I've fallen and I can't get up! (AKA...when did I get this old??)

[CathyA]

I'm not aging very gracefully. I'll be 66 in January. Seems like in the past couple of months my body has aged decades. I have fibromyalgia and bad arthritis, and it seems to be worsening all at once. The good part is that I have had lots of energy......Maybe that's why everything is hurting. We have so much property to keep up....plus I have veggie gardens, water gardens, one chicken left, etc., etc. It's hard to give up things that have made me who I am. I just can't believe I'm this old. When did that happen?? I'm thinking I'm more around 47. I'm not accepting it very well. So much of who I define myself as, are in things that take a lot of physical work. I feel in the back yard the other day when I was weeding........and it took me awhile to get up! I don't quite understand why that happens. What's so hard about getting up???
Now my total body hurts.......feet/knees/thighs/fingers/hands/teeth..........you name it, it hurts. I can only take tylenol, and I try to never take much of it.

Don't get me wrong......I'm grateful to have made it this far. Lots of people don't get that opportunity.

How does one stay positive, while growing old and losing function? I'm not a social person, so it's not like I have a circle of friends.
Aging is just hitting me square in the face. I don't get it. I don't want it. I feel very close to nature, and know that everything grows old and dies, and I sure wish I could accept it in my own life.

This year, because of massive rains, my big garden hasn't done so well. But I've noticed that not being so busy with it is kind of nice. I don't have hundreds of tomatoes and beans to freeze, hundreds of cucumbers to make Danish cucumber salad with all the time, etc., etc. I'm hoping going to mostly raised stock tank gardens next year will help. But still.........it all makes me incredibly sad. Besides just being sad at loss of function of my body, I'm in pain most of the time.

It's just so weird to think that I won't be here forever. Maybe I'll get used to losing so much and accepting loss and death..........but I don't think so. :(

Thanks for listening to me whine.......... I think I'll go have some chocolate.

[pinkytoe]

I commiserate but take comfort in the fact that it's something we all have to go through. It may seem like it happens overnight but I think we actually begin to age around 28 and all the little abuses take their toll, too. Acceptance is gradual I'm sure. We are helping DH's parents now and it is a sobering lesson on the importance of having a plan for one's inevitable decline. They refused to leave their home of thirty years or have household help so every week there is a new catastrophe and we are 75 miles away. Last week, my m-i-l fell outside and lay in a flower bed for several hours in 90 degree heat because f-i-l is deaf and couldn't hear her crying out. He eventually came out to look for her and then he fell trying to help her up. Both are black and blue but they think it's funny. Their cognitive function is declining so maintaining the house by calling providers is a big problem. It is now up to "the kids" to figure out as things move forward so I guess that was their plan all along. Unless I am debilitated prior, I plan to move to a supportive environment in my early 70s so that I can get used to it. In the interim, I am going to make every effort to get out there and have fun and be useful even though I too am not at heart a joiner.

[goldensmom]

At my yearly physical I told my doctor that the medication I was prescribed was causing my joints and muscles to hurt. He said 'are you sure it isn't your age?' Well not until you mentioned it. I forget how old I am (60 - how did that happen???) but the thing I realize as I age is not so much physical changes but how my priorities in life are changing. I am active, much more so than my peers, and that is probably why I don't think about physically aging until someone brings it up.

[Teacher Terry]

At times my Mom hated getting old but I could not relate because I am 34 years younger then her. She looked really really good for her age, was active, etc. But now at 61 I get it. No one wants to look in the mirror & see wrinkles, etc. However, for some perspective a couple friend of ours is in a horrible situation. She has Alzheimer's & is declining rapidly-having delusions, etc at 64 & he at 67 is dying from cancer & is in terrible pain unless he takes 4 narcotics. Neither of them can drive so we take them everywhere they need to go. She has no kids or family to help. His don't seem very interested. As the saying goes "Things could be worse." WE moved into a small one story home 3 years ago so we could age in place. No maintenance yard, etc. When the time comes we will move into whatever we need. Definitely am not going to be a burden to my kids or be stubborn about decline, etc.

[CathyA]

I see so many older people who seem to accept it so gracefully......But then I don't see them when they're by themselves, looking at old picture albums and crying.

Dang.......I guess you could say I'm a bit depressed. And I usually begin an emotional/physical decline every Fall! Whoopie! Can't wait!
I suppose the problems dealing with the elderly are more-so now since we don't live in family groups.

Pinkytoe......that sounds like a very challenging and stressful situation. I wish you the best in dealing with this.
How about those medical alert things you wear as a necklace or on your wrist, so when one of your parents-in-law falls down, they can call for help?
I'm seeing ads for ones that transmit farther than just the yard now.

goldensmom........my feet and hands and knees are twisted and bent the wrong way.........So I have the interest and energy to do things, but those bent parts of me are causing problems. As a younger woman, I did so much heavy stuff. Plus, I think I must have some sort of connective tissue problem, since all my joints/teeth/hair/nails have always been weak. But dang, I love doing things. I have planted so many trees, bushes in my life and done so much heavy work for a woman.........but now, I just can't keep it up. And all these things around me give me such pleasure and comfort, but I just can't keep up with a lot of it. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.

