View Full Version : Pushy, nosy neighbors
One last post..because I need advice.
We have an older couple to the right of us, in their 70's and their son, who live 3 houses to the left of us. They were really nice- at first. I tend not to be someone who gets TOO involved with neighbors because I am just more of a house hermit than I like to admit and I have my friends that come over. Ok- so they have become pushy and nosy to the point my hubby had to step in and say something. He NEVER says anything, easiest guy to get along with.
This started back in November, at Thanksgiving. They invited us over and I clearly stated, twice "No thank you, I have our Thanksgiving covered but thanks for the invite." They asked us again, 2 days before Thanksgiving and I said "No thank you, We have plans." I don't feel I have to explain myself to anyone. The thing is, my hubby works shift works, working nights. We delayed our Thanksgiving to Friday, because he was off. My son and I went and bought tv dinners, popcorn and rented several movies for Thanksgiving, while my hubby was working. I had a nice menu for Friday all planned, including starting the day at the park for a nice family walk.
Thursday afternoon, there is a knock on the door and our neighbors are standing there with a full tray of food. Ok? First, it woke my husband up and second really..after telling them three times..she felt they needed to bring us food. I know..people will think I am mean but I was actually quite angry. It's not like it was a pie but a full on meal with all the fixings. I told her I said we had dinner covered and she left in on the porch. I didn't know what to say.
She came over on Saturday and said she didn't mean to upset us but SHE was upset at our attitude towards their gesture. Um..I didn't ask for it and I said what upset me was I declined your invitation 3x and I felt like a charity case or that you would not listen. She said she was not mad and walked away. Ok..whatever...
Their son..good grief..he does not work because of some disability and he is well in his 50's..how he affords a 2400 square foot home on his own..ok..whatever..so he spends all of his day gossiping around the neighborhood. He is in EVERYONE'S business to the point he ticked off 2 other people on the street who told him to stay out of their yard. He started a fight between 2 neighbors because of his lying gossip and no one really likes him. It has gotten to the point that whenever I would open my garage to go out, here he comes to "chat." He watches in his front window when I come home and races out to talk to me. I now park in the garage and only open it to back out and leave or come in. I have told him multiple times I have to be somewhere in a few minutes and get in my car and just leave. This guy even told me "Hey if I sit in my mom's bathroom, I can see in your yard." CREEPY!!! I have a small child and that's just weird. If I leave to go for walk, I literally race down my driveway to get away fast. Hubby went to his parents, since after telling him to stop harassing me, that he spread rumors and gossips and needs to get a hobby and stop bothering people.
The final straw was 2 weeks ago, they came to the door. She had a box of stuff- blankets, toys, household stuff and asked me if I wanted it. I said no thanks and tried to close the door. She continued on that they noticed we had nothing in our house (They have been in my house 1x and what a mistake that was.) And yes, we live very simple but who are they to assume or judge us? I flipped out people and I am a nice person. I told them to get off my porch and take their stuff with them. 2 days later, it was like nothing happened?!?!? I am not that anti social, just at home, I like my space and I will wave and say hi but keep moving people. LOL
It's like these people don't take no for an answer or see how annoying they are. We feel trapped in our house. I can't even go out and dead head my flowers without them coming over. I just keep working and they keep talking. I said look I need to get this done and get going and they get mad. No one of the street or local area likes them. The kicker is they think they are doing God's work and I don't think annoying people is part of that job description.
I have lived around a lot of strange people with weird habits and the occasional chatty Cathy's but these people take the cake.
Help?
Hubby and I are already making plans to move, though not immediate. We will never live in a planned neighborhood like this again. I rather live in a hut in a the middle of 4 acres. And I hope I don't sound anti-social. In fact, I enjoy people as long as they are not aggressive.
iris lilies
5-11-15, 3:55pm
With the food, I would have been annoyed but would have taken it. You are not required to eat it.
but I would have turned down the "stuff" they bring over. I would be afraid that they would pile more crap on me if I accepted the first load. Their own motivations for acting wouldn't much interest me.
the best you can do,with people like this is to smile widely, VERY widely, and excuse yourself from their presence. Always be very very busy. If they come over while you are working in your yard, deliberately stop what you are doing, give them your complete attention while talking to them for one minute showing your smile and staying on a completely neutral topic (no gossip) and then say "now I must get back to work" and do so. No eye contact while working, no response to their talking. If you have to repeat one more time "I am working now and cannot talk with you" do so.
Here is the skinny and hubby and I don't like to talk about what we "do" vice just doing it.
We are moving forward with plans to downsize greatly, to something really small and something we could leave for weeks at a time without worry. We live a pretty humble life, by choice. We don't talk much about our plans because we truly believe in LIVING out your life instead of looking for praise for it or just talking about it. We do a lot of charity work and want to ramp that up even more while downsizing our personal lives.
That is why our time at home is so precious 1. I don't get to see my hubby all that much and be together as the 3 of us. 2. We are usually preparing for some event and when I have 10 minutes to clean out the garden or sweep my driveway, I do it.
It is just really frustrating because we are very private people, to a point, and I don't like having to explain myself nor waste my time with gossipers.
