I feel stuck between a rock and another rock...........

[CathyA]

So many times I feel like I'm suffocating with all the stuff around me. I have gotten rid of TONS of stuff....but there are still things I just can't get rid of.

I keep telling myself that I would be/feel much freer if my surroundings had less stuff.....but when I start to go through things, I find it's just too difficult to get rid of then.

I'm talking about:
-Very useful reference books on cooking/repairs/how things work/wildlife
-clothes that would fit if I lost 15 pounds (and clothes that feel good are hard to find)
- medical/tax/informational/insurance files, etc.
-my children's stuffed animals
-important baby clothes
-kids books that we loved
-lots of linens/blankets/towels
-craft items
-old typewriters
-vintage dishes
-tons of useful kitchen items (pots/pans/bowls/casserole dishes, etc.)
-tools
-garden equipment
-water garden equipment


I could go on forever. I have good intentions, but when I start going through things, they are all things I just can't part with. My house doesn't look like a hoarders....don't get me wrong.
I guess I want my cake and eat it too. I want a simpler environment, but I just can't seem to part with all this stuff.

If we had a garage, an attic, and a bigger basement (we have mostly a crawl space)........I could get some of these things out of the house. (But many people say having these other places to store things just makes things worse!)

And I keep thinking "What if the economy collapses.......if I keep all these things we'll do better by having them".

Thanks for listening to me whine. I guess it's one of those 1st world problems!

[Ultralight]

Cathy:

I have a few thoughts, though they are very moderate, about perhaps right-sizing some of the things from this list of yours, if you are interested...

[CathyA]

Sure... Go ahead UA!

[Ultralight]

-Very useful reference books on cooking/repairs/how things work/wildlife

If you are willing to wait and delay gratification you can probably get rid of all, or at least some of these books, and just check them out from the library when you need them. Also: Youtube and Googling go a long way on reference material, how-to stuff, etc.


-clothes that would fit if I lost 15 pounds (and clothes that feel good are hard to find)

I know I am treading on dangerous terrain here, but how likely is this to happen? I say this as a guy who realized about a year or so ago that I am never going to get back down to my college weight ever again. LOL So I just got rid of all those cool-looking (well, they were cool back in 2004!) from college.


- medical/tax/informational/insurance files, etc.

I actually think you should hold onto most of this, unless it is from 1978. ;)


-my children's stuffed animals

You have probably thought of this. But I'll throw it out there anyhow. Would other kids really like these toys? If you donated them you could think back, remember these toys, and imagine that some other family is enjoying them. And that is a way to honor your memories and the memories of these toys that your own kids have.



-important baby clothes

I think there are probably babies out there who really do need clothes. Perhaps some of these could go to needy babies/moms. Thoughts?


-kids books that we loved

The library probably has these. If you donate them to the library book store. You could support a worthy cause (your public library). It would be likely that these books would go on to enrich other families when they buy them and read them together.


-lots of linens/blankets/towels

I don't have any real suggestions on this. What I will say is I have only one set of sheets, one blanket, and three towels (two big ones and one small). And I have only run out one time in a year and a half. That was totally random too.


-craft items

No ideas here. This hobby is too fat outside my experience.


-old typewriters

Why have these?


-vintage dishes

Might be worth asking yourself how much joy you get from these? And how much anxiety. I knew a lady that had a vintage candy bowl thing from her great, great, great grandma. And she was afraid for it to be on display, but also wanted people to see it and appreciate it and use it. So she was always worried about it. One day her rowdiest son broke it. After the initial shock I could actually tell she felt so relieved. The burden was gone. And when she talked about it afterward it was as though the sentimentality was not as strong as it actually had been.


-tons of useful kitchen items (pots/pans/bowls/casserole dishes, etc.)

When making dinner, this would give me decision fatigue!


-tools

I would say that these, unless they are all rusty, bent nails, should be kept.


-garden equipment

If you use it, keep it! This is good stuff.


-water garden equipment

See above.


Now for a bit of personal testimony. If you get rid of these access items. In a few weeks you won't remember them or think about them. But you will feel better with your simpler environment. Of all the stuff I got rid of, I rarely ever miss anything, and only for a moment if I do. I hardly think about it. But what I do think about on the daily is how it is easy for me to clean, how I almost never lose anything, how my personal space (room, bathroom, etc.) is calm, very calm. And so on...

I am also a "collapseatarian." But I have these things to mitigate a collapse:
-My sis and BIL who would help me and who I would help. I have a lot of skills and knowledge they would find helpful, and vice versa. They also have tools.
-I can garden, catch fish, shoot a bird on the wing, forage, and I have a knack for finding creating solutions.
-My friend Jeff, who is also a disaster prep guy
-A tool library
-My bike
-I also am active in a few community groups which would pull together in a time of emergency (not like bae's crew that drills and such, but they/I would provide for mutual aid)

[frugal-one]

Regarding your kid's stuff. Give it to them. It is theirs. I have been doing this to my DS. I have gotten to the point where I don't ask him. I just bring it over. He can decide on how to dispose of it or not. He was irritated at first but has been making money selling the stuff. He now has a house and if he want to store the stuff fine. If not, he can get rid of it.

