Odd sign at food co-op [Archive] - Simple Living Forums

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rodeosweetheart

9-9-15, 7:26am

We were at our local food co-op on Sunday, where I always read the bulletin board to see what's going on in our community.
Anyway, a man had posted a sign there, well two signs, side by side, looking for either a date or a place to live (the signs were similar but one was looking for a room and the other for a woman.) He seemed to want to move in with a woman, and in exchange he was offering "a highly evolved knowledge of spiritual matters" plus scintillating conversation.

He was about 7 years older than we are. My husband and I read it and shook our heads but got to laughing later, as I could not imagine wanting a man for his knowledge of spiritual matters, although maybe some do. It seemed like the worst pickup line ever. That night, I asked my husband to open a bottle for me and realized this is perhaps what you want after 55, certainly more than someone to tell me about spiritual matters.

Maybe it's age. I actually was attracted to my husband for his spirituality in the early stages of our relationship, but got to thinking what gets you together as you age changes.

So other than bottle and jar opening, what would be attractive to the opposite sex in one's 60's and beyond. (Putting aside the basic weirdness of advertising for a woman to both date and sponge off of).

I guess in my case, I like being around my husband because I've never had so much fun talking to anybody in my life, and he's a great companion.

catherine

9-9-15, 7:39am

I can't even wrap my head around that one, for a couple of reasons:

First of all, I love reading about "spiritual matters" but I don't want a guru-companion on call in my bedroom or kitchen. Seems like a pretty insufferable way to live. If I want "highly evolved knowledge of spiritual matters" I'll consult with a priest or buddhist monk or the god-within-me.

I have to admit, I've said to my kids a million times after watching their incoming and outgoing relationships for the past 15-20 years, I'm glad I'm not young anymore. DH isn't perfect, but isn't that great? Neither am I! But our imperfections fit together like a glove. I feel lucky to have been in a relationship for 40 years, and I wouldn't have the slightest idea of how to find someone else. I love my husband's wrinkles because every wrinkle is a road I've traveled with him.

So, what I value in my current relationship is a great sense of humor, a person I can rely on to be the extravert to my introvert, a hands-on person who can figure stuff out by examining and trying (while I'm carefully reading the manual step-by-step), and a person who understands me and loves me anyway.

Zoe Girl

9-9-15, 8:30am

yeah, not going to call that guy for sure. i think being single is fine after all. !

Selah

9-9-15, 10:11am

What an arrogant. lazy and self-serving son-of-a-gun the guy seems to be. Anyone who starts bragging about their spirituality just negated it! He is clearly looking for a weak woman with low self-esteem--a woman who feels she has to pay (in one form or another) to teach her "spiritual" matters. Sheesh!

freshstart

9-9-15, 10:27am

I can't even wrap my head around that one, for a couple of reasons:
I have to admit, I've said to my kids a million times after watching their incoming and outgoing relationships for the past 15-20 years, I'm glad I'm not young anymore. DH isn't perfect, but isn't that great? Neither am I! But our imperfections fit together like a glove. I feel lucky to have been in a relationship for 40 years, and I wouldn't have the slightest idea of how to find someone else. I love my husband's wrinkles because every wrinkle is a road I've traveled with him.

So, what I value in my current relationship is a great sense of humor, a person I can rely on to be the extravert to my introvert, a hands-on person who can figure stuff out by examining and trying (while I'm carefully reading the manual step-by-step), and a person who understands me and loves me anyway.

you should show this to him! How wonderful for the two of you.

iris lilies

9-9-15, 10:29am

you should show this to him! How wonderful for the two of you.

i know, isn't that nice? Lovely.

bekkilyn

9-9-15, 6:28pm

Oh I thought he was talking about being highly evolved with this... http://www.britannica.com/topic/distilled-spirit

You know...spiritual matters.

SteveinMN

9-9-15, 8:40pm

So other than bottle and jar opening, what would be attractive to the opposite sex in one's 60's and beyond. (Putting aside the basic weirdness of advertising for a woman to both date and sponge off of).
Which ad was older? Maybe he put up the place-to-live ad when the "woman wanted" ad had predictable results. >8)

Seriously, dating in our mid-to-late 40s and marrying at 50 (as DW and I did), I saw that the women I dated more than a couple of times were looking for far different values than they looked for in their first long-term relationship.

Being attractive was fine but it no longer compensated for being a jerk or just plain helpless (can't cook, can't dress himself, can't manage a checkbook,...). Most of the women I was dating had raised their kids (or were nearly done) and they weren't interested in raising more kids or caring for a 50-year-old who acted like a kid.

