Pre-move decluterring is SO hard

[pinkytoe]

I thought it would be freeing to let go of so many things but today I decided to tackle a small chest of drawers filled with mostly mementos - photos, letters, keepsakes, etc. I have touched every piece and probably only put two items in the give away pile. I look at each thing and memories flood back and I don't know how to let go. A framed photo of my beloved Siamese cat's face who died five years ago just about did me in. I had forgotten about it. I see these things and I wonder how did it all go by so quickly. Gotta get through this though...

[Chicken lady]

I can empathize, but I can't help. I would just tell you if it still matters to you, you should keep it.

[Songbird]

I had a difficult time sorting through things that were very meaningful to me when we're getting ready to sell our house and downsize. I wound up keeping some special things, including a few photos that I framed and placed in our new home. Some were of our pets that had passed on, along with some much loved relatives, now long gone as well. I was actually glad to find these and have them out in our new home so I could treasure the good memories everyday. But I got rid of all excess junk too which was very freeing.... We were moving to a very much smaller home, and we soon realized during the sorting of our possessions what would be most important to us. Some days it was a very hard process to go through and I did shed a lot of tears, especially in sorting through my children's artwork, clothing, etc. that I had kept. I wound up keeping only the most meaningful to me, and I placed them in an old suitcase of my Grandmother's that I use as a decorative piece in my new home. I really had to carefully think through everything I kept as we have little storage in our new home.... I totally empathize with you, pinkytoe, as it is a really difficult process to sort through those things that pull at your heart, and realizing that life has gone by so quickly. I'm happy to be on the other side of it now, and enjoying life in our much smaller home. :)

[Ultralight]

I thought it would be freeing to let go of so many things but today I decided to tackle a small chest of drawers filled with mostly mementos - photos, letters, keepsakes, etc. I have touched every piece and probably only put two items in the give away pile. I look at each thing and memories flood back and I don't know how to let go. A framed photo of my beloved Siamese cat's face who died five years ago just about did me in. I had forgotten about it. I see these things and I wonder how did it all go by so quickly. Gotta get through this though...

It will be freeing to let go of these things.

[iris lilies]

Geez, here I am again piggy backing on someone's thread. But this is about sentiment.

We had a dog death recently. On the day she died I took her "outdoor" water bowl and put it in the dumpster in the alley.

ohhhhhhh, meeeee.bad move. Today I noticed that DH had retrieved that dirty,stained bowl and stored it in the garage. I got cranky with him about " wanting to own everything in the world" and he got a little teary defending it because he was not ready to let that bowl go.

even though we we now have her ashes, he had more sentiment placed on the bowl than on the ashes. Frankly, I can understand why he was more attached to that bowl. We always joked about how she had to drink the dirtiest, smelliest water, the clean water we provided in the house was not good enough. She was his prissy little princess, so her love of filth was always funny.

[Ultralight]

Geez, here I am again piggy backing on someone's thread. But this is about sentiment.

We had a dog death recently. On the day she died I took her "outdoor" water bowl and put it in the dumpster in the alley.

ohhhhhhh, meeeee.bad move. Today I noticed that DH had retrieved that dirty,stained bowl and stored it in the garage. I got cranky with him about " wanting to own everything in the world" and he got a little teary defending it because he was not ready to let that bowl go.

even though we we now have her ashes, he had more sentiment placed on the bowl than on the ashes. Frankly, I can understand why he was more attached to that bowl. We always joked about how she had to drink the dirtiest, smelliest water, the clean water we provided in the house was not good enough. She was his prissy little princess, so her love of filth was always funny.

These kinds of things are really hard to deal with. I am sorry about the loss of your dog. I dread the day when my dog passes.

I try to tell myself I will donate his bowls and other items to a shelter. I hope I will. I am not sentimental about stuff. But who knows... in the midst of grieving and such.

I just try to remind myself often that Harlan is only going to be here for so many more years. So I need to take the time to walk him, play tug o' war, teach him commands, give him treats, and so forth. I really try to be present in the moment and be cognizant of his mortality.

A friend at a community group meeting today asked me what I like most about being a minimalist. Automatically and without hesitation I said: "More time and resources to do stuff like this, with my friends -- my people!."

It was like it clicked for her.

[razz]

Having just moved a year ago, I empathize. I still have too much but decided that the clutter downstairs was manageable for now until I was ready to let more go. Point being, that the letting go may take longer than the move. One friend moved a lot of stuff using my moving boxes and then got rid of a huge amount after moving into her new home. We are all different in how we do this. Do what your common sense and your heart tell you.