[pinkytoe]

I actually went through internet blogs the other day and made myself an inspiration sheet to get motivated.
Some suggestions:
-Very useful reference books-All available online now so you can narrow down your collection.
-clothes that would fit if I lost 15 pounds (and clothes that feel good are hard to find)-Start working on losing the 15 pounds or donate
- medical/tax/informational/insurance files, etc.-Scan unless hard copies are required.
-my children's stuffed animals-I have one box of kid stuff that i need to hand over to DD; it's hers and not mine
-important baby clothes-ditto above
-kids books that we loved-ditto
-lots of linens/blankets/towels-I went through all of ours and narrowed down to exactly what we use plus one replacement on sheets. Half the towels become rags or "dog towels".
-craft items-if you're not using them or don't plan to anytime soon, donate to a nonprofit
-old typewriters-sell for money;hot collectible among young
-vintage dishes-I am going through my china cabinet; it is my toughest thing so far and I don't know why;they are bautiful but not really useful, ex old Victorian pickle castor
-tons of useful kitchen items (pots/pans/bowls/casserole dishes, etc.)-I put everything we hadn't used in a year away to see if we missed it; will sell at a garage sale or donate as we didn't miss a thing
-tools-I try to get DH to go through the tool shed now before we move but he is comforted by clutter apparently.
-garden equipment-only what you actively use every season
-water garden equipment-???

[Ultralight]

Regarding your kid's stuff. Give it to them. It is theirs. I have been doing this to my DS. I have gotten to the point where I don't ask him. I just bring it over. He can decide on how to dispose of it or not. He was irritated at first but has been making money selling the stuff. He now has a house and if he want to store the stuff fine. If not, he can get rid of it.

I like this idea! But it does sound cutthroat. haha

I deal with gifts I don't want in a similar cutthroat fashion. "Hey, you gave it to me. I can keep it, sell it, give it away, or even trash it."

But I do let people know they can ask me to give any gift they gave me back to them. I have no problem with this.

For more sentimental people it is hard to get rid of things with emotions attached to them whether it is their kids' stuff or gifts given to them by others.

I have found if I focus on this principle that I can deal with clutter better: "Attaching emotions to stuff is like hanging your coat in the fridge. It does not belong there. Emotions are for people, pets, and other living things."

[Ultralight]

I actually went through internet blogs the other day and made myself an inspiration sheet to get motivated.
Some suggestions:
-Very useful reference books-All available online now so you can narrow down your collection.
-clothes that would fit if I lost 15 pounds (and clothes that feel good are hard to find)-Start working on losing the 15 pounds or donate
- medical/tax/informational/insurance files, etc.-Scan unless hard copies are required.
-my children's stuffed animals-I have one box of kid stuff that i need to hand over to DD; it's hers and not mine
-important baby clothes-ditto above
-kids books that we loved-ditto
-lots of linens/blankets/towels-I went through all of ours and narrowed down to exactly what we use plus one replacement on sheets. Half the towels become rags or "dog towels".
-craft items-if you're not using them or don't plan to anytime soon, donate to a nonprofit
-old typewriters-sell for money;hot collectible among young
-vintage dishes-I am going through my china cabinet; it is my toughest thing so far and I don't know why;they are bautiful but not really useful, ex old Victorian pickle castor
-tons of useful kitchen items (pots/pans/bowls/casserole dishes, etc.)-I put everything we hadn't used in a year away to see if we missed it; will sell at a garage sale or donate as we didn't miss a thing
-tools-I try to get DH to go through the tool shed now before we move but he is comforted by clutter apparently.
-garden equipment-only what you actively use every season
-water garden equipment-???

I dig these ideas!

[Chicken lady]

Cathy, when you say your "house doesn't look like a hoarders", my house doesn't look like a hoarder's either - if your idea of a hoarder is someone who as lost all control and ended up on a reality tv show. My uncle's life doesn't look like an alcoholic's either. He dates. He works successfully in his profession, he isn't homeless. He has never been charged with DUI or arrested for disorderly conduct or hospitalized from an accident.... But he has lost two wives and his relationship with his daughter and as his relationship with alcohol is something he struggles to control and that has a negative impact on his life - he meets the definition of an alcoholic.

My house looks like the house of a messy person who has a lot of stuff. But my relationship with stuff is complex and complicated and difficult and it is something I have to be conciously aware of and put effort into every day. Hoarding is a mental processing issue, not an accumulation of trash. Some of the language you use in your original post sounds like hoarder language. Things like the desire to not have the stuff coupled with the non physical inability to get rid of it, and the conflict between what you logically believe and what you feel that stands in the way of acting on those beliefs.

A lot of what you said resonates with me.

[Ultralight]

Cathy, when you say your "house doesn't look like a hoarders", my house doesn't look like a hoarder's either - if your idea of a hoarder is someone who as lost all control and ended up on a reality tv show. My uncle's life doesn't look like an alcoholic's either. He dates. He works successfully in his profession, he isn't homeless. He has never been charged with DUI or arrested for disorderly conduct or hospitalized from an accident.... But he has lost two wives and his relationship with his daughter and as his relationship with alcohol is something he struggles to control and that has a negative impact on his life - he meets the definition of an alcoholic.

My house looks like the house of a messy person who has a lot of stuff. But my relationship with stuff is complex and complicated and difficult and it is something I have to be conciously aware of and put effort into every day. Hoarding is a mental processing issue, not an accumulation of trash. Some of the language you use in your original post sounds like hoarder language. Things like the desire to not have the stuff coupled with the non physical inability to get rid of it, and the conflict between what you logically believe and what you feel that stands in the way of acting on those beliefs.

A lot of what you said resonates with me.

Interesting points here.

CathyA: It might be worth your time to talk with Chicken Lady on this thread (or in PMs). She has lots of insights on hoarding as a mental health issue. Discussing things with her on here helped me to better understand my hoarder parents and how I deal with them.

