Total life reboot?

[Ultralight]

I know this post, in an overarching way, ties in with some other posts I have made lately. But I think this is still worth asking.

Have you or anyone you know closely purposefully, totally rebooted their life? By this I mean went from living life in a certain place doing a certain thing for years and years to moving to some place totally different to completely start over?

[Kestra]

Are you thinking of your past or your future?

[Tammy]

In 1988:

I was a full time homemaker
3 kids age 5 and under
Home schooling 5 year old
Living in a farmhouse in rural ohio
Pastors wife
Republican
Charismatic Christian
One year of college completed
Enjoyed learning but not a critical thinker
Easy accepted opinions of others as my own


Today:

I am full time nurse supervisor
Have masters level education
Kids grown and on their own
Registered democrat
Democratic socialism is my preference
Agnostic
Still married to the same man
Much more science focused
More critical in my thinking
More aware of my own opinions
Feminist


So yes people can change. :)

My husband and I often remark how lucky we are that we changed together in a similar direction. We didn't end up at quite the same place, and our trajectories were at different paces. But we give each other space for differences and generally get along well. Just celebrated 34 years.

Have to say though that with the changes we made lots of relationships with friends and family from the 80s are distanced or ended. Just don't have things in common like before. We've made new friends along the way.

[Ultralight]

Are you thinking of your past or your future?

Future.

But I am also asking others for their experiences.

[Float On]

Pastors wife





Agnostic
Still married to the same man


My husband and I often remark how lucky we are that we changed together in a similar direction. We didn't end up at quite the same place, and our trajectories were at different paces.



I've always been curious about this aspect of your life since you've mentioned it previously. Who started to change first? How did you deal with these changes and leaving a pastoral position and religion all together? I've seen a few marriages break up over "one leaving the religion" and I've seen people leave their religion when they married someone who wasn't of the faith. But it seems kind of rare for both spouses to end up on this same kind of journey together.

[Ultralight]

In 1988:

I was a full time homemaker
3 kids age 5 and under
Home schooling 5 year old
Living in a farmhouse in rural ohio
Pastors wife
Republican
Charismatic Christian
One year of college completed
Enjoyed learning but not a critical thinker
Easy accepted opinions of others as my own


Today:

I am full time nurse supervisor
Have masters level education
Kids grown and on their own
Registered democrat
Democratic socialism is my preference
Agnostic
Still married to the same man
Much more science focused
More critical in my thinking
More aware of my own opinions
Feminist


So yes people can change. :)

My husband and I often remark how lucky we are that we changed together in a similar direction. We didn't end up at quite the same place, and our trajectories were at different paces. But we give each other space for differences and generally get along well. Just celebrated 34 years.

Have to say though that with the changes we made lots of relationships with friends and family from the 80s are distanced or ended. Just don't have things in common like before. We've made new friends along the way.


Whoa! Were all these changes at once or incremental?

[bae]

Have you or anyone you know closely purposefully, totally rebooted their life? By this I mean went from living life in a certain place doing a certain thing for years and years to moving to some place totally different to completely start over?

Yes, several times.

[Ultralight]

Yes, several times.

Words of wisdom?

[bae]

Words of wisdom?

You only have one life. This isn't a dress rehearsal, you don't get to do "what you really want to do" on your next time through. Do it now.

[Ultralight]

You only have one life. This isn't a dress rehearsal, you don't get to do "what you really want to do" on your next time through. Do it now.

:/

I am mostly aware of that fact. But I don't know if I am one of those people has anything I really want to do. haha
I am 36 and unsure, so I might just be one of those people who let life slip past them -- but not for my lack of trying!

[bae]

I am mostly aware of that fact. But I don't know if I am one of those people has anything I really want to do. haha
I am 36 and unsure, so I might just be one of those people who let life slip past them -- but not for my lack of trying!

When I was 36, I quite my job running the R&D department of one of the most successful and fastest growing companies in America, moved from my lovely home in Silicon Valley to this island in the Pacific, and became a stay-at-home Dad while building a pre-school/kindergarden/elementary school. It took me about 60 seconds after I delivered my daughter to make this decision.

