Getting Older and finding the old bucket list has changed

[corkym]

I am getting older now and have recently come across an old bucket list and realized not one thing has been crossed off.

I never have gone to Africa and joined the Peace Corp, I never became a trapeze artist, I never appeared on Oprah to discuss my book that was going to change the world, I never wrote the book that was going to change the world, I never adopted 10 kids (thank you Lord), I never became 5'6" and I never learned how to cook, my idea of a gourmet meal is to melt cheese all over everything.

But in reviewing the list I have realized that every one of those things have dropped off the list and I don't even want them anymore. I am a totally different person than when I was young and free as a bird.

My new bucket list is simplify everything in my life, get debt free, to quit worrying constantly and be at peace, to not have to worry if we will have the money to pay for our prescriptions or electric bill, to learn to eat simply and healthy, to have a savings for emergency situations and to quit melting cheese over everything to cover up my lack of cooking skills. Also, to know what I believe so I can share it with people instead of ducking and hiding behind the car in a parking lot when a person of different faith approaches me to share their literature. I hate the feeling when I hide behind the curtains when one of these people ring my doorbell. I truly want to be able to be well informed of what I believe so I don't run and hide.

Has anyone else revised their bucket list and what were your revisions? I would love to know I'm not the only one out there who hasn't even done one thing on my original list and who's views have changed on just about everything as to what I want in life.

Please share your current list if you feel comfortable doing that.

[Chicken lady]

I haven't had a bucket list for years. When I was 18 I wanted to teach, get married, have 6 kids and a cat, and live in a house with a big yard and garden. I also wanted to learn to play the guitar.

I teach, I have been married for almost 25 years, I have three biological kids - one of whom plays the guitar I gave up on years ago - and a "bonus" adult daughter who came into my life later, a cat, and a house with 28 acres including gardens. Even when I was little, my mom used to say "(she) usually knows what she wants, and once she gets it she's usually happy."

I do see ways I have changed a lot that were things I just didn't focus on. I met a really neat guy when I was younger who would have been on board with my plan, but he was buddhist and vegetarian I told him I could see myself becoming Buddhist, but not vegetarian. Now i'm a vegetarian and would make a lousy buddhist.

I don't hide from the religion people. I invite them to talk to me while they help me with whatever work I'm doing. They always leave. I'm suspicious about how important outreach actually is to them.

[catherine]

I don't have a bucket list. In fact, the movie with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman annoyed me. Jack Nicholson persuades Freeman (both diagnosed with cancer) to take off and do these amazing things--Nicholson's character is rich so they fly all over and do these exotic things. Freeman's wife is left to worry about where he is and what he's doing.

My bucket list would have been to be with my family. My bucket list now is to try to live every day in such a way as to make a bucket list irrelevant.

[Williamsmith]

I understand the concept of bucket listing. To realize life is short and to come to the end of that life without regret that you haven't experienced certain things. But I think of people I knew who seemed to have lived the happiest lives and without fail they were people of modest means, who could not wow you with stories of extravagant vacations, owned no luxury items, achieved no widespread fame, and we're not gifted in any particular area. Many of them were religious in some way but some were not and none of them defined themselves by their religion.

And so, I have no bucket list because to do that would be to minimize my current experience which happens to be here now. Those who do however, please continue to share.

[Float On]

Has anyone else revised their bucket list and what were your revisions? I would love to know I'm not the only one out there who hasn't even done one thing on my original list and who's views have changed on just about everything as to what I want in life.



I don't call it my bucket list but I do make a new list every year when I'm on my birthday retreat. I write down as many things as my new age that I hope to get done in the next year. Personal growth items, things I want to do, things I want to see, a few personal property items. Somethings transfer year to year but it just seems more obtainable to look one year out than to think "I've gotta do this before I die". So I guess my list is always a little more realistic.

[Chicken lady]

I do try to keep a list of yearly goals. It's sort of a floating list because I have a lot of "fresh start to the year" marks. As a teacher and goat breeder, one is coming up in August, then there is solstice/traditional western new year, the start of spring, the end of the school year, and, like float on, my birthday.

Some items stay on list after list - like lose 10-15 pounds. This should tell me that I either need to make them more of a priority or drop them off the list, because clearly they are either not as important as I think, I am not focusing on the things that are important to me, or they are not reasonably acheivable. (otoh, constantly refocusing on those 10 pounds may be the reason that in middle age I'm only 16 pounds over my adult low and 6 pounds under my Pre-kid high.)