[iris lilies]

Pinkytoe, send me your pickle castor, love those things!!:)

[Miss Cellane]

In general, I find that gathering all of a category of stuff together in one place helps with decluttering. You can see everyting that you have, where you have duplicates, where you have gaps. You can do things like decide to keep the top 20 items, or discard 40% of what you have, or something similar.




I'm talking about:
-Very useful reference books on cooking/repairs/how things work/wildlife--how often do you use these and when? I can see keeping a bird identification book near the window by the bird feeder, for example, so you don't have to go down the hall and boot up the computer to check out what kind of bird it is. But most general information like this is available on the internet (Youtube is great), so you don't really need all the books.

-clothes that would fit if I lost 15 pounds (and clothes that feel good are hard to find)--get rid of them. When you loose the 15 pounds, the clothes will be out of style, possibly damaged from storage.

- medical/tax/informational/insurance files, etc.--keep. But consider scanning most of it.

-my children's stuffed animals--Do they want them? Why did you save them? Take pictures of them and let them go, if the kids don't want them.

-important baby clothes--What makes them important? If it's the family christening gown, okay, keep it. You can have an outfit preserved in a shadow box if it is very important. Check with your kids to see if they would ever consider using them for their own kids. Keep one or two of the most important and let the rest go.

-kids books that we loved--If you have a reasonable expectation of grandchildren in the future, keep a few--no more than five--to read to the grandkids. Offer the rest to your kids, then let the remainder go.

-lots of linens/blankets/towels--Might help to set some reasonable limits here. Something like: 2 sets of sheets per bed slept in on a daily basis, 1 set of sheets for each guest bed. 1 blanket per bed, one for picnics, one for the car for emergencies. 4 bath towels per person living in the house, plus two per person for the most likely number of guests you might have, plus 2/3/4 extra for cleaning dogs' feet or laying out hand washables that need to be laid flat.

-craft items--Gather them all up, eliminate duplicates and any supplies for crafts you are no longer interested in.

-old typewriters--I have one old typewriter that was my grandmother's. My nieces and nephews love to play with it when they visit, and it is still useful for filling out forms. Is this a collection? Then honor it as a collection and display it properly. Or decide that you are no longer interested in collecting typewriters and sell them.

-vintage dishes--are these being used or are they a collection? Either way, gather them all up and keep 50% of them. Or 40% or 60%. Sometimes whittling down the collection bit by bit is easier than discarding 90% of it all at once.

-tons of useful kitchen items (pots/pans/bowls/casserole dishes, etc.)--again, set limits, based on how you cook. How many casseroles do you make at a time? Do you need two 2 quart sauce pans--do you ever use them both at the same time?

-tools--Eliminate duplicates and broken tools, and tools for which you no longer have any use.

-garden equipment--same as tools

-water garden equipment--same as tools.



Keep what you need first. Then what you really love--there's no crime in owning a vintage dish just because you like it. But get rid of the worn-out, the broken, the extra, the things that bring more anxiety into your life than pleasure or usefulness.

[SteveinMN]

I hear what you're saying, CathyA, having been there a few times myself. The favorite T-shirts from college which will never fit me again. A box of old electronic connection cords (USB, RCA, other TLAs) which I go into just often enough to justify the existence of such a box, though maybe not one that size. A couple of pieces of furniture which are seeing marginal use with me but I worked hard to get them and I know I'll probably never see the likes of again. I get it.

In my mind, decluttering is like so many other continuing life experiences. We have to decide for ourselves how much is "good enough".

I finally satisfied myself that, if I could not wear the T-shirts or display them, I would follow the great advice of taking a picture of them to remember and prove that I was into whatever it was long before it was mainstream to do so. Before I got to taking the pictures, though, suddenly it didn't matter to me that I ever had an "Anderson for President" T-shirt. Maybe it's a huge collectible now and I left significant money on the table, but it hit the next Goodwill delivery.

I have been rationalizing collections and sets since. I had more than 500 albums; I've been culling the outright duplicates and the unplayable ones, listening to the rest gradually and deciding if I like each album enough to pay for it again or if I'd be better off passing it on and buying from iTunes or another music service the one or two tracks I like. About a quarter of my collection now awaits a trip to the used-record store (in this case, I know some of it is worth $$).

Gardening tools? I was honest with myself. I knew I did not need two bypass pruners. The little spade I never use because it feels like it weighs 25 pounds? Out. The spotlights on stakes to highlight trees and such? No outside electrical outlets on this house and I won't spend the money to put one in just for that. Out it goes.

The tendency to keep because "I'll use it someday" is strong, no denying. But reality (history of use of the object, likelihood it will ever be used by you) points the way you should go with an item. Just remember that you don't have to get there all at once.

[iris lilies]

If you can't get yourself to donate the useful things because someone will actually use them, I don't know what to say that will change your behavior.

but sets of bed sheets and garden tools in good shape are very useful. Several of our shovels are from garage sales, the old stuff is so much better than the new stuff. We hoard shovels because they break, we sometimes need two shovels at one garden site, and we have three garden sites. Need a bunch of shovels.

reference books are pretty useless. I got an IPad for the primary purpose of looking up stuff on the web when I am on our first floor. Our computer is on our second floor.

i confess to buying a world atlas however because I wanted a fairly large format in print. The iPad doesnt cut it there. And since we don't have GPS, we do have a couple of city map and road map books.

[CathyA]

I guess you could say I'm a worse-case-scenario person. What if........what might happen if?.......and we have given away so much.

