What are some of the first things you did when all the kids were gone to college?

[Float On]

I'm trying to think of everything I want to do to keep the "sad mom/empty nest syndrome" at bay.

Personally, I know college years are not really empty nest because kids come home to visit and sometimes bounce back for summers or .....longer.

I've got some scrubbing of rooms and repainting to do.
Some solo camping trips planned.
And I'm still trying to find the perfect full-time job (I've turned down several this year, they just couldn't measure up to what I make part-time or the flexibility I have with my part-time job).

[catherine]

Well, my answer is similar to the story I've heard about St. Francis: A traveling pilgrim saw Saint Francis working in his garden, hoeing a row of beans. The traveler, a spiritual seeker, asked the saint, “What would you be doing right now if you knew this was the last day of your earthly life?” Saint Francis replied, “I would continue hoeing this row of beans.”

When my daughter (youngest child) went to college, I just got up and kept going to work. I must admit, the empty nest didn't hit me as hard as it hit my husband, who had been the stay at home Dad for several years. He went off the deep end. But honestly, I didn't feel it. Not sure if that makes me a cold mother or not--we went to DC to see her often and she was home on vacations/summers. But I guess because I worked outside of the home, the hole wasn't as big for me as it was for DH.

If you're worried about it, FloatOn, just take solace in the fact that this is the start of well-deserved "FloatOn time" in your life. Take advantage of all the things you've always wanted to do (I'd wait a while before doing the scrubbing and painting unless you find it a good emotional release--I'd pick fun stuff to do first).

Congratulations on this milestone in your family's life!

[Simplemind]

I love my son something terrible................. but I fantasize about having his room. He is 20 and will be starting school in the fall. He has been working for the past two years on graveyard. We barely see him as it is. I have been comforted with him being home since DH had his stroke. If I need him for anything I have but to ask, he is Johnny on the spot, otherwise he is a dirty dish in the sink and clothes in the dryer. I will have a horrible time when he leaves but I've already made an artists studio out of his room many times over in my mind.

[Float On]

Because I'm launching both boys at the same time I can't believe the number of people that say "what are you going to do? you'll suffer from empty nest". I've always been rather excited for them to enter their next phase of life. I think it's our job to "launch them" not "lose them".

[mschrisgo2]

Yes, enjoy launching them! Celebrate! I recommend you take a short trip rather immediately upon them leaving for school. Things always look different when you come home after being away a few days, and it will make a nice transition for you, too. Go glamping, or to a spa for a couple of days, or just gaze at the ocean and nap in between. Or, if you find you have excess energy, go to a national park you've never had the chance to explore. Just after school starts is a great time, the weather is still good, and places are far less crowded. Enjoy it! Then you can paint, clean, etc. when you get home. In this stage of your life you get to switch around "do all the work first, play second"- Play First!

[corkym]

Our son was always busy with his friends, work, school, etc. so he really wasn't home that much. But late at night when he would get home he would always lean on the door frame of our bedroom and spend a few minutes talking about his day. That hit me really hard when he moved out. I missed those times. And he loved Mountain Dew. It took me a month before I could walk down the soda aisle at the store without crying. I literally would cry, I had to stop going down that aisle for a while until I finally got a grip. Other than those two things, nothing really changed, we just went on doing our normal things, working, etc.

[pinkytoe]

We never had empty nest syndrome as DD went to state school in our city for undergrad years. She was always around then and we saw her every 2 weeks since she lived in a dorm or apartment the whole time. A gradual letting go as she did leave the state for grad school. Now, she lives here just a mile away and we still only get together once a month or so. One of the greatest feelings in the world is observing her as a grownup now and knowing that she does quite well navigating her world. Our job is done. I think one of the stumbling blocks of empty nest is that if partnered, you are finally alone with your mate and sometimes have grown apart while busy raising kids. That takes work to resolve.

[Gardenarian]

I have given this thought too. Dd will be off in 2 years. I'm hoping it will feel like a natural transition...but I'm going to miss her!! (Though she is planning on doing a gap year, so she won't just be moving out.)
There is an adult education program called OLLI at the university where I work, and I plan on starting with that in the fall. I'm also becoming one of our cities emergency responders. So I guess I'm preparing by just doing more of the stuff I like - as I have been for a while. I still can't imagine the house without my little songbird.

[Chicken lady]

Go to bed when we were tired and not wait up for them worrying.
take back our house
go out to dinner just because we felt like it
listen to our music and watch our movies on our couch.
Walk around the house in our underwear.
stop being good examples

Really, it was huge not having to work around a third (fourth, fifth) person's schedule. To have so much time and space for the two of us. It's the best thing to happen to our relationship since I moved out of my parents' house.

I love that they are all grown now. Dh and I have a new life list. We call it " not my problem.". The oldest says her baby sister went to college and her parents went crazy. I tell her "this is the man behind the curtain.". She calls us "Pre-mom mom" an "new dad"

I also picked up some extra time at work because I love my job and don't have to leave in time for swimming/track/cross country/choir/the play/honor assembly/fundraiser/PTA/last minute shoping/doctor/dental stuff.

Less laundry, fewer dishes, hot water any time....

[corkym]

Love your attitude Chicken Lady, your post made me laugh. You make it sound like a new lease on life :D I imagine my parents felt the same way when I moved out. As a matter of fact they did give me a set of luggage for my graduation present. hmmmm.....do you think maybe that was a gentle shove out the door.....lol.

