View Full Version : Men May Like The Idea Of A Smart Woman, But They Don't Want To Date One
Ultralight
10-22-15, 6:39pm
This is worth a read:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/men-like-the-idea-of-a-smart-woman-but-they-may-not-be-interested-in-dating-one_5627a564e4b02f6a900ed2aa?cps=gravity_2682_3596 834423110570119
Luckily my boyfriend doesn't think like this. Like most "typical societal trends" I have a differing opinion.
Ultralight
10-22-15, 7:04pm
Luckily no one is ever smarter than me.
What a bunch of bovine excrement.
There's also a difference between the perception that someone's pretty smart, which could be fine and not threatening and actually a turn on, and sitting in a room in direct competition with a woman and having someone announce aloud that she just scored higher on her IQ test. "If I may use this megaphone to direct your attention to Sandra and Steve over here, Steve's the comparative idiot loser." Yeah, I bet that makes Sandra look super yummy to Steve. >8)
The test would have been much more telling if they'd quietly taken IQ scores and just observed who was into whom without broadcasting the scores.
Luckily no one is ever smarter than me.
UA, is this you?
http://img.huffingtonpost.com/asset/scalefit_550_400_noupscale/55ad62da1500002d0017395c.jpeg
Consider also that there are different types/orders of intelligence/performance. I met my wife in high school, she was attracted to me because I was vastly better at calculus and physics than she was, and she was until my arrival The Best In The School. In turn, I was attracted to her because she had me way outclassed in Latin, Greek, and composition. Our alliance was forged when we decided to tutor each other in our "weak" subjects, which only served to improve both of our skills.
To this day, our intelligences are quite different, yet complementary. Her grasp of quantum chronodynamics is still shaky at best, while my ability to play intricate musical pieces, much less compose them, is rudimentary compared to her near-genius skills.
There's also a difference between the perception that someone's pretty smart, which could be fine and not threatening and actually a turn on, and sitting in a room in direct competition with a woman and having someone announce aloud that she just scored higher on her IQ test. "If I may use this megaphone to direct your attention to Sandra and Steve over here, Steve's the comparative idiot loser." Yeah, I bet that makes Sandra look super yummy to Steve. >8)
The test would have been much more telling if they'd quietly taken IQ scores and just observed who was into whom without broadcasting the scores.
Yes, I thought that was weird too, and doesn't translate to real life. Perception of intelligence based on some scoring system (and this being told to you) vs. having normal conversations with another person is quite a different situation.
Yes, I thought that was weird too, and doesn't translate to real life. Perception of intelligence based on some scoring system (and this being told to you) vs. having normal conversations with another person is quite a different situation.
And even then, the ability to carry out a "normal conversation" isn't necessarily a good measure of intelligence. I know some insanely smart people who can barely string together a sentence when speaking. It takes a while to draw them out. The fellow who was my partner for most of my career in technology essentially couldn't communicate with "normal" people, it was well outside his skillset or interest. Yet he's one of the smartest, kindest, most caring people I've ever met, and he finally found a life-partner who clicked with him. (Oddly, she was a marketing genius, with completely opposite personality and type of intelligence.)
Ultralight
10-22-15, 7:27pm
UA, is this you?
http://img.huffingtonpost.com/asset/scalefit_550_400_noupscale/55ad62da1500002d0017395c.jpeg
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And even then, the ability to carry out a "normal conversation" isn't necessarily a good measure of intelligence. I know some insanely smart people who can barely string together a sentence when speaking. It takes a while to draw them out. The fellow who was my partner for most of my career in technology essentially couldn't communicate with "normal" people, it was well outside his skillset or interest. Yet he's one of the smartest, kindest, most caring people I've ever met, and he finally found a life-partner who clicked with him. (Oddly, she was a marketing genius, with completely opposite personality and type of intelligence.)
True. Though I meant more that in a real-life dating scenario, you would be talking to each other, not comparing test scores. You just need the other person to seem to have the level of intelligence that you are interested in; not for them to actually have any particular IQ score.
catherine
10-22-15, 7:34pm
Consider also that there are different types/orders of intelligence/performance. I met my wife in high school, she was attracted to me because I was vastly better at calculus and physics than she was, and she was until my arrival The Best In The School. In turn, I was attracted to her because she had me way outclassed in Latin, Greek, and composition. Our alliance was forged when we decided to tutor each other in our "weak" subjects, which only served to improve both of our skills.
