View Full Version : Stuff, and living in the moment.
This was prompted by Kestra's thread about moving to Yellowknife, and a picture on her blog of her earthly possessions.
I know we've talked about decluttering ad nauseum, but seeing that pile just brought home to me the feeling that I have perhaps never owned that few things, that I was born with a comparatively cluttered life. A silver (plated) spoon, and a small van's amount of secondhand furniture and clothing and toys in my mouth. :~)
I'm starting to realize that I have so far spent my days on this earth with a "what if, just in case" mindset about my possessions. What if I finally lose that 10 pounds again. Then again what if I gain ten pounds. What if I need to make simple home repairs. What if I take up knitting again. What if it's a strangely cold winter. What if that air conditioner breaks. What if my favorite shoes give out (wouldn't it be nice to have an unworn duplicate?) What if we have some sort of disaster and the grocery shelves are empty. What if someone invites me to go skiing. I don't live in fear but in preparation; my life always seems on the verge of possibility, both good and bad. So, really ... how do you decide to live in the moment, as far as stuff is concerned?
My first thought was that you have to grab your life and make it hold still. "I do this and this, I weigh this much, this is my clothing style, this is my hobby, this is my job, this is my home, and therefore I need this list of things". But really, no one ever gets their life to hold that still. So it's got to be something on the inside that allows some people to view their lives in the moment, not gathering (hoarding) things for What If.
I have been able to cultivate the attitude that says I'll cross the what-if bridge when I come to it in terms of actions, but not in terms of possessions. If you are someone who lives with a "Kestra sized pile", or if you are trying to, how do you get your head to that place? Were you born that way?
I was born this way, yes.
Extra stuff that I don't use feels burdensome to me. There's an emotional string tying me to stuff - keeping my me feeling responsible to protect and care it.
Some people probably feel comforted and secure with extra stuff. I don't.
Tammy, so ... where is your head, in terms of feeling prepared? Do you basically just say, "I'll deal with that if it happens", and that feels comfortable to you? This isn't a criticism, so very very much of what might happen - good and bad - never does. It seems intelligent to me not to get caught up in preparing, and not to justify keeping piles of extra stuff as 'being prepared', but part of my mind tells me I'm not being smart unless I consider the possibilities before ever discarding things, which means a whole lot of stuff hangs around weighing me down.
Ultralight
10-19-15, 12:14pm
My first thought was that you have to grab your life and make it hold still. "I do this and this, I weigh this much, this is my clothing style, this is my hobby, this is my job, this is my home, and therefore I need this list of things". But really, no one ever gets their life to hold that still. So it's got to be something on the inside that allows some people to view their lives in the moment, not gathering (hoarding) things for What If.
This is a powerful, brilliant insight. The "hold still" part is just mind-blowing!
I will borrow this! :)
My father is a hardcore prepper. So the idea of "just in case..." was implanted in my brain early. Some folks buy a bunch of stuff -- "just in case."
But the way I satisfy my "just in case" concerns is this way: "Just in case... I make sure I don't need much!"
Also, I have a variety of skills and I utilize (and support!) community resources (the bike co-op, city parks, my BIL's stuff, friends, etc.). I make myself a resource to others, so we become interdependent. This helps alleviate that "just in case" anxiety.
Ultralight
10-19-15, 12:19pm
This past weekend I was digging through my sis and BIL's very crowded, cluttered garage for an extension cord. I found a half dozen of them all tangled.
As I slowly tediously untangled them I thought about the cluttered garage. I thought:
"This clutter comes down to three emotions:
-Entitlement ("I deserve all this stuff! I am a hard-working American after all!")
-Greed ("I want so much more than everyone else!"
-Anxiety ("What if...?"
All these emotions are toxic. But these are almost always the reason we accumulate much more than we need.
About being prepared, it's just so easy to get things if needed. Between thrift stores, Internet selling sites, regular stores, I can get almost anything I could need within an hour to a week. Especially the cheaper things. I keep more items if they are expensive to replace. But there's no point keeping extras that I could get at the thrift store cheaply.
