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Zoe Girl
10-12-15, 12:23pm
I think I am having some delayed responses. I spent a long time just being so relieved to be out of my marriage, then a chunk of time dealing with stuff thrown my way that needed serious attention, mix in some of my kids having super hard times. So now everyone is pretty much okay and my kids are all in relationships that have lasted 2+ years and seem really good. And there is nothing to be upset about or a crisis to manage, and then this morning I just got teary over it. Like where did the last 11 years of my life go!

So I also had a great time yesterday, met a lot of people at a Buddhist celebration of Bikkhuni ordinations, and made more connections to local western Buddhist community. I had one person I really connected to and then I started to feel terribly vulnerable about that. He is starting up his sitting group in November after he leads a retreat so there is a chance to keep connected in whatever way that means.

Probably need a meetup group or counselor, but I think I will just host a potluck for our sangha.

Ultralight
10-12-15, 2:04pm
I think I am having some delayed responses. I spent a long time just being so relieved to be out of my marriage, then a chunk of time dealing with stuff thrown my way that needed serious attention, mix in some of my kids having super hard times. So now everyone is pretty much okay and my kids are all in relationships that have lasted 2+ years and seem really good. And there is nothing to be upset about or a crisis to manage, and then this morning I just got teary over it. Like where did the last 11 years of my life go!

So I also had a great time yesterday, met a lot of people at a Buddhist celebration of Bikkhuni ordinations, and made more connections to local western Buddhist community. I had one person I really connected to and then I started to feel terribly vulnerable about that. He is starting up his sitting group in November after he leads a retreat so there is a chance to keep connected in whatever way that means.

Probably need a meetup group or counselor, but I think I will just host a potluck for our sangha.

My divorce was hard on me. So I understand your pain. For a while I went through these emotional cycles where I thought I was over and fine. Then suddenly it would rush back and grip me with sadness or depression or even some anger.

For the first 18 months after my divorce I just had really bad nightmares about it every night, like several times a night.

But over time they faded. Now I have one perhaps once or twice a week. Very manageable.

SteveinMN
10-12-15, 6:53pm
Delayed responses to any big life trauma (divorce, death of a family member, etc.) are not unusual. I had similar responses to my father's death, years after the fact, with triggers that were rather tenuous once they were recalled and examined. I didn't have those responses to my divorce, probably because I mourned the death of the marriage long before the paperwork made it official.

SiouzQ.
10-12-15, 7:14pm
I think that is totally normal because now you are in a *safe* place in which you can start processing your feelings that you had to put aside for the sake of just getting through another day intact. I still have moments of delayed response regarding the trauma I endured that my out-of-control drug-addicted kid put me through during her teenage years. She's 23 now, and doing well, so it's been maybe five years since the worst of it was happening. I still cannot believe how I got through all that. There are some things from that experience that I still struggle with today, but the raw PTSD that I lived with for years has for the most part dissipated. I no longer dread phone calls, for one!

bekkilyn
10-12-15, 7:16pm
My collie dog died over 10 years ago and I got tears in my eyes after reading a post by (I think) William about having put his beloved golden retriever to sleep, and then I remembered that it was one of the few times I'd seen my dad cry, and since he also died not too long after the dog, I found myself weeping about that.

I'm also still quite traumatized by being abandoned by my husband back in 2005 after a 15-year relationship, and have not been able to bring myself to getting into any other relationships with anyone since. I regret having ever married and wish I had continued with my idea of going into the military instead.

None of the above has particularly affected my day-to-day life in the sense of being successful in job, school, etc. but they also aren't necessarily things that people can just "get over."