Oh and we didn't eat the food. I hate to waste it but I threw it out.
No good advice except continuing to ignore all attempted interactions as much as possible, but you have my greatest sympathies. That's a horrible situation to be in in your own home.
iris lilies
5-11-15, 7:11pm
Op, the cardinal rule of life is that you cannot control the actions of others, you can only control your own actions. I get a sense that you have a littl ,bit of a problem in setting and carrying out boundaries in this situation, probably because your annoying neighbors are outrageous in their push against normally accepted social boundaries.
So when you "try" to close the door in your neighbors face, do in fact just close it. Usually when you ( the generic you) say you "try" to do something in response to another person, it means you are attempting to direct and control their action. That's not possible. Also, if your main problem with these folks is their intrusiveness, then focus on that, it does not matter that they wish to do,good,works and be recognized for it. That's not your problem.
but I would still give them a tiny bit of your time, periodically, being extremely animated and happy in your (brief) interaction with them. You never know when you will need them on your side.
in my neighborhood we've got lots of issues in front of us. Today's problem may see me siding with a neighbor while tomorrow's problem will find us on opposite sides.
I like your way of thinking Iris Lilies. Yes, this is outside the norm for me. I WILL Shut that door the next time. :) Thanks.
Yah, they sound pretty strange. Reminds me o' that mooovvveee "What About Bob?". But, look on the bright side: At least they are not possessed by OMS--Obsessive Mowers Syndrome. Well, are they? There are only few things worse--teenage drivers, fireworks year around, loud music, frequent visits to da hood by LEO's. Look at it that way. Today, I am rearranging my storage shed. It also needs some work, being 20 years old, now. There was a Rat, that dashed in front of me, as I was moving things out. Anyway, I get things out, and all of a sudden, Church Guy, who has two full acres to mow, drives his Professional-grade mower over by the shed, and starts doing that area, making a heck of a lot of noise. If he thinks I am going to stop and be VERY glad to see his new Super Mower, like I really envy it, he is wrong. Other than that, they are excellent neighbors. I don't blame you, Txzen--wouldn't want food, either. Their son is weird, and kind of reminds me of Idiot two doors over in my hood.. Idiot spends waaay too much time at home, and thinks he is King of The Hood. I used to ignore him hotlining me periodically, over issues real and imagined. I used to ignore it/ rise above it/ turn the other cheek. That did not work. So, I had to become very aggressive and harass him. That seemed to help.
HA!!! Yes What about BOB!!! LOL
And yes, they are obsessive mowers...ROFL
It's just really strange and it's like people TELL THEM they are annoying and they don't get it. I just feel trapped in my house because when I am on a mission, I don't like to be bothered. I am not going to change my personality because I am not a chatty cathy when I work or go out. It's like at work. If see that person walking with a purpose, don't stop to ask them 100's of questions or detail your recent night out. People are so clueless but they up the anty because they own 2 houses in the 'hood and the mom and son are just plain gossipers. One good thing is he is wary of my husband and so he comes out with me and protects me when he can. So stupid I know but whatever works I guess.
People have told me the son walks all over this neighborhood--guessing about 400 houses now and talks about everyone. I found out because my son's teacher was out in her yard and he was walking his dogs and stopped to chat with her. He told her what street he was on and she knew I lived over here. And then he started gossiping about me and she stopped him and said I Don't believe it, they are good people. See...he starts crap between people on purpose. I don't know why but several people have called him on it. It's just weird all around.
I feel really badly for you. They don't seem to have any ability to catch on to cues.
I am much too much of a hermit to tolerate any of that. I'm afraid I would have to spell it out to them. I would tell them exactly how I felt about their intrusion and ask them to stop coming over at all. I would do the same thing to the son. There's no reason you should have to feel like prisoner in your own home and yard. And if you just smile and cut things short, I'm not sure they'd even get the message.
I'm really sorry you have to deal with this.
Thanks Cathy. They are just weird people without a clue. As I said, they THINK we are a charity case though I did try to explain simple living and minimal living to them for about 4 seconds before they interrupted me. Whatever. Off to close my curtains and turn the lights off. ;)
We have some very similar neighbors on one side and you're right - it's a perpetual thorn. The elderly parents were odd enough but then the dad died and their 60 something only son moved in with the mom. He had her sent to a home, acquired a gold digger wife, inherited the house and trust money when the mom died a year ago. DH actually got into a shouting match with him one day because he didn't like our crepe myrtle dropping flowers on his car which he could move to the other side of the driveway if it really bothered him that much. More episodes but usually about trees for some reason. He has actually cut off any limb that hangs over his property line on all three sides so his yard looks like a big green square. Our trees look like they have had their arms hacked off on that side. And then this same guy brings me bright pink Victoria's Secret boxes with perfume in them or fancy chocolates every Christmas. He also brings our empty trash cans in every week which further infuriates DH now that they no longer speak. Just an irksome situation so I sympathize.
