Are you doing enough?

[kib]

Last night I was over on MMM and came across Miss Madge's journal of the last three years. She used to post here as Madgeylou, her real name (from her blog) is Megan Dietz. Holy Cow! That woman is a powerhouse, she's apparently got the speed of a hummingbird and some sort of magic as far as positive energy goes.

Now I realize that a public journal could be a place to put your best self forward instead of bemoaning every little irritation, but I am in awe of Miss Madge's accomplishments. In three years she's gone from owning a real rathole of a house and being in debt with student loans to ... really flourishing. Good net worth, great job, confidence in seeking an even greater job, great marriage, honing her not insignificant creative artistic talent, writing books (and getting paid for them) in her spare time (spare time!), upping her ability to bike everywhere, traveling both for work and pleasure, the ability to telework while traveling the country. She apparently has a network of friends and acquaintances she can count on in the hundreds.

I look back on MY last three years and I also think "holy cow". But it's more like holy cow, how did I become so paralyzed? I realize that MM is at a time in her life where pushing oneself, driving the bus fast and in the right direction is good and necessary to set up for later on, but I imagine she's always going to be busily engaged in things that matter to her. My own "bus" seems to be parked in a storage lot.

So ... do you all feel like you're maximizing your energy? Am I alone in thinking that I'd really like to be more active, physically and mentally, but somehow the siren song of routine and life on the couch is louder?

[ApatheticNoMore]

Since I just posted in the doom and gloom thread (the collapse one), I thought this was "are you doing enough for the environment" or something? No. And I hear the moral call to do more. I do and loudly. (and yes I'm still just a drop in the ocean blah blah)

Her good job may have been only made possible by the loads of debt (ie if it is college debt). So the 'good' may have been only possible by the 'bad' (being in debt). I really feel I have very little control over the job market (and that I'm in a not great situation there, but I don't know what to do! really I don't!). But that has nothing to do with whether I keep job searching and stuff? Of course, as always we control or actions, but may have pretty poor control over the results. Good for her if she found a great person to marry. Nope I don't think that's entirely in our control either but more so than the job market probably. I don't know what to do if you are already married to a difficult person haha :)

Honestly I don't' actually even value having was seems like "a resume" almost or a list of a significant accomplishments. Ok I DO value a resume in a purely pragmatic job resume sense. But not beyond that. So am I suppose to answer the question "no I'm not doing enough", when what I actually try to value is personal growth and I think I am trying (but how do you know you are trying? oh well if your riding waves of anxiety, if your doing new things etc. - you might be trying, just maybe). Sure there are areas of my life that are still a fricken disaster and in those areas I am not doing enough. And I know the pull to value glittery external achievements, but I ought to throw myself off a bridge if that's the be all and end all, is having won by some social standards. And sometimes even in trying to improve ourselves, we have to take breaks, give up the grandiosity (best to do this in general), even rest from personal growth if we need to for awhile, we are afterall ONLY HUMAN. And you may be comparing your interior to their exterior, or they might just be wildly self-fulfilled, honestly I have no idea.

[JaneV2.0]

I've always been a low-energy person, now more than ever. Even reading about people buzzing around like hummingbirds getting everything done--perfectly of course--makes me tired. My considerably older SO runs circles around me. Oh well.

[kib]

The title of the thread was to draw people in, I'm not actually suggesting anyone needs to defend their lifestyle, however busy or slothful it might be, just wondering if other people feel the same sense of wishing-but-not-doing that I do (and Really do when I read something like MM's journal!)

[kib]

If this is inappropriately stalker-like let me know and I'll take it down, but this is the inspirational person I'm talking about: - edited, I went to the description of her blog because as rodeosweetheart mentions, the current blogpost about vacation and fondue isn't all that inspiring, but I think her original message is right on.

http://www.belesscrazy.com/about/

If you are a member of MMM you should be able to read her journal if you wish:

http://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/journals/figuring-shit-out!/

(http://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/journals/figuring-shit-out!/)

[rodeosweetheart]

I remember her--she had the shift business, right?

Could not access the first, but the second was not real appealing, as I don't enjoy reading about other people's vacations, and yes, it is probably from jealousy, that I don't take great vacations. On the other hand, why would you blog about it--what's the point--is it to amuse, to inspire, or to make others jealous?

I just don't know!