[pinkytoe]

When I was around 35, I recall making a lengthy bucket list and sticking it in an old copy of The Egg and I. Unfortunately, the book has disappeared so I don't recall what was on that list. I like the idea of the annual birthday for planning though rather than New Years. Nowadays, I too am drawn to the simple goals of ordinary life and find all the globe-trotting experiences we hear about as one more thing to make us feel inferior if we don't want to or can't afford to do. My dream right now is to see the mountains out my kitchen window and find my new place to live.

[ToomuchStuff]

I don't have a bucket list. In fact, the movie with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman annoyed me. Jack Nicholson persuades Freeman (both diagnosed with cancer) to take off and do these amazing things--Nicholson's character is rich so they fly all over and do these exotic things. Freeman's wife is left to worry about where he is and what he's doing.

My bucket list would have been to be with my family. My bucket list now is to try to live every day in such a way as to make a bucket list irrelevant.

First off, it is a movie, a fantasy. If you weren't enjoying it, you should have left and requested your money back early on.
Secondly, I actually enjoyed it more then most movies I have seen, going back to Ishtar (why I go to so few movies), although I missed it at the theater. Freeman's character had kids early and gave up on dreams to raise them. When he was getting to where he should be able to readdress the dreams issue, his surprise daughter came along (this is from memory), so Nicholson's opportunity was allowing him to experience things he had given up on for his family, temporarily. You didn't see the other kids calling wondering where their dad was.

I have done most of what I always wanted to, by the time I was 25, in part, because I didn't expect myself to be alive this long. Other aspects, didn't just involve me and you can't force others to do things they don't want to do. I learned early, EARLY on, life is short, although I have never gone for the end up at the end of your life with your body in shambles from all the fun, as I had been told, live like today is your last, plan like it isn't and you have a responsibility to try to leave those behind you in better shape then you were given.
I also learned to learn from others and their experiences. In that respect, some dreams that some people might have, I can take from their experiences, without the expense of the downsides.
I don't think it is possible to live without regrets, as so many things can be conflicting. Also regrets both happen about what you have done, and what you haven't and in some cases I have had to choose one side over the other.

[Kestra]

I agree with catherine. I just want to enjoy every day. As much as I love planning I don't really want a bucket list. Seems like a way to set yourself up to feel bad about not accomplishing enough. I'm trying to be kinder to myself and not worry about or regret things.

[Birdie]

I made a bucket list well before the movie, and just called it the list of things I had 'always wanted to do' but never had the time. I raised 2 kids on my own from when they were 9 and 24 months, so was a very busy, working-full-time mom. About the time my kids were in High school, I stared making a list of things I wanted to do when I finally has the free time.

I retired at 52 and started doing the things on my list. Most of them were personal skills I had wanted to do, but really couldn't fit them in with my working schedule. I learned how to knit, took kayak classes, started quilting classes - I always loved to sew clothing but had never tried quilting. I wanted to learn to vegetable garden and a bunch of other things.

I had some very loose travel desires, but nothing too specific. More like going to Europe, but not specific countries. I did many of the things on my list and then eliminated the rest that I really wasn't too interested in. By the time the movie came out, I had abandoned my list...but now it had a name.

As a young person, I wanted to live off the land, grow most of my own food, and now I do some of that. I modified that desire to a small backyard lot but would still love to have 1/2 acre and add fruit to what I grow. That is the only thing I can remember wanting to do when I was much younger. Our desires do change as we age.

[corkym]

I love the idea of a birthday retreat and also of making that the beginning of a new year. That brings to mind that Dr. Quinn show where she hiked up part of Pike's Peak for her birthday. Instead of a big celebration she wanted to go up there as a kind of retreat and as I recall she didn't make it all the way. Pinkytoe - I can't believe someone else knows about The Egg and I. I still have a paperback version that has literally fallen to pieces and I keep a rubberband around it to hold it together. I loved the book and I loved the movie and I love Betty MacDonald. She really got back to basics....haha. I think everyone here it sounds like has found that inner peace with a bucket list or no bucket list. You all seem to know what you want and are achieving it. That is what I am aiming for.....

[ApatheticNoMore]

corkym: That Bucket list sounds like it was written about like age 14 (or maybe 17 or very early 20s).

I have heard it said, and I don't disagree, that it may be a natural part of the life path (in this society, I don't imply it's universal) to have glorious goals as a teenager say (change the world with a book), and to in most cases realize we won't achieve them by middle age (mid-life crisis). Natural phases in life (in this society). I think there's some push to double down at that point - you gotta achieve them, against all odds, pursue that glory. But maybe better off giving up. The process of accepting that you won't may actually be better and deeper than the process of trying to actualize the fantastic "goals". No, I don't believe in giving up on everything, far from it, but some of the fantastic stuff maybe yes.