I have to laugh at myself......when I was young, I guess I thought old people were just born old. It wasn't a process. They were born old and knew that they were supposed to BE old. haha

[CathyA]

Teacher Terry......you're right. It could always be worse. And like I said, a lot of people don't have the good fortune to even get old.

[Teacher Terry]

I think most people experience depression with aging & just have to deal with it & accept it. It does suck! It sounds like you might have to downsize your yard/house, etc which is probably not helping with the depression.

[freshstart]

I am not old by number, 45, but got hit with 2 serious illnesses out of the blue. I was a hospice nurse, I saw people staring down death and aging every day, figured I had seen enough to have a rough plan when it happened to me, in 20-30 yrs. I know stuff happens to people my age everyday, I saw that at work, too. But never really thought about the what ifs? if it did happen to me. Then it did, although I am not, terminal so feel guilty for even complaining.

Basically, I am dependent and need help. Often.

By the grace of God, 2 yrs ago I decided to sell my town house, way too big and kids soon to be launched, and join forces with my parents on a new handicapped accessible house (my mom is terminally ill, this would make it easier to take care of her). Financially sound, no mortgage, paid off cheap car, split bills. And then I got hit. So my poor dad is taking care of my mother and me, I hate this, this was NOT the plan.

Financially, I supposedly saved enough in retirement vehicles that I can take a certain amount monthly to supplement SSDI (if I get it, have a lawyer) and not touch the principle. I want to try to not do this if at all possible. I had short term disability through work and privately. Never thought I'd use that private policy, thank God it was there. My biggest downfall? I did not buy private long term disability insurance due to its cost. Big mistake. I have a "junk" LTD policy through work that rarely pays out, waiting on that. Have no income now, using savings for COBRA, meds and co-pays. I still pay some household bills but have had accept help with groceries and taxes, I really HATE this. Hoping no income is only for a few months and I get LTD, since they have a history of not paying, I cannot rely on this. Will re-evaluate plan once I know outcome.

I guess my point is you can be "forced" into a quasi-retirement due to illness at any age, I really did not plan for this. The handicapped house plan was a spur of the moment decision that we acted on quickly. Had we not done that, IDK where I'd be now, not in my 3 story home since I cannot do stairs. So that was luck, it should've been a plan. In fact, it WAS my plan, a safe living space I could age in, I just hadn't planned it for 45. At a certain age or level of wellness, consider the move to a home you can be safe in if something happens to you or your spouse. Can walker and wheelchairs fit through the doorways (often "no way" in homes that aren't even that old)? Are all the BRs and baths upstairs? Are you willing to pay for lawn care and snow plowing not "if" you can't do it, "when" you can't do it?

Saving a lot in retirement accounts for the 23 yrs I did work, buying a fully accessible home before needing it and having someone to provide hands on to help- hopefully this will be enough to carry me through. But too much of it was "luck", not "plan", let me be a lesson to someone else. You don't have to be old to wind up with the problems of the old.

[early morning]

I'll be 59 in August, and my twin cousin and I are already planning what we want to do for our 60th shared birthday. Frankly, I'm excited - I never thought, in my wild and misspent youth, that I would ever reach 60! I'm not in denial - I know there are plenty of things I can no longer do, or at least do safely. I am aware of my wrinkles (but I'm fat, so they aren't as deep as they will be if I go on a diet :0!). I would be fine with downsizing, but DH - who became disabled at 50 - is resisting. Since our adult DD lives with us and DS just asked if he could come back home while he reboots his life, I think we'll stay put for a bit. We can still do the yard, the field can just sit, and we inherited a large snowblower, so we should be ok there for a bit. Freshstart, DH's disability was a very difficult thing for him (well, for both of us!) Good luck with the SSDI. We too had to have a lawyer, thank goodness we had paid for LT disability. The company was horrible to work with, but they did come through and covered us up to the SSDI determination, which took 3-4 years. We had to pay some of the LT disability money back since the SSDI was backdated, but that was just fine; we didn't expect to be double-paid.

Cathy, I have friends who feel just like you do, that so much of what makes them who they are is getting too difficult to continue, and it makes them sad and scared. And don't get me wrong, I spend plenty of hours feeling sorry for my self or beating myself up over what I can/can't/don't do. I'm not a Pollyanna, and overly-upbeat people make me crazy. Maybe reality just hasn't actually hit me yet, I don't know. But I was very excited to turn 50, and I'm looking forward to 60 with anticipation. I haven't any words of wisdom, just sharing a different perspective. And I wish you peace.

[freshstart]

They used to tease me at work and attributed a saying to me, "HOPE for the best, PLAN for the worst". Did that with every family, a small amount of pain, breathing and other emergent meds placed in the home on Day 1. So that on Day 47, sudden, horrible pain could be relieved immediately, rather than taking a day to get it ordered and delivered to the patient. Reasonably anticipated equipment and supplies, same thing, plan them on Day 1. My families all knew my saying and I got them to buy into planning in the beginning, get stuff in place and then it's done, relax, fully enjoy the limited time they had left.