[Ultralight]

I'm not actually suggesting anyone needs to defend their lifestyle, however busy or slothful it might be, just wondering if other people feel the same sense of wishing-but-not-doing that I do (and Really do when I read something like MM's journal!)

I don't mind defending my lifestyle. haha

I think I could:
1. Save a lot more money
2. Do better in romance (maybe).


But when compared to the average schlub over at the nearest Wal-Mart, I am doing pretty well, I think.

I feel a sense of accomplishment in most of my life, minus the professional and the romantic.

[kib]

I feel a sense of accomplishment in most of my life. Ah, nail on the head. I don't, at least not when I look at my life as of late. Hoping to change that.

[herbgeek]

feel the same sense of wishing-but-not-doing that I do (and Really do when I read something like MM's journal!)

Yep that's me. I'm moderately successful in what we've been able to achieve financially but I am definitely not living up to my potential. I'm lazy. There's all kinds of things I could do, but fail to do. I'm trying to figure out what's next for me personally, and have been for the last couple of years, only I've made no progress because I've put no real effort into it. Trying to figure out how much longer I want to work, under what conditions and where I might want to move for retirement and what kind of retirement hobby-job to do. Not any closer to any answers than I was a few years ago.

There's a former co-worker I see on Facebook, and while jealous of a lot of her accomplishments, I know I'm just too lazy to do all that she does. She also has lots of family support and works for herself part time so she also has more free time available in theory, but the reality is, I'm just too lazy. I'm past the point (soon to be 55) where I really strive to climb up the corporate ladder, having seen how futile that often is. I don't necessarily feel the push to get published, or get my name out there or switch jobs every couple of years just to make more money.

[Ultralight]

Something I find that is rarely factored into one's sense of accomplishment is what you have not done.

By this I mean, can you define yourself a little more subtractively?

I know this sounds odd, but I think that one of my greatest accomplishments is not needing or wanting much.

[Williamsmith]

Ah, nail on the head. I don't, at least not when I look at my life as of late. Hoping to change that.


Okay, so lets assume all you say about this person is true. As Orson Wells said, " Some of us are more equal than others."

I grew up in a neighborhood of kids who liked to play baseball any chance they got. On weekends we'd hustle out to the ball field on our bikes with a glove over the handlebars, a ball stuck in the bike frame and a bat wedged between the post of the handle bar and the post of the seat. Hold on I'm getting to my point.

Everybodys dad worked in the nearby steel mill. Yes the one that spewed hydrocarbons, lead and cadmium among other things directly into the atmosphere where depending on the wind they would blow and deposit on our window sills, our cars, and coincidentally in our lungs. But hey, it paid the bills. And maybe it's a good reason I am so screwy.

However, one of our gang had a father who actually played Major League Baseball. No big deal. The kid was just like us except that he could throw the ball like a laser, hit the ball like a frozen rope and field the ball like a vacuum cleaner. I caught myself envying his abilities everyonce in awhile. He was drafted by the Cubs in high school, went to college at the University of Arizona where he won the Division I Silver Spikes award for the best player in college baseball and then he went on the play for the Montreal Expos and a few other teams before transitioning to coaching. Oh yeah, he won two World Series rings and still manages a major league team.

I learned at an early age that some of us are indeed more equal than others and I have come to terms with it. Life is really grand if you just let it be.

[catherine]

Life is really grand if you just let it be.

The meaning of life in a nutshell. I'm craving some embroidery thread or a tattoo artist right now...

[Ultralight]

Life is really grand if you just let it be.

Sure. Maybe if you don't have anything really bad wrong with you.

[catherine]

Sure. Maybe if you don't have anything really bad wrong with you.

Maybe if you could really let it be, all those "really wrong" things would disappear.

[ApatheticNoMore]

The title of the thread was to draw people in, I'm not actually suggesting anyone needs to defend their lifestyle, however busy or slothful it might be, just wondering if other people feel the same sense of wishing-but-not-doing that I do (and Really do when I read something like MM's journal!)

maybe I'd try to separate what are real unfulfilling longings of oneself versus even non-material "keeping up with the Jonses". I realize this is not black and white as we are social creatures. Nonetheless I would attempt.

Like I've heard boredom is deliberately ignoring such longings to develop parts of oneself (that might be fulfilled by say taking up a hobby or whatever - many are too busy surviving to be bored but for those who get bored).

The thing about Facebook is at this point there's even psychological studies on how unhappy it makes people to compare their interiors to the rather bragging nature of something like FB.