I know I have some emotional issues with lots of things. That's the thing that's challenging for me. You wouldn't believe how much stuff I have gotten rid of in the past 10 years. But......miles to go before I sleep. And I feel like I don't want to spend the rest of my life sorting through stuff. I do think it's just the separation anxiety.........the moment of separation.........and then I have a panic attack, and then forget about it. haha

So I guess I have to be strong. It helps to take a small load to Goodwill to start with. It sometimes lights a fire under me to do more. My husband is much worse than me, and he's absolutely no help in getting rid of stuff.

As I said in another post, I feel like everything has a spirit........and that makes it extra hard to send away. But.......it eventually leads to a good feeling, so I need to push myself.

Thanks for all your suggestions!

[Ultralight]

You'll find your balance! Good luck. :)

[Kestra]

I guess you could say I'm a worse-case-scenario person. What if........what might happen if?.......and we have given away so much.

I know I have some emotional issues with lots of things. That's the thing that's challenging for me. You wouldn't believe how much stuff I have gotten rid of in the past 10 years. But......miles to go before I sleep. And I feel like I don't want to spend the rest of my life sorting through stuff. I do think it's just the separation anxiety.........the moment of separation.........and then I have a panic attack, and then forget about it. haha

So I guess I have to be strong. It helps to take a small load to Goodwill to start with. It sometimes lights a fire under me to do more. My husband is much worse than me, and he's absolutely no help in getting rid of stuff.

As I said in another post, I feel like everything has a spirit........and that makes it extra hard to send away. But.......it eventually leads to a good feeling, so I need to push myself.

Thanks for all your suggestions!

Yes, starting small is fine and probably better. I'd pick whatever area you have the least emotional attachment to, or suspect you'll need the least, and just focus on one group of objects at a time.

[JaneV2.0]

"Before I got to taking the pictures, though, suddenly it didn't matter to me that I ever had an "Anderson for President" T-shirt."

Haha! I forgot about him. Another non-starter I voted for...:~)

[frugal-one]

Have been going through books. So far 8+ grocery bags out of the house. Next is Christmas paper and decor plus doilies. Totally shocking how much stuff we have. Have to admit to books being the hardest for me to part with. Not all of my reference material is available or located easily on line.

[CathyA]

I'm still trying to figure out what to do with our 1987 set of the Encyclopedia Britannica. Nobody wants it and I can't imagine just throwing it into the earth. We got it for our children....but then computers came along.
I remember having a set of The World Book when I was young, and it was soooo helpful.

[kib]

One thing really resonated with me. "Have your cake and eat it too." I've started realizing that this is an embarrassing stumbling block for me. I could see having, say, six typewriters and saying, "well this one works the best. ... but this one is the most valuable. and this one is so darn cute! this one has a font I really like, and this is the one I was typing on when my kid said his first word. And if I'm keeping five, why not keep six." >8)

So anyway, I sympathize. I have to admit one thing that's not easy for me to do, but it helps, is to remind myself I'm not impoverished. If I find myself without what I actually need, I can remedy that and might even enjoy it. There is no reason to keep 12 pairs of pants I almost like! Really. Even if this pair that's slightly short has a super cute fringe ... sigh ...

[Ultralight]

I'm still trying to figure out what to do with our 1987 set of the Encyclopedia Britannica. Nobody wants it and I can't imagine just throwing it into the earth. We got it for our children....but then computers came along.
I remember having a set of The World Book when I was young, and it was soooo helpful.

This is going to sound harsh, but do you know any hippies? This could provide them with a lifetime of rolling papers. ;)

[nswef]

I have the dilemma with the encyclopedia, too. Mine is 1994- knowing computers were going to do all an encyclopedia does, I still wanted the set. Now I don't know where to donate it. Or if I can get my husband to go along with getting rid of it.

[kib]

I can think of no scenario in which I so desperately needed a paper copy of the encyclopedia that I devoted myself to enshrining 129 pounds of books. "Oh My God, The Apocalypse is Here! Quick, what's the primary export of Venezuela?"

However, I do like to keep books that might provide really necessary info in the event of some technological reversal, like the Foxfire series. Pretty far fetched still, but somehow not quite so pointless.

[pinkytoe]

One of the items I am having a hard time with is yearbooks. I even have my parent's college yearbooks. I always enjoyed looking at them when I was younger - my mother was a runner-up for most beautiful in 1940 - with a full page gauzy head shot. But their eventual lives were not so happy and they divorced so I have mixed feelings when I look at them. I don't think DD wants them either. So hard...

[ApatheticNoMore]

I always imagine myself being very bored in the apocalypse, and what if an apocalypse of boredom were to hit huh? What if I was housebound for months with nothing to read, and I was near succumbing to fatal boredom? Then I could read ...... Encyclopedias ... (actually the being housebound for months isn't uncommon, often the case when people are ill - since I've known people in that situation temporarily, it actually seems a lot more probable than any apocalypse you could plan for really). I don't actually own an encyclopedia set but if I did ...

[kib]

I'd rather read Dr. Zhivago 26 times. :)

[Chicken lady]

I convinced my mother to get rid of the encyclopedias. It was very difficult. We wrote a lot of reports out of those encyclopedias!

Trust me, nobody wants them. You can possibly donate them to a school art program for altered book projects (google that sometime, some of the professional ones are amazing.) You can also cut them out of the bindings and recycle the pages if you need to. Or you can hollow them out and hide stuff.