[Ultralight]

When I was 36, I quite my job running the R&D department of one of the most successful and fastest growing companies in America, moved from my lovely home in Silicon Valley to this island in the Pacific, and became a stay-at-home Dad while building a pre-school/kindergarden/elementary school. It took me about 60 seconds after I delivered my daughter to make this decision.

That is intense.

I am just a workin' man, not accomplished in any way. Though I think, as I write this, I suppose I could do that almost anywhere. I'd really like to live in a small town on the coast (doesn't matter which one Florida to Maine, California to Southern Alaska). Hmmm... I wonder what that would really take to do...

Did you do any prep work for that reboot? I also wonder, were there any other deciding factors?

[frugal-one]

We are now working on cleaning out our house, selling EVERYTHING, and moving out of state. Hopefully, next year at this time will be a whole new life! I am looking forward to starting over with a clean slate. The thing is, I thought I was doing an ok job of keeping "things" at bay but boy.... preparing to move shows a person how much they really have and don't need!

[Ultralight]

We are now working on cleaning out our house, selling EVERYTHING, and moving out of state. Hopefully, next year at this time will be a whole new life! I am looking forward to starting over with a clean slate. The thing is, I thought I was doing an ok job of keeping "things" at bay but boy.... preparing to move shows a person how much they really have and don't need!

Good point on that! I know with each of my moves -- even post-minimalist conversion -- I find that to be true about moving. haha

So, hey, what made you do this? Selling everything, moving out of state, etc.?

[Tammy]

The change for us started in the late 80s and we weren't totally out of church until 2011.

Long journey.

Husband started questioning first. He was involved with many disillusioning things such as:

Pastor on same staff had sexual relationship with 14 year old in youth group. Church didn't report it to authorities, eventually family did, pastor went to prison for awhile.

Another pastor on same staff killed in small airplane crash, with his teenage son also dying in that crash. People prayed and loudly discussed right through the burial that they would be raised from the dead.

A friend who pastored another church suicided.

And more.

His questioning started with whether the faith and healing message was real, and eventually moved on to deconstruction of all his prior faith assumptions.

My journey was more along the lines of reading all sorts of theology and also science.

He always was more into the totality of the whole church experience than I was, so his questioning was deeper and more painful. He was giving up not only long held erroneous beliefs, but also a 20 year career. I was simply liberalizing my views over time.

Looking back I see all sorts of cult like elements to our earlier church experiences with the crazy extreme faith/healing/prosperity theology.

I see stages of PTSD in our journey - much more with him than with me.

I spent 6 years getting my nursing degree during this time, so as soon as I was making a living, he was able to give up paid ministry completely. He had worked odd jobs and pastored tiny churches that could tolerate his ever liberalizing theology for the last few years. He was honest about his questioning so big churches wouldn't tolerate him. As an aside, it's amazing how many pastors are not honest about their doubts because they need job security.

We went on this path in this approximate order:

Mennonite childhoods for both of us
Charismatic
Vineyard
Renewal (Toronto blessing style)
Independent community church
Methodist as occasional attenders
Universalist but not attending
Agnostic (me)
Atheist (husband)

We never thought of separating. One great thing we gained from James Dobson In the early 90s was his teaching on boundaries. We spent a year listening and learning to that idea. It was what gave us strength to leave behind the more controlling cult-like churches. Then as we changed it gave us love for each other and a sense that this journey is each of ours, individually. Neither of us tried to convince the other to agree - we discussed things a lot and usually had no conclusion. But we became comfortable living without answers.

I'm still grateful to Dobson even though we are very opposite in most ways today,

[Tammy]

And to mr angler fisherman (forgot your exact screen name - ha) ---

All this change was nothing we planned. It just happened over 25 years. I don't think you need to worry about making it happen in your life. Just live each day true to yourself and it will unfold.

Also - I no longer believe that we each need to "find our purpose" in life. I think we are alive, we live our lives, and purpose is just what we make of our one precious life.