Most cliched bucket list things either strike me as consumerist (really even if they don't directly involve consumerism, they have that feel to them as being very much the product of a consumerist society) or pursuit of glory type goals. These things are so important to us apparently that we have to make lists not to forget them! :~) Will anyone really truly care on their deathbed that they didn't visit Africa or wherever? Those things are mostly just useful when living, it may be useful for conceptualizing and talking about the world to have traveled, but then that is weighted against everything else in life.

[ApatheticNoMore]

Some items stay on list after list - like lose 10-15 pounds. This should tell me that I either need to make them more of a priority or drop them off the list, because clearly they are either not as important as I think, I am not focusing on the things that are important to me, or they are not reasonably acheivable. (otoh, constantly refocusing on those 10 pounds may be the reason that in middle age I'm only 16 pounds over my adult low and 6 pounds under my Pre-kid high.)

It may involve a conceptual shift (but such things aren't really entirely will-able): losing weight is important enough to me (and really deep down not just because some magazine told me it should be!), and for once I actually don't have 1000 reasons sabotaging me anymore (this may involve setting limits - getting down to a really tiny skinny minny size may indeed be absurd for one's body - so stopping weight loss before that point), that I'll tolerate not always having the food I want, possible cravings (unless these indicate a real nutritional need like for fat in the diet), and probably some degree of regular (but not chronic) hunger. But if no such shift exists and putting the 10-15 pounds on the list keeps one from gaining weight than I think that plan is working (if 10-15 is all one is overweight, those really truly are "vanity pounds" anyway - which one might decide to lose but which aren't a health issue).

[RosieTR]

I actually have both a bucket list and usually a yearly list of goals. Some things that were once on my long-term bucket list have dropped off, like going to Rio for Carnevale. Others I have accomplished (having a paid-off house, completing a marathon) and still others are in the process (climbing all CO peaks above 14,000ft, and all 50 US state high points). Some are post-FI: a through hike such as the AT or Continental Divide trail, riding a bike to see friends of family in another state, building a greenhouse. Still others are ongoing, such as staying in shape and within a 5lb weight range. I guess I don't think of a bucket list or goal list as necessarily some huge jet-around-the-world thing as much as a framework to organize the choices you make, and a means to feel like you are making progress. The yearly goals are things I may not have always wanted to do but need or want to soon. One of ours this year was renovate the kitchen. Learning to lay tile was not on my bucket list, but glad I learned anyway, though.

[freshstart]

had rough draft of a bucket list in my head, met some, was not gung-ho on meeting others until after I retired. Then real life woke me up, I landed in the hospital being told I was having a massive stroke. My speech was so garbled, others had great difficulty understanding me. They said bring my kids in that night in case I lost the ability to speak suddenly. Trying and mostly failing, to tell your teens how great your love for them is, you are proud of the people they are becoming and then trying to squeeze in anything you can think of, while aware of the pain you are causing them, well, that was the ultimate eye opener for me.

There is absolutely nothing left that I need see, if I happen to do so, that's a bonus. Most everything on my bucket list I no longer really cared about. Now it is:

love my family and friends with my whole heart, even my dogs, strive to improve relationships that need it

return the favors to all those who have selflessly helped me during this time, even if I cannot physically do what they did for me

eventually find a new purpose and volunteer, but only if that does not take too much time away from my from needs of friends and family

to care for my mom as she dies, to be her advocate, her caretaker and cherish every moment we have

to live on SSDI, should I ever get it, and try not to touch my retirement accounts until I am retirement age. because I want to leave as much to my kids as possible

This is all I need and want, if just some of it happens, then I will have peace

[Chicken lady]

Sometimes it astonishes me that my life up to now was planned by an 18 y.o. Kid. She did a good job though.

My older kids tease me about being under ambitious. Apparently you aren't supposed to achieve all of your life goals by 45. I figure it just gives me a chance to think about what comes next.

[CathyA]

I never had a bucket list. I guess I just had short-term goals, and tried to accomplish them. Maybe since I'm pretty much a home-body, my interest in a lot of travel is small......even though I've been to Europe twice when I was 19 and 22.
Maybe having a greenhouse is on my 'bucket list'.........but to be honest with you, I'm tired.....and I have so many other things that need our money and energy.
So I'll probably just stick with making my daily/weekly/monthly lists and trying to accomplish those. I get so much pleasure out of simple things......especially nature. Maybe I'll have a lot of regrets on my death bed. I hope not.