And as far as my pile of stuff- remember I'm moving into a fully furnished apartment so that helps a lot. I'm bringing very little kitchen stuff, no towels or blankets. I'm really packing for space considerations. If I was living alone I'd need more items and have had more at every point in my life, except when I first moved away from my parents. However if I have to start over and buy household things again there are a lot of items I'd do without.
iris lilies
10-19-15, 12:26pm
This past weekend I was digging through my sis and BIL's very crowded, cluttered garage for an extension cord. I found a half dozen of them all tangled.
As I slowly tediously untangled them I thought about the cluttered garage. I thought:
"This clutter comes down to three emotions:
-Entitlement ("I deserve all this stuff! I am a hard-working American after all!")
-Greed ("I want so much more than everyone else!"
-Anxiety ("What if...?"
All these emotions are toxic. But these are almost always the reason we accumulate much more than we need.
Not at all, there are other emotions tied to clutter in general, not necessarily the clutter at your house tho. I can think of these, there are others
-Laziness (Ugh, all of that crap, I don't want to deal with it)
-Respect for hard earned money that went into the purchase of things (my child/niece/kid next door will need this when he/she moves out on his,her own, it's a perfectly usable microwave or ceiling fixture or...)
- Excitement about using it in the future (with all of that paper stuff I pulled out of the dumpster last week, I can make a sculpture thingie) Can you tell this last one is true for me? I have a few piles of "future art works" supplies
I've been digging at it and yes there is some anxiety, but some of it is more like misplaced common sense. I don't buy a lot of stuff, but I tend to keep things past their expiration date. Here is a printer cord. The printer bit the dust three years ago, but this cord is still fine. (we have a large tote filled with various cords and wires that may or may not go with any electronics we currently own, blech.) Here is a pair of sandals that the toe strap has nearly worn through. I don't trust them at the moment and no one else would either, but with an awl and a bit of creativity ... Here is a shoelace. I don't know where the other one went, but hey, one can always use a shoelace, right? right? (maybe I can use it to fix my shoe!) The detritus of 52 years of "silly to get rid of it" is staggering.
I envy Kestra this "life standing still" moment before the plunge, because when there is no such moment, it's difficult to push oneself to make these silly little choices.
I also feel that the less stuff I have makes it a lot easier to make changes, rather than having to hold still. I can't imagine how hard moving would be if I had a house, car, furniture, job and hadn't already been significantly decluttered.
I also agree with Ultralite that my back-up plan involves having very few needs. Within those bins I have way more clothes and shoes than I strictly need. But between the climate and wanting to dress nicely for new boyfriend I have some extras.
Ultralight
10-19-15, 12:34pm
I think, and I know this will sound very radical, that everyone should live a "Kestra-sized" life for at least a year.
Kestra, that made me laugh out loud. You have extras?
I think, and I know this will sound very radical, that everyone should live a "Kestra-sized" life for at least a year.I swoon with desire when I think of that. And then I look at what it actually means and I find this core of dissent somewhere down in my gut.
Ultralight
10-19-15, 12:41pm
I swoon with desire when I think of that. And then I look at what it actually means and I find this core of dissent somewhere down in my gut.
I currently own about 160 or things (I'll have to check my spreadsheet, haha). I have a few big ticket items like my car, my canoe, and my bicycle. The car and the canoe are what keep me from being "Kestra-sized." But for the moment, I am okay with that.
kib, have you ever taken the "10 for 10" test?
I spent a lot of time camping as a kid.
The hardcore kind of camping in middle of nowhere places like Boundary Waters Canoe Area.
Where one canoes across a lake, then portages everything over land to the next lake,
to load it back into the canoe to paddle across another lake to do this ad nauseum for a week or more.
I hate camping but the lessons learned are still there.
Plus, I have better things to do with my time than deal with clutter, either at home or traveling.
Moving a LOT has also kept our stuff to a minimum. Having to unpack everything and find a home for it makes one see
exactly how much crap one owns.
I also feel that the less stuff I have makes it a lot easier to make changes, rather than having to hold still. I can't imagine how hard moving would be if I had a house, car, furniture, job and hadn't already been significantly decluttered.
I also agree with Ultralite that my back-up plan involves having very few needs. Within those bins I have way more clothes and shoes than I strictly need. But between the climate and wanting to dress nicely for new boyfriend I have some extras.