I was 37 when I realized that I didn't really know what I wanted. From big life goals to where to eat dinner - I didn't know. I had always done the right thing and made others happy. I had no idea what I wanted in life. I then started listening to my internal thoughts and feelings, and discovered what my own opinions were.

It's normal to not know and to have to figure it out and then to still be uncertain.

[Teacher Terry]

Got married young at 18 &had 3 kids by 25. Started college at 31 & got BA degree. Then got MSW & hated social work after 4 years. Too depressing. Went back to grad school for 2nd MS. Loved new career. At 42 divorced hubby, moved across country for new job & did not know a soul. Got PhD.

[freshstart]

double post

[freshstart]

When I was 36, I quite my job running the R&D department of one of the most successful and fastest growing companies in America, moved from my lovely home in Silicon Valley to this island in the Pacific, and became a stay-at-home Dad while building a pre-school/kindergarden/elementary school. It took me about 60 seconds after I delivered my daughter to make this decision.

this is awesome and that's one lucky kid

[freshstart]

Tammy, I do not think I know anyone who changed so much with their husband. I am sorry to hear how emotionally difficult it was

[Kestra]

Got married young at 18 &had 3 kids by 25. Started college at 31 & got BA degree. Then got MSW & hated social work after 4 years. Too depressing. Went back to grad school for 2nd MS. Loved new career. At 42 divorced hubby, moved across country for new job & did not know a soul. Got PhD.

Wow, that is an impressive amount of changes. Good for you!

[razz]

What did you want to do at age 10? That will give you a clue to your interests or at least, the general inclination or so I have been told by motivational speakers. At age 10, I wanted a farm. Got one at age 30, sold it for a great profit and then finally got another at age 47. I enjoyed the experience and then with dramatic changes in my life, I moved on. Life happens and as has been mentioned you just go with the flow of life and try new things. Life is an adventure to be explored with gusto. If you have no gusto, then you have a much more serious problem.

[Ultralight]

What did you want to do at age 10? That will give you a clue to your interests or at least, the general inclination or so I have been told by motivational speakers. At age 10, I wanted a farm. Got one at age 30, sold it for a great profit and then finally got another at age 47. I enjoyed the experience and then with dramatic changes in my life, I moved on. Life happens and as has been mentioned you just go with the flow of life and try new things. Life is an adventure to be explored with gusto. If you have no gusto, then you have a much more serious problem.

Yeah, not much gusto here. I am becoming a "loan drone."

[rosarugosa]

Tammy: Wow, that is an amazing story. I think you and your DH must have one of the best marriages ever to go through such fundamental changes and not let them tear you apart. Thanks for sharing.

[Florence]

I majored in Elementary Education because that was what was expected in the 1960s. But I didn't like teaching so I went back to school and got a degree in Pharmacy. I was a hospital pharmacist for 20+ years and loved it. Now I am retired and love this too. So I suppose I have rebooted twice.

[Ultralight]

I majored in Elementary Education because that was what was expected in the 1960s. But I didn't like teaching so I went back to school and got a degree in Pharmacy. I was a hospital pharmacist for 20+ years and loved it. Now I am retired and love this too. So I suppose I have rebooted twice.

Florence: Thanks for sharing. Two life reboots is an excellent track record.

[frugal-one]

Quote Originally Posted by frugal-one View Post
We are now working on cleaning out our house, selling EVERYTHING, and moving out of state. Hopefully, next year at this time will be a whole new life! I am looking forward to starting over with a clean slate. The thing is, I thought I was doing an ok job of keeping "things" at bay but boy.... preparing to move shows a person how much they really have and don't need!
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From UltralightAngler
Good point on that! I know with each of my moves -- even post-minimalist conversion -- I find that to be true about moving. haha

So, hey, what made you do this? Selling everything, moving out of state, etc.?

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Actually, this was the plan but it was waylaid by MIL who needed to go to assisted living. She passed away this spring so we are now able to proceed with the plan. We originally planned on moving south but have decided to move nearer to our DS. He is thrilled that we are moving closer to him. The plan is to be snowbirds.