[Teacher Terry]

I have always been a goal oriented person but never had a bucket list until a few years ago as I was approaching 60. For me it is mostly traveling. We took a month RV trip this year that I talked about for 3 years Yellowstone, Grand Tetons, Idaho & family in other states. WE also have been to Europe 4x's & are taking a 3 week vacation with a 13 day cruise in there. Will start from Boston & I have never been there. My MIL died unexpectedly at 67 right after retiring. She was waiting to travel until she retired. Never got to do any of it. Also my Mom that loved to travel much more then me said by late 70's it was a lot of work to travel so want to do it while it is still fun.

[frugal-one]

When I was in my late 20s I read the book.... The Magic of Thinking Big. It told you to write down in detail the things you want out of life. I recently found the list and was surprised to see I accomplished ALL the things on the list with the exception of having a ranch home.... which will happen next year. I had a job for years where I helped others so now I want to do the things I want to do. I have no desire to be altruistic in any way. It is now MY time! If I should die tomorrow, it has been a great run!

[freshstart]

Maybe I'll have a lot of regrets on my death bed. I hope not.

In hospice, I heard regrets all the time, they usually involved unresolved problems with a loved one or having lost touch with a close friend, regret that they won't be there to see children or grandchildren grow, leaving their spouse behind. Sometimes when I first met a couple, one would wistfully say something like, "I wish we had taken that trip...", sometimes it did mean so much, that they moved heaven and Earth to travel so ill. But that happened a handful of times. On their actual deathbed, that stuff very rarely came up. It's true, no one says they wish they had spent more time at work.

If simple things, being a homebody and nature fulfill your joy requirements now, that's huge. Do you think all the travel you didn't do will suddenly supersede the lifestyle you chose and led and the people you loved on your deathbed?

[corkym]

Freshstart you really have been through the wringer it sounds like. Thank goodness you survived. People who have had near death experiences or debilitating illnesses "get it". They know what is important. It sounds like a lot of people on here also "get it". Some people just seem to know. People like me have to go around the mountain a few times. I had a heart attack and my husband was on dialysis for 9 yrs. It still seems like we are running around that same old tree sometimes chasing our tail. Thank you for sharing your story, it jolts me back into what is most important. Being in a hospice setting must have been heart rending listening to people's stories.

[corkym]

ApatheticNoMore - Yes, you hit the nail on the head. Around 15-16 I just "knew" my calling was in the Peace Corp in Africa, (my room was decorated with posters of Lions and Monkeys.) I think 14 was when I wanted to be a trapeze artist (this from a girl who almost failed P.E.), Oh, and I forgot to mention I was going to marry Peter Noone from (Herman's Hermits). 40 plus yrs later, I am thankful I didn't do any of those. Well, Herman maybe would have been nice....lol. No, I got a diamond for a husband :) Knowing me I probably would have got malaria in Africa and fallen on my head off the trapeze. Yes, we do go through "natural phases" that is for real sure. The older I get the more I just want to stop and smell the lilacs in my own yard.

[freshstart]

People who have had near death experiences or debilitating illnesses "get it". People like me have to go around the mountain a few times. I had a heart attack and my husband was on dialysis for 9 yrs. It still seems like we are running around that same old tree sometimes chasing our tail. Thank you for sharing your story, it jolts me back into what is most important. Being in a hospice setting must have been heart rending listening to people's stories.

9 years of dialysis and a heart attack? I cannot even imagine the toll that took on you both.

It's funny, I thought hospice had prepared me well to say what is important now because you never know what will happen. I thought I had done all that on a regular basis but when it happened to me, there was so much more I needed to say. In a way, I was lucky because it was not a stroke in the end and my speech returned. I had a "test run" and know now what relationships need attention because I did have regrets.

My time in hospice is precious to me. Listening, listening and even more listening was required and every life review was special and to be told that story, being a virtual stranger, was humbling.

[Teacher Terry]

I have spent my entire life helping others both personally & professionally & still do in fact. However, I now realize that I need to take the time to do some of the things that I want. I don't think I will have any regrets. Right now for 4 days I am having a friend with Alzheimer's stay with me while my hubby has her hubby in CA-about 9 hour drive undergoing cancer treatment. Things like this make you realize how lucky you are. They are around our age.

