to another state to get that job.

The 16 year old girl, I assume, is in school. I don't think she should be pressured to find a job, but she can certainly be expected to take on chores around the house. Maybe there are paying opportunities for her, depending on where you live and how hard and costly it would be for her to get to places of employment.

When was the roommate last employed? Studies show that the longer people unsuccessfully seek work, the harder it is for them to find a job. Employers look askance at applicants with long gaps, skills become rusty, and the people's self-confidence drops so they present poorly at interviews. Some junior colleges offer free classes on resume writing and interview skills.

The PTSD claim should be checked. It she is self-diagnosed, I'd be sceptical. If it's genuine, she needs and must get professional help.

[margene]

In answer to all your questions. She has put her name on bulletin boards for elder care. I believe she only wants to take a cash paying job. Something she doesn't have to claim. Although she hasn't told me this. I see help wanted signs everywhere around here. She does keep my kitchen and living room clean. The bathroom that she and her daughter and my son use I'm sure she has to do some cleaning in there since my son is a slob. I don't go in there. She and her daughter helped me clean my garage which was a three hour job. She picked all the cigarette buts in the yard which was alot, other sons doing who is in florida therefore couldn't make him do it. I don't know maybe it's an even tradeoff. I do like not having to do this but I wasn't really looking for a live in housekeeper. I have some animosity towards her due to the fact that she hadn't talked to me in over two years prior to calling me and telling me she's homeless. She had gotten mad and stopped talking to me because she felt I wasn't being sympathetic enough towards her about her sister's treatment of her. On the other hand I think I might be getting a feeling of superiority out of having the upper hand here. This I have to give some thought to. I'm having alot of conflicting feelings here.

[razz]

Margene, does getting a "under the table" job to avoid paying taxes ultimately mean that when she is older she is not eligible for social security payments and supplements? Somehow I h ave never understood avoiding paying taxes as the longterm effect is loss of income when one needs it the most. The US system may be very different but in Canada, one Gov't pension plan (Canada Pension Plan) is based on reported income earned over your lifetime and it can be substantial each month.

You have no grounds for removal if now she pays no rent should you ever decide to toss her out based on the history, I believe. A US renter may have wiser info on this aspect.

[sweetana3]

No FICA tax (SS tax) paid = no credit for time worked for either SS Retirement or Disability.