[iris lilies]

One of the items I am having a hard time with is yearbooks. I even have my parent's college yearbooks. I always enjoyed looking at them when I was younger - my mother was a runner-up for most beautiful in 1940 - with a full page gauzy head shot. But their eventual lives were not so happy and they divorced so I have mixed feelings when I look at them. I don't think DD wants them either. So hard...

someone--I think it is the online company Classmates--is scanning these to get them in digitized form. I was surprised to see that they were missing a couple of years before and after my high school graduation. Now, I don't know if they have the yearbooks and just have not completed the scanning, or what exactly.but it's worth contacting ClassmTes to see if they need these books.

Also the public library in the town of the high school may have a collection and may need these specific years.

[CathyA]

I can think of no scenario in which I so desperately needed a paper copy of the encyclopedia that I devoted myself to enshrining 129 pounds of books. "Oh My God, The Apocalypse is Here! Quick, what's the primary export of Venezuela?"


LOL!

[CathyA]

And what if all our stuff is stored digitally..........and our entire digital system in this country messes up and we lose it all?
I just don't want to put all my trust in that system.

Yeah, I had thought of tearing the pages out of the encyclopedias and recycling them..........but man, what a job. And.....right after I would do that, someone would ask "anyone have a l987 version of the Encyclopedia......I will give you 4 million dollars for it!"

I'm almost 66, have had lots of interests in life, had 2 kids, etc., etc., etc. Too much stuff is tied to sentimental feelings. But I'll still march on.........trying to lighten the load.......

[rodeosweetheart]

And what if all our stuff is stored digitally..........and our entire digital system in this country messes up and we lose it all?
I just don't want to put all my trust in that system.. . .

I'm almost 66, have had lots of interests in life, had 2 kids, etc., etc., etc. Too much stuff is tied to sentimental feelings. But I'll still march on.........trying to lighten the load.......

I feel much the same way, Cathy, at 59.
I have decided to categorize stuff and then select a "right-sized" number of things. Did the pots yesterday--put them all together and pick out the x number--ended up with 4--best ones and got rid of rest, after doing same with pot lids.
So if I liked old typewriters, which I do, then I would get them all in one place and select the number and winnow down to the x best ones that I liked, donating the rest.

When I replace my pots with something better, which I plan to do in next year or so, the old ones go.

I am just going to try to do with this categories of things-- you put them all in one place temporarily and cull from there. Need to do this with books, dishes, and flatware.

I have not done this in a while but I definitely need to.

I also like the principle of one in, one out, but you have to work to be at the right sized level for you, which only you can define.

And this thread has reminded me to send yearbooks to the kid who just bought a house.

I just went to see my granddaughter and there was my son's old teddy bear that he loved more than anything, now minus one arm, sitting watch over her on her bookshelf. It was a wonderful feeling for me, so I get what you are talking about.

[Ultralight]

Not to be morbid, but what happens to all your stuff when you pass away? What do you think will happen realistically and what would you ideally like to happen to your stuff upon merging with The Great Mystery?

[SteveinMN]

And what if all our stuff is stored digitally..........and our entire digital system in this country messes up and we lose it all?
I just don't want to put all my trust in that system.
I don't trust it. That's why everything I have stored in a cloud service also exists on hardware. I make backups (I really do!) and some of them get stored off-site. At any given time, I'll bet I've got 3-4 copies of the critical stuff in different locations. One of them will work. If the disaster is big enough that that strategy doesn't work, well, I'll have bigger issues than pictures I didn't want to lose.

[Ultralight]

I don't trust it. That's why everything I have stored in a cloud service also exists on hardware. I make backups (I really do!) and some of them get stored off-site. At any given time, I'll bet I've got 3-4 copies of the critical stuff in different locations. One of them will work. If the disaster is big enough that that strategy doesn't work, well, I'll have bigger issues than pictures I didn't want to lose.

I have thought about making some digital versions of my "files" -- like birth certificate, immunization records, etc. But I just haven't gotten around to it. It wouldn't be that much stuff, but I feel a little vulnerable having these files only on paper, in one place, and with no additional copies anywhere.

[iris lilies]

Not to be morbid, but what happens to all your stuff when you pass away? What do you think will happen realistically and what would you ideally like to happen to your stuff upon merging with The Great Mystery?
What will happen realistically is that the OP's children will have to touch, sort, and carry each item to the dumpster. They will have to flip through files, dig through boxes, make piles, sort, re-sort.Weeks of their time.

to some people, things are more important than free time. Perhaps the OP can think about the legacy she's leaving to her children, weeks of work. Reading Catherine's post on another thread to remind what is really important is good.

[sweetana3]

Stuffed animals. Why dont you ask your kids if they had a favorite that they want to keep? If they say no, they have no memory of such a favorite, dispose of them. They are not going to want old unmemorable stuffed animals around their kids. Or make a box for each child. In it put a few of their toys to send to them or keep for the grandkids.

[Ultralight]

I think that right-sizing (the ability to divest from physical possessions) is more mental than logistical.

[sweetana3]

Regarding leaving things: My dad left 60 plus years of papers and books and "stuff" regarding his interests. My brother had to take 25 pickup truck loads of this stuff to the dump. Going thru and disposing of his stuff was not fun and took weeks of effort for the kids. Resulted in only dumping of junk. No market value or sentimental value for us.

[Ultralight]

Regarding leaving things: My dad left 60 plus years of papers and books and "stuff" regarding his interests. My brother had to take 25 pickup truck loads of this stuff to the dump. Going thru and disposing of his stuff was not fun and took weeks of effort for the kids. Resulted in only dumping of junk. No market value or sentimental value for us.

That sounds too trudging.