I agree with CathyA. We've all been socialized to not be rude to people. Especially women get socialized this way. You've tried being gentle and polite and your message hasn't gotten across. Now you might as well be blunt and tell them that you really aren't interested in building a friendship with them. Being rude to someone isn't a bad thing if they are perpetually rude to you as these people have been by ignoring your hints. And if you doing that makes them gossip about "how mean you are" to the other neighbors, so be it. The other neighbors already know you and can judge for themselves whether you're "mean". Heck, some of them will probably be jealous that you've shut them down and gotten them out of your life.
And be grateful for the fact that they're not your next door neighbors so at least you won't have issues like pinkytoe does.
The older couple are right next to us..the guy lives 3 down. And yes, he brings up our trash barrel every freakin' week which annoys us because he has to navigate around our cars, which pisses me off. Don't touch my Jeep..it's my baby. LOL He is just odd and I think he does it to see if we will come outside because he does it to other neighbors. We were going to stay in this house but now, we are moving on. We were going to put in a pool but if they are going to sit in their house and watch all our moves, that is just creepy and freaky.
His mom STILL cooks every meal for him and they have to take him everywhere but yet he told us when we first met that he can drive and is looking for a job. Heck, we even sent him to a place (Sorry people for that). His dad does all the yard work for them and him and I think his mom cleans his house. SO what he does all day, we don't get it.
Ok y'all can have a laugh. I think I posted this before but when my mom passed away, the neighbor brought me this huge, heavy gold plated framed picture of Jesus. I kid you not. I was seriously like 20 x 20 and all gilded and about 20 lbs. It was the weirdest thing I have ever gotten in my life.
I feel really badly for you. They don't seem to have any ability to catch on to cues.
I am much too much of a hermit to tolerate any of that. I'm afraid I would have to spell it out to them. I would tell them exactly how I felt about their intrusion and ask them to stop coming over at all. I would do the same thing to the son. There's no reason you should have to feel like prisoner in your own home and yard. And if you just smile and cut things short, I'm not sure they'd even get the message.
I'm really sorry you have to deal with this.
Yes, I would find that all really frustrating. I'm a total doormat and people pleaser, but thankfully I'm married to a man who has NO problem spelling it all out. Whenever I'm pestered by someone, I sic DH on them and I have no problem after that.
ApatheticNoMore
5-12-15, 11:48am
Cathy's advice is right on. Try real assertiveness. Of course if they're too clueless to even get that "what part of stop coming over at all don't you understand?", then I don't know. Restraining order? :laff:
I thought "Restraining Order" time too.
What a creepy situation.
Maybe send a certified letter first. Worded nicely but firmly they are not to come on your property for anything. You are done.
I am going to send hubby over or out again, then go from there. The good thing is I did a Costco haul in matter of minutes from my Jeep to inside. Got my cardio for the day. ;)
iris lilies
5-12-15, 12:55pm
Legal instruments are not called for here and it's unlikely the provocation rises to that level.
Hmmm.....maybe even talk to someone in the police department about how to proceed?......just to get some ideas?
iris lilies
5-12-15, 1:08pm
OP, this will probably be hard for you to hear, but from what you've decribed, you have not been firm enough and enough times with this neighbor. I don't know what your DH said to them. The thanksgiving invitation, for instance--their repetition of that is isn't instrusive on its own. Their coming out to chat with you while you are in your yard is what a lot of neighbors do. I remember similar frustration when I had 20 more minutes of daylight to finish a weeding job multiple times, and my neighbor chose that time to acome out to stand in front of me and flap his jaw.
I have BEGGED DH to not become one of those old men in retirement. We have young people across the street who work on their yards on weekends, and I don't want him over there standing and yapping, taking up their time. People who don't work live on another time standard.
if your bottom line IS as those here have suggested that the neighbors are not to come on your property, you haven't relayed that to neighbors, at least, according to this narrative you have not.
there is no question that the neighbors are annoying and you are perfectly reasonable to find their behavior annoying. But I think you re letting your feelings interfere with your rational plan of action
it is highly likely that you will have to become, in their eyes, mean and unfriendly. That is fine, it doesn't matter what they think of you, they get to feel what they feel about you, just as you get to feel how you feel about them.
Yep..the disease to please..hello me!!! HA!!! I did put my foot down last night. I was taking out the trash and the son was out there. He tried to come over and I told him "Don't have time!" And literally ran in the house. I am working on it. :)
Good job TxZen! They sound awful. Keep up the good work!:+1:
Gardenarian
5-12-15, 1:43pm
I'm one of those people who welcome neighbors stopping and chatting over the fence, but your neighbors sound creepy. If you could get a doberman pinscher, that might do the trick.
That is horrible, I would be more inclined to the hard line approach but even without being super nice I still struggle with these people. I am reminded of the kids' music teacher. Horrible!! I would run the other way if I saw her honestly. On the phone once I told her I couldn't talk because my hair was on fire and she didn't even take a breath. I tried staying outside the lesson room door (it was in her home) and just waving at the end time, I then started talking on my phone at pick up which I normally think is rude. I had a parent in my program the same way, she kept talking after our appointment end. I had other people coming in the room, I had other appointments and I basically had to walk out on her. I have been trying to get my mom to stop filling the kids's stockings every year their entire life as well, buying the outfits for the holidays, etc. Sometimes I just look at the photo albums and want to still cry that I had that taken over.
