our meditation group, dwindling

[Zoe Girl]

i am part of a peer led meditation group and last night was my turn to lead, and only one other person (another peer leader) came. sigh. this has been happening despite our efforts to grow the group and i am pretty sad about it right now. we did have more of a leader, someone with more training than we have, and he led most every week. we even had 2 nights a week until we were not collecting enough for the rent and we did not have enough peer leaders. but for over a year it has been struggling. even when we have a special teacher, a nun i study with, come through we still don't collect very much in donations and get about 10 people. part of the reason i have been studying with this teacher and pushing myself to do more retreat time is to be more capable of being a peer leader, to support this group. still i know where i am at and it is not a teacher.

what has me sad is 2 things, one is that we have been trying new ways to get the information out. i made business cards, we have a meetup, facebook, and i started mailchimp for email reminders. with that i understand the ebb and flow of a group but my friend had no one show up the week i was on retreat. the other is that it is my peer group, this is my introverted friend group really. i offered to host a potluck and do not have enough people saying yes to hold it,but i will put it out there for another date since my good friend can't make the date i chose. it is not easy to put yourself out there as an introvert anyway, and i want people to actually come.

so my friend says that basically we are not meeting a need here, people don't really need what we are offering and can come and go. i have to agree and my thought is that we should make the group meet our needs. i have a need for community. despite our best efforts we haven't built that. i am not sure exactly what people want, but we don't have a group where they want to come several times a month and connect. the other need i have is for study with others. So we are going to have a meeting of our peer leaders and see if we can move to a study group format. everyone would be welcome as before but we would have a book or a chapter we are working on and they can join in the discussion rather than the peer leaders trying to come up with a talk. it feels better but still sometimes my feelings are hurt when we have worked so hard and it isn't attracting people..

[Ultralight]

Zoe Girl:

This is disappointing. Though I don't think you should be so down on yourself about it. For one thing, you obviously did indeed put in the effort.

What is happening, I think, on a grand scale, is that people in general are losing interest in meditation. Mindfulness seemed to get really big and popular over the past 5 or 6 years -- lots of stuff in the news and such. Now it is falling out of fashion.

I think that people thought meditation would be a cure-all for our hectic, busy, crazy lives. Just meditate 10 minutes a day and you can keep living this nutty lifestyle.

But that did not work out in the long term.

What I think is that if you continue your own meditation practice though, is that you'll continue to gain from it. That alone makes it worth it!

I wish I had more time in the day to meditate....

[Zoe Girl]

could be, the thing i was going to talk about was how practice is not what we expect it to be and that we can learn a lot from being more comfortable in the neutral feeling tone (which can feeling boring and cause restlessness).

well i have 30 years this fall from when i started meditation so i know the ups and downs, and i did it alone for a long time so i can value a group to keep practice going. but that took me a few years.

[Ultralight]

The Secular Humanist Community I am part of hosts a monthly Rational Mindfulness meeting. I have gone several times. The Humanists/atheists are very much into meditation now, because of the evidence-based research showing its many benefits. Virtually every humanist/atheist get-together I go to people are talking about meditation and mindfulness. I take this as a good sign. While I don't meditate anymore, I sure did gain from it while I did.

[kib]

You've also picked the one activity people can easily do at home, that is actually easier to do without the potential distractions of a strange place or other people! Maybe the study group will be more attractive. Is there any way you could hold it in a free venue, maybe a library or bookstore, a school after hours? We used to do Pilates as a group in Bisbee and the cost was $1 per person because the venue was always a little odd but super cheap. Here, they want $13 and for that price, I'll do it at home.

[pcooley]

I know that's disappointing. It took me thirty years to start going up to the Mountain Cloud Zen Center. This weekend, I finally decided to become an official member. I'm not sure how groups like that can keep going - the Zendo was built in the mid-eighties by Philip Kapleau, and the activity there, from what I've heard, has ebbed and flowed over the years. I only have time to go to the introduction class and Wednesday night Zazen, but it is really nice to sit in an actual Zendo with a group of other meditators. It is something you can do at home, but I think meditating with a group of people does support your practice. I hope things pick up for your group.

[Tammy]

I have gained so much from a sane work schedule (three 12 hour shifts a week, sometimes only 2) that I prefer this quieter life .... As someone said, meditating for a while each day may not be as good of an answer as simply living a quieter life.