[kib]

I have a couple of thoughts about a "digital apocalypse". I've heard that it's possible a big energy pulse - like what could happen with a really big solar flare - could wipe out basically everything. No idea if this is true, but if I consider that scenario, the only way things would be safe is if they were hard copy. HOWEVER, I don't feel personally responsible to maintain the knowledge base of the whole world. There are libraries and plenty of people (thank you Cathy!) doing this. I do keep a paper backup of what I consider to be extremely important personal stuff, and I like having practical information I might need but probably won't, things that aren't really on the radar at the moment like how to start a fire or identify edible mushrooms, on hand as well.

[Ultralight]

I have a couple of thoughts about a "digital apocalypse". I've heard that it's possible a big energy pulse - like what could happen with a really big solar flare - could wipe out basically everything. No idea if this is true, but if I consider that scenario, the only way things would be safe is if they were hard copy. HOWEVER, I don't feel personally responsible to maintain the knowledge base of the whole world. There are libraries and plenty of people (thank you Cathy!) doing this. I do keep a paper backup of what I consider to be extremely important personal stuff, and I like having practical information I might need but probably won't, things that aren't really on the radar at the moment like how to start a fire or identify edible mushrooms, on hand as well.

I shudder at the thought of an apocalypse where I'd have to eat mushrooms. ;)

[kib]

I can think of nothing finer. :~)

[Teacher Terry]

I have had to deal with other people's stuff-in laws dying & now I am helping a dying friend get rid of all this junk he has saved. He is too sick to help so just tells me what he wants to keep. Yesterday he said he wished he had all the $ that was spent on all this crap that was in a storage shed. I have been downsizing for years so when I die my kids will not have a big job. My hubby's kids will have a huge job getting rid of all his crap. My youngest son told me last night not to get rid of any photo albums-that he wants them. My other 2 won't. I threw away my yearbooks recently. I never look at them. I went through the closet in my office & threw away 99% of the things that were in it. I even threw away all my diplomas from 4 degrees. Used to have them hanging in my office at work. I certainly don't want to hang them in my home office so realized no need to keep them. When I was young I couldn't bare to part with things. Now I have no problem.

[Ultralight]

I have had to deal with other people's stuff-in laws dying & now I am helping a dying friend get rid of all this junk he has saved. He is too sick to help so just tells me what he wants to keep. Yesterday he said he wished he had all the $ that was spent on all this crap that was in a storage shed. I have been downsizing for years so when I die my kids will not have a big job. My hubby's kids will have a huge job getting rid of all his crap. My youngest son told me last night not to get rid of any photo albums-that he wants them. My other 2 won't. I threw away my yearbooks recently. I never look at them. I went through the closet in my office & threw away 99% of the things that were in it. I even threw away all my diplomas from 4 degrees. Used to have them hanging in my office at work. I certainly don't want to hang them in my home office so realized no need to keep them. When I was young I couldn't bare to part with things. Now I have no problem.

Teach: It sounds like you really know how to downsize! You're a bad-*ss! :) How do you manage with your husband and his stuff? ;)

[dinah]

I wonder if you could frame the task(s) differently. Look at your space. Look at your storage room(s), shelves, cabinets etc. Items shouldn't be piled or stacked or in boxes or in the garage or whatever. Everything needs to have a home in the space and storage you have now. Find a home for everything (and a things home might not be your home).

Don't think about what you need to 'get rid of'...think more in terms of 'what is going to go in this clearly defined and honoured and loved space - is the item loved and cared for and needed and purposeful and used regularily?"

Say, something like, all my books need to fit in this bookshelf. If the encyclopedias take up 95% of that space how does that make you feel? Are you willing to part other books so that the encyclopedia's can live there?

Another example, all my pots & pans have to fit in this cupboard. It is the pot & pan cupboard. How many can it hold? If it can hold 5 and you have 10, think about which ones get used the most and which ones don't.

Another example, all my clothes need to fit in this 1 dresser. If the clothes that don't fit me take up 60% of the space, am I willing to get rid of clothes that do fit so that these clothes that don't fit can live there?

Just a thought.

[iris lilies]

I wonder if you could frame the task(s) differently. Look at your space. Look at your storage room(s), shelves, cabinets etc. Items shouldn't be piled or stacked or in boxes or in the garage or whatever. Everything needs to have a home in the space and storage you have now. Find a home for everything (and a things home might not be your home).

Say, something like, all my books need to fit in this bookshelf. If the encyclopedias take up 95% of that space how does that make you feel? Are you willing to part other books so that the encyclopedia's can live there?

Another example, all my pots & pans have to fit in this cupboard. It is the pot & pan cupboard. How many can it hold? If it can hold 5 and you have 10, think about which ones get used the most and which ones don't.

Another example, all my clothes need to fit in this 1 dresser. If the clothes that don't fit me take up 60% of the space, am I willing to get rid of clothes that do fit so that these clothes that don't fit can live there?

Just a thought.

ah well, that's the line I use on DH, "this is the space we have, there is is no more space, things should not spill,out of that space."

he, very simply, does not buy it.

just this week I talked to him about his closet and managed to cull two shirts he has not worn in ten years and I am not exaggerating. This is a small victory. I asked, once again, about two suits he has not worn in 20 years and he will not wear them they are ugly. He didn't even wear the suit at his mothers funeral and if you aren't going to wear a suit at that occasion, when WILL you wear the suit?

he said "I'm not ready to give those suits away. " after 20 years. Ok buddy.