I actually hear more I should appreciate the other person and what they are offering so maybe I am not on the too nice side. I actually have taken things, a neighbor thought I didn't have a microwave because we were poor and I simply didn't want one so she got me one at a yard sale, my mom is a whole category. I get counseled all the time to appreciate what people are offering, I do to some extent, but when you are super simple living then if someone gives you something you are pretty much stuck with it. I don't just throw things in the trash and even bringing half my household to goodwill doesn't feel great. In this move I have had one junk hauler, one extra trash pick up with 3 mattresses and a couch, and a couple car loads to goodwill.
I would suggest fake cell phone calls the entire time. Just keep it to your ear and just say 'uh-huh' now and then.
I have 130lb dog and a 50 lb dog and one vicious cat. :) It's funny because the other neighbor abhors them too. We give each other the wave and a look and laugh.
Well our barrel was not brought up today...I have never been more overjoyed!!! WOOT WOOT!!!
Yes, we are simple livers. It's hard for people to understand we don't need or want for anything, seriously. Even when we were truly broke, we never wanted for anything other than a safe, comfy place to live, no matter what was in it or how big. I hate people who assume.
Your neighbors remind me of the parents on "Everybody Loves Raymond." But nobody could ever change Frank and Marie....and your crazy neighbors will probably never change, either...so, good luck with your move, and I hope you luck into better neighbors next time!
I think it comes down to a little of both inability to say no, and some weird karma. I bought a co-op, and the first week I moved in I was taking a shower. The exterminator knocked on the door and I ignored it, and ten minutes later I'm standing there stark naked and the old lady from the apartment below me unlocks my door to let him in! I bought a piece of wild property upstate to get away from busy city life and and an overbearing boyfriend ... and the realtor who sold it to me was literally, literally camped on my property in a lawn chair with a beer cooler when I showed up to pitch my tent the first evening I owned it. When I moved to Arizona I purchased a house high on a hill with only one house in sight distance, in part because I felt too hemmed in by my neighbors in the valley who couldn't see me on the porch without rushing over to eat up my morning, to find the only other house on the hill was owned by a guy who'd been pestering me to date him. I'm really terrible at saying no, but I also seem to be plagued with some sort of aura that tells a certain kind of person who's barely even met me that it's ok to steal my personal space and authority. It's like the universe knows I have weak boundaries and directs these people into my front yard. Maybe there's some sort of cleansing ritual for this, or a support group?? Overgreeters Anonymous?
We have NEVER experienced this before. We had some chatty neighbors before or nosy one's but they usually get the hint when you are talking to them. Like I said, they annoy the entire hood. We just happen to live next to them. :(
I think this is the kind of neighbor you open the door to while nekkid with pistol in hand. Hopefully, one, if not both, would scare them off.
ToomuchStuff
5-14-15, 7:00pm
Had a semi neighbor as problematic as yours. Her mom was the reason I dealt with her (passed just before her 101st birthday, lived in her house the whole time). After her mom's passing, a name was used that pretty much got the point across by all the neighbors.....
gladys kravitz
OMG y'all. I was out cutting back my roses WITH HUBBY working on the truck and the son tried to approach me. OMG!!! Hubby stared him down and the son asked me if I was busy I said YES and my hubby was like seriously???? The guy walked away but was pissed. I hate this place. I can't wait to move. :(
Oh and he tried to get me to come over out of earshot of my husband. WTF? I am so pissed right now. I came in the house and am crying. Hubby is super pissed and said if he comes back, he is going to have it out with him.
It's just insane that a couple of crazy people can ruin life for others. What do you think he wanted to say to you? How about electric wire around your property? :0!
Reading all these stories makes me glad that I've lived in a dense urban environment my entire adult life. Everywhere I've lived I've chatted politely with my neighbors when I run into them in the hall, but I've never had a neighbor knock on my door in a "I want to be your friend" kind of way (as opposed to the "a pipe seems to have burst in your bathroom and water is pouring down into mine" kind of way) and frankly, as an introvert, I'm perfectly ok with only knowing my neighbors at this level.
He wanted to gossip, because that is all he does but he knows hubby hates him and I WILL not let ANYONE come between me and my hubby. It's disgusting. I am so over all of this. Hubby is extremely upset and told me just ignore 'em and keep going in the house. Hubby stood outside while I potted a new plant on the porch and then just gave me a hug. We don't live like this. We have had some weird or bad neighbors but mostly, people kept to themselves, said hi and kept moving.
I had a 'friend' who was gobbling up my mornings with phone calls and assuming too much interest in my affairs so i finally told her that I needed my space and have stuck to this.
A nearby neighbour tried to invite me to tea and coffee too many times so I finally told her 'flat out', I don't do coffee or tea or anything else, I have my life commitments and that is it. She is a member of my church so that adds some issues but I need my space and privacy so will insist on it.
Sounds as though the OP's situation has turned into a power struggle which is sad to see happen. My sympathies with all who have been aggravated because good neighbours are so wonderful to have and add so much to life. I have been blessed with so many great ones - we help each other when needed, monitor each other's property when one is away but harmony the rest of the time.