+1
Kestra, that made me laugh out loud. You have extras?
I'm trying to count but I can't remember exactly what I have. But do I really need 6 dresses and 5 skirts? A dozen tee shirts. 4 cardigan-type shirts? If I didn't need clothes for extreme temperature differences I wouldn't need the tank tops plus warm long-sleeved shirts, and long-underwear, and 6 pairs of shoes/boots, 5 or 6 coats/jackets. I feel comfortable with the current amount but it does seem excessive to me, compared to minimum clothing requirements.
Ultralight
10-19-15, 12:49pm
Moving a LOT has also kept our stuff to a minimum. Having to unpack everything and find a home for it makes one see
exactly how much crap one owns.
When I think about the thousands of dollars and the massive amount of time I have wasted moving stuff, I want to weep. haha
I remember moving stuff in boxes from place to place. I knew I would not need it and that I would just be unpacking it to repack it. So I left things in the boxes over and over. So silly!
What is the 10-for-10 test?
pinkytoe
10-19-15, 12:59pm
If you think about it there are probably very few occasions when something you got rid of was actually needed later on. I am racking my brain trying to think of one. A drawer full of discombobulated items makes me feel anxious. We're all "wired" differently that way.
Ultralight
10-19-15, 1:01pm
What is the 10-for-10 test?
It is an interesting, self-reflective test for simple living. I will post another thread for it, in case others want to do it.
Pinkytoe, it definitely makes me feel anxious too! That's a crazy-maker: burdened by the stuff, stressed by getting rid of it. When DH was on a business trip I tried to go through the house and get rid of some excess junk. I mean piling up everything ala Mari Kondo, and then putting things back where they belonged, IF they belonged. Somehow I managed to remove a charging cord for a bluetooth speaker, definitely a necessary item. So I wound up digging through what I thought I had organized well in a frantic search for it, no such luck. DH replaced it via ebay. A week later I remembered that I hadn't thrown away the excess apparently computer-related cords in the house, I put them aside in a box in the studio. So now we have two. :doh:A tiny example but so typical of my life.
ETA: the whole issue is wildly exacerbated by living with a clutterbug, but I'm trying to dig through my part of this; it's easy to blame him but somehow I turn around and I have an extra dresser of clothes I don't like, or six extra corning ware dishes i found at a thrift store, and that is definitely not on him.
Ultralight
10-19-15, 1:26pm
Pinkytoe, it definitely makes me feel anxious too! That's a crazy-maker: burdened by the stuff, stressed by getting rid of it. When DH was on a business trip I tried to go through the house and get rid of some excess junk. I mean piling up everything ala Mari Kondo, and then putting things back where they belonged, IF they belonged. Somehow I managed to remove a charging cord for a bluetooth speaker, definitely a necessary item. So I wound up digging through what I thought I had organized well in a frantic search for it, no such luck. DH replaced it via ebay. A week later I remembered that I hadn't thrown away the excess apparently computer-related cords in the house, I put them aside in a box in the studio. So now we have two. :doh:A tiny example but so typical of my life.
ETA: the whole issue is wildly exacerbated by living with a clutterbug, but I'm trying to dig through my part of this; it's easy to blame him but somehow I turn around and I have an extra dresser of clothes I don't like, or six extra corning ware dishes i found at a thrift store, and that is definitely not on him.
My experience has been that when you get to about 350 possessions you do not lose anything anymore, or misplace it.
Well, if you do lose something then it is really lost. hahaha
I remember the 350 so well because of that. I was laying in bed and I thought: "I reached 350!" And I contemplated how I knew where every single thing once. Ask me and I could find it.
This past weekend I was digging through my sis and BIL's very crowded, cluttered garage for an extension cord. I found a half dozen of them all tangled.
As I slowly tediously untangled them I thought about the cluttered garage. I thought:
"This clutter comes down to three emotions:
-Entitlement ("I deserve all this stuff! I am a hard-working American after all!")
-Greed ("I want so much more than everyone else!"
-Anxiety ("What if...?"
All these emotions are toxic. But these are almost always the reason we accumulate much more than we need.