[dinah]

ah well, that's the line I use on DH, "this is the space we have, there is is no more space, things should not spill,out of that space."

he, very simply, does not buy it.

just this week I talked to him about his closet and managed to cull two shirts he has not worn in ten years and I am not exaggerating. This is a small victory. I asked, once again, about two suits he has not worn in 20 years and he will not wear them they are ugly. He didn't even wear the suit at his mothers funeral and if you aren't going to wear a suit at that occasion, when WILL you wear the suit?

he said "I'm not ready to give those suits away. " after 20 years. Ok buddy.


Me too. I have problems with getting rid of stuff and I have frying pans and things that live in my oven b/c they don't fit in the cupboard...but I always try....I always try. The method is going well with books and clothes!

[kib]

I was thinking about the whole sentimental attachment issue, and it occurred to me that deep down perhaps there are three kinds of people: those who wish to manage/limit the number of possessions they own (whether they succeed or not is a different story), those who honestly don't want to limit them, and a few laid back souls who honestly don't have an issue either way.

In my relationship I've come at it from the standpoint of, "well of course everyone wants a manageable number of possessions." It's not true!!

[Ultralight]

In my relationship I've come at it from the standpoint of, "well of course everyone wants a manageable number of possessions." It's not true!!

Do tell.

[kib]

Well ... I came into my marriage thinking we were going to pare down things to the point where we had what was practical for two people sharing a life, plus some personal possessions like clothing/toiletries, plus a representative number of primarily sentimental personal things. What I have discovered is, 1. DH doesn't want to get rid of anything he owns, 2. he LIKES adding to his pile and seeing it get bigger, 3. he wants his own stuff, period, anything that he needs for his project needs to go into his personal cabinet, and 4. he tends to hog and hide stuff that is not precisely his - things like my hammer and chop saw will disappear into the vortex that is his workbench, never to be seen again.

From my perspective this is dysfunctional behavior, but I have to admit that this is just one way of looking at things, I'm pretty sure he would simply nod innocently and agree with the statement, "More is Better".

[pinkytoe]

If you can't find motivation, I will repeat my story about dealing with mother, father and younger brother's stuff when they all passed away within three years. I was only 34 when all their various health declines started and ended up being the one family member close by who could deal with their physical stuff once they passed. I didn't know any of their secrets but learned far more than I wanted to because none of them had time or strength to deal with their belongings prior to death. As an example, reading years of my father's letters sent to "the other woman" was very painful and then being the one who has to throw them away. Why would a 60 yo man save those? I would rather be a mystery to my survivors than leave behind burdens. I would also like to hear them say...I am so thankful she thought enough of us to prepare for this time.

[Ultralight]

Well ... I came into my marriage thinking we were going to pare down things to the point where we had what was practical for two people sharing a life, plus some personal possessions like clothing/toiletries, plus a representative number of primarily sentimental personal things. What I have discovered is, 1. DH doesn't want to get rid of anything he owns, 2. he LIKES adding to his pile and seeing it get bigger, 3. he wants his own stuff, period, anything that he needs for his project needs to go into his personal cabinet, and 4. he tends to hog and hide stuff that is not precisely his - things like my hammer and chop saw will disappear into the vortex that is his workbench, never to be seen again.

From my perspective this is dysfunctional behavior, but I have to admit that this is just one way of looking at things, I'm pretty sure he would simply nod innocently and agree with the statement, "More is Better".

How will you cope in the long term?

[Ultralight]

If you can't find motivation, I will repeat my story about dealing with mother, father and younger brother's stuff when they all passed away within three years. I was only 34 when all their various health declines started and ended up being the one family member close by who could deal with their physical stuff once they passed. I didn't know any of their secrets but learned far more than I wanted to because none of them had time or strength to deal with their belongings prior to death. As an example, reading years of my father's letters sent to "the other woman" was very painful and then being the one who has to throw them away. Why would a 60 yo man save those? I would rather be a mystery to my survivors than leave behind burdens. I would also like to hear them say...I am so thankful she thought enough of us to prepare for this time.

Yikes! Sounds incredibly disillusioning.

[Kestra]

In my relationship I've come at it from the standpoint of, "well of course everyone wants a manageable number of possessions." It's not true!!

It's always such a shock to realize that other people don't think exactly like I/we do, isn't it? :D

[Williamsmith]

I recently transitioned from a homestead to a two bedroom condominium community. Lots of stuff got sold, given or thrown. I have a sizable collection of firearms. And I have wanted to sell most of them for a while now but one of my kids objects to it. I assume he sees himself possessing these guns after I am gone. For whatever reason, my desire to not have them anymore and his desire that I keep them are in conflict. Id rather have the money to invest. Not sure but I think that qualifies as being between a rock and a hard place.

[Ultralight]

I recently transitioned from a homestead to a two bedroom condominium community. Lots of stuff got sold, given or thrown. I have a sizable collection of firearms. And I have wanted to sell most of them for a while now but one of my kids objects to it. I assume he sees himself possessing these guns after I am gone. For whatever reason, my desire to not have them anymore and his desire that I keep them are in conflict. Id rather have the money to invest. Not sure but I think that qualifies as being between a rock and a hard place.

Williamsmith: Interesting situation with your collection of firearms. My dad and I have the opposite situation. He has a collection that he'd like me to take interest in and possess when he passes away. I'd rather just keep my old BPS and not have any others.

What do you think you'll do?