[kib]

I don't know if this is practical, but can you possibly start in the opposite direction? In other words, instead of saying "what do I want to get rid of", start by saying, "If I had an hour to pack, what would I take". Then, "If i had to fit what I'm taking in a 5*8 uhaul, what would I take?" Work your way up to close to the capacity of your new home - congratulations, btw! - and then see what's left to make a decision about. I'm thinking that when you're down to choosing between the double boiler you haven't used in 15 years and the pictures of your beloved pets, it's going to be clear and easy what matters more.

It hopefully also changes the mindset from "what am I losing" to a happier place of "what a lot of wonderful things I chose!"

[Ultralight]

Something to think about:

Memories are yours. Do you need the stuff to remember things?

Also: What about making some new memories with the people and pets in your life now? Like just getting out there and making it happen?

[mschrisgo2]

Pinkytoe, I totally get what you are saying: there's some stuff that we keep that we just Need to Keep. I have a wicker box with a hinged lid that's about 18x12x12 that has "save forever" stuff in it.

I'm having a similar problem with decluttering before a planned upcoming move: I have tons of perfectly good stuff that I simply don't need. It's easy to look at it and rationalize that there's a place for it in this apartment but the fact is that it is just occupying space. I've been living here for 6 years now, and a good 25% of the "stuff" I haven't touch since the day I found a place to put it. I most certainly don't need to go to the work of moving it again, and finding a place to put it again. Plus the new space will be smaller, by design, so it would be good to let this stuff go now.

(ETA: I have decluttered 836 "items" since the first of the year in the 100 per month thread)

[Gardenarian]

That's a tough one, pinkytoe.
I didn't have time to really sort through our stuff before we moved, and we have made more trips to Goodwill than I can count, getting rid of stuff we should never have packed in the first place.
On the other hand, it is is somewhat easier to get rid of things when you haven't seen them in a while and you know exactly what your new house will need.

I kept my dd's baby stuff (one box) and one other box of keepsakes. They are on a shelf in the garage and I may never look at them...but I'm still glad I kept the things I did.

[Tussiemussies]

We moved three years ago and brought all of our downsizing stuff with us that we stored in a room in the basement. There is about one hundred boxes that we have to tackle but I want the upstairs to be fully completed before we bring up wanted items. A long time ago on the old boards someone made the greatest suggestion-- take a picture of things you feel attached to and keep them on the computer. I did this year's back and found when I did look at the pictures on the computer, it did bring back nice and sometimes great memories that I had forgotten about, so it is great to have that for me. I plan on doing this when we go through our hundred boxes, literally....

[Williamsmith]

Just like anything else, I think you can get carried away with decluttering things. For me, when I start thinking that I might be taking it too far, I probably already have. Still I moved five months ago and it took me four years to prepare for the move with the last three months acclerated to warp speed. When I finally started packing up the moving truck, I realized I still had too much stuff. So I had to rent a small storage unit at $50 a month to put the stuff I didn't know what to do with. Writing that check was enough to motivate me to clean out the storage units. Now I have a strict accounting of incoming and outgoing things so as not to get in that situation again. Stay light on your feet.

I lost my 11 year old golden retriever two summers ago. I actually got broadsided by the vet after I carried her in for what I thought was some sort of infection. She came out and told me my best friend was filled with cancer and it would be cruel to let her suffer any longer. I had to hold her while they injected the stuff that put her to sleep. She looked me in my eyes as if to say, What's happening? And then she was gone. I left the room and swore never to own a dog again because I can't go through that again. I have watched over humans die, seen the aftermath of many violent deaths and still I took that worse than any. So....no more dogs. I still have her collar.

[freshstart]

I am usually not an overly sentimental person, I throw cards away after a few days. I thought I did fairly well getting rid of purely sentimental stuff when I moved to this house 2 yrs ago. Gifts from patients with a nurse theme, I held them and remembered that family and then let the object go. i purged just about everything from a LTR, kept a few pics. Stuff from my childhood gone, DD wanted my HS yearbook. The childhood books that meant the most to me and I had wanted to share with my own children, had gotten moldy in my parents' basement. I knew that when I had the kids and wanted the books, but even though they could not be read, I left them there. Gone when we moved. Purged kids' toys and crap mercilessly, culled and kept the best of their artwork or cards they made to me (I actually kept most of those). I kept one bin of baby clothes and blankets that provoked sentimental feelings, I was not ready to get rid of them. The art and cards in another. Kept a bin, maybe 2 of our favorite kid books (we read a lot and had a lot that were special to us.) Plus I was at my limit, I had to keep some of their stuff, figuring I'd purge again after we moved.

Old dogs, literally the ashes of our family dogs and my dogs since I was 7, had never been dealt with, none of us is willing to get rid of them. I decided, they are going with me, scatter my ashes, keep my ashes, I do not care, but whatever is done with me, they're coming. Dog collars and tags, I culled, sobbing like they were my dad's army dog tags. We never got rid of bowls, because there was always a new dog eventually.