That is totally mindfulness/Buddhism, pretty simple, not easy
rosarugosa
10-19-15, 8:11pm
I think there are some other emotions involved with the too much stuff syndrome. My Mom has always had an overabundance of everything, but she always delights in having something someone needs and being able to give it to them. She tells me, "If you need anything, check with me first before you go to the store!"
She also has held onto some things for sentimental value.
She is finally decluttering with a vengeance, and it's important for her to match things up with good homes, so she's brought craft supplies to the school, other items to the senior center for their gift shop, pots & vases for the garden club sale, etc. She's still sharing the wealth, :)
iris lilies
10-19-15, 8:49pm
... pretty simple, not easy
Ha, that made me laugh in a "so true" kind of way.
Williamsmith
10-19-15, 9:15pm
I am reminded of the movie "What About Bob"........ You remember this scene:
Bob Wiley (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000195/?ref_=tt_trv_qu): Well, I get dizzy spells, nausea, cold sweats, hot sweats, fever blisters, difficulty breathing, difficulty swallowing, blurred vision, involuntary trembling, dead hands, numb lips, fingernail sensitivity, pelvic discomfort.
Dr. Leo Marvin (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000377/?ref_=tt_trv_qu): So the real question is, what is the crisis Bob? What is it you're truly afraid of?
Bob Wiley (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000195/?ref_=tt_trv_qu): What if my heart stops beating? What if I'm looking for a bathroom, I can't find it, and... my bladder explodes?
Our consumerism culture has caused us to be sooooooooo NEEDY.
Ill just buy one more snowman......one more tiny piece of pottery. What could it hurt?
iris lily
10-19-15, 9:42pm
I think, and I know this will sound very radical, that everyone should live a "Kestra-sized" life for at least a year.
Sound radical? It sounds bossy as in "everyone should..."
That's what reading biographies is all about. One can learn life lessons from the experiences of others. One of the things that attracted me to a Peace Corps experience WAS that life of few possessions and focusing on the now. I never joined up with the Peace Corp but I did read the bios of a few people who did.
Ultralight
10-19-15, 10:03pm
Sound radical? It sounds bossy as in "everyone should..."
That's what reading biographies is all about. One can learn life lessons from the experiences of others. One of the things that attracted me to a Peace Corps experience WAS that life of few possessions and focusing on the now. I never joined up with the Peace Corp but I did read the bios of a few people who did.
Not meant to be bossy, just my opinion. Like: "Everyone should try Indian food" or "Everyone should listen to Aja by Steely Dan."
What I say and suggest is not gospel. haha
Ultralight
10-20-15, 2:20pm
To the OP, I find myself through the day coming back to that pic of Kestra's belongings and sort of meditating on it.
That image really stuck with me.
I shared her blog entry with that pic in it with a few simple living friends and with my girlfriend.
All of them were quite amazed and/or shocked.
I think it made me look a lot more moderate as a minimalist by comparison.
To the OP, I find myself through the day coming back to that pic of Kestra's belongings and sort of meditating on it.
That image really stuck with me.
I shared her blog entry with that pic in it with a few simple living friends and with my girlfriend.
All of them were quite amazed and/or shocked.
I think it made me look a lot more moderate as a minimalist by comparison.
Ha ha - glad I could help! I really am living a very luxurious life, though mostly that has to do with people I know and how I get to spend my time. But my new super awesome apartment doesn't hurt. There has to be an upside to the winter or no one would live up north.
Ultralight
10-20-15, 3:40pm
Ha ha - glad I could help! I really am living a very luxurious life, though mostly that has to do with people I know and how I get to spend my time. But my new super awesome apartment doesn't hurt. There has to be an upside to the winter or no one would live up north.
One of my friends (female, of course) said: "But where are all her shoes?!"
One of my friends (female, of course) said: "But where are all her shoes?!"
Hating shoes is useful. All 5 pairs were hidden in the bins.
Ultralight
10-20-15, 3:52pm
hahaha!
I have more than five pairs:
1. Sneaks
2. Leather black shoes
3. River shoes
4. Flip-flops
5. Waterproof boots
6. Chest waders (boots that come up to my chest)
7. Dance shoes (from my ongoing 2015 goal of learning to dance)
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