Politely Saying No

[kib]

Ok, so while DH was on the phone updating his motorcycle insurance, our agent, the guy who decimated my tombstone rose tree, asks if he can have the keys to the Bisbee house so someone who is working on his stucco can crash there.

I know my answer and I'm not even freaked out, it's a calm but resounding no, he cannot. We will be out of the country and this person has proven to be disrespectful of my wishes and authority when I'm standing five feet away from him, I'm certainly not giving him this kind of control when I will be incommunicado. I feel rather mean spirited, it would be an easy way to be helpful and community minded, but I've had enough of this guy.

As I've indicated, we do have a detante here, a working relationship. Y'all are so good with this stuff: how do I say a calm and unflappable no without 1. a gigantic kerfluffle but 2. not sounding so wishy-washy that I invite further "negotiation" ?

[herbgeek]

"I'm sorry that won't be possible." Repeat as often as necessary. Do not explain yourself.

[CathyA]

"I'm sorry that won't be possible." Repeat as often as necessary. Do not explain yourself.

I agree.

[jp1]

"I'm sorry that won't be possible." Repeat as often as necessary. Do not explain yourself.

+1

[iris lilies]

After saying " no, that's not possible" prepare yourself for further pushing. Such as:

the insurance agent: " why?"

kib:" it's not possible, no"

the insurance agent: " can I do XYZ to make it possible?"

kib: "No"

the he insurance agent: " would you let me do ABC instead, then?"

kib: " No. I'm going now, you have my answer"

This guy probably negotiates 30 times a day in his work, expect him to push back.

[ToomuchStuff]

Laugh, LOUDLY, then say no, he will have to stay at your place.

[freshstart]

I don't get why he would even ask to have someone else stay on your property? Channel Iris Lilies. God, he is the worst neighbor ever.

+ whatever number we are up to

[Tammy]

Perhaps saying no impolitely would work best ;)

[rodeosweetheart]

I like this one, but I would chuckle quietly , and say what IL said. And keep chuckling and say it 3 times, and then say, "No, won't be possible. Have a nice day."
Hang up/

[Williamsmith]

Well, first when I say No, it is rarely politely. And when it is followed up with further pestering, like in a telemarketer who won't take no for an answer, it is usually followed by a promise which might be interpreted as a threat. But I suspect you are too nice of a person for this and you probably like to avoid confrontation as a stress reliever. But if you could just this time force yourself to be downright rude, you might save yourself some future hassles.

[JaneV2.0]

How soon will you be rid of this character?
And is there any of the rose tree left to save?
I feel kind of sorry for the stucco guy; where was he staying before Mr. Hospitality offered him your house?

[Teacher Terry]

Are you kidding me? Say no with no explanation. You don't owe anyone one.

[bekkilyn]

*audible snort* Zounds! Absolutely not, sir!

If he pushes back...

What, art thou mad? Away with thee, ruffian...begone!

[Gardnr]

That is a whole new level of "gall". My brain went straight to "hell no"!!!

[Miss Cellane]

To say no politely: Say, "No." Don't snarl, roll your eyes, or add, "Oh, Hell . . . " to the start of your sentence.

Don't give him any reasons why, either. That will just give him ammo to try and "reason" with you, i.e. argue his case.

There's an acronym: JADE. Don't JADE with this guy--Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain. A) He doesn't deserve reasons. B) The more you try to argue with him, the more he will argue with you.

There's two possible outcomes to his request. One will leave you happy. One will leave him happy. Don't you deserve to be happy just as much as this guy?

He's asking you because for some reason, housing his stucco guy in your house is easy for him. People tend to go for the easiest solution first. If that doesn't work, they move on to the next easiest solution, and so on. So if you say no, stucco guy won't be homeless. He'll just be staying someplace *other* than your house. Which is a good thing. :)

[freshstart]

How soon will you be rid of this character?
And is there any of the rose tree left to save?
I feel kind of sorry for the stucco guy; where was he staying before Mr. Hospitality offered him your house?

all of this except I don't understand why someone working on his house needs a place to stay? I don't invite my roofer over for a slumber party.

[kib]

I really don't know, I got an incomprehensibly garbled message from DH that included daughters, a town in mexico, stucco worker, my house, crash on floor 'once in a while', something about a roof, and keys. A lot of the workforce in Bisbee is under the table in one way or another, either illegal or recovering from substance abuse. No, no no. For practice, no again. There is really nothing that sounds like yes in this whole story, including the fact that the keys are here, 100 miles away. (that sounds more like "thank god".) I agree, Miss Cellane, there's a second-easiest-option for them that doesn't include me. No. (Pinkytoe, are you practicing with me? No, no no. No bratty birthday party, no crashing on my floor, no crashing a birthday party, no swallowing up our lives. just ... no.)

[Williamsmith]

Are you sure? You sound a little tentative.

[kib]

No.

:~)

[lhamo]

You're doing great. Practice makes perfect. And remember: No is a complete sentence.