[Float On]

I know that's disappointing. It took me thirty years to start going up to the Mountain Cloud Zen Center. This weekend, I finally decided to become an official member. I'm not sure how groups like that can keep going - the Zendo was built in the mid-eighties by Philip Kapleau, and the activity there, from what I've heard, has ebbed and flowed over the years. I only have time to go to the introduction class and Wednesday night Zazen, but it is really nice to sit in an actual Zendo with a group of other meditators. It is something you can do at home, but I think meditating with a group of people does support your practice. I hope things pick up for your group.

Does that Zen group wear the white robes and the turbans? When I lived out there in '85 there were a lot of followers. I've noticed the last 10 years of going to the Santa Fe area that I rarely see anyone in white robes and turbans. Maybe it was a different group entirely but I've wondered what had happened between the mid-80's and now to that people group.

[sweetana3]

Zoe, this is totally off the subject, but you raised community as a need. Have you experienced a local Unitarian Church? The reason I ask is not becaue I go, but a friend does and she is always talking to me of the interesting groups she is becoming involved in and how nice it is to discuss all kinds of topics. Just a suggestion on some place to look into.

[rodeosweetheart]

Zoe, this is totally off the subject, but you raised community as a need. Have you experienced a local Unitarian Church? The reason I ask is not becaue I go, but a friend does and she is always talking to me of the interesting groups she is becoming involved in and how nice it is to discuss all kinds of topics. Just a suggestion on some place to look into.

Yes, great suggestion, and have you looked into the Unity Church as well? We went a couple of times here and in SC and it was wonderful, and lots of study groups.

[Francie]

Yes, we're UU, and it is always great and stimulating. We attend a UU meditation group, and two chalice circle groups (small group ministry, so to speak). We also attend an Episcopal centering prayer group once a week, which we absolutely love (the priest is awesome, and has become a good friend), and a Catholic centering prayer group, also once a week, which we also love, but no clergy involved, so it's not as cool. We also do centering prayer at home every so often, but that's hard to do when there's always other STUFF to do around the house (more's the pity).

[Ultralight]

I have several good friends who are UU and I have gone with them to events at their UU church. Good crew, those UUs! I think the one here in Columbus also has a mediation group (along with a dance group, an atheist group, some kind of school for kids, documentary screenings, various services and outreach, etc.).

[rodeosweetheart]

So we are going to have a meeting of our peer leaders and see if we can move to a study group format. everyone would be welcome as before but we would have a book or a chapter we are working on and they can join in the discussion rather than the peer leaders trying to come up with a talk.

I just reread your original post, and I was thinking it through from the other side, as a participant. I like what you have come up with here. I think at my stage of life, that sounds more appealing than going to another talk, where someone tells me something. I like discussion groups, and I like chances to socialize in real life. I think others might be looking for that kind of "talking" social opportunity with like minded others.

Have you polled the group to see if they would like this, before you do a lot of work on it?

[pcooley]

Does that Zen group wear the white robes and the turbans? When I lived out there in '85 there were a lot of followers. I've noticed the last 10 years of going to the Santa Fe area that I rarely see anyone in white robes and turbans. Maybe it was a different group entirely but I've wondered what had happened between the mid-80's and now to that people group.

I believe you are thinking of the Sikh community that lives in Espanola. The leader of the community, (whose name escapes me now), died a few years ago, and, now that you mention it, it does seem like I see fewer Sikhs around, though they're still here. My kids' elementary school music teacher was a Sikh.

The lineage that is currently practicing at Mountain Cloud is Sanbo Zen. They are a lay lineage, and there are no robes and less ritual in general. I believe a variety of different Zen lineages have used the Zendo over the years.

[Zoe Girl]

I just reread your original post, and I was thinking it through from the other side, as a participant. I like what you have come up with here. I think at my stage of life, that sounds more appealing than going to another talk, where someone tells me something. I like discussion groups, and I like chances to socialize in real life. I think others might be looking for that kind of "talking" social opportunity with like minded others.

Have you polled the group to see if they would like this, before you do a lot of work on it?

I am hoping it is more appealing to others as well, none of us are teachers with that depth of knowledge so studying together seems like a good option. As far as polling a group? well we will just make a decision with the 4-5 of us since no one else is coming consistently.