Moved. Not even a year later, I started losing memory, until it was so bad I would lose it by the minute when trying to do something, like dial a telephone number or read a book. Or by enormous chunks (it's been very hard to get back memories of certain years with the kids, of my childhood, of experiences, of people I love who are gone, down to world history and how to do basic math). It's a bit better, people have been kind enough to tell me stories of the past, but now I see them through their lens, not mine. Some is coming back on its own.


My point is I am thrilled I was not hardcore on the sentimental kids stuff, especially those cards and oddly, the books. I can only remember maybe 3 of our favorites, never remembering all the rest of them would've really bothered me now. I'm glad I kept the wedding album since the marriage produced my kids. There is really nothing left that I want to let go of, because I know the chance of getting those memories back are slim to none, but the object associated with that memory is a trigger for me that works.

So I greatly regret I did not write down the names of my favorite childhood books, I would love to have those titles in my head, but they are gone except for a few, no matter how hard I try. I wish fervently that I had kept dog collars and tags. I very much wish I had not dumped a 30+ years worth of play and concert tickets, I cannot believe I tossed those, I want to look through those again, because the memories of a few are still here, most gone.

Ability to get to the point ever, is also gone. My point here is you may be someone who can easily purge the past. I was so easily able to do that, that every item in my home was slowly replaced if I had gotten it while married, keeping only a very few things to pass down to the kids. A patient would need a couch, I had the marital one, gave it to the patient and we had no couch until I was ready to buy.

But think twice, what if you lose the chunk of memory associated with that item and you've purged the item that may have triggered those memories to come back? If you're on the fence about a sentimental item while purging, if it is small, consider maybe keeping it until the next big purge. Not so much stuff that it can't fit into a few bins IF you have the space for them. By no means am I saying keep so much you need to rent storage. If you are ready to let it all go, maybe take a picture of the dog collar, which sounds incredibly stupid but I'd feel a little bit better having that pic and then being flooded with memories, instead of trying to recollect them out of thin air and failing. Because this happened to me in my 40s, it probably won't to anyone else here, it's not normal by any stretch. But we all get old and start to forget things, some small object may be important 30 yrs from now. Not for what it is, but for what it can unlock of your past. Ok, this is making no sense so I am shutting up.

+1 for pinkytoe's DH on the dog bowl

ETA: I know this needs massive editing to shorten it, I'm just too tired to do it and have it still make sense. I know that happens all the time, I apologize, it's annoying, I know.

[freshstart]

I lost my 11 year old golden retriever two summers ago. I actually got broadsided by the vet after I carried her in for what I thought was some sort of infection. She came out and told me my best friend was filled with cancer and it would be cruel to let her suffer any longer. I had to hold her while they injected the stuff that put her to sleep. She looked me in my eyes as if to say, What's happening? And then she was gone. I left the room and swore never to own a dog again because I can't go through that again. I have watched over humans die, seen the aftermath of many violent deaths and still I took that worse than any. So....no more dogs. I still have her collar.

I'm so sorry, that suddenness of loss, unbearable. Me, too on the bold, but not violent in the traditional meaning of the word, more the feeling of not being able to relieve suffering fully and thus a death feeling almost violent, can't explain it. I didn't think we had anything in common, you made me cry for how you must've felt that day and it sucks that you were alone. I'm the opposite, not having a dog feels like a tank-sized hole in my life. But I understand, I think, how bad that time was for you and I am sorry it happened.

[ctg492]

Understand totally.

Perhaps I know the future or history repeats it's self, but the move maybe coming. I brought home stuff from Mom's passing that seemed too good to not, mostly kitchen stuff. Yesterday I told myself I really was not needing this stuff, so I emptied out the kitchen for starters. I have it all in boxes, yet now I am thinking WHY? i am considering a FREE STUFF by side of driveway at 2pm Tuesday. I will post the sign at the grocery store and see what happens. Or off to Goodwill I suppose.

Last month I put out some good things with a Look Free Stuff sign, no takers:( Our neighborhood is not like that. I knew if I lived in the city like int he past it all would have been grabbed, so the grocery store advertisement seems best.

[Williamsmith]

I'm so sorry, that suddenness of loss, unbearable. Me, too on the bold, but not violent in the traditional meaning of the word, more the feeling of not being able to relieve suffering fully and thus a death feeling almost violent, can't explain it. I didn't think we had anything in common, you made me cry for how you must've felt that day and it sucks that you were alone. I'm the opposite, not having a dog feels like a tank-sized hole in my life. But I understand, I think, how bad that time was for you and I am sorry it happened.

I see why you were called to the nursing profession. You have a huge heart for those who suffer. I have spent many hours in hospital settings around nurses and have a great respect for their mission. Hospice nurses were such a key part of my father in laws passing with dignity. We probably have more in common than you think. Just take different paths to the same places more often than not.

