Shocked to hear of recent suicide

[catherine]

Last week I read in the paper that a jogger on the George Washington Bridge had told police that she witnessed a man in his 40s jumping off.

Yesterday, my son called to tell us that the jumper was a teacher at the community college where both he and my other son went and they were both very heavily influenced by this man. He basically inspired three of my children to join AmeriCorps and he inspired my second son to do exactly what he's doing now: teaching at a community college. This man was completely plugged into building community--he started several programs in addition to teaching his classes. He was married and has two kids in their teens.

I am floored. As my son said, we are all having difficulty processing this information. Supposedly he retired last week from his job and was going to start a non-profit. I don't know what, if anything, is underneath it all--but it never ceases to amaze me how we don't know people. We make assumptions but we really don't know what's going on in their heads or their lives. It reminds me to be compassionate to all--we never know what circumstances people are dealing with.

I pray for his family as they try to make sense of it.

[corkym]

So very sorry to hear this. A close friend of mine's brother took his life last Dec. In his 50's, had a beautiful family, great job, very well respected and liked. And just like that he closed the book on his life leaving family grieving and completely in the dark as to why. My friend is struggling with anger that his brother would do this and is still grieving that he lost someone he loved so much. And no one knows why.

You are right Catherine. "We make assumptions but we really don't know what's going on in their heads or their lives. It reminds me to be compassionate to all--we never know what circumstances people are dealing with."

[JaneV2.0]

... I don't know what, if anything, is underneath it all--but it never ceases to amaze me how we don't know people. We make assumptions but we really don't know what's going on in their heads or their lives. It reminds me to be compassionate to all--we never know what circumstances people are dealing with. ...

I think about this a lot. Life can be cruel; no need to make it more so, ever.
A young friend of a friend did something similar a year ago; they haven't yet found his body.

[ctg492]

I am sorry for everyone and the man too. Suicide affect everyone around the person, of course the person too. I believe every person somehow will be affected sometime in their life by a friend or family member taking their own life. And yes everyone seems to have life together and many are blindsided when it occurs:(

[Simplemind]

I work with a Trauma Intervention Program. I go out on a lot of suicides which surprised me at first. There are many more suicides than people are aware of. Most never make the news as you would think. Each is as individual as the person and all leave so many questions. One thing I have learned from this business is that there is a story behind every door. Nobody really knows what happens behind closed doors. It can touch anybody no matter how connected or disconnected they are.

[ToomuchStuff]

I think about this a lot. Life can be cruel; no need to make it more so, ever.
A young friend of a friend did something similar a year ago; they haven't yet found his body.

Was there a note, or how/why was this listed as a suicide?

Over the years, I've lost a few friends to suicide, and had several more either attempt or were considering it (we stopped one friend, but the trigger is still there). Some I will never understand (drunk game of Russian roulette), others at least I can wrap my head around.
But I have also had a couple instances where someone disappeared to never be seen again, or in one instance, only be found by their kid who was dying. That doesn't make those a suicide.

My hopes are the kids break the odds that I have heard, that they have a higher risk of suicide after experiencing the loss. (one of the friends I lost, tried several times after his father killed himself)
And you are right about not knowing what is going on in peoples minds. Sometimes they won't tell you and other times, you don't understand or wrongly assume their body language means something, when it means something else.

[JaneV2.0]

Was there a note, or how/why was this listed as a suicide? ....

I didn't ask if there was a note. They left their vehicle on a bridge, and presumably jumped. Best-case scenario, it was a staged disappearance. At this point, the family is convinced it wasn't.

[pony mom]

My boss's friend's sister just recently jumped off a bridge in PA; she left her parked car nearby with a suicide note. It took over a week for her body to wash up. Apparently she has made a few attempts before. I find it sad that she has tried to kill herself before, and I'm guessing she came close and yet still didn't think life was worth living.

[KayLR]

We've had a spate of jumpers this summer it seems. One was a 16 year-old boy who jumped from a freeway overpass two days before school let out for the summer. His family said they had no idea why he did it. There were dozens of witnesses. So disconcerting.

[Gardnr]

My Brother committed suicide 21y ago May 24. There will never be an answer. We will never understand. His 2 boys are now parents and married to wonderful women. He has 5 grandchildren who will never know him and their Dads hardly knew him. His boys were healthy, his business was solid. It didn't make sense then, it doesn't make sense now.

Sad indeed.

[ctg492]

Notes, In the case of an attempted slicing of the wrists by my then 18 year old 10 years ago, there was a box of notes. One was in a sealed envelope to be read afterwards. I took every single letter and he was a big letter writer and tossed them all. Never reading one before he came home from the hospital three days later. I felt They would bring no answers or reasons since it all seemed so crazy to me.

He recovered and moved on in life, never to this day asked me about the box and I never brought it up. I am glad I never read them.

[Williamsmith]

My former career involved investigating many many suicides. It was always very difficult to answer the questions posed by family. Many wanted to be assured that their loved one didn't suffer. I always assured them even when I suspected differently. A great percentage of suicides occur without any explanation being given either verbally prior or in a letter or note. Although Suicides are like snowflakes...everyone different.

I have witnessed suicide three times and talked two out of it. My experiences have led me to think about the mindset of such a desperate person. I have not come up with any definite answers.

[catherine]

My Brother committed suicide 21y ago May 24. There will never be an answer. We will never understand. His 2 boys are now parents and married to wonderful women. He has 5 grandchildren who will never know him and their Dads hardly knew him. His boys were healthy, his business was solid. It didn't make sense then, it doesn't make sense now.

Sad indeed.

So sorry about your brother, Gardr.

So incomprehensible on so many levels. I just spoke with my son and he's traveling down for the funeral on Saturday--wanting to pay tribute to the man who changed his life. I drove up to Newark Airport the other day, the same route to the GWB and I kept fantasizing about why couldn't a Clarence-like angel (from It's a Wonderful Life) have shown him the impact his life had on others. I don't know the story and I never will and we just have to direct our hearts toward gratitude for the time he was here, as we do for all of our loved ones who seem to be taken from us too soon and too cruelly.