I used to go to different church deals, somehow they always know I am the 'helper' type and I get a job :). I just really want to focus on this area of my spirituality and not run all over to different groups and churches. That is why it is so disappointing to me right now. I am looking at other related groups in our area that are in the Theravadan/insight tradition of Buddhism. There is a strong Sunday night group but I just need to get over some aversion. They are so nice and clean and lots wear pleated khakis ya know. No offense to pleated khakis but I started going to this group because it was more comfortable for me to leave and blast 80's punk after a good sit, or have tattoos or swear in a talk as it made sense. It has been a place for some people that didn't feel comfortable in other places.

[iris lilies]

I believe you are thinking of the Sikh community that lives in Espanola. The leader of the community, (whose name escapes me now), died a few years ago, and, now that you mention it, it does seem like I see fewer Sikhs around, though they're still here. My kids' elementary school music teacher was a Sikh.

The lineage that is currently practicing at Mountain Cloud is Sanbo Zen. They are a lay lineage, and there are no robes and less ritual in general. I believe a variety of different Zen lineages have used the Zendo over the years.

I remember the Sikhs in Espanola. I was in NM in 1980, earlier than both of you! In fact when Float On asked about the people in white robes I thought of the Sikhs.

[awakenedsoul]

I believe you are thinking of the Sikh community that lives in Espanola. The leader of the community, (whose name escapes me now), died a few years ago, and, now that you mention it, it does seem like I see fewer Sikhs around, though they're still here. My kids' elementary school music teacher was a Sikh.

The lineage that is currently practicing at Mountain Cloud is Sanbo Zen. They are a lay lineage, and there are no robes and less ritual in general. I believe a variety of different Zen lineages have used the Zendo over the years.

Yogi Bhajan. He also taught Kundalini Yoga. I'm still practicing it. (I'm not a Sikh, though.) There were a lot of them in Santa Fe when I lived there, too.

[Zoe Girl]

I just reread your original post, and I was thinking it through from the other side, as a participant. I like what you have come up with here. I think at my stage of life, that sounds more appealing than going to another talk, where someone tells me something. I like discussion groups, and I like chances to socialize in real life. I think others might be looking for that kind of "talking" social opportunity with like minded others.

Have you polled the group to see if they would like this, before you do a lot of work on it?

the 2 of us who were there sent an email to faciliatators and so we are going to meet. one of them, a good friend, called me last night to check in and i think she was afraid i would quit or was for closing the group. i am actually just dealing with the work i have done to address my aloneness which becomes lonliness and this is one of the factors i have been working very hard on. So i am going to open up the date for the potluck since it was too short of notice and a couple people who want to come can't make that date, and then my work load bumped up this week so i am struggling to get it done, along with a mistake on my internet bill which means i just paid 3 months internet and 2 months cell phone! So there would be little money for hosting a potluck and doing what i would like (not that i would spend a lot but working with $50 for 8 more days is rough).

i have been listening to some buddhist talks by a teacher who is also a counselor and he talks about the progress we can make in relationships as well as the Buddha talking extensively about having supportive friends. Just hard when you put the effort and it seems to take so much to get past that tipping point of community building.

[rodeosweetheart]

the 2 of us who were there sent an email to faciliatators and so we are going to meet. one of them, a good friend, called me last night to check in and i think she was afraid i would quit or was for closing the group. i am actually just dealing with the work i have done to address my aloneness which becomes lonliness and this is one of the factors i have been working very hard on. So i am going to open up the date for the potluck since it was too short of notice and a couple people who want to come can't make that date, and then my work load bumped up this week so i am struggling to get it done, along with a mistake on my internet bill which means i just paid 3 months internet and 2 months cell phone! So there would be little money for hosting a potluck and doing what i would like (not that i would spend a lot but working with $50 for 8 more days is rough).

i have been listening to some buddhist talks by a teacher who is also a counselor and he talks about the progress we can make in relationships as well as the Buddha talking extensively about having supportive friends. Just hard when you put the effort and it seems to take so much to get past that tipping point of community building.

The potluck sounds like it is evolving really well--sometimes things have to do that, right, and we adapt. I like the idea about making progress in relationships! I sure would come if I lived out your way. We went to a wonderful potluck last week that was a harvest dinner on a farm owned by my husband's friend from college. Potlucks are so fun; innately relationship building. Here is a link to the guy's farm:

http://www.schollfarms.com/