[Ultralight]

Maybe if you could really let it be, all those "really wrong" things would disappear.

I don't think that would work for people with cancer of the everything, for instance. Or people living in Syria right now.

[Ultralight]

maybe I'd try to separate what are real unfulfilling longings of oneself versus even non-material "keeping up with the Jonses". I realize this is not black and white as we are social creatures. Nonetheless I would attempt.

Like I've heard boredom is deliberately ignoring such longings to develop parts of oneself (that might be fulfilled by say taking up a hobby or whatever - many are too busy surviving to be bored but for those who get bored).

The thing about Facebook is at this point there's even psychological studies on how unhappy it makes people to compare their interiors to the rather bragging nature of something like FB.

I have heard that "boredom is the desire for desires."


Thoughts?

[catherine]

I don't think that would work for people with cancer of the everything, for instance. Or people living in Syria right now.

Resisting the temptation towards extremes, I personally try to live a happy medium when it comes to letting it be, but if you really want to see let it be in action, read Byron Katie's Loving What Is.

I think acceptance in the appropriate situation can alleviate SO much suffering, and I think too many of us have a hard time delineating what we can control and what we can't, and then fully accepting what we can't.

[Ultralight]

I think acceptance in the appropriate situation can alleviate SO much suffering, and I think too many of us have a hard time delineating what we can control and what we can't, and then fully accepting what we can't.

This right here is such a good point! :)

[ApatheticNoMore]

I have heard that "boredom is the desire for desires." Thoughts?

I think there is often things I do desire but lazy :) Like I am fairly curious, there are lots of things I do like to explore, but then I'll sink in to boredom and completely blank out the fact that there were things I even wanted to do when I had some free time (what? bored ... so bored ... I can't think of anything to do!)

[SteveinMN]

Am I maximizing my energy? I think the question behind the question there is "energy for what?"

I've never considered myself a particularly athletic person, so maintaining a challenging physical regimen just has never been in the picture for me. Hasn't even been that much of an interest, really. Certainly as I age and physical issues develop, I've made an effort to simply do more. But that activity happens within the context of my life. It's not something I will devote n hours to in a week or which has a discrete goal at the end.

Like herbgeek, my interest in chasing up the corporate ladder was tempered by the reality of that effort and by my lack of interest in working to buy things and experiences I wouldn't have the time to enjoy. So I suppose I was doing less at work, especially at the crispy bitter end.

But I have put much more energy into relationships with family and friends. I didn't have/make time for that before. But I have the time now so I can send someone a birthday card on time or shoot them a quick text or email asking how that job interview went or when they want to get together for lunch.

And I have put more energy into that world-moral "doing more". I've become involved in a couple of activities at non-profits which serve various segments of the public. This, too, is not something I would have had/made time for during my career.

So I think it comes down to whether you are expending the energy to do enough to satisfy your interests and values; not necessarily what the world tells us we're supposed to be doing.

[kib]

It's not exactly that I'm comparing myself to Madge and thinking gee, I should have accomplished all those things. I just marvel at someone who 1. maintains a positive spin while still passing on difficult details about her life at times, and 2. seems to have so much confidence and energy and ongoing enthusiasm, enough to push her into success, about the things she takes on. It's not that I need or want to emulate her accomplishments, but I'd like to be the sort of person with that kind of inner fire. I think I used to be, but somewhere along the way my perception about my time has gotten ... stretched, it's started to seem odious if I have to go grocery shopping and exercise on the same day, oh me, oh my, how could I possibly fit in more. >8)

[rosarugosa]

Kib: Read William Smith's thread on the heroes of 2015 if you want to REALLY feel like a slouch! :(

[freshstart]

I've always been a low-energy person, now more than ever. Even reading about people buzzing around like hummingbirds getting everything done--perfectly of course--makes me tired. My considerably older SO runs circles around me. Oh well.

I feel this way, with two kids on my own and working, I did not feel energetic enough to do what I want to do, be of service to people in need or even fostering dogs. Luckily for me, hospice more than met my self goals, even though I was paid.

I thought by now, I might still be disabled but I would be able to do something. It's stupid but I am still over a year later still "grieving" that loss. I feel like a waste of space, that I am taking more than giving and I hate this.

I wish I had pushed myself to do more that included the kids. We did one-offs; soup kitchen day, homeless shelter, we did always fill backpacks for the worst school and did food pantry.