To this day, our intelligences are quite different, yet complementary. Her grasp of quantum chronodynamics is still shaky at best, while my ability to play intricate musical pieces, much less compose them, is rudimentary compared to her near-genius skills.
I agree.. I think my husband and I are equally smart, but in very different ways. He can figure out how to fix anything by looking at it.. I am more "book smart." He has incredible interpersonal intelligence (he has literally met strangers going into a supermarket and within minutes they are kissing and hugging him.). I have more linguistic intelligence than he does. As you suggest, bae, there's nothing better than being able to double your intelligence by hanging out with a mate with competencies in different areas.
When all the guys are flocking to the nerdy girls in the room instead of the babes, then I'll believe that there's not an iota of truth to this article. :)
Ultralight
10-22-15, 8:28pm
Nerdy + Naughty = My type in college (and graduate school!) haha
rodeosweetheart
10-22-15, 9:52pm
Ah, I get it, misogynistic critical thinking!
Ultralight
10-22-15, 10:11pm
There is nothing wrong with liking smart, liberated women.
Williamsmith
10-23-15, 6:13am
I've always been looking for an explanation of why Bill Clinton married Hillary Rodham. Now I have one.
it has been my experience for many years, although there are exceptions i found that it was at least an underlying issue. i knew in middle school that if a cute guy liked me i shouldn't mention i was ahead of him in math and could help with his homework. of course with my personality i didn't hide it (duh they were going to find out) but i hope i wasn't a jerk about it.
in my marriage i first started dating my husband and helping him in calculus. however i went into humanities and he went into science. there was an assumption that of course that was harder, but in many ways i am more book smart and a critical thinker. he went on to make a lot of money and i did more traditionally female things. however a couple times he raged in our marriage was when it was pointed out that i was smarter in an area that he cared about. very scary. it seems he liked that i was smart for more show-off reasons than to actually handle the areas i am smart in. however i can't think of any relationship i have had where the guy was overall smarter in an education way. hmm, interesting
Ultralight
10-23-15, 7:48am
Some men see women displaying intelligence as an amusement comparable to a dog doing tricks. This is unfortunate for everyone involved.
As I mentioned flippantly -- though truthfully, the vast majority of the women I dated were extraordinarily bright people. I enjoyed learning about art history from Kerri, classical civilization from Sarah, ecology from Bonnie, epidemiology from Bazi, public education from Cheryl, etc.
One of my best friends, LaTonya, is a pediatrician. She was educated at Johns Hopkins and is well-read, well-traveled, and one of the brightest people I know. I sent her this article and she said that when she was dating she'd not mention and not talk about her education or her work. She noticed that every single time she did the guy would "immediately lose steam and no longer be interested -- like the flip of a switch.
My current gf is rather "anti-intellectual." I find it frustrating, but she is beginning to come around.
rodeosweetheart
10-23-15, 8:51am
Some men see women displaying intelligence as an amusement comparable to a dog doing tricks.. . .
My current gf is rather "anti-intellectual." I find it frustrating, but she is beginning to come around.
Wow, just wow.
Ultralight
10-23-15, 8:56am
Wow, just wow.
I am not saying I am the sharpest tool in the shed -- I know I ain't!
There is no need to misinterpret what I say though.
Being "anti-intellectual" does not mean someone is unintelligent. It means they are dismissive to the contributions that intellectuals make through intellectual inquiry, in its various forms. "Anti-intellectuals" often say things like: "You think too much!" or "You're looking too deep."
rodeosweetheart
10-23-15, 9:26am
I am not saying I am the sharpest tool in the shed -- I know I ain't!
There is no need to misinterpret what I say though.
Being "anti-intellectual" does not mean someone is unintelligent. It means they are dismissive to the contributions that intellectuals make through intellectual inquiry, in its various forms. "Anti-intellectuals" often say things like: "You think too much!" or "You're looking too deep."
I think I quoted you; I did not interpret what you said. I pointed out the words you used; readers can draw their own conclusions about what you said.
Ultralight
10-23-15, 10:22am
I think I quoted you; I did not interpret what you said. I pointed out the words you used; readers can draw their own conclusions about what you said.
My gf and I have discussed her anti-intellectualism just like we discussed her criticism of me for my flaws. An example is grudges. I used to hold grudges like a champ in my white-knuckled fists. She explained that most times, holding grudges is wasting brain space, emotions, and time on someone who is not worth it. She said that a good way to "get back" at someone I would hold a grudge against is by being different than them, rather than like them.
I help her grow. She helps me grow. We grow at different paces, but it is a mutual thing.