I know I should be on my internet break but last UPDATE for now... Hubby is taking this fully on. He is going to lay down the law and if they don't abide, next step is to call the police non emergency and file harassment. I know this sounds VERY extreme to some, but some people just don't get it. The minute I step out on my front porch or open my garage door, the son appears. That is just creepy to me. If you are sitting around and waiting for me, that is on edge of being a psychopath to me. I have a young child to think about. I cannot even let him play out front now because of this. We have to take his bike, load it up and go over to the school for him to ride. This is causing us to re-arrange our life for crazy people. If I can't live in my home fully, what is the point? We left for Christmas last year, an entire week. We said nothing to them. We always take our dogs and the cat can come and go through his door. He had enough food, water, blankets to cuddle in and I had someone just check on him 2x to make sure he was good. No problem. We got back and while unloading the truck, the old lady came over and said "Well you should have told us you left." Um..no. We don't have too. If you watch us so closely, they already knew. She tried to say they would have fed the cat and we said he is fine, move along. Can't tell me that is normal behavior.
We have never lived in a place like where we are now- cookie cutter community. You should see the stuff that goes on the HOA FB page. It's sad really. People with nothing better to do but criticize and get in each other's business. Sadly, there have even been threats and police called. Hubby and I do not live like this. We are simple living quiet people who enjoy our life.
The fact that he tried to separate my husband and me, by trying to get me to get out of earshot of my husband is disgusting to me. My husband and I share everything and I don't wish for such an exciting life that I have to hide things from him. You start coming between my husband, my kid and me, you've got a whole lot of hurt coming to you because I will shut you down.
I admit, in the beginning, I did partake is some gossiping but not to the point of ruining people's lives. I just stated facts with what was going on but I stopped once I realized 1. I was no better than them 2. I had not time. 3. I really didn't care anymore.
I have my Masters to work on, my health and my family. That is what I am choosing to focus on right now. I will update y'all if something goes down but for now, thank you for the great advice and support. See y'all all the fall side of things.
Unbelievable. I'm afraid I might get violent. I think they are a mentally ill family. The son hasn't done anything too funky/aggressive in the neighborhood, has he?
Gosh.....This is just no way to live. I'm so sorry!
I just read through this thread - and it is just so - weird. Definitely sounds like time to actively disengage from these people - I'd just recommend doing it with as little force (although it sounds like "little" might need to pretty heavy) as necessary. Sounds like the kind of folks that might act out a grudge against the neighbors who "snubbed" them.
Teacher Terry
5-16-15, 2:27pm
This sounds like a horrible situation-very creepy indeed. It is like the son is stalking you. When my kids were little we had a horrible neighbor -the kids called him "Crazy Ed." We tried to sell but couldn't. After about 8 years he sold which was really a gift.
I wonder if anything can be done through the Home Owners Association? I think you mentioned that your neighborhood has that, TxZen.
Hey y'all..so far been doing good on internet break..except for y'all. LOL But I really feel this is an important post/issue.
HOA won't do anything. We checked. Other than turning them in for violating dead trees or too many animals, they can't do a thing.
Hubby has basically issued a warning to stay off our property, we are not interested in gossip and to stop harassing me every time I go outside. He spoke to the mother and she acted dumb. Whatever!! As I told a few of you in emails, my husband is a police officer and even that does not stop them. He would NEVER use his badge to do anything like this but basically left it at it is harassment, under law, and against the law to go onto someone's property without their permission. He was well spoken and too the point. He still doesn't think they get it but he is hoping at least it scared them enough to keep them at a distance. I come out here in the open to explain this because I have heard too many stories of neighborly disputes that turn violent or tragic, all starting out innocent enough. I don't THINK these people would go to that extreme, but again, with a child I have to be VERY VERY cautious.
As I stated, I have never had this extreme in my life. I have had nosy, chatty neighbors before but they take a hint when you suddenly can't talk or answer the door or are in a hurry. Most would just say hi, how is the family and move on. I know they had common sense boundaries. And I know for a fact that I am not the only with issues with them in our neighborhood, I just happen to live right next to them, so I get the brunt of it. People have complained that the son is annoying and he then went and spread rumors about them to others. People have said something to him and I think he is just that deranged or stupid.
We are planning on moving and selling our house won't be an issue but we have plans for that in about 20 months or so. For now, we just keep marching on.
Thank y'all for the support. I will keep y'all updated.
How about an electric fence? A mine field? :~)
Good luck and keep us posted.
ToomuchStuff
5-16-15, 7:12pm
A joke of the day that I thought might be appropriate:
Camping Getting away from their high-stress jobs, a couple spends relaxing weekends in their motor home. When they found their peace and quiet disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome, visits from other campers, they devised a plan to assure themselves some privacy. Now, when they set up camp, they place this sign on the door of their RV: “Insurance agent. Ask about our term-life package.”
You need to be a pain that they will want to avoid, try to sell them funeral plans, constantly or something. (lets talk about your death...);)
HAHAHA Love it Toomuchstuff!!!