The rollercoaster of emotions and activity that initially made LTR #1 so exciting was trumped by stability (emotional and financial). I mean, I like to think of myself as educated, interesting, and engaging, but I don't think anyone would ever use the word "exciting" to describe me. On the other hand, I wasn't going to come home with a Corvette, a new wardrobe, and a toupee.

I think by the time one reaches 50 or 60 there are some "life values" which have been settled on, and we look for partners who respect those (political bent, spiritual/religious beliefs, etc.). They don't have to be mirror images of us, but I think we lose the will to fight for "our side" all the time, especially when at later stages of life we have work/volunteer histories and financial commitments to the things we care about and we don't want to see them totally dismissed or to have the other member of the "team" actively working against you.

And a sense of humor is always good. That outlasts looks, money, and a bunch of other things. Doesn't top them all. But someone who can laugh at things is just not too far gone.

razz

9-9-15, 9:59pm

Funny thread. At age 71, a friend suggested that I sign up for Match.com. I laughed out loud. Still after thinking about it for a few days, I considered what someone in my circumstances would be looking for. Not in any particular order:
1. Healthy
2. independent in thought and actions and finances
3. not dogmatic about politics or religion
4. sense of humour
5. willing to travel
6. interested in music, theatre especially classical and opera
7. curiosity about life and willing to explore new things
8. articulate conversationalist - no strong silent type

After looking at my list, I tried to think of one person that I had ever met that would fit these criteria and could think only of my dad. I am content to be on my own with both male and female friends.

Kestra

9-9-15, 10:48pm

That's a good summary, Steve. Now in my late thirties, after the one failed marriage, I definitely want someone who shares most of my values and can take care of themselves. I don't want to change anyone and I don't want to have to argue my point of view. I definitely feel very picky about who I get into a LTR with. I'd rather be alone than be in a relationship that wasn't a good fit. A few months back I wrote a really long list of what I'd want in a new ideal man. Since getting off-topic is fun, I'll post it here:

What I don't want:
- bad with money
- insists on shared finances
- insists on paying for everything
- wants me to wear make-up, heels, do my hair, etc
- wants me to get a real job
- doesn't understand alone time
- overly needy
- wants me to be his mother
- politically conservative
- racist/homophobic/classist etc
- preppy dresser/metrosexual type
- likes to shop
- has a McMansion
- only will live in the suburbs or is scared of the inner city
- is judgmental
- wants bio-kids with me
- not nomadic at all
- not minimalistic at all
- big TV or movie watcher
- doesn't wear a seat belt
- tries to change me
- loves cars/driving (hates walking)
- meat and potatoes only eater; won't do ethnic or vegetarian food
- extrovert
- bad with technology; not geeky at all
- doesn't read
- obviously stupider than me
- not respectful of everyone
- unkind
- no sense of humour
- doesn't like physical affection

Some people say you shouldn't be too picky but I don't care. I've actually started to meet a few people who fit my list pretty well, so I'm far from giving up hope.

JaneV2.0

9-9-15, 11:03pm

I've seriously only dated extroverts, and mostly extreme ones. Not sure what that says about me. Or them.

ApatheticNoMore

9-10-15, 12:23am

I do giggle "well it is a co-op" If you can't stand the hippy get out of the co-op or something.... :laff:

disclaimer: yes co-ops are wonderful and deserve support, shop yours today, don't pick up a spiritual guru roommate and lover, unless you want one ...

CathyA

9-10-15, 8:38am

Zoe Girl

9-10-15, 9:54am

wait! was he in the bulk bin area? sometimes you can get good deals if you want to sift through them,

haha, too early, too little tea

rodeosweetheart

9-10-15, 9:59am

wait! was he in the bulk bin area? sometimes you can get good deals if you want to sift through them,

haha, too early, too little tea

Maybe he was in the bruised and reduced section of the bulletin board, ZG!

rodeosweetheart

9-10-15, 10:01am

APN, had to laugh about the hippy co-op--it also has great stuff and we go there for a few things--husband would do all shopping there if we could afford it, but we really can't.
It's better when the tourist season is over--before then, it's definitely where all the bright young things from Chicago go to see and be seen.

