what would you do, older kids

[Zoe Girl]

so i am wondering what other people have done when and if they left older kids by themselves overnight or for a weekend, i am thinking the 17 - 20 year old range. i am assuming both parents are out of town, Do you do anything in case of emergency?

[ToomuchStuff]

Are the grandparents around? Neighbors on good terms? By the time I was 16, I was already staying home when parents went on a trip (vacation), to places that made me miserable (allergies or no interest). From 16 on, I was working, driving myself, etc. Before that, an older sibling would be in charge if I needed something. If no sibling was around, I could find out what I needed from a neighbor or grandmother.

[lessisbest]

Make sure they have enough cash or a pre-paid credit card to cover any unforeseen needs or a small emergency, copies of health cards/physicians/health insurance, and you may want to set up an emergency adult (their best friends parents, close relation?), including something in writing signed, witnessed, and notarized to be able to make medical decisions in case of an emergency. Information where the parent/s are, for how long, and emergency contact information. They need to keep a copy on/with them, and the emergency adult have a copy too.

[Chicken lady]

I left a long list of chores and instructions on what needed to be done when. But we have livestock, so the kid was really the farm sitter. My daughter wrote a humorous epic poem about the time a chicken died and my "brave brave" son had to pick it up and dispose of it because the girls were grossed out.

Cash, car, they have always known people they can call.

[Miss Cellane]

When I was 16, my parents were fine with leaving me home in charge of my four younger siblings, ages 14, 12, 8 and 7 while they were gone overnight. Looking back, I wonder why they did this--I'm not sure I could have handled a real emergency at that age. I didn't drive (my parents made us all wait until we were 17 to get a license), for one thing.

When I was 18 and in college, my mom asked me to come home for the weekend to supervise the younger kids when she and Dad would be away. I think this was a) she trusted me a bit more than my then 16 year old brother and b) said 16 year old brother was co-captain of the high school football team and while he would not be planning "hey, the parents are gone; let's have a party!" some of his teammates probably would have.

If there had been an emergency, I would have called 911, and then mom's best friend who, as a mother of 12, had pretty much seen it all and who would have been more than willing to help out. I did have aunts, uncles and grandparents about an hour and a half away, but I don't think I would have contacted them unless something really awful happened and I couldn't reach my parents. This was well before cell phones. These days, unless the parents are going out of cell-phone range, it should be easier to keep in contact and know that everything is okay back home.

[Zoe Girl]

ok it was just a check in really, i have gone on retreat and been very out of touch (but there is an emergency number) and i often had my mom come and stay with the kids even though they were probably old enough. Part of it was to avoid a drug/party situation and the other was medical. i left all the medical information and authorizations with someone. their dad tends to not answer the phone, leave it in his car or turned off, so one time i had our minister be the emergency contact person. i got the feeling in a recent conversation that a lot of other people just go and figure if they drive and have some money they are fine and i was rather overdoing it.

i think it is different when you have a community and especially family around. my sister is over an hour away which is fine, and like i said dad is used to working in a classified environment with no cell phone access. without that community, okay even with it, i would set up a specific person for emergencies. Now my oldest is 24 and the middle is 21 and they both have cars so i feel better.

[cdttmm]

When I was 17, my mother left me home alone for a month while she traveled abroad. It was during the summer and my older brother was away for a summer job and my younger brother was away at a summer camp. Somebody needed to be home on the farm to take care of the dog, the cats, and the dairy calves I raised for 4-H and that somebody was me. I had a driver's license, a car, and my own money. I just went to work every day for the most part. I was lifeguard for the summer at the town pool and worked in the evenings selling tickets and concessions at the local movie theater. If I wasn't working, I hung out with friends. I don't actually remember it being a big deal.

[Zoe Girl]

okay here is the deal that is bugging me. my good friend is dating someone new, she had agreed to stay with her 17 yo while his dad was out of state since the 17 yo has had some recent issues. now she is going camping. she asked what i thought and i recommended having a designated contact person for emergencies and of course tell dad. so i don't' think she is doing either, and i have a lot of feeling about this. she has been dating this guy about a week or a little more, even if a 17 yo is fine she agreed to stay at the house with him while dad was gone.

i have my phone next to me at all times, that is me, but 3 years after our summer of the shooting i have been able to relax more.