[gimmethesimplelife]

Something that has interestingly enough changed my bucket list and has taken some pressure off of myself to accomplish what is on the list is being in touch with some people in my high school graduating class. Just yesterday someone else passed on, this person of a brain aenorysim (sp). Realizing that life is indeed short and can end just like that - whoah, it's made me be kinder to myself and realize it's OK if the bucket list doesn't ALL get done. At least this summer I am crossing a few things off of it - and these things carry some meaning to me. And from my bucket list from five years ago - getting married was on it and it seemed like such a pipedream back then but it's happening for me in October this year. So some important things on the list are getting crossed off - I'm OK with my progress and I'm OK if it all doesn't happen. Rob

[Kestra]

Something that has interestingly enough changed my bucket list and has taken some pressure off of myself to accomplish what is on the list is being in touch with some people in my high school graduating class. Just yesterday someone else passed on, this person of a brain aenorysim (sp). Realizing that life is indeed short and can end just like that - whoah, it's made me be kinder to myself and realize it's OK if the bucket list doesn't ALL get done. At least this summer I am crossing a few things off of it - and these things carry some meaning to me. And from my bucket list from five years ago - getting married was on it and it seemed like such a pipedream back then but it's happening for me in October this year. So some important things on the list are getting crossed off - I'm OK with my progress and I'm OK if it all doesn't happen. Rob

If you had mentioned the wedding before I sadly didn't catch that. Congratulations, Rob! I'm so happy for you.

[gimmethesimplelife]

If you had mentioned the wedding before I sadly didn't catch that. Congratulations, Rob! I'm so happy for you.Thank You, Kestra. Rob

[corkym]

I think what I take from everyone's comments on this subject is the older you get you need to let yourself off the hook from not having to accomplish everything. Be grateful for each day and use it the best you can. We are totally different people than when we were 20. I don't even recognize that young girl from back then and I even am amazed that was me. My parents must've had to restrain from smacking some sense into my head sometimes.....lol I have less than I did then, but I am much more content to live in my own 61 year old shoes now, even if it means I will never fly overhead on a trapeze wearing a size 5 leotard. After hearing what freshstart said about being in a hospice setting got me to thinking....maybe everyone needs to spend some time in a setting like that to be able to see life with a new perspective. Thanks everyone for all your thoughts!

[iris lilies]

My big bucket lists items are complete, I had only a few. Now I've got travel goals and gardening goals ,but they aren't long-held goals, they may change from season to season. A formal bucket list, for me, is just another burden.

[sweetana3]

I feel like I have done most on my bucket list. We travel when we feel like it and I find something interesting. We dont have anything else to buy. So I guess what is on the short list is to do one or more additional things as a volunteer. Maybe foster an older animal or work in the office of the spay/neuter clinic one day a week.

I dont want "lose weight or exercise" to be on a bucket list.

[awakenedsoul]

My mom had regrets when she was dying. She had a lot of addictions, though. I believe that those caused her a lot of fractured relationships. She married young and had four children. She was incredibly talented in the home, but she didn't really pursue any personal goals. She seemed kind of resigned and bummed about that at the end of her life. I went the opposite way. My career took me places I never dreamed of visiting. I met and worked with incredible people and traveled the world. It was fantastic. I did write down goals for my auditions, though. I was very specific. Some of those took up to ten years to materialize, but they did happen. I believe in dreaming big. Henry Le Tang told me once, "What have you got to lose?" I also let go of the outcome.

My goals have shifted with age. My life is much less stressful, now that I have a healthy emergency fund and live beneath my means. I lived on the edge for many years. I had a lot of financial drama when I was in my thirties.

I'm not going to push my body as hard as I used to, physically. I don't want to have more surgeries due to over exercising and over achieving. I make a lot more time for social connections than I did when I was younger. I've started donating some of my hand knits to the poor, and that feels good. I talk with people at the gym, and listen to their stories. I like hearing about why they are there.

Today I had my hot water heater fixed by the owner of the plumbing company I use. He is a very motivated and successful guy. He's fifty. He told me that he had both of his knees replaced. He was sitting Indian style fixing the hot water heater! That blew me away. I like business owners. They're very focused and disciplined. As he left, he motioned to my cottage and garden. "Well, you're very blessed," he commented. I nodded, and realized that he was right. I've got a nice little home, (paid off,) with a landscaped yard, (that's turned out quite well,) and two big dogs. My health is excellent, and I enjoy each day, living simply. Most of their clients are living on top of each other. (Three generations under one roof.) Living simply for so many years has given me a lot of freedom and privacy.

I still would like to take some more trips, though. I want to take the Amtrak to Oregon, and also go to Yosemite and Mt. Shasta. I'll find a way to do it frugally. Maybe I'll split a sleeper car with one of my knitting friends. I love traveling. It makes me feel expanded. I'd like to do some more of that in my fifties and sixties. That's what my aunt did, and she loved it.