[Teacher Terry]

UL: I deal with his junk by giving him certain spaces that are his alone. The 1 car garage, a big shed in backyard & his office. WE also have a partial dirt basement & that is where he put all his mom's junk that he won't throw away. There have been a few occasions when he has gone out of town & things that were pure garbage ran away:)) When we bought our house I wanted to tear down the shed but of course he was thrilled to have another place for his stuff. When my Mom was 60 she wanted to downsize her & my Dad to a 2 br apartment. They had always just put things down their basement when done with them. Her & I held yard sales off & on for 2 years. My dad's snowshoes, all our kids roller skates, ice skates, etc. Massive amounts of glassware. WE had fun doing it together. Then they moved & when my Dad died we donated his stuff that was left. The last few years of my Mom's life she knew she was dying so started to get rid of her own stuff. Gave us kids what we wanted & donated stuff. She even threw away her own albums after we took what we wanted. Once she died it was not a big deal to deal with what was left. although, I am only 61 I feel compelled to give my kids the same gift. YOu never know when the end is coming:))

[kib]

How will I cope in the long run ...

I don't honestly know. Part of all that stuff about buying a little mini camper is having a self contained place that is purely mine. That seems to be the bottom line for me in more ways than one, at some point I need total control of a space I can retreat into when other people's needs and manipulations (and stuff) becomes too intrusive. Getting married and promising to live in one home with someone else right there more or less 24-7 for the rest of my life was not a brilliant choice on my part.

Anyway, I find myself in a less than ideal situation but still and all hopeful that I can find options that work, or that persistent "work" on myself will yield a less reactive, more laid back and accepting me. maybe if I develop internal boundaries, I won't be so stressed about my external world swallowing me whole.

[Gardnr]

When we'd been married about 15y I said to DH "let's go through all our high school and college stuff and purge" (we are HS sweeties married 35y). We each got 1 paper box for keepers.

I cannot tell you how much left: text books, class notes, class papers, finals blah blah blah.

We still have those 2 boxes up in the linen closet. Never opened them even once......

I have stuff I use in the kitchen and there is still empty space after 24y in this home. I do have clothes that don't fit. I keep telling myself to get honest and just do it!

I am not sentimental....we take few photos, I easily toss stuff out. Dad died in '94 and Mom in '07. I wanted Mom's sewing box which she gave me and I have the Delft vases she wanted me to have. I will be giving them to little sister who really LOVES Delft...one of these days. They are beautiful and I do look at them. I know sister would TREASURE them though.

We recarpeted our house about 12y ago (or was it 18?) We emptied half into the garage at a time. Nothing came back in that we didn't use at the time. THAT was a fabulous exercise and the local Goodwill benefited greatly from our new carpet!

The truly lifechanging habit though was ala "Your Money our Your Life"....track every penny. That changed habits lickety split. I won't tell you what I spent on books/mags prior...let's just say it buys a lot of plane tickets and my library card is well used!


We will NOT however talk about my quilting problem:doh: That topic is off limits because it is my sanity:cool: and much gifting comes out of that space!

[kib]

My clothes issue is that I'm not sure about "getting honest with myself". I now weight more than I like again, but five years ago I got down to really tiny; it wasn't fanatical, it was slow and determined and healthy. 1. I loved that, and 2. I know it's possible for me to do it, even as an aging adult, because I just did. Getting rid of my favorite clothes seems premature and fatalistic.

[Gardnr]

My clothes issue is that I'm not sure about "getting honest with myself". Getting rid of my favorite clothes seems premature and fatalistic.

Hence, mine are all still there as well;)

[pinkytoe]

I realize over and over that the only things I am finding hard to part with are those that belonged to other people. I think I need to see a shrink about this:(

[Radicchio]

Before I make this suggestion, please know that I am a book lover and reader. I do not begrudge the floor-to-ceiling bookshelves on which I keep my books, but I do try to have limits.

Having said that, about the encyclopedias---is the paper on which the pages are printed recyclable? If so, you can tear out all the pages and recycle the paper pages, then just dispose of the covers. I have done this and I must admit that the first time I did so I was appalled. Yet I reasoned that no one else would want them anymore, including myself, so it was the most responsible and clutter-free approach I could think of.

[JenniferinFL]

I resemble you.. lol

I had clothes in many different sizes because my weight fluctuates.

I collect things, I still have childhood toys and my daughter's toys and her baby clothes and a few of my baby clothes and I'm the family keeper of the photos. I always have a new hobby. I love silly trinkets.

Anyhow, I wouldn't buy the book, try to get it from a library or something, but "The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up" is the only book that's ever really struck home. I've done Fly Lady, I had a organizing for dummies style book, a few others on cleaning and simplifying. I hated the criteria of getting rid of something you haven't used recently. I haven't used any of my vintage elephant salt and pepper shakers, but, I don't think that means I should take them out of the china hutch and drop them at Goodwill.

Anyway, Magic of Tidying up is about keeping items that bring you joy and discarding items you feel nothing for and do not need.

I found that I had a bunch of clothes that I never really loved even when they did fit. Additionally, if I was a size 6 again, I wouldn't want to wear those old clothes, I'd go out and buy beautiful new ones. I had books I bought because they looked interesting, but, not interesting enough to actually read. Finally donated those! If I want to read them later, I can get them at the library, rent a digital copy, or even buy one again if I find I really was interested enough to read it. I kept some sentimental books and the few that I would actually enjoy reading again. Still have around 50 books for me and 50 books for my daughter, but easily donated over 200 that really weren't that great.

I will never be fully minimalist, but, it's nice to have significantly less stuff around, but still have the things I actually love.

I had a pile of cookbooks, but, only one I actually use! When I want a recipe, I go on allrecipes.com and use the top reviewed recipe instead of some random old recipe that may be mediocre filler in a cookbook instead of a star recipe.

Just some thoughts..