I'll do something one day, just not in the near future. i thought I was just naturally a low energy person, loved to read, winter camping and rappelling, no thanks and didn't plan to change that with some huge overhaul of my lifestyle. Now this is no energy, I'm too trance-like half the day to try to read. Meh, maybe next week.

I admire people like MM

[kib]

Kib: Read William Smith's thread on the heroes of 2015 if you want to REALLY feel like a slouch! :(NO kidding!

[kib]

Something I find that is rarely factored into one's sense of accomplishment is what you have not done.

By this I mean, can you define yourself a little more subtractively?

I know this sounds odd, but I think that one of my greatest accomplishments is not needing or wanting much. I've come to terms with the idea that simplicity and minimal living does give me a lot of time and a sense of space, as well as defining "enough" as quite little and it's ok, it's part of the design, not to cram too much into that. still, I think I've gone from "too much" and overshot "enough" into "too little".

[Ultralight]

I've come to terms with the idea that simplicity and minimal living does give me a lot of time and a sense of space, as well as defining "enough" as quite little and it's ok, it's part of the design, not to cram too much into that. still, I think I've gone from "too much" and overshot "enough" into "too little".Too little? What do you mean?

[kib]

Well, the Your Money Or Your Life concept is "the enough point". He's talking money but it's basically about balance in anything - figuring out for yourself how much is more than enough, how much is less. We're looking for the Goldilocks mean here.

If I manage to keep up a house that's only got one other person in it, that's my big accomplishment for the day. And then the week. And then the year. Somehow the time slides by and I don't seem to have done anything else. And I'm not Donna Reed, it's not like my house is some paragon of Domestic Accomplishment. I'm having a hard time finding things that interest me, that seem worth doing, and an even harder time keeping enthusiasm long enough to get off the couch and get started. I feel like my life may be opening up now that I've shifted my financial focus, but I haven't found meaningful ways to occupy myself yet.

[Ultralight]

Well, the Your Money Or Your Life concept is "the enough point". He's talking money but it's basically about balance in anything - figuring out for yourself how much is more than enough, how much is less. We're looking for the Goldilocks mean here.

If I manage to keep up a house that's only got one other person in it, that's my big accomplishment for the day. And then the week. And then the year. Somehow the time slides by and I don't seem to have done anything else. And I'm not Donna Reed, it's not like my house is some paragon of Domestic Accomplishment. I'm having a hard time finding things that interest me, that seem worth doing, and an even harder time keeping enthusiasm long enough to get off the couch and get started. I feel like my life may be opening up now that I've shifted my financial focus, but I haven't found meaningful ways to occupy myself yet.

Minimalist Malaise. It is a real thing!

[ApatheticNoMore]

Maybe you do need to do more, I don't know :). I just thought you might be being perfectionist as you've said you are (and btw cancer is still not cured, when are you going to get on it already?!). And I have grandiose impulses at times (why I'm always railing against them as I don't find them terribly positive). But no I'm not unhappy with what I've done lately, it's a lot, more to the point, it's *enough* (except if we're talking to benefit the world or something then maybe it's not).

Maybe volunteering for a worthy cause is what your looking for, I don't know.

[catherine]

Kib: Read William Smith's thread on the heroes of 2015 if you want to REALLY feel like a slouch! :(

I completely agree. When it comes to "enough" I am not doing enough to contribute to this place I've been inhabiting for 63 years. I've stated here in these forums that I don't know if I'm going to be happy lying on my deathbed saying I spent my life helping pharmaceutical companies make money so I could pay off mounds of debt. Wow. Nice way to sum up a life. I can see the epitaph: "This tombstone was brought to you by Merck & Company. If you feel a sudden urge to cry, call your doctor." Immediately the Rolling Stones song "I Gotta Get Out of This Place" comes to mind… and I know I vacillate on this, because as far as making money goes, I'm very happy and blessed to have the opportunities I do. But money is not all there is, as we all know, and kib's question, and Williamsmith's thread on the CNN Heroes really makes me think.

[rosarugosa]

I've definitely found it true that tasks can expand to take all the available time, and conversely, that I can get a lot more mileage out of my time if I really put my mind to it. I have some concrete ideas of volunteer gigs I want to pursue when I retire. However, I've read that those who do not volunteer before retirement don't tend to volunteer after retirement, so that worries me, that I might perceive myself as too busy after I retire as well, because perception is everything.