[thunderseed]

All the replies are interesting.
If I were to die today, and if someone were to ask me if I regretted anything, my answer would be contradicting. I've lived an incredible amount and have seen some unreal things in my life even though I'm only 27, there are times where I literally feel as if I would like to die because I've experienced so much already. Sometimes my soul feels so old, yet in person I feel like I am still a kid. I don't think I look any different than I did when I was a teenager either. I have accomplished big goals, I have written novels, I have survived cancer, I have experienced so much suffering and colorful events yet none of it ever seems good enough, and during this time of my life where everything is calm and nothing is happening, I often feel regretful that I am doing nothing.
I do often wish my family was closer to me. It's the only value I hold really close, because stuff isn't very important.
It feels weird to me, to be at a place where everything is fine and it's like I have nowhere else to go because I've already done everything.
Over the years I never followed any rules, I always did what I wanted to do, so I've taken up all sorts of hobbies and passions, there is hardly ever anything left to try. I feel like I have run out of opportunities and possibliities.
When most friends my age are still partying and having as much sex as possible, I feel as if I did so much of that back in the day, it was enough to last many lifetimes yet I also regret not meeting my soul mate at a younger age. I regret many mistakes in my past, but at the same time I am happy I got to experience it all, it was nothing short of thrilling and exciting. I am a completely different person now, but sometimes I am worried about my future because I'm just not sure what else I can possibly do and honestly, I don't like doing nothing. There is really only one thing I want and I'm not sure if it will ever happen but I am waiting for it. I often times wonder if I will regret waiting for it for so long, if it never happens by the time I die. But if I were to die this instant, after a few years of waiting, I would probably just be relieved that I don't have to wait anymore. That sounds kind of depressing but I don't know if there is a point to being angry or upset, it's not even my decisions or choices, sometimes I really realize that I'm not in control of the direction my life leads me. So it's not like I can regret my actions because I know I have done everything in my power to do the best I can given the circumstances.

[Gardnr]

All the replies are interesting.
If I were to die today, and if someone were to ask me if I regretted anything, my answer would be contradicting. I've lived an incredible amount and have seen some unreal things in my life even though I'm only 27, there is hardly ever anything left to try. I feel like I have run out of opportunities and possibliities.

We know very little about you. It's hard for me to believe that a 27yo has so little left to try.

Perhaps it's time to start reading about things/philosophy/artistic endeavors/places you have not experienced. I'm not talking about needing tons of $ or traveling the world 365. I'm talking about exploring the world through words. Spur introspection. Spur creativity.

You didn't know your backyard! (the discussion of dried fruit on the trees.)

It seems to me rather than having almost nothing left to try....it's more a lack of interest to live this life.

I wholly admit I'm a psych minor and have done lots of therapeautic time with a native American Medicine Woman thus a great deal of introspection of my own in 20years.

And honestly, i'm a little sad that you are sitting there thinking you're done experiencing this life

But if I were to die this instant, after a few years of waiting, I would probably just be relieved that I don't have to wait anymore

So I hope I've given you some food for thought and you start to create a life that you are grateful for each day rather than passing time and waiting for the end.

I write this with the utmost of respect and sincerity.

[Gardnr]

We are totally different people than when we were 20. I don't even recognize that young girl from back then and I even am amazed that was me.

We are so very pleased to have jumped off "the Jones" treadmill. We found simplicity, mindfulness, debt-free and now we enjoy life and relish the future that we create....not what is expected. We grow food not grass...i'm sure much to the chagrin of the subdivision that starts 1house away-they don't allow it and mandate grass and 2 trees.

Our biggest change? We no longer have a list of countries to see. We have the hope to experience a portion of every US state before we die off. Why go elsewhere if we haven't seen "home"?

As a friend said many years ago "Now that I can afford broccoli, I'd rather grow it":cool: A blessing of aging!

[Gardnr]

I will say I loved the movie. Lesson: live in the moment. Go where the spirit takes you. FEEL life every day.

I don't have a bucket list. I have ideas of what I think I would like to do. It changes....it's freeing to be older. (I'm only 54 though so a young 'un to some;)

[catherine]

My mom had regrets when she was dying.

I was shocked when my MIL told me, very shortly before she died, that she had a "wasted life." I think what she meant by that was that she had downplayed her strengths and desires, feeling she had to to be a "good mother." She became a widow in her early 40s, when she had two children ages 3 and 12. She didn't even know how to drive--she had emigrated from Scotland to New York, and had lived in Manhattan and was now in the suburbs, where her husband had been the family driver. She survived by getting a clerks job in Macy's and having her parents move in with her to share expenses. Thanks to her frugality, her house was already paid for, she had no debt, and she was able to raise her two kids on her minimum wage salary (she was one of my simple living heroes).