You said this to me earlier: "Ah, I get it, misogynistic critical thinking!"
1. That is offensive to me. Should I report you to the moderator?
2. Throwing "critical thinking" in there leads me to believe maybe you are bringing some residual resentment from a different thread? I don't want to speak for you, so tell me, is that the case?
3. I am very close to simply ignoring everything you say to me or direct at me on here. Do you think that would be a good idea?
rodeosweetheart
10-23-15, 10:26am
My gf and I have discussed her anti-intellectualism just like we discussed her criticism of me for my flaws. An example is grudges. I used to hold grudges like a champ in my white-knuckled fists. She explained that most times, holding grudges is wasting brain space, emotions, and time on someone who is not worth it. She said that a good way to "get back" at someone I would hold a grudge against is by being different than them, rather than like them.
I help her grow. She helps me grow. We grow at different paces, but it is a mutual thing.
You said this to me earlier: "Ah, I get it, misogynistic critical thinking!"
1. That is offensive to me. Should I report you to the moderator?
2. Throwing "critical thinking" in there leads me to believe maybe you are bringing some residual resentment from a different thread? I don't want to speak for you, so tell me, is that the case?
3. I am very close to simply ignoring everything you say to me or direct at me on here. Do you think that would be a good idea?
Yes, report me to the moderator. That is an excellent idea.
Ultralight
10-23-15, 10:31am
Yes, report me to the moderator. That is an excellent idea.
No, I'd rather not. Why? Because I'd rather just ignore you.
ApatheticNoMore
10-23-15, 12:28pm
Well I could see a lot of people not wanting someone when it was reduced to some black and white calculation of them being "better" than you. Men perhaps more so because they are probably more en-cultured to competition, to ranking things in those terms. But there is no good side of that in-equation to take. Wanting to be superior to people (smarter than your woman/man) not a very attractive trait, wanting to be inferior to people (submissive, wanting someone better than you to save you - I want a man/woman to do my thinking for me) not an attractive trait. Isn't the only hope for if not an attraction, a relationship at any rate, to view it as cooperation? The very experiment frames against that.
iris lilies
10-23-15, 1:02pm
No, I'd rather not. Why? Because I'd rather just ignore you.
Thanks UL. I think yours is the preferred route of adults on Internet forums.
I dont find anything problematic in your posts on this thread. I think a lot of people, me included at times, are anti-intellectual. It's the "there is a study to prove any point of view" distrust that I/we have.
rodeosweetheart
10-23-15, 1:03pm
Well I could see a lot of people not wanting someone when it was reduced to some black and white calculation of them being "better" than you. Men perhaps more so because they are probably more en-cultured to competition, to ranking things in those terms. But there is no good side of that in-equation to take. Wanting to be superior to people (smarter than your woman/man) not a very attractive trait, wanting to be inferior to people (submissive, wanting someone better than you to save you - I want a man/woman to do my thinking for me) not an attractive trait. Isn't the only hope for if not an attraction, a relationship at any rate, to view it as cooperation? The very experiment frames against that.
I agree, ApatheticNoMore. As you state, the very experiment frames against that, and I was arguing that the experient and the dumbed down title seem to perpetuate some very sexist stereotyping.
Ultralight
10-23-15, 1:04pm
Thanks UL. I think yours is the preferred route of adults on Internet forums.
I dont find anything problematic in your posts on this thread. I think a lot of people, me included at times, are anti-intellectual. It's the "there is a study to prove any point of view" distrust that I/we have.
Oh, I have my anti-intellectual moments too. They usually follow an hour or so of listening to Hank Jr.! haha
Very intelligent people aren't necessarily trying to inspire competition by *seeming* more superior intellectually than other people. They actually *are* more intellectually superior than the average and more likely do not know that they are coming across to others in certain ways because their intellectual way of being is natural to them. Some do learn to dumb themselves down enough in certain social situations to try to appear less offensive to the average person, but when getting into a deeper relationship, they are going to end up "out of the closet" so to speak. For highly intellectual females, being "out of the closet" is nearly a death knell considering the overall anti-intellectualism of current western culture. It's like we literally worship stupidity and make it popular.
It's like we literally worship stupidity and make it popular.
Are you surprised by this? There's a significant chunk of society that has no interest in logic, rational thinking, intelligence. They don't just want their women stupid, they want everyone stupid. All those scientists that claim that climate change is a real issue are so inconvenient for them.