[herbgeek]

I'm having a hard time finding things that interest me, that seem worth doing, and an even harder time keeping enthusiasm long enough to get off the couch and get started.

I can't tell you how much this resonates with me.

[iris lilies]

Madgeylou was always a strong, clear writer. She made great contributions here and I'm glad to see she is still participating in the simplicity websites.

[freshstart]

if you can't (for whatever reason, right down to, "I just don't feel like it), to me that's fine. Make a small monetary contribution instead, cash is king, after all, many groups prefer it

[nswef]

Kib, Maybe you just need that down time now. I never did volunteer work when I was teaching because I felt I was doing good work then. After 31 years I retired and did very little for a year and a half. I then tried substituting at the little school in my town and enjoyed that. As that eased off because i became more interested in doing other things I started volunteering one hour a week at out little food pantry at the local church. I now have Tuesday as volunteer day- I supervise a reading room for 3 /2 hours at the school where I substituted and the hour at the food pantry. That's about it. I don't have to drive far (if I were virtuous I'd walk but the streets are shoulderless and dangerous) and it's all done in one day. The rest of the week is all mine! But, I've been retired 14 years so have had time to decide what I want to do. Right now it's all about what I WANT to do. I never do meetings, figuring I spent 31 years at pointless, time wasting meetings...never again.

[flowerseverywhere]

My goal of becoming FI was to live a life worth living, but I worked longer to fund my desires, including funding my making a difference activities.

yesterday I volunteered at the library used book sales. We made $220,000 last year which funds our nearby low income school, with a focus on reading programs. We also give scholarships and help stock their library. Some people tutor there, I just work weekly on the book sales
Tuesdays I have organized a bunch of quilters, we made quilts for hospice for veterans who enter the program. When the person passes, the family keeps the quilt. I also make a large quilt every year which is auctioned off by an organization that helps foster kids. Last year the quilt bought in over $3000 in raffle sales. This year the big raffle quilt is coming along nicely. Many of the people in the group just want to learn to quilt, so I make kits and teach them how to sew together, press etc. much of my fabric is donated to me, but I add a lot of my own. We also sometimes make quilts for honor flight, or a family in need as we get requests.
I give pottery that I make to an organization that has a yearly fundraiser that operates a non denominational food bank and backpack program for kids. I give my best pottery, not cast-offs which some people do and my stuff is among the first to sell every year. They made over $4000 this year from my group of 30 potters donations.
I am a member of an organization that is teaching us how to,plant wildlife habitat on our property for birds and butterflies, we also raise money to help with the removal of invasive species, replant native areas and provide education. Sometimes we help with the invasive removal or native planting. I raised six species of butterflies this year, including monarchs which are declining quickly.

Life is very rewarding and fun.

[kib]

:) That's exactly what I'm talking about. You've picked some things you enjoy and you participate in doing them regularly. It's great that they are also charitable and giving in nature! Part of what I'm having trouble with is that I'm presently financially committed to three different locations, it makes it unworkable to commit to any ongoing weekly activity. Hoping to change that in the near future, but when I look at someone like MM I must admit, it's not an adequate excuse.

[pinkytoe]

I stumbled onto this essay today by Vicki Robin and I think parts of it pertain to the discussion here; I found it inspirational:
https://vickirobin.wordpress.com/liberating-limits/

[flowerseverywhere]

I've also given blood every two months for years. When my nephew was hit by a drunk driver he needed many units of blood to save his life. Many people could give blood. Plus you end up with a wardrobe full of t shirts and they have good cookies. I even get a movie pass sometimes or a pound of free coffee.

About five years ears ago I enrolled in the American cancer society study 3. They enrolled hundreds of thousands of people between the age of 30 to 65 and took blood. Now we get periodic surveys as they are following us and our health. The famous Framingham study went on for many years and they learned a great deal about heart disease.

So so much you can do in this world.

[SteveinMN]

Plus you end up with a wardrobe full of t shirts and they have good cookies. I even get a movie pass sometimes or a pound of free coffee.
Wow! I want to give blood where you give blood! I've given a couple of gallons worth over the years and have never once been given anything but thank-yous and warm fuzzies. And our local Red Cross made some sort of deal with Keebler, so even the good cookies (Oreos) are gone. :confused: Not that I do it for the "stuff". Just interesting that some blood banks do this...