I have read a lot of good ideas regarding sentimental stuff. It's probably the hardest category to get through when decluttering. I mean, you can get it all out on the living room floor and you can pick the items up one at a time and decide their future. There are days when inanimate objects are just stuff to me and other days when they have energy or meaning. I think it is worth it to take the time to make sure you are right before you get rid of it. There are things my parents passed on to me that didn't mean anything to them but for some reason I grasped on to. Like the wooden hand garden cultivator my grandfather used to use. And my fathers old Gibson guitar. The nice thing is, it's all up to you. Keep it or let it go.

[Ultralight]

This rationale, while rather controversial, has helped me to declutter and stay decluttered.

I feel that keeping more stuff than I actually need is a form of greed.

I see friends and such with their closets chock full of perfectly good clothing and toys and household items and tools and small appliances. They just sit there, never to be used. Or if there is a possibility they will be used, it is extremely remote.

Sometimes folks feel like: "I spent money on this. If I give this thing I never used away then I wasted my money."

But is it better to keep it, maintain it, move it, clean it, etc. endlessly just to prove to yourself that you did not waste your money?

With sentimentalism, I try to think this way: If my dad were to die and leave me his fishing gear I'd give most of it away.

Why? Because I think it'd be a good way to honor his memory and love of fishing.

When I kick the bucket I hope that my sister gives my stuff away, what little there is of it. A fishing pole to some kid who needs it. My bike to some guy who wants to transport himself for cheap. My canoe for an aquatic birdwatcher -- I dunno! haha

I just think that the less I vest my emotions in things the more I can vest my emotions in the people and dogs who mean so much more to me, in the present and in the future.

[pinkytoe]

The death of my cat was so hard because like Williamsmith, I had to hold him as the injection took his life. He did not go easily. I guess I felt like I had let him down even though he was suffering terribly. One never forgets that look in their eyes as they leave us. Anyway...I was able to at least go through the drawers I originally set out to cull and put things in more order to go through later. It's a start. I am beginning to think it is more about dissecting my ordinary life of 60 years more than the things that remain as remnants. It's an interesting process - letting go. Oddly enough, I am doing the same thing at work with about two more months to go until retirement.

[rodeosweetheart]

The death of my cat was so hard because like Williamsmith, I had to hold him as the injection took his life. He did not go easily. I guess I felt like I had let him down even though he was suffering terribly. One never forgets that look in their eyes as they leave us. Anyway...I was able to at least go through the drawers I originally set out to cull and put things in more order to go through later. It's a start. I am beginning to think it is more about dissecting my ordinary life of 60 years more than the things that remain as remnants. It's an interesting process - letting go. Oddly enough, I am doing the same thing at work with about two more months to go until retirement.

Oh, Pinkytoe, I don't know what to say because I am going through the same thing, feeling much the same feelings, complicated by a situation like freshstart's, where I was in a coma and lost years of memory, and so it is still a reclaiming memory process to look at old things. It tends to be very painful as I feel the loss of time, of opportunity, and even of integrated memory--very hard, freshstart, I know exactly what you mean.

My solution is no solution, put it all in boxes in the shed, then bring them in and look at them and put most of it back.

Not making a lot of progress, but your thread is inspiring me to try it again.

I will definitely need a course of antidepressants if I do much more of this!

[kib]

This rationale, while rather controversial, has helped me to declutter and stay decluttered.

I feel that keeping more stuff than I actually need is a form of greed.

I see friends and such with their closets chock full of perfectly good clothing and toys and household items and tools and small appliances. They just sit there, never to be used. Or if there is a possibility they will be used, it is extremely remote.

I actually like that a lot, it's a concept I hadn't considered and looking at my stuff in this light may make it a lot easier to part with the excess. Thank you!

[freshstart]

[QUOTE=Williamsmith;217311. We probably have more in common than you think. Just take different paths to the same places more often than not.[/QUOTE]


I think this may be quite true. I'm glad hospice helped your FILs. Thank you for your kind words

[Teacher Terry]

You should leave the sentimental items for last because they will be the hardest to get rid of. Do everything else first. With sentimental items I try to only choose 1 or 2 things to remember someone by not counting pics. Recently I gave away the last item i had from my favorite Grandma which was an anniversary decorative plate. She has been dead for almost 40 years. I also reduced the # of things I have from my Mom. It is easier to get rid of clothes, etc. The best way to remember a beloved pet is to adopt another homeless pet in their name. They will be looking down from the Rainbow Bridge and smiling at you if you:) do. Because I do dog rescue I have had to put to sleep 3 dogs in the past 7 years. It is tough but then I remember what their lives would have been like if I had not adopted them.