[Teacher Terry]

I am totally with you Chicken Lady. I love my 3 boys but by the time they all left I was ready. It was also nice to have a guest room, office, etc. No empty nest syndrome for me!!

[Teacher Terry]

Also forgot to mention that the first thing I did was to take a job across the country & divorce their Dad. After years of counseling doing no good & hating him by then I was finally free. Started a whole new life at 44. Gradually all 3 of them moved out by me.

[Songbird]

Well, yes I missed my kids when they moved out for good (hopefully) but I also got my life back.... And DH and I rediscovered our own relationship, which was a beautiful thing!

[razz]

We moved with DH's job and left the kids behind as they had just started jobs and are finishing postsecondary school so the transition was not too bad. I have built a wonderful circle of friends where we discuss everything once a week and some of us walk trails twice a week so my friends have filled in the gap.

I found that people who find someone or several people to care about and share share interests will make the transition white smoothly. If your life has prevented this from happening, it is time to build bridges with other compatible individuals. Take some effort but well worth it. Relying on a spouse to fill in the gap is not fair as it is too big a burden for another to carry, IMHO anyway.

[Williamsmith]

I never understood the empty nest syndrome. You never stop being a parent. Yes, my 4 bedroom ranch on 2 acres became much more than I needed so I moved into a 2 bedroom condo with a sunroom. I work at a local golf course half of the year as a groundskeeper but I don't have to work maintaining things at home. Which is good now that none of my kids are around to help shovel snow or cut grass, etc. I didn't want to have to rely on them anyway. I also believe they understand in an emergency I will be there for them but short of that, they have to make their own way.

For me it was about letting go of control where it wasn't my business and I was not in the best situation to provide the best support anymore. I reconnected with high school friends and I am busy rediscovering myself.....who I used to be. Examining why I changed my mind on some things or maybe why I was right in the first place. Got back to playing the guitar, reading, relaxing, traveling, walking, losing weight, smiling, laughing, eating - not just refueling. In short, I gave of my life to three growing persons and now I can say most of it is done. But you never stop being a parent.

I think all of us know instinctually what it is we have to do now that the kids are gone. Clean and paint a room...go for it.

[pinkytoe]

letting go of control where it wasn't my business
So true...I have a 25yo nephew who has been "helicoptered" by an overbearing mom all his life. The result I believe is an inability to cope on his own as he has frequent panic attacks and has to have mom visits every few months even though working out of state.

[CathyA]

I was a little sad the first day..........but then realized what freedom I now had! Of course, I never stopped worrying about them........and there is always something to worry about..........But I have to say that now, after them being out of the house for about 8 years, I'm missing them more now. It's probably because they have busy lives and I don't see them as much as I'd like.

I was sort of like that commercial......where a young man and his dad are at the car, on the son's way to college. The teen says to his Dad "Where's Mom?". And the father says "Oh.....this is probably all too much for her".
Then after the son drives off, the mom and dad are in the son's room and she's telling her husband with much excitement "Ok............this wall is coming down, and the hot tub is going in right here!!" Lolololol!
I think we're all supposed to be really sad..........but I think a lot of us are afraid to actually say it's a relief. :)

[Float On]

I've loved everyone's input. Thank you so much.
I'm kind of in the camp of I've made a 19 year investment to this point and I need to rediscover myself. I've always kept some things for me time like my kayaking habit. But I have let friendships slide over the years and I do need to rediscover that aspect. To be honest part of me is a little sad that they can't take all their belongings with them, before children those rooms were formerly occupied by a guest room/sewing room and a library/TV room. I can't really claim those rooms yet.
One boy will only be 2 hours away so I know he'll visit often. The other will be 840 miles away so it will probably be Christmas before he is home for a visit.

[Float On]

***Update***
I did it. Moved two kids to college and not a tear. So far.
I think it helped to drop them and go instead of waiting around for all the parent activities. Both already had friends on each campus so they were excited to move in and go hand out with friends and other activities that were planned for them. Both have called to say things are going great.
Now to get on with my list in this quiet house.
The dog is kind of creeping me out. He keeps looking at me. I know he is asking where the boys are and why there were so many boxes.

[razz]

Any change will trigger some discomfort until you find a path through to the next step in your life.

[Williamsmith]

I thought college was going to be the final frontier. Truth is the two who went to college needed a lot of assistance while at college and then after graduating each spent some time living back at the homestead before finding full time jobs and moving out. Even then, lots of support gets requested. I Believe it's never over, just different. That's why this whole empty nest thing just never made much sense. But then, I lean towards being a loner and have no problem being on my own. I will admit however, that after I dropped off my son his freshman year of college more than 600 miles away.....I did shed a tear on the way home. We are close.

[Teacher Terry]

My 3 boys boomeranged for awhile so it took a long time for us to be truly empty nest. I love them dearly but was glad to be finally be free of day to day stuff. My Mom had empty nest syndrome but me-never.

[TxZen]

I just had a friend have this happen to her over the summer. He second son has officially flown the coop. :)

She sold her house, rents a tiny apartment, has lost 40lbs over the summer from running and yoga. She now paints, works at the farmers market and is taking a lot more trips.

[messengerhot]

I've always been fond of cross stitching (http://cdn.craftsy.com/upload/809465/project/71665/full_9683_71665_ChristmasLadyCrossStitch_1.jpg) when I was younger. I stopped for like 15 years already. Now, I have I have all the time to start again. Both my children are in college now. Hubby and I are feeling alone. Our home seems so big for just the two of us.