[nswef]

Years ago our blood bank had the best donuts and juice. Now it's all prepackaged cookies and crackers, pretzels and bottled water. But the tables/chairs where you sit to give blood are better now.

[freshstart]

I used to weigh too little to donate. Now I could probably donate for two, lol

[kib]

I stumbled onto this essay today by Vicki Robin and I think parts of it pertain to the discussion here; I found it inspirational:
https://vickirobin.wordpress.com/liberating-limits/
Thank you very much for this. I think it was especially helpful to hear these words from someone I respect so much as a definer of the simplicity movement.

[flowerseverywhere]

Wow! I want to give blood where you give blood! I've given a couple of gallons worth over the years and have never once been given anything but thank-yous and warm fuzzies. And our local Red Cross made some sort of deal with Keebler, so even the good cookies (Oreos) are gone. :confused: Not that I do it for the "stuff". Just interesting that some blood banks do this...
How interesting. In NY we always got some kind of premium. Dunkin donuts (a pound) coffee and friendly'a ice cream (a gallon) were two of the favorites. I think it was sponsored by the companies. Here in Florida it is not the Red Cross, but One Blood. I had no idea Red Cross did not collect nationwide. I have one blood red beach towels, tee shirts and have gotten several movie tickets or ten dollar gift cards to a restaurant. Who knew? I would do it without the premium but if they give it to me, I'll take it.

I thought the Vicki article was interesting (if a little too wordy), but I think her perspective is coming from someone who was in up to the neck in it. I think balance is the key in all things. Taking care of yourself so you can take care of others. I remember once reading that Mother Theresa after many years started to doubt her faith, although she had dedicated her life to the poorest of poor she just could not fathom how a just God could allow so much suffering, or something to that point. It was hard, when I worked as a nurse to not get burned out. So much suffering. I think that is why I tend to stick to activities where I donate to the cause, rather than hands on, like tutoring or mentoring foster kids.

[kib]

Well ... I went through my "anxiety closet" this morning and decided to give myself a break, mentally speaking. I'd really lost track of just how much crap is on my plate right now, and how much it weighs down my energy and mood. It IS time to grab a shovel, but the engagements already penciled in for the next three months would make taking on some new personal project right now suicide. Gonna have to ride out another season of life interrupted before digging in, and then probably another two before feeling freed up again. Patience IS a virtue, right? >8)

[rodeosweetheart]

It is indeed, Kib, and I think lowering your stress and anxiety is always a good thing.

I want to do that, too!

[ApatheticNoMore]

It IS time to grab a shovel, but the engagements already penciled in for the next three months would make taking on some new personal project right now suicide.

so wait do you do nothing at all (just the daily housework) or have so much penciled in you have no time for anything else? :laff: Somehow it seems they can't both be literally true.


Patience IS a virtue, right?

often, and an under-practiced one, but procrastination is not a virtue.

[kib]

Ok ... the things I forgot I have on my plate in the next three months in my hurry to condemn myself: planning and taking a three week international trip which is yes, all about personal enjoyment but still three weeks gone from 'real life', three houses in addition to my own dwelling that I'm trying to manage or sell, a tenant who left yesterday without giving notice, a 10 day visit from my mother in law, a 5 day visit to my own parents, a 3 day visit from my DH's cousin, thanksgiving, christmas and new years, two follow-up visits for dermatology surgery, a course of fluoroucil that will make me look like The Mummy for at least 3 weeks, and, oh yeah, a gastrointestinal surgery under full anesthesia.

I think what I'm really doing is hiding under a blanket of aggravationa and depression because I feel incapable of getting control of my life back. I was wrong about not being busy, I'm just not busy evolving. I want to do good stuff, the right stuff, not just, well ... stuff. Life doesn't feel like a series of exciting accomplishments like the illustrious Miss Marge's, it feels like wading through a swamp.

[freshstart]

you're human, if you feel like you're not doing the right stuff, ok, you'll fix that but in order to get there, you have to get your "house" in order first; i.e.: taking time for you and getting the medical care you need, getting done all the necessary but unpleasant household stuff that needs doing on a routine basis, getting through your engagements, plus your trip. IMHO, you have a ton on your plate and it won't be pleasant if you are having anxiety about not doing the "right stuff". Maybe put that goal aside for say, 3 months and re-evaluate then.

how many "illustrious Miss Marge's" do you know IRL?