SteveinMN

9-10-15, 11:35am

after the one failed marriage
As a sidebar, I don't care for the word "failed" to describe a marriage that ended in divorce. I used to refer to my own first marriage that way. But then I saw a comment somewhere on-line that said that we would not refer to a romantic relationship or a friendship as "failed" if the two involved went separate ways, even after years together. Ideally, both of you learned something about yourselves and maybe about others, all of which will serve you well in future relationships. Yes, divorce comes at a high price, but is it really failure if you were able to achieve some things together, maybe raise some children, and got smarter in the process?

Kestra

9-10-15, 12:17pm

As a sidebar, I don't care for the word "failed" to describe a marriage that ended in divorce. I used to refer to my own first marriage that way. But then I saw a comment somewhere on-line that said that we would not refer to a romantic relationship or a friendship as "failed" if the two involved went separate ways, even after years together. Ideally, both of you learned something about yourselves and maybe about others, all of which will serve you well in future relationships. Yes, divorce comes at a high price, but is it really failure if you were able to achieve some things together, maybe raise some children, and got smarter in the process?

Good point, and I have definitely thought about that. The word choice seems to come down to my mood at the time (or lack of attention to detail). Learning experience it has certainly been. Increases my humility and decreases my judgmentalness as well.

freshstart

9-10-15, 12:29pm

T
What I don't want:
- bad with money
- insists on shared finances
- insists on paying for everything
- wants me to wear make-up, heels, do my hair, etc
- wants me to get a real job
- doesn't understand alone time
- overly needy
- wants me to be his mother
- politically conservative
- racist/homophobic/classist etc
- preppy dresser/metrosexual type
- likes to shop
- has a McMansion
- only will live in the suburbs or is scared of the inner city
- is judgmental
- wants bio-kids with me
- not nomadic at all
- not minimalistic at all
- big TV or movie watcher
- doesn't wear a seat belt
- tries to change me
- loves cars/driving (hates walking)
- meat and potatoes only eater; won't do ethnic or vegetarian food
- extrovert
- bad with technology; not geeky at all
- doesn't read
- obviously stupider than me
- not respectful of everyone
- unkind
- no sense of humour
- doesn't like physical affection

Some people say you shouldn't be too picky but I don't care. I've actually started to meet a few people who fit my list pretty well, so I'm far from giving up hope.

wow, this could be my list minus nomad, I don't really care what he eats unless it's all junk, walk everywhere (only because I can't right now). It occurs to me that if you flipped the list, and made it what do women want, there would be many more that want that man, rather than the one on your list, kwim?

freshstart

9-10-15, 12:32pm

After looking at my list, I tried to think of one person that I had ever met that would fit these criteria and could think only of my dad.

this is funny but also so sweet

Kestra

9-10-15, 12:37pm

wow, this could be my list minus nomad, I don't really care what he eats unless it's all junk, walk everywhere (only because I can't right now). It occurs to me that if you flipped the list, and made it what do women want, there would be many more that want that man, rather than the one on your list, kwim?

Oh yes, absolutely. I'm a very particular type, looking for kindred spirits. Even with ex-H, I say I fell for him because of his 20-year old car, lack of a job (his choice) and wearing the same clothes (all very 90s-grungy, layers etc) all the time. Also he never, ever said "the right thing". Basically if a man says any of the stuff that "normal" women want to hear, I run the other way.

JaneV2.0

9-10-15, 2:10pm

I'm pretty sure my SO has never uttered the word "spiritual," and I consider that a Good Thing.

ToomuchStuff

9-10-15, 2:25pm

rodeosweetheart

9-12-15, 10:18am

Update to the forum--just shopped at the food co-op and 4 people had taken his tear-off phone number.
Yikes. As PT Barnum said. . .

freshstart

9-12-15, 10:46am

there's a lid for every pot, lol

ToomuchStuff

9-12-15, 3:58pm

Update to the forum--just shopped at the food co-op and 4 people had taken his tear-off phone number.
Yikes. As PT Barnum said. . .

So you watched them?
I've seen people tear pieces off before when hanging something (trying to get it started), also people pull off, just to pitch. Then there are those that would probably like to pull things off, just to call and harass him (or will use that phone number on some creative flier causing him unwanted calls).
Four tear offs, unless watched, may not mean what you think.

rodeosweetheart

9-13-15, 8:14am

So you watched them?
I've seen people tear pieces off before when hanging something (trying to get it started), also people pull off, just to pitch. Then there are those that would probably like to pull things off, just to call and harass him (or will use that phone number on some creative flier causing him unwanted calls).
Four tear offs, unless watched, may not mean what you think.

"So you watched them"?
Naw, just went back to shop a week later.
I see your point, that it may not mean that interested women pulled off the slips.