When she was retirement age (65) she was asked to work for the retail worker's union, and she became Vice President of the local chapter. They asked her because of her tireless "no holds barred" advocacy of worker's rights on the floor of the store, which, up to then, had all been volunteer. When she received the position of power and saw how much she could have helped workers all over NYC and Westchester, she regretted not having pursued a meaningful career earlier. She retired at age 72. She loved that job, but started it when most people snuff out the candle on their working lives.

Being close to 65 myself, I sometimes wonder if I'll regret working in my field for as long as I did. I find the job interesting, intellectually challenging, and a perfect fit for my skills. And it was by far the best way to put food on the table when there was none. But as an INFP (Idealist) I sometimes wonder if I would have found more fulfillment as a teacher or a journalist--two occupations I played with over the years.

If I were to do a "reverse bucket list" or have another "Groundhog Day" I know for sure that I would have been stronger living out my beliefs, would have been less tolerant of fools, and definitely would have been more attentive and loving (in a physical, caring way) to my mother. I can deal with second-guessing my career, but I've learned that there is no way to put a silver lining on regrets about not having been there for someone I love.

[awakenedsoul]

catherine,

It seems like you already have an outlet for your writing and teaching... posting on forums like this. People are reading your words and learning from them. It's not your paid work, but it still makes a difference in people's lives.

Lately, I've been finding meaning in things that don't take much money. I really feel better when I go to the gym. I pay .50 a day for my membership, and recharged and energized after a work out. I find I really enjoy being around people who are self motivated and who stay in shape.

I also really benefit from sitting out on my porch and absorbing the energy of nature. I've designed a heavily mulched garden that is green and thriving, in spite or our drought conditions. It takes some daily care, but I can't put on a price on the energy it gives me.

Rescuing abused dogs and watching them recover has also really made a difference in my life. I have two dogs now that came from very difficult situations. Playing ball with them, taking care of them, and walking them has really made me feel useful. They are so appreciative of the small things. They make me see that the daily routine is just as valuable as achieving big goals....

If I was out trying to achieve a bucket list, I'd need to hire a gardener, a dog sitter, and a house sitter. I don't want to do that.

[freshstart]

All the replies are interesting.
If I were to die today, and if someone were to ask me if I regretted anything, my answer would be contradicting. That sounds kind of depressing but I don't know if there is a point to being angry or upset, it's not even my decisions or choices, sometimes I really realize that I'm not in control of the direction my life leads me. So it's not like I can regret my actions because I know I have done everything in my power to do the best I can given the circumstances.

I think I get this, I definitely get what it's like not to have any say or control in what happens next. I was a planner so accepting this is not easy at all. And yup, you do your best. When it came down to the wire one night, I realized I had regrets, but they were all with family and friend relationships. Nothing else really mattered on that level. But I, too, hate doing nothing and feeling like I serve no purpose. I make lists and lists, not a bucket list, just lists of stuff I really have to do, and nothing gets accomplished, the will is there, the ability is not. This drives me nuts.

I truly hope you get the one thing you really want and I am sorry to read you've been hit so hard so young. Not fair.

[thunderseed]

We know very little about you. It's hard for me to believe that a 27yo has so little left to try.

Perhaps it's time to start reading about things/philosophy/artistic endeavors/places you have not experienced. I'm not talking about needing tons of $ or traveling the world 365. I'm talking about exploring the world through words. Spur introspection. Spur creativity.

You didn't know your backyard! (the discussion of dried fruit on the trees.)

It seems to me rather than having almost nothing left to try....it's more a lack of interest to live this life.

I wholly admit I'm a psych minor and have done lots of therapeautic time with a native American Medicine Woman thus a great deal of introspection of my own in 20years.

And honestly, i'm a little sad that you are sitting there thinking you're done experiencing this life

But if I were to die this instant, after a few years of waiting, I would probably just be relieved that I don't have to wait anymore

So I hope I've given you some food for thought and you start to create a life that you are grateful for each day rather than passing time and waiting for the end.

I write this with the utmost of respect and sincerity.