[Chicken lady]

If you tell the parent of a minor child that you will be supervising them, you have committed to supervise them. That is a totally different issue. The kid might have a car and a job, but if you say "he can spend the afternoon at the mall with me." you don't get to drop him at the mall and leave.

[Chicken lady]

On the other issue - when my oldest was 20 she got a summer job, drove her own car out to California, and rented a room in the basement of a frat house. She was kind enough to not send photos. 18 is an adult. At that point, you just have to hope you've done your job.

[freshstart]

she asked what i thought and i recommended having a designated contact person for emergencies and of course tell dad. so i don't' think she is doing either, and i have a lot of feeling about this. she has been dating this guy about a week or a little more, even if a 17 yo is fine she agreed to stay at the house with him while dad was gone.

i have my phone next to me at all times, that is me, but 3 years after our summer of the shooting i have been able to relax more.

I have 18 yr old and 16 yr old. !8 yrs old felt he was old enough to stay in his dad's apt while he's away, usually a long weekend. He has been responsible, no issues yet. We do not do this with DD 16 yo, I feel that is too young.

If I told my ex that I was staying with a teen with recent issues, and instead took off to camp with someone I've dated a week, my ex, rightfully so, would blow a gasket. That's your kid, he has some kind of issues and you made a commitment, plus how would the kid feel knowing mom said she would be there and instead takes off? Camping isn't going anywhere and a new beau should be easily able to understand why she cannot go. If he does not get this, then he is pretty self-absorbed and not worth it in the long run. Kid first, everything else second

[sweetana3]

I guess I am over the top. When we leave our cats, we have two adults come feed/check on them twice a day. Leave emergency contact numbers, who is our executor, insurance agent and all the rest. They keep us updated by email usually if we are connected where we are located.

Note: in 40+ years, we have had two serious issues that needed this data.

So much has to do with the kids themselves. Some are responsible, comfortable, safe and others are followers or uncomfortable and
likely to get into trouble or have other issues.

[rodeosweetheart]

I am with Chicken Lady and freshtart on this one. If your friend told her child's dad she would supervise the child while he is out of state, she does not get to go camping. Period. Well, she could tell him she can no longer supervise the child because she is going camping, and he needs to find someone else. That is certainly another option.

But emergency numbers, etc.--not the point; she might also be violating a custody order if she does this, but that depends on her parenting agreement.
But I think it is a really s*****y thing to do to your kid.

Not to mention completely unsafe, if your kid has "recent issues" that have led to the dad seeking to have her supervise the kid.

I'd tell her, in a few short months she will be 18, and you can camp all you want.

[Zoe Girl]

thank you, that has been my sticky point. there is a range of comfort with leaving kids alone and so much depends on the child, the community, the parent, that i don't really have a judgement there. But agreeing you will do something and then going back on it, well i would be having a fit. since my ex tends to do that i got other people to support my kids when they were in more of an 'issue' stage.

just part of a pattern with her new single-ness, to meet guys and get intense really fast. it is actually reminding me of a lot of how we do relationships in late teens/early 20's which may be relevant considering some things she is dealing with, hmm

[iris lilies]

...just part of a pattern with her new single-ness, to meet guys and get intense really fast. it is actually reminding me of a lot of how we do relationships in late teens/early 20's which may be relevant considering some things she is dealing with, hmm

some people always date like that. One of our best friends, well into her 30's, was crazy-intense with each new man, it was exhausting to watch her. And the guys she chose were pretty good guys, she just wanted instant relationships.

[ToomuchStuff]

FOREWARNING, Humor!




. Leave emergency contact numbers, who is our executor, insurance agent and all the rest. They keep us updated by email usually if we are connected where we are located.

Note: in 40+ years, we have had two serious issues that needed this data.



I am sorry you died twice!

(read it as having two serious issues that needed to know who the executor was)
It is amazing what the brain picks up on at times. But I would expect people this prepared are probably around 1% in all honesty.

[sweetana3]

I did have two cats die during long vacations. I was their executor. :-)