Zoe Girl
6-18-15, 4:13pm
no that is way over exaggerated but it sounded cool.
I am a firm believer in being a listening friend rather than a 'fixing' friend. I feel good about it, I don't take responsibility for what my friends (and my kids in some cases) do at times since I am not always in agreement, but I honestly think that having a non-judgmental person to work some things out with reduces the seriously stupid things people do. I usually step in with mostly meditative/mindfulness type information and encouragement. I may talk to a friend about how a certain feeling is very appropriate however we don't need to have that feeling for a very long time or take actions based on the feeling.
I have been doing a lot of listening over about a year with a good friend. About the time I start feeling this major judgment rising up then something happens and recall parts of her story that help me stay in the listening and calm advising role. This is a LOT of work people! OMG, we all want that friend who lets us figure out our own shit with being harsh, and it is very hard to not jump in and say things.
In any case she told me about something she did to a guy who treated her seriously, horribly, badly. Of course I have heard he is a amazing, then he has some issues, then he isn't the nicest and eventually the entire true story. This was like a Lifetime Movie bad. so I told her that if she had told me ahead of time what her plans were I would have discouraged her but it was done, she had a reason to be hurt, and it was okay to move on. Then the next day she texted me to tell me more of the same type of thing she had done (basically he left his facebook unprotected and she looked at a lot of things, then the next day she logged in as him and posted a picture). Oh dear, not damaging property, getting arrested, etc. type of actions but not cool still.
The only thing saving my belief in being a listening friend is by the time we were done talking last night she said that she needed to not date for awhile and figure out what she was attracting. I also know that there is likely a point where the weight of the hurt is going come down. A lot of all of this is easier than facing being used and hurt.
Thank you for listening to me :), I find it helpful to talk this out, it helps me stay in a balance as a support person. She has been my person a lot
I am a firm believer in being a listening friend rather than a 'fixing' friend. I feel good about it, I don't take responsibility for what my friends (and my kids in some cases) do at times since I am not always in agreement, but I honestly think that having a non-judgmental person to work some things out with reduces the seriously stupid things people do. I usually step in with mostly meditative/mindfulness type information and encouragement. I may talk to a friend about how a certain feeling is very appropriate however we don't need to have that feeling for a very long time or take actions based on the feeling.
I have been doing a lot of listening over about a year with a good friend. About the time I start feeling this major judgment rising up then something happens and recall parts of her story that help me stay in the listening and calm advising role. This is a LOT of work people! OMG, we all want that friend who lets us figure out our own shit with being harsh, and it is very hard to not jump in and say things.
In any case she told me about something she did to a guy who treated her seriously, horribly, badly. Of course I have heard he is a amazing, then he has some issues, then he isn't the nicest and eventually the entire true story. This was like a Lifetime Movie bad. so I told her that if she had told me ahead of time what her plans were I would have discouraged her but it was done, she had a reason to be hurt, and it was okay to move on. Then the next day she texted me to tell me more of the same type of thing she had done (basically he left his facebook unprotected and she looked at a lot of things, then the next day she logged in as him and posted a picture). Oh dear, not damaging property, getting arrested, etc. type of actions but not cool still.
The only thing saving my belief in being a listening friend is by the time we were done talking last night she said that she needed to not date for awhile and figure out what she was attracting. I also know that there is likely a point where the weight of the hurt is going come down. A lot of all of this is easier than facing being used and hurt.
Thank you for listening to me :), I find it helpful to talk this out, it helps me stay in a balance as a support person. She has been my person a lot