Williamsmith
10-24-15, 4:39am
Are you surprised by this? There's a significant chunk of society that has no interest in logic, rational thinking, intelligence. They don't just want their women stupid, they want everyone stupid. All those scientists that claim that climate change is a real issue are so inconvenient for them.
There are a hundred others ways you could have made your point other than to cite the fiction that all scientists agree about global warming. The so called consensus is myth often repeated by politicians and government agency heads to further political goals. We are far more likely to suffer a catastrophic event due to the deployment of nuclear weapons which all scientists agree would be one way human activities would certainly destroy our planets climate. We can't even get rid of those things. What makes you think something as amorphous as climate change is any different.
Albert Einstein — 'I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.'
There are a hundred others ways you could have made your point other than to cite the fiction that all scientists agree about global warming. The so called consensus is myth often repeated by politicians and government agency heads to further political goals. We are far more likely to suffer a catastrophic event due to the deployment of nuclear weapons which all scientists agree would be one way human activities would certainly destroy our planets climate. We can't even get rid of those things. What makes you think something as amorphous as climate change is any different.
Albert Einstein — 'I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.'
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-to-determine-the-scientific-consensus-on-global-warming/
You're right that not all scientists believe in man made climate change, but apparently 97% of papers published by scientists on the topic do come to the conclusion that man is causing climate change.
Ultralight
10-24-15, 9:19am
Angels: Nearly 8 In 10 Americans Believe These Ethereal Beings Are Real (Full article here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/23/believing-in-angels_n_1167100.html)
Williamsmith
10-24-15, 12:17pm
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-to-determine-the-scientific-consensus-on-global-warming/
You're right that not all scientists believe in man made climate change, but apparently 97% of papers published by scientists on the topic do come to the conclusion that man is causing climate change.
I can refute that with an equally impressive and equally biased article saying that the research you quote is rubbish.......as follows
The Myth of the Climate Change 97%
by Joseph Blast and Roy Spencer
May 26, 2014
Wall Street Journal
Did you ever allow for the possibility that the complexity of the issue still remains to be understood.
Very intelligent people aren't necessarily trying to inspire competition by *seeming* more superior intellectually than other people. They actually *are* more intellectually superior than the average and more likely do not know that they are coming across to others in certain ways because their intellectual way of being is natural to them. Some do learn to dumb themselves down enough in certain social situations to try to appear less offensive to the average person, but when getting into a deeper relationship, they are going to end up "out of the closet" so to speak. For highly intellectual females, being "out of the closet" is nearly a death knell considering the overall anti-intellectualism of current western culture. It's like we literally worship stupidity and make it popular.
Agree with this. One of my favorite books is "Anti-Intellectualism in American Life" by Richard Hofstadter. It won the 1964 Pulitzer Price for Non-Fiction. One of the things he notes is how popular it is for politicians to sneer at "the intellectual elites."
Who would want to date someone who was intimidated by intelligence? I like it when the wheat separates itself from the chaff.
I'm smart enough, but don't think of myself as an intellectual. I got through literature classes with gritted teeth. :cool:
iris lilies
10-24-15, 1:58pm
Who would want to date someone who was intimidated by intelligence? I like it when the wheat separates itself from the chaff.
I'm smart enough, but don't think of myself as an intellectual. I got through literature classes with gritted teeth. :cool:
Lit classes aren't especially intellectual. You're fine!
Iris, Lit major
Probably more useful than Romance Languages/Sociology.
If I had it to do over again...!thumbsup!
My first degree is in Humanities with a minor in Philosophy. What can I say, in the 80's any degree got you somewhere. Then I earned a Master's in Education about the time the recession hit. So it hasn't all turned out but I love studying and being in school. I get that it is a type of intelligence rather than the only kind of intelligence but still a standardized test or paper is fun for me.
I always say that when I started school, any degree would get you in the door, but by the time I got out, you had to be an engineer. That was about right.
I always say that when I started school, any degree would get you in the door, but by the time I got out, you had to be an engineer. That was about right.
I'm just glad I switched from high energy particle physics to statistics/electrical engineering/computer science, or I'd still be drinking pretty miserable coffee :-)
Ultralight
10-24-15, 8:21pm
In the words of Saul Goodman: "I've always been more of a humanities guy."
catherine
10-24-15, 8:22pm
Probably more useful than Romance Languages/Sociology.
If I had it to do over again...!thumbsup!
How about Theatre/Drama Criticism as a major? Funny thing is, as it turns out the skills I learned serve me really well in my current job.
I forgot about English; I was a few credits short of getting four useless degrees. :~)
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