DH and I have had a couple of really intrusive neighbors and friends over the years. We regret every bit of time we spent with them that we didn't want to.
Oh wow, that is why we try to keep neighbors at a friendly arms length polite 10 steps away point. Our last neighborhood we actually had to keep our blinds closed on the left side of the house because the woman would bend down and look in the window to see if she could see my husband in his "skivvies". She was always joking about it. We had the blinds down all the way and turned slightly down and it was on the side of the house where no one was. Except she would purposely bend down and look with her face against the window to see between the slats. She would decorate our yard with giant purple and pink plastic Easter eggs during odd times of the yr and put up a life size redneck cowboy Santa in our yard for Christmas and would always be in our yard working on it doing decorating it with little statues,etc. Things we didn't like. She was always bringing dinner over. She had a big heart and we did like her and we were sad when she unexpectedly died. But we did NOT like being her neighbors, because she was so intrusive. Since you never know who you are going to have for neighbors we try to keep a polite distance so they don't take over your life. Close friends should live across town, that way you can keep liking each other without becoming overbearing.
Hey y'all--checking in. SO much has happened with this situation...Hubby had to verbally tell him to get off our property multiple times. He had his dogs off leash again and they were peeing in my front garden (and I couldn't figure out why my plants were dying.) He adopted a new dog that has no manners and barks at anything- we have a shared fence with his parents, and when that dog is in the backyard, it literally RAMS itself at our dogs. Now my dogs do react. WHY? Because this dog is aggressive and they are protecting their property. Hubby went over and said Look this is not working, they need to do something about their dog. He told them AGAIN about the son's behavior. Now he comes out when hubby is out and hubby actually asked him if something is wrong with him. Hubby was out working on the truck with our son and he came up and tried to give our son pizza. My husband was like NO...go away. I was out working on my Jeep, in my garage, but with the door open. I was vacuuming and here he came, INTO MY GARAGE and waited for me to see him. I jumped about 10 feet because he scared me..I said That is a good way to get shot. He just laughed and I told him to get lost. I was out dead heading my roses again and he came right up...he doesn't seem to get it. We talk to him so rudely (and I don't like too talk like that) but I asked if he was a f$%*(ng idiot. We have been documenting everything and have told him and his parents leave us alone. Period. He has stopped bringing up our barrel, which is nice. I don't want him on my property at all. They don't seem to think they are doing anything wrong but I have recorded him on my phone EVERYTIME I got out from my garage- here he comes. Also, being summertime, I cannot be trapped in my house with my kid and dogs.
So we have decided to find some land and build a small home. We were going to wait 2 years but we cannot live trapped in our home because no matter what we do, it doesn't work. And their is nothing legally we can do unless we can get him to go off in crazy way and call the police. We are hoping to find some solution by fall. Meeting with our agent next week. Just pray or send good ju ju our way. Thanks. :)
Teacher Terry
6-19-15, 11:34am
Wow! It sounds like there must be something wrong with him because this is not normal behavior for anyone. Jean, if someone was erecting things in my yard I would have went off-I guess you are more patient then me:))
Radicchio
6-19-15, 11:41am
Communities differ, but in some a "No Trespassing" sign is enforceable by law. Of course, I imagine you would have to get law enforcement to respond when he's there. Or you could check to see whether repeated violations reported by you would result in any action. Better yet, are there any stalking laws in your community? Being told to leave and the aggressively continuing to repeat the objectionable behavior certainly would seem to qualify for stalking. It's possible that law enforcement would be more responsive since you have a young child whom he has attempted to approach.
By the way, I think moving is your best long-term solution. I'm just trying to think of some ideas to contain him in the meantime.
Unbelievable!! :(
Sure seems like you should have some legal recourse.
It sounds like a blessing in disguise to me; good luck with your new venture.
Try to sell your house to someone you don't like. :D
Thanks y'all- remember my husband is a police officer..he has to be careful HOW he approaches this because he can have it thrown back in his face. Hubby has taken to just turning on his phone and recording all interactions. Hubby does try to reason with him but I think we can conclude reason is not something you can have with these people. I went to leave today and AGAIN, his dog was off leash, peeing in someone's yard..like waayyyyy up by their porch, not talking near the sidewalk area. I yelled "Hey get a leash." And kept going. His dogs are aggressive and he is to stupid to control them. And remember, he fully admits his dogs has attacked other dogs. I already sent another complaint to HOA about it. He has had 4 violations for this and the 5th, they shall take his dogs.
We can't put up no trespassing signs in our front yard..only on the fence- which we have- No trespassing and beware of dogs. Thanks hoa. :(
I really think he is mentally ill. I remember talking to him when I first met him and hubby was standing there and I was trying to explain something and he kept interrupting me and then he was argumentative and LOUD... like talking louder is going to make his opinion right. Hubby was like WTF was that?
Oh and he said that the police once harassed him because of his handicap..now after talking with him and not because I am married to the police, I can only bet he was arguing with them or harassing others. Also, another neighbor told me he told her they moved from Florida because of a work issue with him- the sued Disney or something (the whole family worked there) for harassment (see the theme here). We looked it up and found the lawsuit and it was Disney against him. Also, we found 2 other lawsuits against him. I am thinking he is the aggressor in all of these and they had to move. Not much was disclosed but the trail is interesting.