This worked great at work and so easy to do. You can apply it to basically all life situations; your 401k is chugging along fine, emergency savings coming along, great, sit back and enjoy the ride. Talk about a plan for what you'll do when things start changing, do it early and then you can relax, the plan is there.

I do this well in parts of my life, not so great in others. I need this stupid, huge, ugly tub transfer bench, it will take up a large part of the BR, have to maneuver around it to get to the toilet. It's like IDK, Day 188, I cannot begin to count shower falls, if I don't start acting like my own nurse and take responsibility for myself, one of these days a shower will mean major head trauma, lol. Ok, I am going to get my act together. Tomorrow, Friday at the latest!

I'd write a book about the simplicity of Hoping for the Best, Planning for the Worst, except I'm pretty certain I stole this line from some guy trying to sell me whole life life insurance, lol.

[awakenedsoul]

Sorry to hear you are in pain, CathyA. I've had some challenges with aging, too. One thing that has helped me greatly has been to start going to the gym. I learned to use the machines, and rebuilding muscle has really reduced my pain and brought back my confidence. My joints and bones are cushioned again. I swim regularly, too. That and hydrotherapy work wonders. It sounds like you have RA, though. I've hear dietary changes can really help. I don't know if that has worked for you. I'm having both hips replaced very soon, and I never anticipated that. All that dancing and teaching ballet and yoga finally caught up with me. My dancer friends who have had theirs done are back at work, so that is encouraging. Still, it was a shock to hear the news. Thank goodness I was able to switch to a PPO and go the to best doctor in the area. Are there any groups you can join with like minded people? I have found it really helpful to attend a knitting group in my area. All of the ladies have offered to help me with rides, etc. after my surgery. Just having them a phonecall away really gives me peace of mind. I would do the same for them. Most of them are divorced, widowed, or single. You need help as you get older. I've got several neighbors I can call on, too. I think I remember you saying that your location is pretty remote. I hope you get a strong support system.

[awakenedsoul]

P.S. Freshstart, Excellent posts. It's so true that we never know what will happen as we get older. Planning really makes a difference.

[early morning]

awakenedsoul, best of luck with your upcoming hip-replacement surgery. I've several family members and friends who have had one or both replaced, and all of them have been very pleased with the results. And freshstart is right about planning, especially for all the stuff that we think won't ever happen to us, but of course does - I struggle with planning much of anything, but I'm really working to improve! I see the benefits, I just don't DO it.

[Float On]

awakenedsoul, best of luck with your upcoming hip-replacement surgery. I've several family members and friends who have had one or both replaced, and all of them have been very pleased with the results.

Ditto! I've had several friends in the art circuit get both hips done and have been thrilled with the results.

[sweetana3]

I have a friend who literally could not use the stairs during fire drills and could not walk across the street to a restaurant for lunch. She has had her hips replaced and now does not need to use the handicapped exit route. She celebrated going down the stairs for a fire drill.

[awakenedsoul]

awakenedsoul, best of luck with your upcoming hip-replacement surgery. I've several family members and friends who have had one or both replaced, and all of them have been very pleased with the results. And freshstart is right about planning, especially for all the stuff that we think won't ever happen to us, but of course does - I struggle with planning much of anything, but I'm really working to improve! I see the benefits, I just don't DO it.

early morning, Thanks. Planning makes me feel more proactive with my life. I know several people who have had hip replacements, too. The dancersI know are once again able to do the splits and to dance on pointe! It's amazing how far the surgery has come...

[awakenedsoul]

Ditto! I've had several friends in the art circuit get both hips done and have been thrilled with the results.

Float On, Thanks. I read the testimonials about them each night before bed. It's incredible how much better people feel, once they've healed.

[awakenedsoul]

I have a friend who literally could not use the stairs during fire drills and could not walk across the street to a restaurant for lunch. She has had her hips replaced and now does not need to use the handicapped exit route. She celebrated going down the stairs for a fire drill.

It's weird how quickly you start to go downhill...the bones move, and with no cartilage, it's very painful. My doctor tells his patients, "You are handicapped before your surgery, not after...you need to walk as much as possible." (This is when they ask for handicapped signs for their cars.)

[awakenedsoul]

CathyA, I'm sorry if I threw things off topic on your thread. I'll start a new one. I hope things are looking up for you.

[CathyA]

CathyA, I'm sorry if I threw things off topic on your thread. I'll start a new one. I hope things are looking up for you.

No problem awakenedsoul! I wish you the very best luck with the hip replacement.
I've heard a lot of people did very well with hip replacement. I think usually it's much easier than knee replacements.

[awakenedsoul]

No problem awakenedsoul! I wish you the very best luck with the hip replacement.
I've heard a lot of people did very well with hip replacement. I think usually it's much easier than knee replacements.

Thanks CathyA. That's what I hear, too. If I had a choice, I would choose the hips. My grandma had to have both of her knees replaced, and I really felt for her. The friends I have who have done the surgery where I'm going are very enthusiastic about it. They're all back dancing and teaching ballet.

[freshstart]

this is true! much less pain, up and about, regaining independence sooner and the outcome is often better. Knees are trickier. Best of lucK!