Well, I delved into philosphy a long time ago. I've read about all kinds of things, I have not only read about artistic endeavours, I am an artist. I don't like selling my work, although I have before, I prefer now to give it away for free. I have tried all sorts of creative hobbies... I haven't just read things, I have literally written many novels and poetry. I have written music, I sing, I even have a recording studio in my house, I've learned all kinds of dances. I've gone on wilderness adventures that most people wouldn't have the guts to go on. I have mastered all types of sports and physical activities, always moving onto trying new things once I get bored. I take lots of new classes and learn new things all the time. You name it, I've done it, the list is really long. I experienced a lot in my life because I chose to, I'm the kind of person who is a jack of all skills, but never really followed through with anything so never truly mastered anything in particular. There are a bunch of passions that I always do on a regular basis, such as badminton and polar bear swimming but really, I'm the kind of person that gets bored easily and needs lots of new things to do, so I have done a lot of things over the years and I'm truly running out of things to do right now, there are no more groups, clubs sports or things to do in my town that i haven't already done. And I am also a native american medicine woman. I firetended for sweatlodges for years and am extremely spiritual. And I never said I wasn't grateful for my life, in fact I said the opposite of that. I am very grateful for all the things I have gotten to experience in this life, and I feel quite fulfilled. So I don't feel like I would have a problem if I had to die tomorrow.
If anything the only thing that is truly bothering me that you should be sad about is the fact that what I am waiting for doesn't seem to be happening, because that's really the only thing that is upsetting me in my life. It's literally the only new thing I could ever really want, and it doesn't seem to be happening. If what I am waiting for never happens, I might be regretful... but maybe not, I don't know, like I said, it's contradicting.

[thunderseed]

I think I get this, I definitely get what it's like not to have any say or control in what happens next. I was a planner so accepting this is not easy at all. And yup, you do your best. When it came down to the wire one night, I realized I had regrets, but they were all with family and friend relationships. Nothing else really mattered on that level. But I, too, hate doing nothing and feeling like I serve no purpose. I make lists and lists, not a bucket list, just lists of stuff I really have to do, and nothing gets accomplished, the will is there, the ability is not. This drives me nuts.

I truly hope you get the one thing you really want and I am sorry to read you've been hit so hard so young. Not fair.

Thank you, I hope you can get what you want too. Yes, not being in control is the hardest thing for me, it often scares me, but especially after recovering from alcoholism and being in the 12 steps, I try to accept step 1, 2 and 3 as much as possible.
I really do like the law of attraction, but most times it seems like some higher force really does have the say where my life goes, not me. There's really nothing I can do about it, as much as I try and fight it sometimes, the only thing fighting it does is make me miserable lol. I am always happier once I can accept that I will end up where I am supposed to be, and sometimes what I want is not in my best interest.

I sort of have the opposite problem when it comes to lists, I make lists and do all this random stuff, just because I'm trying to fill a void of not being able to do something that is extremely purposeful and meaningful. I am great at getting stuff done, but just not the right stuff, if you know what I mean lol. I always end up losing track of which direction I am supposed to go in, get all turned around, doing random tasks when I'm supposed to be doing something better. At least I remain hopeful that something better is in my future.

Honestly, I think it's part of human nature to want to feel like we have a purpose. Just curious, what matters to you, like what is an idea of something that you could do that would give you purpose, and what is standing in your way?

[corkym]

Eavesdropping here thunderseed and I know your post was addressed to freshstart, but I just had to say what a great question for people to think about. "what matters to you, like what is an idea of something that you could do that would give you purpose, and what is standing in your way?" I like questions like that to get the thinking juices stirred up to "think outside the box". My box is my comfort zone and I usually can't see beyond my nose so I need to be kicked in the butt with questions like this.

[freshstart]

My purpose turned out to be hospice nursing, it was an a-ha moment that I was where I belonged. I loved being let into a family's circle and have them trust me enough that I would do my best at whatever was needed. There were lots of raw hours holding someone's hand that you've gotten to know over 2yrs, who has no one but does not want to die alone. I'm not explaining that correctly. Basically, I had found the place I wanted to serve (even though paid), I passed up stupid management jobs so I could continue to do what I felt called to do. I fully intended 18 more years of this. Then got sick, did not listen to my docs to get SSDI because I would not be going back. Started in Sept, by June 1 I had to be let go, 5 days short of 23 years at my company.

Right now, I truly feel like I have no purpose at all except to my dogs and kids, lol. I am a burden and I hate that. I've thought about volunteer work (cannot remotely do this yet), I want a break from people for a while so I was thinking animal shelter. then I read about, don't laugh, hospice for pets, you foster a dying dog so it does not die in a crate alone at the shelter. This I could do, regular fostering would lead to 10 dogs. This is on my back burner.

what's yours, if you feel like sharing?