We also have a lot of law enforcement who live in our neighborhood. The Sheriff on our street, about 8 houses down, told this guy in no certain terms stay away from our kids and our house. He caught him out there trying to talk to the kids. It's not like he waves and keeps going. It's creepy.
I keep trying to think of it as life trying to make us pull the trigger and move and do what we really wanted to do. Just wish it didn't have to involve crazy people but oh well. :)
awakenedsoul
6-19-15, 6:46pm
Sorry to hear about your situation, TxZen. I know what it's like to have neighbors like this. I had a similar situation. and tried to sell my house twice. The neighbors would walk up to the realtors and buyers and start the same thing with them! They would tell them that I had all kinds of plumbing problems, (which I don't, I just fixed what was broken,) and go on and on about all the things that they didn't like about me. They really needed attention. Ignoring them seemed to infuriate them.
Finally, their youngest daughter moved back in with her husband and three kids. It's very crowded, but they have their own drama with each other, and leave me alone. I also got two German shepherds. I put up a padlocked gate in the front yard. I keep one dog inside, and the other outside. It really helps with boundaries.
Oh, and the owner had a stroke. He sits outside on the porch now and whistles all day. He does bird calls. It's so much better than it used to be, though. I hope your situation improves.
I also started "killing them with kindness" when they would try to initiate conversation. Lots of compliments..."You're such a nice neighbor. I love living next door to you." That sort of thing. It worked. They acted totally shocked and were speechless.
Gosh TxZen, this just goes from bad to worse. Sorry it is forcing you to make choices about where you live. It's creepy.
ToomuchStuff
6-20-15, 2:54pm
Restraining order?
While your husband may have to do things differently due to appearances, YOU are a separate legal entity and YOU should get this on yourself and your kids! YOU feel unsafe and threatened and your husband can't be around 24/7.
Thanks y'all- remember my husband is a police officer..he has to be careful HOW he approaches this because he can have it thrown back in his face. Hubby has taken to just turning on his phone and recording all interactions. Hubby does try to reason with him but I think we can conclude reason is not something you can have with these people. I went to leave today and AGAIN, his dog was off leash, peeing in someone's yard..like waayyyyy up by their porch, not talking near the sidewalk area. I yelled "Hey get a leash." And kept going. His dogs are aggressive and he is to stupid to control them. And remember, he fully admits his dogs has attacked other dogs. I already sent another complaint to HOA about it. He has had 4 violations for this and the 5th, they shall take his dogs.
We can't put up no trespassing signs in our front yard..only on the fence- which we have- No trespassing and beware of dogs. Thanks hoa. :(
You may not be able to put one in the front yard, but you do have one posted, making it illegal. If it needs more visibility from the street, then put in INSIDE your window (HOA shouldn't be able to tell you about inside your house). It won't do any good if you don't enforce it.
Also, call animal control, not just HOA.
Wouldn't the realtor have to disclose that the seller of the property had a restraining order on their neighbor? I would lay low for as long as it takes you to sell the house.
Hoa- email sent out. Animal control called. I will put the no trespassing in my windows. Thanks for that idea.
Had to call the police non emergency line this morning. I was out bringing trash to my truck for the city wide bulky trash drop off this morning. I was out there about 6 this morning. I came out and he was starting to walk across the road, towards our house. I just went to my back yard and watched him from a safe distance. He stopped and looked towards my open fence. I woke up hubby and I said if he sets 1 TOE in my yard, call the police. Within 2 minutes, he returned to "throw out" something in his parents trash can- which is one of his BS moves to make an excuse to come out. Then he started for my fence. My husband dialed the numbered and told them someone was trespassing on our property and please send someone. Hubby went out and confronted him to get out of our yard. By the time hubby got outside, he was behind our fence line. Y'all- I have never been so shaken up in my life. He did stop and go back to his parent's house. The officer arrived and we let him know the facts of what was going on over the past year or so. He went to talk to the guy and the mother refused to let the cop talk to him. She then tried to use the "he is handicapped" excuse and the officer said "if he is not able to socialize normally and has issues, why does he have a house of his own?" He said the next time they get a call about him, they will arrest him for trespassing and that he can't go into anyone's yard, let alone one with children. He also needs to not harass us each time we come outside and not to bother the neighborhood kids. The cop basically was like I am going to call him on his BS and see what happens. The mother was flipping out and the father was the only level headed one. She screamed at us "why didn't you say something?" And I think out of stress, I just laughed at her. Really? Did we need to write it in the sky? Do they need it on letterhead? Seriously...The fact that a 50 year old man was probably hiding in the house and looking out the blinds at all this going on really speaks volumes. He acts like he is 5 and mommy has to protect him.
The cop told us he to just call again if anything happens- even if he comes up in our yard. He said we seemed like we had taken a lot from these people and said I looked beyond irritated. I could not even speak because I truly could not believe this was happening. 41 years on this planet and this has NEVER happened to me ,ever. We truly tried to keep to the facts and he said just keep documenting it. He stated the law about protecting our property and that is when hubby let him know he was a police officer and he knew the law and the reason he did not push the issue was because he didn't want anymore trouble.
We did tell him about the other incidents with other neighbors and he said he hoped this one was enough to shake some common sense into him. It is truly the most frightening thing I have ever experienced.
Edit: I think I just got pushed TOO far this past week and I could not hold it in anymore. I can see how people can be pushed to the point of not caring and coming off as crazy. It is very sad it has come to this, because I am NOT nor have I ever, been that kind of person. I am rather quiet. I feel like my home has been broken into and now I can't clean it enough. I did not sleep last night and I am on edge all the time now. :(
Teacher Terry
6-22-15, 1:31pm
Sorry that this happened. Hopefully, the guy will see that this is getting serious & stay away. I sure hope so.
Wouldn't the realtor have to disclose that the seller of the property had a restraining order on their neighbor? I would lay low for as long as it takes you to sell the house.
This is sort of an ethical dilemma. How could you, in good conscience, sell a house to someone if they didn't know about these crazies you live next to?.........yet, you want to get out of that situation ASAP.
I just feel so bad for your TxZen. I wonder if you could consult a lawyer about your situation? I'm not sure that these people CAN change. :(
It's insanity.
iris lilies
6-22-15, 3:02pm
This is sort of an ethical dilemma. How could you, in good conscience, sell a house to someone if they didn't know about these crazies you live next to?.........yet, you want to get out of that situation ASAP.
I just feel so bad for your TxZen. I wonder if you could consult a lawyer about your situation? I'm not sure that these people CAN change. :(
It's insanity.
Sometimes crazy neighbors like that glom onto some people more than others. This crazy neighbor may be particular to the OP and not so much to others on the block, although he does hassle others as she points out.
He sounds mentally or emotionally stunted, but that's not her problem. No means no,and he can just suck it.😁
Frankly it sounds like the Mom is the one with the real problem. This man clearly has mental issues beyond what she is willing to accept, he's being treated as if he could function entirely on his own and this is obviously not the case, he appears unable to socialize properly and he should have some sort of supervised living situation. I'm guessing she might have thought on one side of her mind "he's perfectly ok" and on the other side, "and if he's not, well I'm right here." But she's really rooting for "he's ok", maybe because she seems to have some of the same personality traits, or just because he's her son.
ETA: not that this should be your problem, but maybe the next call should be to adult protective services.
Thanks y'all. Someone at the pool call the police on him..he was walking around with his dogs..the pool is in circle you can drive around and he was just walking around several times, glaring at people and stopping near the gate to try to entice people to talk to him. Some parents were uncomfortable and called the non emergency and yep, they realized it was him again but they can't prove anything..he was out walking..but they know he is creepy. I talked to a few and told them to record his actions. What else can we do? :(
He is just weird and yes, Kib, I think you are right. I think the Mother has a LOT to do with this situation 1. because she allowed it to happen by babying him and his "disability" to the point of making it ok for him to act out and be aggressive but no one can do a thing to him. 2. She continues to let it happen and hides behind her religious beliefs and that she is not wrong (wonder where he learned it from???)
I actually called adult protective services for my neighbor, who tends to take off her clothes and wander away. She's crashed two cars, and when she came to my door asking me to call 911 because she couldn't work her "cell phone" and handed me a cordless phone from her kitchen with no batteries in it, I decided to call APS as well. Their job is to step in when people aren't capable of managing themselves. I don't know how well it works, but my neighbor now has no driver's license - thank goodness - and someone comes to help her with shopping and housekeeping, and to make sure she's taking her correct meds.
I'm not sure the word disability should be in quotes, TxZen, this man may well have a real disability which is not being addressed because of Mom's denial. I also have a cousin who is an A student, but damage at birth left her with what you might call social brain damage. She's unable to understand shades of gray, or pick up on appropriate social cues, to the point where she needs supervision. I understand that your neighbor's behavior is inappropriate, annoying, and feels threatening, but ... chances are he's got something other than terminal asshole-itis.
I don't know what APS would find at your neighbor's place, especially if Mom knows they're coming, but it might be worth a try. It seems less harsh than calling the police, who really have no authority to 'do anything' unless he's caught breaking the law.
As far as the disability goes, I have a disability but I don't use it as an excuse nor would anyone know I have one. I have struggled since I was 16 but I use it to empower me and like your cousin, I know my limitations and when I need help. As SOON as someone says something to him, he and the mother go straight to that. I heard it when the police were at their door, I have heard him use his disability as the reason he is argumentative and always right when someone called him out on gossiping and spreading lies about people and getting neighbors to argue over stuff he started. Sorry, I don't buy that as part of his disability- he is nosy and causes trouble. It comes down to he is fine until someone calls him on it and then the poor me stories start. I think he uses it to get away with stuff because who is going to argue a disability? Does that make sense? And it's a physical disability, according to his mom and him, not mental but I think they push those boundaries. That is why I don't buy it. That is the only reason I quotation marked it to make a point. No disrespect towards anyone with a disability and some people just don't realize they are doing it.
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